Terror and Healing
by panskiss123
Summary: When the terror of Peeta's torture in the Capitol reaches an all time high, he wonders if there is ANY chance of ever coming back to a normal life. Rated M for graphic scenes, LOTS of language, and explicit sexual scenes. Plz do NOT read if easily offended! And as always, please R&R! Thnx! (Note: I'm writing this in parts so the chapters may seem a little long- title may change)
1. Chapter 1

_**Just so everyone knows, this fic follows the book to a certain point, then goes off in its own direction. I do not own the characters, obviously. **_

* * *

Peeta winced as he limped back to his cell. He hadn't been able to take off his prosthetic leg for weeks now and he was really feeling it in his muscles. Of course, he decided this pain was ok because it distracted him from everything else they had done to him. After his warning to Katniss and the rebels, Snow's men had beaten him within an inch of his life. Bruises covered his handsome face, his blonde curls were matted with blood, and his wrists and ankles bore the sign of thick and heavy chains. He had given up on a rescue. He hoped Katniss would be safe. He thought about her day and night, praying that she would lead the rebels to victory. His mockingjay. His girl on fire.

When he returned to the cell, he heard pained screams coming from the cell next to him. There was the sound of rushing water and more agonized screams. Peeta winced and continued to his cell, keeping his head bowed and not saying a word. During their first week in captivity, Peeta learned the hard way that he couldn't protest at the other prisoners' treatment. It only made things worse for all of them. To the left of him he saw a shy face peering through the bars.

"Alright Peeta? "

"Still alive, Annie. You?"

"Still alive," she muttered. He nodded and entered his cell, noticing immediately that something was wrong.

His cell was dark, save for a beam of light that illuminated a figure in the middle of the room. Whoever it was, was chained by the wrists and their head was hanging on their chest. Peeta could make out long dark hair and he edged closer.

"What the hell-" it was a young woman, he could see, her clothes nearly tattered to rags and her slender form was shivering uncontrollably. Peeta approached the woman and stared down at her, all of a sudden feeling uncontrollable rage coursing through him. As the young woman moaned and took notice of something standing in front of her, she lifted her face only to find strong fingers around her throat and a face etched with fury glaring down at her, his usually blue eyes going black and cold. She gasped and tried to shake her head.

"P-Peeta," she gasped out, "it's me…K-K-"

"I know who you are," he spat, his fingers squeezing even harder. Katniss gasped for breath, her vision going blurry. "You're a filthy MUTT, is what you are! What the HELL are you doing here?" She shook her head but could no longer get any words out. Peeta released her in disgust, glaring down at her as she choked and gasped for breath. He turned to face the monitor above his bed and he glowered.

"Someone better give me a fucking good reason why she's here!"

"We thought you would like to see what has become of the Mockingjay," a cool voice said from the other side of the bars. Peeta whirled around to find Peacekeeper Thread, from his district, leaning against the bars.

"I don't give a fuck."

"Oh I'm pretty sure you do. Since she's responsible for so much pain, I thought you would like to see us end her. We'll even let you help." Peeta said nothing but his dark eyes flashed. The Peacekeeper chuckled and nodded and strode off. Peeta crossed back to Katniss, who was glancing around in fear and confusion.

"What? Not the accommodations you were thinking of? Sorry to disappoint you, little mockingjay, these ARE the best that the President can offer." Katniss's eyes welled with tears at Peeta's cold tone.

"Peeta…what have they done to you?"

"Like you care," he snarled. "You couldn't wait to get rid of me! You wanted to kill me! You wanted to kill them all!" Further confusion crossed her face and Peeta grew even angrier.

"Stop playing stupid! You're a smart girl, Katniss. I'm sure you can figure it out."

"I- I don't-

"You KILLED them," he shrieked before grabbing her throat again. She choked around his hold, her eyes shooting open, tears streaming down her cheeks. Peeta refused to meet her gaze. He knew she would try to captivate him somehow and there was no way in hell he would let that happen.

"Go ahead Peeta," she said weakly. "Kill me. Please." This upset Peeta even more and his knuckles met her cheek in rage. She cried out as her head was tossed to the side and she shook in her chains.

"I won't become a murderer for you. But I'll smile when I watch them finally kill you." Katniss fell limp in her chains. Whatever they had done to Peeta, they had killed the boy who loved her. All that was left was this angry soulless shell of a human being with black eyes and who spoke with Peeta's voice. She wanted to die. She had stopped living and caring once he had been taken, then she had agreed to become the Mockingjay for the rebels if they agreed to rescue him. Now here he was, all but dead. He shot her one last glare before he settled on the opposite side of the cell. He curled into himself and leaned against the bars. He felt a soft hand squeeze his arm and his eyes shot open.

"How are you doing, Jo," he said in a softer voice, sounding much like his old self.

"They haven't killed me yet," came her weak voice. "Wish they would hurry up already."

"Don't say that Johanna. We'll survive this. We'll get out of here."

"I want to hope for a rescue but I hope she stays away. We don't need her getting hurt."

"Who?"

"Katniss of course! She'll come running to your rescue as soon as she can come up with a plan to sneak off." Peeta snorted.

"Why put your faith in that bitch? She doesn't help anyone but herself." He couldn't see her face but he was surprised when he heard her voice shaking with rage.

"Peeta, what in the hell is wrong with you? Katniss loves you. And you love her. What's with the bitch talk?"

"Things change. That mutt is responsible for the bombings. My home is destroyed. My family is dead. All because of her."

"What the fuck are they doing to you?! Katniss isn't responsible for any of that! How dare you talk like that?" From behind him, he heard Katniss cry out from a nightmare and he stayed perfectly still. She screamed and sobbed and still he wouldn't move. He vaguely remembered when he used to comfort her while she slept, when she would cry out from the nightmares. She just used him, he realized. She had always just used him. When she settled back down and fell back asleep, Peeta squeezed his knees close to his chest.

"Peeta, is someone else in there with you?"

"Capitol scum they decided to punish," he said dismissively. Johanna sighed and squeezed his arm again.

"Guess we should try to get some rest, huh? Hey Annie, you still with us?"

"They haven't taken me yet, Jo," came Annie's reply. Peeta squeezed his eyes shut. Both girls sounded weak and frail. This was all HER fault. She hadn't done a thing when all three of them had been captured and they had been in the Capitol for weeks now. She was probably off making out with Gale and not giving a damn about her friends. Peeta shot a glare at the still figure in the chains and he tried to settle down and go to sleep.

A loud buzzing and bright lights started to flash and Peeta jumped to his feet. Annie started to scream hysterically and Johanna anxiously tried to hush her. It was their way of keeping their prisoners awake all night and Peeta was used to this. Still, it surprised them and Annie lost her mind at the sudden noises.

Peeta kept track of the days by keeping a tally on the floor with his blood. As they were more determined to make Katniss suffer, they were starting to leave him alone, which he was fine with. Except for the screams. Katniss's screams cut like a knife and were far worse than Annie and Johanna. He didn't know why but he winced every time he heard the whip lash through the air, then her scream seconds later. He should have been enjoying it. Finally the precious girl on fire was getting what she deserved. They had showed him videos of District 12 being bombed and turned to ash. The Bakery had erupted into flames and Peeta knew no one inside had made it out. He watched as Katniss ordered for other districts to be bombed, he watched her laugh while she walked through their destroyed district, kicking aside bones as if they were dirt underneath her. Which they were now. Their home was nothing but dirt and ash. And Katniss had caused it all to happen. He didn't understand why he was continually forced to watch videos of Katniss. At first they were simple images of her in her home, or in Victor's Village, or some of her by herself in the Games. Then they showed him videos of the two of them together, then videos of Katniss and Gale together. Peeta's fingernails dug into his palms as he had watched Katniss kiss Gale.

Three days had gone by since Katniss had been placed in his cell and he knew she wouldn't make it much longer. He tried not to look at her but when the Peacekeeper would leave, he would glance over to see her defeated form limp in her chains. Her shirt had been torn off completely and her hair was long enough to hide her curves. She didn't speak and she didn't look at him. He hadn't seen them give her any food or water and he wondered how long she could last. Of course he remembered how resilient she was. She had, after all, survived two Hunger Games but then again, so had he. And he had helped her too. She wouldn't have lived if it hadn't been for him.

On the fourth day of Katniss's capture, Peeta returned from watching more videos of Katniss ordering more bombings. Something very strange had happened during the video, though. It had seemed to cut out for a moment and Peeta found himself looking at a very different Katniss, a sadder Katniss, as well as Finnick Odair. The room had erupted into chaos and while Peeta was strapped to the bed, they had all exclaimed that the rebels must have done something and they all hurried from the room. Peeta stared up at the ceiling, his mind racing. Images of Katniss filled his mind but not all of them were bad. Some were actually pretty good. For some strange reason, the good memories were clearer and brighter. The bad ones were sort of fuzzy and blurred. Peeta couldn't figure it out. When the peacekeepers had returned, they acted like nothing was wrong and continued the videos. Peeta glanced down at his arms and scratched at the strange holes that were forming. Indeed, his arms were starting to look like those of an addict. He made his way back to his cell, deep in thought, until a piercing scream brought him out of his thoughts. Annie was clutching the bars, looking pained and she grabbed his ankle.

"What the-"

"Peeta, save her! Save her! Whoever it is, save her!" He knelt and patted Annie's cheek.

"It'll be alright, Annie. I promise. Finnick will rescue you soon."

"Finnick," she said softly and released him, backing away slowly. Peeta entered his cell and his eyes widened in horror.

Katniss was strapped to the table with her hands over her head, her face screwed up the utmost pain, and she was panting heavily. Peeta's eyes traveled over the peacekeepers, who held something in their hands. He felt sick to his stomach when he realized they were blowtorches. As one of them lifted the torch again, Peeta heard the bars on the other side being rattled.

"You bastards, hasn't she been through enough?! Get the fuck away from her!" Peeta hurried over to Johanna before they could turn on her and he grabbed her shoulders.

"Johanna, are you crazy? Be quiet or they'll-"

"I don't care! I don't CARE, Peeta! I don't even know who she is or what she's done but she doesn't deserve this! This is…this is the worst-" Peeta was alarmed to see tears welling in the victor's eyes and he squeezed her hand. They heard the sound of the blowtorch and Katniss's bloodcurdling screams.

"Now she really is the girl on fire," one of them chuckled. Peeta felt sick and he looked into Johanna's terror-stricken face.

"Peeta…WHO-"

"It doesn't matter. You're right, no one deserves this." He turned back to the peacekeepers and cleared his throat.

"I think you're about done for today." Thread raised a brow and lowered his torch. Katniss looked like she was about to pass out from the pain and Peeta could make out her raw feet, the burns making their way past her ankles. He winced and looked back at Thread.

"You better back off, boy, and I may forget that you said anything."

"Why not just kill her and get it over with? Why go through all of this?"

"Tired of seeing the Mockingjay suffer, boy? Would you rather take her suffering yourself? You've always put your life on the line for her. Ready to do it again?" Peeta swallowed and his eyes slowly moved down to find Katniss's. His eyes widened as her stormy eyes held his, before he was hit with a sharp pain around his abdomen. He grunted and took a step back, pressing his hand to his chest. Thread nodded to the other men and they all filed out of the cell silently. Peeta watched them pound on Johanna's cell for a moment before they all left. When they were gone, Katniss seemed to slump to the table, defeat and pain written all over her face. Peeta grabbed a full bottle of water from his bed and crossed over to the table.

"Hey," he said softly. Katniss didn't look up at him and Peeta was glad. He had seen everything in those tossing storms and he didn't want to see any more. He held the bottle up.

"Here, I brought you some water. I'm going to lean you up, ok?" When she didn't make a sound of agreement or protest, his hand went to her neck and he leaned her up slightly, holding the bottle to her mouth. Katniss let out a little moan the cold water touched her lips and she drank greedily, sighing when he released her. His hand lingered on the back of her head for a moment, his fingers unconsciously stroking the dark strands of hair.

"Thank you, Peeta," she whispered. He found his throat was stuck at the sound of his name coming from her lips. It wasn't an unpleasant sensation. He should have been angry but he wasn't. He nodded and glanced down at her burned legs.

"I have more bottles. Do you want me to-?" he trailed off with a pointed look downward. She bit her lip but nodded and he went to his bed where he had several more bottles of water set aside. He set them on the table and glanced up at her from between her legs.

"Where does it hurt the most?"

"They focused the most on my feet," she said weakly. Those did indeed look the worst so Peeta took a deep breath before emptying the bottle over her foot. Her screams shook the cell as he continued onto the next foot. He had just enough to pour up her legs and by the time he emptied the third bottle, she was panting and shaking. He came back to her head and stroked the hair away from her face. She looked up at him, surprised.

"Why did you help me?"

"I don't know. By all accounts I should be helping them but I couldn't let them do that anymore. I know what they've done to you. And no one deserves that. Not even you." Katniss closed her eyes and willed the tears away. Peeta was gentle, caring, like he had always been but he still admitted that he thought she should be punished and she still had no idea what had happened to him. What they had done to him and what they had made him believe. When she opened her eyes, he had collected the bottles and gone back to his bed. He shoved away the thoughts of angry mutt Katniss and instead, focused on the good memories, the ones where she stood proud and brave with her dark braid resting over her breast, her bow gripped in one hand and her latest kill in the other. Peeta tossed and turned that night but he couldn't blame Katniss this time. He could only thank her.


	2. Chapter 2

**II: **

Pain lanced through Peeta like a sword and he thought that's what it was that was waking him up. Thread continued to drag the dagger blade down his chest and Peeta moaned in pain.

"You'll think twice before you interrupt me during punishment of my prisoners, won't you boy?" Thread backed away and Peeta panted, pressing his hands to his chest and withdrawing to find them covered in blood.

"Get up," Thread snapped. Peeta stood and Thread backhanded him, sending him sprawling on the floor. Peeta wiped the blood away from his nose as he turned back to the peacekeeper.

"Since you were so eager to help our prisoner last night, I imagine you won't object to our latest punishment for her." He snapped his fingers and two peacekeepers yanked Peeta to his feet. They dragged him to where Katniss was once again chained to the ceiling but she was now naked and her whole body trembled as her eyes flashed with fear. She rested on her knees, her hands pulled high over her head, and her hair covered her curves as she tossed her head in agony. Peeta could see the lashes and bruises all over her and then he remembered something that may have been desire toward her. Of course that was in the past but still, it was a familiar feeling. He swallowed as he looked over at Thread. The peacekeeper just smiled.

"Since you have already done this with her, it should be no problem, right?" Thread jerked his head and the other peacekeepers left the cell. Thread's hands caressed Katniss's breasts and made their way down her stomach and across her hips. Peeta had an insane urge to smack his hand away. Katniss let out a little cry when Thread pinched her nipple, hard, and he smacked her in the face.

"I thought you deserved a little fun. Don't worry. No one is in the control room right now." He motioned to the monitor before he left with a cackle and a grin. Peeta stood beside her, motionless. Katniss couldn't bring herself to look at him but her body flushed with shame. With a sigh, Peeta started to unbutton his pants and push them down around his ankles, followed by his boxers. Katniss saw the clothes fall to the floor and she squeezed her eyes shut.

"Please Peeta…don't do this." Her voice was barely a weak whisper.

"They'll kill us both if I don't," he responded gruffly before walking around her and reaching out to touch her hot skin. She flinched at the touch and Peeta frowned.

"Trust me, I don't want to do this. I don't want to touch you. But we've already done this once, right? So let's just get it over with."

"Peeta…we've never…I haven't…please-"

"Don't lie to me! I know you were pregnant during the Quarter Quell. Yet one more thing you took from me," his voice was pained and tears were welling up in his eyes. That video had broken him down. Katniss had been pregnant with his child and then she deliberately lost it and openly mocked him. He had always wanted to be a father…and he knew he had loved Katniss for years. He had always dreamed of having a family with her. He remembered watching that video and how he had wept all night, dreaming of her red eyes and her smirk.

His eyes shot open and they were clouded with fury.

"You whore," he spat, walking around her. "How many times have you given yourself to Gale, hm? Sleep with me, sleep with Gale, sleep with whoever else! Haymitch maybe? Finnick? You're just a Seam whore!" Silent tears streamed down her cheeks as she shook her head. Peeta snorted.

"I bet you like this, being tied up, just waiting. I should blindfold you. Then you'd really enjoy it huh?" He gripped her chin tightly, his fingers pinching viciously.

"What if I gag you, huh Katniss? Stuff a sheet in your mouth? Or maybe you'd rather my cock. I could fuck your mouth before I fuck you." Katniss squeezed her eyes shut and tried to turn away but that angered Peeta. He slapped her across the cheek and gripped her chin tightly.

"Open your eyes, bitch, and look at me!" Her eyes opened but when they found his, he looked away. He walked around her again, reaching down to stroke himself. He moaned as he felt himself coming alive and he wished she had the use of her hands so he could make her do it. He considered making her take him into her mouth. The sight of her on her knees drove him crazy.

"Shit," he groaned quietly, feeling himself harden and grow in his hand. When he was ready, he approached her from behind and reached around to grab her breast. Palming it roughly, he leaned in and bit her neck and she cried out.

"Does this turn you on, Katniss? Do you like being dominated? You want me to fuck you so hard you can't see straight?" Katniss tossed her head, pleading once again for him to stop but he ignored her and lined himself up with her entrance. She wasn't at all ready for him and he bit his lip as he pushed into her tight walls. He gripped her hips as he thrust into her, hearing another bloodcurdling scream. He felt dizzy for a moment, wondering how she could be so tight if they had already done this before. He pulled out for a moment before thrusting back in and he threw his head back as he gripped her roughly.

"Oh fuck," he panted, feeling himself getting close. He released inside her and pulled out, backing away from her. He noticed his softening cock was covered in blood as were the insides of her thighs. He frowned, thinking it had to be some sort of trick. She couldn't be a virgin. He grunted and without another word, he walked over to where his clothes lay discarded and he pulled them on, collapsing against the bars and closing his eyes. He suddenly felt fingers pinching his chin and he gasped.

"What the hell-"

"Peeta, you better answer my fucking question honestly," Johanna hissed. He could see she had a black eye and her hair was falling out. "Who is in that cell with you? WHO?"

"Johanna, let me go damn it! It's her, alright?! The Seam whore." He heard her gasp then felt her hand curl around his throat. For someone who had been tortured for weeks, she had a pretty strong grip. Peeta grabbed her hand and gasped.

"You listen to me, bread boy. I don't know what they've done to you but you better WAKE UP and remember who you are! The boy who is IN LOVE with Katniss Everdeen. Go look into her eyes!"

"Johanna-"

"No! DAMN IT, Peeta, you have given up! You swore to keep fighting for her and you just gave up! You've lost yourself and you're going to lose her! GO LOOK IN HER EYES! NOW!" Johanna looked crazed and wild and Peeta yanked himself free of her grip. Sighing, he stood back up and crossed back over to Katniss, who was sobbing in her chains. He stood in front of her for a moment.

"Look at me." When she didn't obey, he grew angry. He gripped her chin and forced her to look up but she kept her eyes shut.

"Damn it, Katniss. Open your eyes and LOOK at me." She slowly opened her eyes and glanced everywhere but at him. He squeezed her face harder and she whimpered.

"In my eyes, Katniss. LOOK. AT. ME." When her eyes met his, it took him a moment and then he felt like he was being thrown backwards, off a 12- story building. The stormy gray depths held so much pain and sorrow and love and slowly, Peeta's own eyes began to clear. Katniss watched the clouds vanish and his eyes become bluer and brighter. She remembered those eyes. She hadn't seen them in weeks but she knew them well. They were the eyes that could look into her soul and give her the courage to carry on. They were filled with hope and love and the will to live and survive. Katniss saw the moment that Peeta returned and she gasped as he released her and backed away, a look of horror crossing over his face. He continued to stare at her, his eyes wide and popping and his face going paler by the second. His hand came up over his mouth and he shook his head. Katniss watched him, baffled.

"Katniss?" When he finally spoke, she knew he was back. She didn't know how or why or even what had made him leave in the first place but she knew it was him. He moved closer looking hesitant, almost afraid. His eyes scanned her face and he shook his head, backing up but tripping over his feet and went crashing to the floor. The thump of his prosthetic made Johanna and Annie jump. Peeta brought his knees to his chest and cried, reminding Katniss of a young child. Peeta wept into his arms and shook his head as if he couldn't believe it. When he looked back up at her, his eyes were red and streaming.

"Katniss. I'm so…my god. What have I done?" She shook her head sadly when he finally looked at her, and he bit his lip as he moved closer.

"I don't know what they did to make me…forget…I don't even know what I've done to you…what have I done…" he swallowed as his eyes traveled over her body and he felt his face grow red. He ran to his bed and gathered his sheets, bringing them back to her and draping them over her quivering form. He brought them closed and his hand caressed her cheek, his fingertips tenderly stroking her skin. She closed her eyes and leaned against his palm as he knelt in front of her.

"Did I…did I hurt you, Katniss?" She opened her eyes and found him watching her with baited breath, a look of terror in his eyes. She couldn't tell him.

She shook her head no. He breathed a hitched sigh of relief and he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around her. He held her close and listened to the sound of her heart racing in her chest. When he pulled away, he pushed a strand of hair from her face and swallowed.

"How long have you been here?"

"Four or five days I think," she said croakily, as if she hadn't used her voice in those four or five days. Peeta looked horrified.

"And I can't…why can't I remember? Why are you here? What did they do to you?" Peeta leaned back to survey her and he felt a rush of anger and horror when he saw the many marks and injuries that covered his girl on fire. He willed himself not to look down, doing his best to respect her privacy. She was naked though; if they had done that to her…he would hunt them down and kill them all. His hands welled up into fists and he leaned closer.

"Katniss?"

"I…I snuck off to rescue you," she said quietly. Peeta stared at her and she lowered her head.

"We were planning a rescue mission but I just couldn't wait. After we saw your warning about the bombing, I knew they were beating you. I couldn't…I couldn't risk it. I had to make sure you were alive. I left the group and came to find you. And I was captured in the process. No one will be looking for me because no one knows I'm here."

"I'm sure they'll figure it out Katniss," he tried not to sound exasperated. The girl put herself in dangerous situations for her loved ones. She had always done it, so why was he surprised she was doing it again?

"What did they-"

"Peeta?" Peeta whirled around at the sound of Johanna's voice and he caressed Katniss's face for a moment.

"Is that Johanna?"

"Yeah. She's in that cell and Annie Cresta is in the other one. I'm here, Jo. I'm with Katniss."

"Got yourself captured did you, brainless?"

"Seems like I excel at getting myself into these situations, Johanna," Katniss sighed. Johanna chuckled.

"At least you're alive. And at least Peeta knows who you are." Peeta frowned over at her.

"Could I ever forget?"

"Yeah. You could," was all Johanna replied. Still frowning, Peeta turned back to Katniss.

"Did I forget who you were?"

"For a moment I thought you had but you came back to me," she said softly, leaning forward to rest her forehead against his. He sighed and wrapped his arms around her again.

"Stay with me," she whispered as she closed her eyes. He moved closer, pulling the sheets tighter around her.

"Always."

Peeta hadn't realized he had fallen asleep on the cold stone floor and the moment he snapped awake, he realized Katniss was not in his arms. He heard screams and immediately knew whose they were. He sat up and looked around frantically. Peacekeeper Thread was standing in front of Katniss, one of his hands roaming down her body while the other was gripping her throat. She thrashed around in her chains, trying to toss him off. Peeta jumped to his feet as fast as he could but with a prosthetic leg, he had a little difficulty. Thread was plunging two fingers into Katniss's core and she cried out, fighting to clamp her legs closed but her burns kept her from rising to her feet and she gripped at her chains with white knuckles. Thread removed his hands from her, then gripped himself and squeezed his fingers against her throat. She gasped for breath as he leaned in, a cruel smile on his twisted face, and he stroked himself through his clothes. His grip made Katniss see stars and her eyes started to drift closed. Peeta leaped on top of Thread and brought him to the ground. His fists punched every part of the peacekeeper that he could reach. Thread chuckled darkly underneath the boy, his sinister laugh echoing throughout the cell.

"Remembered who you are then, eh boy? Remembered her? Sounds like it's time for another injection for you." Peeta's face darkened in confusion and anger and he continued to hit him.

Thread tried to block his face from Peeta's blows but his rage and hatred kept him going and soon, Thread was unconscious.

"Peeta!" Peeta's head jerked around to see Johanna leaning against the bars…the OPEN bars! His jaw dropped and he jumped to his feet, whirling around to see Gale reaching for Katniss's chains, a ring of keys in his hand. She hung limp with her head lowered on her chest and Peeta hurried over to help, wrapping the sheets around her.

"Peeta, go get Annie."

"I can take Katniss," Peeta argued. "You go get Annie."

"Peeta! We don't have time for this!"

"Then stop wasting time. I've got her." Gale watched as Peeta pushed the key into the lock and scooped Katniss into his arms. Gale's face darkened for a moment but then he nodded and hurried over to Annie's cell. Peeta cradled Katniss in his arms, leaning down to place a gentle kiss on her forehead.

"You're going to be alright," he whispered. Her eyes were closed and her breathing was faint and Peeta looked up anxiously into Johanna's face.

"She's a survivor. Come on, we have to get out of here." Gale was supporting Annie and Johanna hurried forward to help her. Gale looked back at the victors and frowned.

"We just need to wait for Beetee's signal."

"The peacekeepers will be here any minute," Peeta said through clenched teeth. Annie whimpered in Gale's arms and Johanna shushed her. Suddenly there was a loud bang and a four-note whistle that Peeta immediately recognized. Annie gasped as something appeared on the wall in front of them. Peeta could just make it out before it disappeared: A mockingjay.


	3. Chapter 3

**III**

Peeta did not want to let Katniss out of his sight but upon their arrival at District 13, they were all taken to different rooms to be examined and medicated. Peeta helped Annie struggle down the hall when she stopped and gasped. Peeta whipped around but Annie was already running down the hall, crying Finnick's name. Peeta watched as the two lovers collide, Finnick holding her tightly and both of their tears falling to the floor. Peeta watched for a moment, his heart heavy though he tried to be happy for them. Finnick walked forward and shook Peeta's hand.

"Thank you, Peeta. Thank you for keeping her safe."

"I'm afraid I didn't-"

"You're all alive! You're ok," Finnick whirled her around, his hands on her waist and ignoring Peeta's reply. Peeta smiled as he slipped off and was cornered by his old mentor. Peeta resisted the urge to punch him in the jaw. Haymitch smiled sadly.

"I won't ask your forgiveness, kid. I don't deserve it and I already got my marks from the girl," he gestured toward the nail marks on his cheeks that have not yet healed. Peeta lets out a dark chuckle. Haymitch clapped him on the shoulder and lead him to a small room on the right.

"How is she?" Peeta asked as he jumped onto the examining table.

"She'll live," Haymitch said dismissively. Peeta frowned.

"Haymitch?" Haymitch was looking uncomfortable, which made Peeta uneasy.

"She, uh…she can't speak at the moment." Peeta's frown deepened.

"What do you mean she can't speak?"

"Well we don't know what happened. Gale says when he arrived he saw Katniss unconscious and you beating the shit out of a peacekeeper. Do you know what he did to her?"

"He was choking her," Peeta mumbled. "When I woke up to her screams, his hands were around her throat." Haymitch knew Peeta was leaving something else out but he did not press the subject.

"The doctors will be able to tell us more soon. In the mean time, they want to check on you as well. You might be able to answer some of their questions about Katniss when you're ready." Before Peeta could reply, the door opened and a young girl entered the room. Peeta's eyes widened.

"Prim?"

"Hello Peeta," she said sweetly. "Thank God you're alright." Prim moved around to the table and started laying out tools.

"I'm just going to get your vitals for the doctor, if that's alright?" Peeta nodded and watched as she checked his blood pressure and his heart rate. She examined his hands and frowned when she saw his arms.

"Peeta, what happened to you?"

"I wish I knew, Prim. Somehow they made me forget. I mean, I honestly can't remember a lot of the time I was in there. I didn't even…realize that Katniss was in there with me."

"I'm sure you protected her with everything you had," Prim said quietly, squeezing his hand. He felt a sudden flash of anger but it disappeared almost immediately. Prim noticed the change though and she glanced at Haymitch.

"Peeta, are you alright?"

"I'm fine. Can I see Katniss yet?"

"I'll ask Mom. I'm sure it will be fine. Wait here for the doctor." She patted his arm once more before she left.

"That girl will make a fine doctor one day," Haymitch said appreciatively. Peeta could only nod, his thoughts focused on Katniss.

The doctor took forever in examining Peeta. But the lashes on his back, the bruises on his face, and the cuts on his chest could not deter him from his love and after a final nod, the doctor released Peeta. Haymitch lead him down the hall to Katniss's room and he knocked gently. Mrs. Everdeen opened the door, her mouth in a thin line. She merely nodded to Haymitch and Peeta and stood aside. Katniss was asleep on the bed, clad in a simple hospital gown. Her feet had been bandaged and her wrists were wrapped tightly with gauze. Peeta wanted to cry at how beaten and defeated she looked. But he reminded himself she was in the hospital, getting better. Not still in that cell. Mrs. Everdeen watched as Peeta dragged a chair over beside Katniss and gently took one of her hands in his own. He softly kissed it and held it to his face. Silent tears streamed down his cheeks as he stared at the motionless mockingjay.

"I need to check on Annie and Johanna," Mrs. Everdeen said softly. "Look after her, Peeta?"

"With my life," he said without looking away. Mrs. Everdeen squeezed his arm for a moment before leaving the room. Peeta sighed and rested his chin on their hands, his unwavering gaze determined to keep her safe.

* * *

"We've got it!" Haymitch looked up as Gale burst in, looking triumphant.

"What are you on about?"

"Beetee was able to tap the wires and get us the feed into the cells. We can look at the tapes and find out what really happened in the Capitol."

"Do we need to know? We know they were all tortured. Is there more to know?" Gale gave him a dark look.

"For starters, what were they injecting into Peeta's arms? Why is he forgetting everything? And what exactly happened to the girls?" Haymitch shook his head.

"It's like the Games all over again," he muttered. Gale chose to ignore him and he pulled up a chair at the computer. He typed in a password and focused his eyes on the screen. Haymitch said he was going to find a drink and left Gale to the videos.

He made his way down the hall and peered into the window. Peeta was holding Katniss's hand and whispering something to her. She continued to sleep but she looked peaceful. Peeta stroked her cheek and gently kissed her forehead. Haymitch heard a heavy sigh beside him and his brow raised.

"Checked on the girls already, did you?"

"I knew he wanted a minute alone with her. You can see the love blazing in that boy's eyes. It kills me to know that it's all an act to her. That boy deserves so much better." Haymitch couldn't believe his ears and he stared at the woman in disbelief.

"You really think it's still an act? You think she would have gone off the Capitol and endured god knows what for an ACT? Lady…I don't think you know your daughter at all." Mrs. Everdeen opened her mouth to speak but Haymitch turned and walked away, still shaking his head.

When he re-entered the control center, Gale spun around, his eyes wide.

"Where's Peeta?"

"Still with Katniss. Why?"

"We need to do some tests on him. Now."

"Gale, what the hell is going on?" Gale leaned forward and punched a few buttons. Haymitch sighed and moved closer to the screen.

_Peeta was tossing and turning on the table, his hands strapped to his sides, his blonde hair hanging in his bright eyes. _

_"He's still awake. Play another one."_

_"NO!" Peeta squeezed his eyes shut and two peacekeepers came around the table and slapped him. One of them stepped forward with a strange looking contraption and he disappeared from view. When the peacekeepers moved aside, Gale and Haymitch could see Peeta's eyes being forced open by the contraption. The peacekeepers pressed a remote and a large screen in front of them flickered. Katniss appeared on the screen, looking around frantically, looking lost. Peeta's breathing had gotten heavy, his chest heaving as he tossed his head. The image of Katniss was replaced by one of Katniss and Gale, leaning into each other. As Peeta watched, Gale cupped her chin and kissed her. Katniss wrapped her arms around him, pulling him closer, and his hands slid under her shirt. Tears welled in Peeta's eyes and a peacekeeper held up a giant syringe, instantly pushing the needle into Peeta's arm. Peeta cried out for a moment, then began to writhe on the table. The peacekeepers stepped back for a moment, simply watching. When Peeta stopped shaking, his breathing was even heavier and he glared at the screen with black eyes. The image changed again to another of Katniss alone, pulling her bow taut. _

_"BITCH! You Evil Mutt," Peeta screamed at the screen and the peacekeepers all nodded to one another, smiling triumphantly. _

Haymitch turned to Gale, his eyes wide while he ignored Peeta's cries on the screen.

"What the hell?"

"That's what I'd like to know. Let's see if Prim will bring him to the examining room and run some blood tests. Let's figure out what they did to him once and for all."

* * *

Peeta continued to softly stroke her cheek, finding more comfort in it than he realized. Her dark hair was flowing underneath her and she looked like she had been bathed and medicated.

"I love you, Katniss," he whispered against her cheek. Her eyes fluttered open softly and Peeta felt his heart ache at the sight of those grey pools of confusion and fear.

"Hey, you're ok. It's me, Peeta. I'm here, I'm not leaving you." Despite the fact that she had no idea where she was, she instantly relaxed at the sound of Peeta's voice. He leaned in closer and kissed her cheek.

"We're safe, Katniss, we're fine. We're in District 13. Your mom and sister were just here taking care of you. They've bandaged you up and given you medicine. How are you feeling?" She closed her eyes for a moment and swallowed. When she opened them again, she brought a hand to her throat and Peeta gently lowered it to her side.

"You can't speak right now, Katniss, but you'll get better. I'll never let anyone hurt you again, I promise." She swallowed again and brought a hand to his cheek. He nuzzled into her palm and tears filled her eyes. He bit his lip and leaned in close, his lips barely grazing hers, when the door burst open. Peeta leaned back in his chair, turning red.

"I'm sorry to bother you, Peeta-" Prim started but she stopped as she caught sight of her sister, awake. "Katniss!" She flung herself into her sister's arms and Katniss wrapped her arms around her tightly. Peeta smiled as he leaned back, determined to give the sisters their space.

"Oh my god, Katniss, don't ever scare me like that again." Katniss stroked Prim's cheek and smiled up at her. Prim wiped her tears away and sniffed.

"Peeta, I actually came in here for you. We want to run some tests on you, if you don't mind?"

"What kind of tests," he asked warily.

"Standard blood tests." Peeta heaved a sigh but nodded and he stood. Katniss's arm darted out and she grabbed his wrist. Peeta sat back down and squeezed her hand.

"I'll be right back. I promise." Her eyes were wide with fear and he leaned down and placed the gentlest of kisses on her lips. Giving her a weak smile, he turned and followed Prim from the room.

* * *

When Prim opened the door to the hospital room, Peeta was surprised to find Gale, Haymitch, Finnick, Beetee, and a doctor all conversing.

"What's going on," he asked warily.

"Nothing to worry about, kid, we just want to do some blood tests to see what they were injecting you with," Haymitch said, clapping his shoulder. Peeta nodded and sat down, immediately tensing up when Gale pulled out cuffs from the chair.

"What are you doing?"

"We need to-"

"NO!" Gale looked taken aback at Peeta's tone. Peeta closed his eyes and breathed for a moment, then opened them again.

"No. Please. No restraints. Just…do the tests. Please," he said again, imploring. Gale turned away but Haymitch patted Peeta's hand.

"Alright kid, no restraints."

"UNLESS you become violent. Agreed?" Peeta's eyes bore into Gale's and he swallowed. They were the same as Katniss's eyes, which made it difficult to look away. Both of them had a certain hardness as well as a fire to their gazes as well but unlike Katniss, Gale's were slightly cold and unfeeling. Peeta shook himself and looked away.

"Agreed," he spoke in a hollow tone. Gale nodded and whispered something to Beetee. Prim bustled around with a tray of instruments before she faced Gale.

"I'm going back to Katniss. Let me know if you need anything, alright?"

"Is she awake?" Prim nodded.

"Peeta woke her up." Gale turned back to Peeta for a moment and there was no mistaking the mistrust in his Seam eyes.

"Let's get this over with," Haymitch said loudly. The doctor nodded and inserted the needle into Peeta's arm and Peeta winced. The doctor assured him that he was nearly finished and he quickly bandaged the spot before collecting the vials and hurrying out.

"So Peeta, can you remember anything about your time in the Capitol?" Peeta turned to Beetee and frowned.

"I know it wasn't pleasant. But as far as specifics go, it's pretty fuzzy. I remember being beaten. They sometimes liked to use dull knives. At night they would keep the lights flashing and loud noises so none of us could get to sleep."

"Do you remember anything about Katniss?"

"What about her?"

"Anything. Any feelings toward her, any emotions, or longings-"

"I love her more than life itself. Of course I felt things. Longed for her. Thought about her every waking moment. Missed her. Wanted to know she was safe. Need I go on?"

"No," Gale muttered. Peeta shot him a glare before he turned back to Beetee.

"Tell me what is really going on here, Beetee. What's behind these questions?" Beetee traded looks with Finnick and Haymitch and didn't seem to want to answer.

"Peeta," Finnick said quietly, "we think they may have…distorted your memories. Your images of Katniss. Do you mind if we try something?" Peeta tensed up again and Finnick held up a hand.

"I swear to you, we only want to help." Peeta's eyes traveled around the group and he decided, with perhaps the exception of Gale, that everyone in the room was his allies and meant him no harm. He nodded and Finnick nodded to Beetee, who turned to face a large screen. An image of Katniss alone in the woods appeared and Peeta sighed. Beetee and Finnick watched him for a moment before they pushed a button and other images appeared. When Gale appeared on the screen with her, he sucked in a breath. Gale was far too close to her and she seemed to lean into him. He supposed it was the day of the Reaping because they were both dressed better than usual and her hair was braided as her mother had done on that fateful day. Peeta swallowed and started to feel pain around his abdomen. He groaned and bent forward, clutching his stomach. As the images changed, the pain increased. Finally Peeta couldn't take it. He leaned back and closed his eyes, fighting off the pain. But with the pain came images…terrifying images of things people can only see in their nightmares. He winced and shook himself.

"Peeta?" Finnick said carefully. Gale and Haymitch had gotten to their feet and were watching Peeta apprehensively. Peeta's eyes flashed and they were no longer blue and clear. Instead, they were clouded and darkened and there was rage swirling around.

"Peeta, are you alright?"

"What the hell do you care," Peeta snarled, taking Finnick by surprise. "You were in on it, weren't you? All of you were. Didn't bother telling me about your little plan, did you? So where did I end up? In the fucking Capitol." Finnick glanced uncertainly at Haymitch and stepped back.

"Peeta, what are you feeling right now," Haymitch said loudly. Peeta scoffed.

"Like I could rip you apart, old man. You didn't tell me either. You were my fucking mentor and you never told me you had a plan!"

"Peeta, they couldn't tell you or Katniss-"

"Don't mention that mutt's name!" At this, everyones' jaws dropped as they stared at the raving boy.

"Play it," Gale whispered to Beetee and Peeta's eyes flashed to the screen as an image of Katniss appeared. Peeta bolted out of his chair and grabbed at his hair, looking completely mad.

"Stop it! I don't want to see her face! She's a mutt, she's a filthy mutt! Don't believe anything she tells you! Capitol mutts can never be trusted!"

"What makes you think she's a mutt," Finnick said, his voice a deadly whisper.

"I've seen it," Peeta hissed. Gale was on him in an instant. Peeta struggled violently but when Finnick and Haymitch stepped in to help, Peeta was strapped to the bed, writhing in his restraints.

"Let me go, damn it! I have to hunt her down! Don't you understand, she killed them all!"

"What the hell," Haymitch whispered, hiding his face in his hands. Gale stood aside, shaking his head, attempting to block out Peeta's angry screams about Katniss. The doctor re-entered the room and didn't seem at all surprised by Peeta's ravings.

"Tracker-jacker venom," was all he said and the room fell silent.

* * *

"WHY?" Finnick demanded as he paced the room. Peeta was still ranting in the other room and Finnick winced, running his fingers through his hair. He knew Katniss would never be able to handle this. He had seen her fall apart, they had fallen apart together. He knew she loved him, even if she wasn't ready to admit it.

"Tracker-Jacker venom is engineered to target the part of the brain that generates fear. The hallucinations caused by it can lead to madness and perhaps even death. We have reason to believe the Capitol has been injecting large doses of venom into Peeta's bloodstream."

"He's been hijacked," Beetee said quietly. Everyone turned their eyes on him.

"And what the hell does that mean for us common folk," Gale said irritably. Beetee chose to ignore his comment.

"One of the Capitol's form of torture, a memory, though once positive, may be deemed negative due to its association with the induced fear."

"Speak English," Gale said, rubbing his eyes in frustration.

"I think what Beetee means," Finnick said patiently, "is that the Capitol can bring up a memory as a stimulus and then the venom is injected, associating that memory with pain and suffering. Judging by the marks on Peeta, they tortured him often. Imagine what sorts of memories they could have messed with. They could have even completely ruined his image of… a particular person." Haymitch swallowed, looking pained.

"The Capitol planned this. They programmed him to hate her. Possibly even to kill her." Finnick nodded.

"It's the perfect way to end the Mockingjay and her fiancé. The face of rebellion and her greatest supporter and ally. Even if he doesn't physically harm her, the loss of his recognition could be enough to drive her mad."

"Shit," Haymitch said, banging his hand on the metal table. Gale clenched the edge of the table with white knuckles.

"He can't go anywhere near her then," he said stiffly.

"But he's obviously not all gone! He was just with us and he admitted he didn't remember anything that had happened."

"Including what he's done to Katniss," Gale said coldly. Finnick gave him a cold glare.

"Why do you automatically assume he did anything to her? Quit hating the guy just because he stole your girl." Gale took a step toward Finnick, his fists clenched. Finnick looked calm as he moved forward.

"You want to try, Hawthorne? How many Hunger Games have you participated in?"

"I don't need the fucking Games to measure my strength."

"Back OFF," Haymitch yelled, stepping in between them, his hands raised. "Jesus. Go back to your corners. NOW. No, on second thought. Gale, you go back to the control center."

"Why?"

"Because all of us are trying to help Peeta and I don't think that's your intent!" Gale's eyes were wide and furious. Without a word, he hurried from the room and slammed the door behind him. Beetee winced at the sound.

"Well. Alright then," he said calmly. Finnick frowned.

"Hey, is it a bit…quiet?" They listened and no longer heard Peeta's cries. Tentatively, they pushed the door open and Peeta's head jerked around, looking confused and a little hurt.

"Guys…you said you wouldn't-"

"You got violent, Peeta," Haymitch said seriously. Peeta's eyes widened.

"I…I did? But why…why can't I _remember_?" He sounded so frustrated and vulnerable and Haymitch heaved a great sigh as he plopped into a chair in front of the boy.

"I'm going to explain everything…and you just need to listen, alright? The doc is in the next room, ready to answer any questions you have. But right now just listen." Peeta nodded and Haymitch quietly told him of what they had discovered about his torture. When he reached the part about being programmed to hate Katniss, Peeta blanched and squeezed his eyes shut. He shook his head in disbelief.

"It's not possible," he said shakily. "I couldn't…I could never…"

"We witnessed one of your episodes," Finnick said gently. "And you were raving about having to kill Katniss. It's part of the Capitol's fucked up plan."

"Their plan to do what," Peeta said desperately. Haymitch fixed him with a hard stare.

"To destroy the mockingjay, one way or the other."


	4. Chapter 4

IV.

Several days went by in District 13 and Peeta refused to go anywhere near Katniss. As much as he wanted to see her, he was afraid he would have a flashback and try to hurt her. He was convinced he had been a part of her torture but he couldn't bring himself to ask her. And since she was the only one who would know, he left it alone. He paced outside her room, waiting for news of how she was doing. Haymitch emerged from her room one afternoon, his eyes somber.

"She's asking for you again."

"Tell her-"

"I have told her! I'm not doing it anymore. You grow some balls and go in and tell her yourself."

"Haymitch," he pleaded, "I can't."

"There are monitors all around, Peeta. And I'll stay out here in case anything happens. It's been four days, she wants to see you. She misses you."

"I miss her," he said softly, tears welling in his eyes. Haymitch clapped him on the shoulder and gave him a little nudge.

"Then go." Peeta took a deep breath before opening the door. Katniss was sitting up in bed, facing the wall, when she turned and her eyes widened. He hesitated for a moment, standing close to the door in case he needed to escape but her eyes were clouded with tears and she whispered his name weakly.

"Peeta." In an instant he was at her side, wrapping his arms around her and holding her close. His tears dampened her hair and she clutched onto him tightly.

"I'm sorry, Katniss. I'm so sorry." He allowed her to sob into his shirt as his hold around her tightened.

"You said you'd stay with me, Peeta…always," she whispered. Peeta squeezed his eyes shut and forced himself to lean back, his hands finding hers and holding them tightly.

"I know Haymitch told you about the hijacking. I can't be around you, Katniss, I'm too dangerous." She shook her head but he squeezed her hands.

"I know something happened in that cell. I know I did something to you. I can see it in your eyes. But you won't tell me, will you?"  
"Peeta-"

"I can't live with myself knowing I hurt you. I can't take that. This just makes everything the Capitol did so much worse, because they intended for me to kill you. They tried to kill my love for you. Something I never thought could be possible."

"And yet here you are, holding me in your arms and not trying to kill me," she said in a harsh whisper. "They TRIED to kill your love but you fought it. And you didn't let them win. You're stronger than they are, Peeta. You always have been. You just have to continue to fight it." She cleared her throat and winced and Peeta felt terrible at making her talk so much. Her hand went to her throat and rubbed gently. His hand covered hers and he pressed a kiss against her cheek.

"Ok, no more talking. I need to get going."

"But-"

"President Coin has allowed me to train with the others. She says they're waiting for you to get well enough to join the troops. I have to travel with some guards in case I have a flashback or do anything stupid, but it's getting me out of the hospital. I'll come see you afterwards, if you want." She nodded and leaned back on her pillow. Peeta glanced at the bowl of stew on the table next to her and he frowned.

"You need to eat, Katniss. You need your strength." She shrugged and turned away and Peeta sighed, pulling her into his arms again. She didn't resist but she didn't return the affection either.

"Get better for me," he whispered into her hair. "So we can fight together, side by side, and take down the Capitol. And live together in a world that we created, together." He pressed a chaste kiss to her lips before he left abruptly. Katniss watched him go, confusion and frustration etched into her face.

* * *

Peeta was proud of himself and his fellow soldiers for the work they had done that day. He was sweaty, exhausted, and sore but that made the accomplishment that much better. Finnick walked alongside him as they walked back the hospital, Peeta already thinking of a shower and a soft (ish) bed. He let out a groan and Finnick glanced sideways.

"Those laps finally catching up you? Damn dude, you were on fire this afternoon, I didn't think you'd feel-"

"It's not that," Peeta said, running his fingers through his hair. "I promised Katniss I would come see her after I was finished and I don't think I'll have time after

I shower. Bedtime is scheduled early tonight," he glanced at his arm, which was dark with his District 13 schedule.

"I'm sure she'll understand, as long as you go see her first thing in the morning. You want to rebuild whatever you guys had, don't you?"

"I don't know what we had, Finnick," Peeta said irritably. "A fake relationship. A fake romance. She's been so many things to me. Ally. Friend. Tribute. Victor. Hunter. Neighbor. Fiancee. There's so many words for her and I don't know what to call her now."

"You start with friend," Finnick said slowly. "And you work your way from there. I know she feels strongly for you. We both fell apart when we thought about you and Annie in there. I saw a side of Katniss that she has never let anyone see before. You were the reason she became the Mockingjay, Peeta. To protect you." Peeta felt pain around his stomach but he ignored it and shook his head.

"I wish I knew her true feelings, that's all. We all know it was an act now. She told me at the end of the first Games. But when we kissed in the Quarter Quell…I don't know, I felt something else. Something that hadn't been there before. It was different. She was different."

"So ask her."

"I don't want to burden her with anything else until she gets better. She's not eating and she still looks so weak, so…unlike Katniss. I have never seen her so frail. Even in the Games, when she was risking her life for me, she fought with everything she had. She's just so…defeated."

"So help her," Finnick said urgently. "Remind her of what she's capable of. You're the only one who can do that, you know. Gale may have known her for years longer but you two have been through shit that can never come close to what she and Gale had. You've been there for her on those nights when she'd wake up screaming. You lied to the world to protect her. Seriously, you need to come clean and ask that she does the same." Finnick stopped at Annie's door and patted Peeta's shoulder.

"I didn't waste any time in telling Annie how much she means to me as soon as you all got back. In fact, I'm going to ask her to marry me." Peeta's eyes widened and Finnick looked a little sheepish.

"I wanted you to be the first to know. Not that I've known you for long or anything but I feel like we shared a moment when I was giving you mouth to mouth in the Quell." Peeta laughed and shook his head, gently shoving Finnick away.

"Seriously though, I'd like for you to be my best man." Peeta sobered quickly and fixed his wide eyes on Finnick's sea-green ones.

"Really?"

"I don't have any family left and my friends are pretty few. Annie and Johanna and you and Katniss and Haymitch are my family now. If she says yes, I'd like for you to be my best man. I'd love it if you considered making our cake too." At this, Peeta's eyes sparkled.

"Count on it, man. When are you asking her?"

"District 13 doesn't have a lot of opportunities to be romantic," Finnick cast a glance around the gloomy hospital hallway, "but all I care about is starting my life with her. I'll probably ask her tonight." Peeta grinned and clapped him on the shoulder.

"Good luck then." Finnick gave him a grin and pushed the door open. Peeta continued his way to his room, pausing in front of Katniss's door. It was getting late and he still needed to shower but he found himself drawn to her through the closed doors. He peered in and saw her sitting up, leaning against the pillow with her eyes closed. A book lay open in her lap and Peeta opened the door quietly. Katniss's head whipped around and Peeta stopped in his tracks, holding his hands up.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I didn't mean to scare you."

"S'ok," she whispered, settling back against the pillow. Peeta walked over to her and glanced down at the book.

"Your family plant book?"

"After the bombing, I returned to Victors Village to check on our houses. I grabbed a few things and remembered how much time and effort we have put into this book. All your beautiful drawings…I couldn't leave it. I was just…doing some late night reading." Peeta settled in a chair beside her and propped his chin on his hands as he stared up at her.

"Did you eat dinner?"

"Yes Mother, I ate," she said grumpily. He smiled but didn't say anything. He glanced down and saw she was propping her bandaged feet up on a pillow.

"What happened to your feet?"

"You honestly don't remember?"

"Katniss, I told you, I can't remember anything from the Capitol. Just…bits and pieces. None of it makes sense. I swear, if I knew you were being hurt and I didn't do anything to stop it-"

"You couldn't, Peeta," she whispered gently. Peeta's eyes bore into hers and he searched for the truth.

"What did they do?"

"They tied me to the table and used blowtorches. You were being tortured elsewhere." Peeta looked like he would be sick.

"I can't believe…people would actually do that."

"After seventy-five years of watching children slaughter each other on live TV, you think they bat an eye about torturing a couple of kids?" Peeta sighed, admitting she was right. She shuffled to the side and winced; Peeta could tell she was in a lot of pain.

"Are you on lots of pain medication?"

"District 13 is stingy when it comes to medicine," she said grumpily. "They only give me a small amount of morphling. Johanna is losing her mind without it. She tries to steal mine."

"Katniss-" he started but he felt a sudden pain seize him and images started to flash through his mind. He squeezed his eyes shut and Katniss frowned.

"Peeta, are you alright?" Peeta's hands had buried themselves in the sheets and her eyes flicked to his white knuckles. She gently touched his hand and he flinched.

"Peeta don't. Please don't. We're safe, you're here with me. Don't go to that awful place." But when Peeta looked up at her, she saw that he was gone. She stifled a sob and decided to let him kill her. She was finding it harder to find the will to go on but her visits from him would make her want to start living again. Until this. Until she realized that he would never be the same again. She had told him the Capitol hadn't won but it was a lie. The Capitol had killed the boy with the bread. There may have been a gentle and kind side of Peeta but it was paired with the side that wanted her blood. She couldn't take it. She sat up and pulled him forward.

"If you want to kill me, Peeta, please do it."

"I told you I wouldn't become a murderer for you, you heartless bitch," he snapped.

"Then why are you still here?"

"I don't know. I guess I'm enjoying seeing you like this. Beaten and defeated. You're not very big, are you? Or particularly pretty."

"No, I'm not." He rolled his eyes at her response.

"Or smart. What's the matter, Katniss? Lost all your nerve in the Capitol?"

"I lost a lot in the Capitol," she said quietly. Peeta's eyes flashed and he flexed his fingers.

"Payback's a bitch isn't it?" Katniss didn't answer and merely turned away, holding the book to her heart and closing her eyes. Peeta cocked his head.

"Is that your family plant book?" She opened her eyes again and looked at him.

"You remember this?" His brow furrowed.

"I think so…I mean, I helped with it, didn't I?"

"You did. You're a wonderful artist. You and I worked on it a lot together. Would you like to see?" She opened the book and flipped through the pages, passing it to him. He thumbed the pages and his face softened.

"I think I remember this."

"I can help you, Peeta. I can help you remember. The Capitol has been lying to you. About me, about the District, about them. They're wrong about me. I have never and will never hurt you." Peeta glanced up at her, his eyes still dark but a bit uncertain.

"You'll help me?"

"Of course."

"Why?"

"Because that's what you and I do. Protect each other." Peeta frowned at her statement but his face softened again.

"You can help me figure out what's real and what's not real then. Since they…messed with my memories."

"Hijacking," Katniss said delicately. "They used tracker-jacker venom to mess with your memories, especially of me. They wanted to program you to kill me." Katniss cleared her throat, ignoring the burning. Peeta cocked his head.

"Why are you whispering?"

"I'm just getting my voice back. Sort of."

"I'd say sort of doesn't cut it. What happened to your voice anyway?"

"A Peacekeeper tried to strangle me. You saved my life."

"I did?" She nodded and he seemed to be racking his brain for that memory.

"I stopped him from killing you?"

"You did. Thank you."

"You're welcome," he said, still looking confused. He noticed her feet and cleared his throat.

"How are your feet?"

"A little better. They said the cold water really helped, so thank you again."

"I guess I saved you a lot."

"I guess you did. But that's hardly surprising. You're always saving me." Peeta stared at her for a moment and she shifted underneath his gaze.

There was a loud buzzing sound from above and Peeta jumped to his feet, whirling around.

"What's that?" Katniss couldn't have hated District 13 any more at that moment. Those sounds were like those in the Capitol. If Peeta hadn't already been having a flashback, he would definitely have one now!

"It's just the signal for lights out. You should probably return to your room so you don't get into any trouble." He nodded and walked to the door, turning back to her for a moment.

"I guess I'll see you tomorrow." She nodded and watched him leave. If hijacked Peeta could be calmed and brought back, perhaps she had the chance to help him. But it was now clear that there were two sides of Peeta who knew nothing about the other. It would be difficult, to say the least, to try to merge these two beings into one.

* * *

Peeta awoke feeling very strange. He dressed quickly and checked his schedule. Luckily training wasn't until later in the afternoon so he made plans to go see Katniss before breakfast.

When he reached her room he saw Prim hurrying around inside with a trashcan and a worried expression on her face. He opened the door to find Katniss being ill and she glanced up at him, groaning.

"Peeta, I don't want you seeing this." He hurried to her side and gathered her hair in his hands, making comforting circles on her back with his palm. She immediately knew that hijacked Peeta was gone for the moment and she felt a sigh of relief, then a moment of dread for when hijacked Peeta could resurface. She felt another wave of nausea pass over her and Prim gripped the trashcan tightly. Katniss groaned and wiped at her face.

"I'm sorry," she said to no one in particular.

"Don't be sorry," Prim said sharply. "You have nothing to apologize for."

"Prim's right. We love you, so let us take care of you," Peeta said gently, kissing the top of her head. When she was finished emptying her stomach of its few contents, Peeta ran to get her a wet cloth, her toothbrush, and some mouthwash. Katniss gratefully brushed her teeth, then swished the wash around for a few moments before spitting it out into the can, then wiped her face with the rag. Prim rubbed her back soothingly for a moment before excusing herself to clean up. Katniss groaned and leaned back, while Peeta settled in the chair beside her, squeezing her hand.

"Feeling better?"

"I still feel a little dizzy but otherwise I'm fine," she said softly. He noticed she still whispered and he bit his lip.

"How's your throat?"

"Sore. You and I talked for awhile last night." Peeta frowned.

"I…I stopped by to see you for a few minutes but then I showered and went to bed. I wasn't in here long." Katniss looked up at him hesitantly and he dropped his hands to his side.

"What did I do, Katniss? Did I hurt you?"

"Peeta, no! We just talked. You were angry at first but I tried to calm you down. Tried to make you see that the Capitol has lied to you. If I can convince you of what is real and what isn't, maybe I can help." Peeta hid his face in his hands and shook his head.

"I can't DO this, Katniss. I can't be two different people. You are literally talking to two different sides of me. What if the hijacked side never leaves?"

"You always come back to me," she whispered, reaching over to squeeze his hand. He looked up at her through teary eyes.

"What if you learn to like him better?"

"Peeta," she said sharply, wincing because of her throat. "There's no him and you. Your hijacking just makes you angrier and more prone to violence and a temper. If I can calm you down when you are in that state, maybe there is hope of making sure the hijacking doesn't resurface anymore. I care about YOU. Plain and simple."

"Katniss." He looked so vulnerable and hopeless that Katniss couldn't help herself. She leaned forward and pressed her lips against his. He froze and she immediately regretted it, thinking she had overstepped a line. She started to back away but Peeta followed her, his hands going to her neck and holding her gently while his lips pressed eagerly against hers. His tongue trailed along her bottom lip and she parted them on a sigh. Peeta tentatively slid his tongue past her lips and she moaned into their kiss, making Peeta lean in closer and wrap his hands in her dark hair. Katniss's hands moved up to grip his hair and he moaned as their tongues did a sweet dance. That familiar heat she had felt on the beach and in the cave came flooding back and she pressed herself against him.

The door slammed and they both pulled away, both very red in the face. Prim bit her lip anxiously.

"I'm so sorry…I should have knocked, I mean, umm…I can go-"

"No Prim, it's alright, I was just leaving," Peeta said hurriedly. Katniss watched him rise to his feet and he leaned down and kissed her cheek.

"Want me to come back after dinner?"

"Please," she said with a nod. He squeezed her hand and nodded.

"Of course." And with a nod and a smile at Prim, he left the room, the back of his neck very red.

* * *

Finnick glanced at Peeta, who was merely playing with his food.

"Those laps will kill you if you don't eat something."

"I'm sorry, I'm just distracted." He glanced up at the guards who stood near his table and wondered if he could say anything. Johanna reached over and grabbed Peeta's bread.

"Hey!"

"Hey yourself, you're not eating it."

"Carful they don't see you," Annie said softly, her eyes flying to the guards. Johanna snorted.

"I survived the Capitol, let's see what District 13 can do to me."

"Johanna." Finnick said sharply, while Annie whimpered and hid her face in his shoulder. Johanna rolled her eyes and dug into her food.

"Hey, any sign of when Katniss can return to us?" Peeta shook his head, refusing to meet Finnick's eyes.

"Her feet are badly burned and I think she's still too weak to leave the bed. Of course, you know her. She'll probably come storming in here soon, never mind what the doctors say."

"I can definitely see that," Finnick said with a sigh. "What's up with you? You alright?" he leaned in closer and Peeta glanced up at the guards again.

"Katniss says I visited her last night but I don't remember any of it. I apparently…became someone else."

"Did you…do anything-"

"No. I mean I asked her if I hurt her but she said we just talked. I just…can't understand how this is possible."

"Well it sounds like when your hijacking becomes too powerful to handle , you release this other side of Peeta that is darker than the real you. As long as you don't hurt anyone, it's not necessarily a bad thing. Except-"

"Except it leaves me waking up not knowing what the hell I did," Peeta said miserably.

"So maybe one of you will finally have the balls to fuck Katniss," Johanna said with a snort. Peeta's eyes flashed and he grew very still. Finnick and Annie were staring at her with wide eyes and hard glares. Johanna stopped chewing and looked up.

"Oh…I said that out loud. Well shit." Peeta clutched the edge of the table with white knuckles and Finnick grasped his hands.

"Peeta, listen to me. Ignore her. Just ignore her. We all know you would never do anything to hurt Katniss. Don't let the darker side win. Don't let Snow win!" Peeta clutched the table so hard it hurt but the pain seemed to ground him and when he opened his eyes, they were still blue and clear. Finnick sighed with relief and Peeta slumped in his seat.

"I wish they had just killed me," he said, hiding his face in his hands.

"Stop it," Finnick said sharply. "Don't throw yourself a pity party." Peeta lowered his hands, looking shocked.

"I've got news for you, Peeta. Katniss was a mess while you were gone. I mean, a MESS. She hid in closets and refused to come out. She refused to speak to anyone and finally started opening up to me because in a way, we were going through the same thing. Katniss would not survive if you had died in there. She felt guilty the entire time, kept screaming that it should have been her instead of you. She scratched the hell out of Haymitch when he first told her what had happened. She loves you, Peeta. She just can't admit it because she's too scared of losing you. You've both been reaped, twice, and barely made it out of there. Now if she could, she would switch places with you. Take all of your pain and suffering onto her. She may not have said that but you can see it in her eyes. So don't you dare say that you wished you had died and left her behind because you'd be killing her too. Remember that." Finnick draped a hand around Annie's shoulder and they gathered their dishes without another word. Peeta watched them leave the cafeteria, Annie resting her head on Finnick's arm.

"He's right, you know." He turned back to Johanna, who wasn't looking at him. She was studying her fork intently and she sighed.

"I've never seen anyone look at anybody the way she looks at you."

"How can I be missing that?"

"Your love for her blinds you from seeing her love for you." And with that she too gathered her dishes and stalked off. Peeta checked his schedule again and saw he had at least an hour before he had to be at training. Deciding he had to see Katniss again, he hurriedly threw his trash away and nearly ran back to Katniss's room.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Because you guys are awesome, here's a short one for ya before bed. Thanks for the reviews and please keep them coming! :) **_

**V.**

Katniss was resting against Prim's arm and moaning, looking sweaty and ill. Prim smoothed her hair back, the way Katniss had once done for her.

"I love you so much, Katniss," she whispered.

"I love you little duck," Katniss whispered back, closing her eyes. Prim looked up when the door opened softly and Peeta made to leave again but Prim shook her head.

"Katniss, someone's here to see you."

"I hope someone is here to finish me off," she said with an exhausted sigh. Prim frowned down at her sister.

"Stop talking like that! I don't want to hear you say anything like that again."

"I'm sorry," Katniss whispered, still not opening her eyes. Prim heaved a sigh and motioned for Peeta to come in.

"Peeta's going to keep an eye on you while I run and speak to mom for a moment. I'll be right back." Katniss clung to Prim's hand but Prim transferred Katniss's hand to Peeta's and he squeezed.

"I'll be right back," she repeated, pushing Katniss's damp hair away from her face then giving Peeta a grateful nod before she hurried off. Peeta had wanted to talk to Katniss about all of this but the way she looked right now, all he could do was kiss her hand and stroke her hair.

"You have to get better, Katniss," he kept whispering against her hair. "Please get better. For me. For us. For Prim, for your mom, for Gale. For us."

* * *

Papers scattered the floor as Prim stared at the ceiling in horror. The test results lay scattered at her feet and she made no move to pick them up.

"Prim? Honey? I need some help in Room 203," her mother called to her. She ignored her. She didn't know what she was expecting but it wasn't this. What was she going to tell Katniss? HOW would she tell Katniss? She slowly moved to gather the papers, then walked down the long hall toward the control room. She sighed with relief when she did not see Gale there.

"Haymitch," she said weakly. Haymitch whirled around, his eyes widening at Prim's shaking form.

"Hey kid, what's up?"

"Have you watched all the tapes from Peeta's cell?"

"I haven't. Why?"

"Has Gale?"

"I don't think so. What's going on, Prim?" She wordlessly handed over the papers and watched Haymitch's face lose all color.

"And you're sure it wasn't from before?"

"When, Haymitch? When would this have happened?"

"I-I dunno, maybe during the Tour, or-"

"That doesn't add up, Haymitch. Look at the numbers. This is recent." Haymitch was finding it hard to swallow.

"Does she know?"

"No. I just found out. I want you to watch the tapes."

"What difference does that make?"

"The difference is who."

"Prim, it won't matter. We both know something terrible happened to them in there. What if they made him-"  
"I know. I don't want to ask her about it. Not until I'm sure. I'm going to run a few more tests but I need you to watch those tapes. And don't let Gale find out." Haymitch nodded and Prim hurried out. Rubbing his eyes and desperately wishing for a drink, Haymitch pressed a few buttons and his eyes scanned the screen. As he watched he found his heart aching, more and more, for the two kids he had ever been close to. They had unknowingly found their way into his heart and he couldn't stand to see them suffer. Of course, Haymitch had always hated the Games. He hated being a Mentor. Watching the kids die year after year drove him to drink more and more until he was barely able to function. That's how he preferred it. He wanted to be so lost that he didn't remember anything. Upon arriving in District 13, Peeta had told him he wished he had just died in the Capitol. In a way, Haymitch couldn't blame the kid. Nearly eighteen years old and had already been through more than most people who lived. This would surely destroy him. Haymitch paused at a clip and his eyes widened in horror as he watched the scene unfold. He quickly snapped it off and rubbed his eyes again.

"Shit," he panted.

* * *

Prim returned not long after, with more papers in her arms. One look from Haymitch and she knew the truth. She wanted to break down and cry but she knew she couldn't. She had learned at a very early age that she couldn't just stop living. Her sister had taught her that. Her mother had stopped living and she and Katniss had nearly died because of it. She walked back to Katniss's room, her heart aching and her mind racing for a way to tell her. Katniss had fallen asleep in Peeta's arms and they both looked so peaceful. Prim stifled a sob before she pushed the doors open and Peeta whirled around.

"Sorry," she mouthed. Peeta smiled at her and shook his head. He glanced up at the clock and bit his lip. Very gently, he released Katniss and leaned her back on the pillow. Her eyes flashed open and her arms flew out to hold Peeta to her.

"It's ok, I'm still here. Prim is back and I need to get to training." She nodded and relaxed and he leaned in to kiss her gently. For some reason, kissing had become completely normal between them and there were no cameras to be found. He found himself almost believing what everyone was telling him about her loving him. He squeezed her hand before leaving and she watched him go with heavy eyes.

"Katniss." Katniss turned back to her sister and was startled to see tears welling in her eyes. Katniss realized Prim had Peeta's eyes and she found it hard to look at her.

"Here. Suck on this. It will help your throat." Katniss popped the drop into her mouth and sucked on it with relish. She felt it soothe immediately and she cleared her throat

"Katniss, I…I know what happened to you…in the Capitol." Katniss's head jerked around and she stared into Prim's eyes, her own wide with fear. Prim reached out and grasped her sister's hand.

"You don't have to be afraid. You have nothing to be ashamed of. It's no one's fault but the Capitol. But Katniss, you should know…" she seemed unable to go on and Katniss squeezed her eyes shut, blinking back tears.

"I know, Prim." Prim's head shot up and she frowned.

"How could you?"

"I just…do. I feel it. When I first got sick last night, I think I knew. I don't think it's hit me quite yet."

"I'm so sorry Katniss," she said, squeezing her hands. Katniss squeezed back and gave her a sad smile.

"I know you don't want to hear how much I want to die, little duck, so I'm determined to make it through this like everything else. I'll need your help though."

"Of course," Prim cried, burying herself in her sister's arms. Katniss held her close and allowed the tears to stream down her cheeks. "I love you, Katniss. You are the strongest, bravest person I know. You can do this."

"I don't know, little duck. I don't know if I can."

"You can," she insisted. "You have people all around who love you. But…you should tell him-"

"It will kill him," Katniss said flatly.

"Maybe not. Maybe he will handle it, like you are handling it."

"No," she squeezed her eyes shut, refusing to look at her sister. She had deliberately refused to tell Peeta anything about their torture in the Capitol. She couldn't handle the pain in his eyes. This would surely destroy him. She knew he had to know but she didn't want to be the one to tell him. She couldn't. Prim pulled away and wiped her eyes.

"Can I get you anything?"

"I'm craving pudding," Katniss said quietly. Prim giggled.

"Ok, pudding it is! I'll be back in a moment." She kissed Katniss's cheek and bounded off the bed. Katniss watched her go with a smile, noticing how much her sister looked like Peeta. Would they have a daughter who resembled him? Blonde hair and blue eyes? Or perhaps a son who looked like him? She hoped so. She didn't want it to resemble her. She wanted it to have everything from its father. Everything good and pure and perfect. Nothing from its mother. Everything from its father.

* * *

Gale was watching the screen with wide eyes and his hands clenched into fists. He would kill him. He would strangle the life out of him with his bare hands. He thought about where he might be right now. Training, probably. But he would be surrounded by people. And he knew Finnick Odair would protect him. No, he had to wait until he could get him alone. Maybe sneak into his room tonight and smother him with a pillow. Maybe he would let Katniss do it. He imagined she would appreciate that. He had seen the papers that Prim held and he knew that Katniss would want to kill him too. She had never wanted kids. She had confessed that on the day of the Reaping. And if she ever had kids…he imagined it would be with him. Not a _merchant_ boy.

He whirled around in his chair when Haymitch and Beetee entered and Haymitch stopped.

"Gale, what are you doing?"

"Just going over some things I may have missed." Hamymitch swallowed. Shit. He saw the look in Gale's eyes and he knew he knew.

"Um, Beetee, why don't you go over those plans again and I'll join you in a minute?" Beetee straightened his glasses and hurried off, knowing there was something going on and also knowing he did not want to be caught in the middle of it.

Gale glared at Haymitch as the old man approached. Of course he knew.

"How long have you been protecting the little bastard?"

"Gale-"

"How long, old man? How long have you known?"

"Prim and I just found out yesterday. We've been trying to figure out a way to tell Peeta."

"Well I'm sure he knows," Gale scoffed. Haymitch's eyes flashed.

"No he doesn't know because he doesn't remember what happened in the Capitol! Why can't you get that through your thick skull? They fucked with his mind, Gale. They tried to turn him into a Capitol mutt, to kill Katniss. And he has fought it every step of the way. Stop being a whiney little bitch!"

"Stop protecting him! You SAW what he did to her!"

"Yes and that's how I know it wasn't really him! Peeta would NEVER do that. I saw them, Gale. I saw them on the Victory Tour, how he would protect her and comfort her. He would die for her, he DID almost die for her. He loves her, Gale, and I'm sorry but she loves him too." Gale stiffened again and his eyes grew hard and cold.

"No she doesn't. She feels guilty. That's not love. She doesn't love anyone except for Prim and her mother and-"

"You?" Gale's eyes narrowed.

"I never said that."

"You insinuated it. And yes, she loves you. She loves Peeta too. Time to get the fuck over that." Gale stopped him and threw a punch but Haymitch caught his arm and shook his head.

"You think the old drunk can't fight? I won the Games too, Gale. Remember the fact that you are surrounded by Victors. And Victors become family. Family protects each other. You had better watch yourself." With a glare, Haymitch turned to leave. Gale's breathing was heavy, his heart racing with rage as he shoved through the doors and stomped down the hallway.

* * *

Katniss was licking the bottom of the container, trying to finish the last of the chocolate pudding that Prim had smuggled in, when the doors burst open.

"Gale?" Gale was shaking with rage as he threw himself into the chair beside her and ran his fingers through his dark hair.

"I know, Katniss."

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't play dumb with me, alright? I saw the tapes." Katniss froze and she swallowed. Gale watched her as she slowly lowered the container.

"Ok…and?"

"And? I want to kill him. I need to kill him!"

"You won't touch him Gale," she said in a low voice. He stared at her in bemusement.

"Don't you want him dead?"

"Not in the slightest," she answered calmly. "And if you do, you will have to go through me first." Gale's eyes were popping.

"HOW can you be so calm about this?"

"Because the alternative is falling apart and I refuse to do that again! I've already done it too many times. There is a life depending on me now, Gale. Just like Prim once did. I won't fall apart. I won't just give up." Gale rubbed his eyes furiously and tried to steady his breathing. Katniss watched him for a moment.

"Alright," he said calmly. "Then let me make a proposition." She waited and he took her hands in his.

"Let me take care of you. I'll take the responsibility. I'll raise it as my own. And I'll take good care of the both of you, Catnip." Katniss snatched her hands away and stared at him.

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying we can tell everyone it's mine."

"Gale you're crazy!"

"Why?"

"Because…well, because…just because!"

"Do you love me, Katniss?"

"Gale-"

"Do you?!" She sighed and looked at the ground.

"You know how I feel about you. How I will always feel about you. But I have never allowed myself to think like that because I couldn't afford to. Now, I think…I finally can. And I know…after I almost lost him…" she didn't continue and Gale stiffened.

"Ok Katniss. I understand. But you need to think about this. Which one would break him more?"

"What do you mean," she asked with wide eyes.

"Telling him you had a baby with another man…or telling him he raped you."

"He didn't-"

"Don't you dare lie, Katniss. I'll show him the tape if I have to."

"You wouldn't dare!" She grabbed onto his hands and squeezed and he flung them away.

"The choice is yours, Katniss. Which one do you think will destroy him? You do what you think is right," he rose to his feet and left swiftly. Katniss did not fight the tears this time. She pulled her knees to her chest, ignoring the stabbing pains in her feet and she wept into her arms. She wished Prim would come back…no, she knew she didn't want Prim. She wanted someone else. Someone whose arms had always been able to comfort her on her worst nights. Someone she knew she should not be wanting at the moment. She cried and cried, whispering his name. Reaching into her pocket, she withdrew the smooth pearl from the Quarter Quell and brought it to her lips, just as she had done on those nights she had spent alone in the hospital, when she had first arrived in District 13. When she had no idea if he was still alive. She clenched the pearl in her fist and her other hand wandered to her belly.

"Mommy loves you," she whispered. "I'm terrified and I've never been more uncertain about anything in my life but I love you and I will protect you with my life."


	6. Chapter 6

**VI. **

Training was quite intense and Peeta found himself tiring quickly. Finnick urged him on and by the time they were finished, everyone was sore and exhausted. Peeta and Finnick trudged back to the hospital, dragging their feet. Someone stormed by and knocked Peeta's shoulder as he passed.

"Ouch! What the hell, Gale?" Gale stopped for a moment, not turning around and Peeta saw him flex his fingers for a moment before he continued on his way. Peeta frowned after him. Finnick merely shook his head.

"Ignore him. He's used to having Katniss around so he can claim her as his own. He can't do that anymore since Katniss is beginning to admit her love for you."

"I'm not so sure that's it," Peeta mumbled, rubbing his shoulder. Finnick shrugged and his face lit up when he saw Annie walking down the hall.

"There's my beautiful girl! I have missed you!"

"You just saw me an hour ago," she said giggling as he kissed her cheek.

"Several hours ago," he corrected as his lips traveled across her face.

"Stop it stop it," she swiped at him, shaking her head. Finnick's arm wrapped around her waist and held her close. Peeta smiled at them. He was truly happy for the pair.

"Oh Peeta, you haven't heard the news!" Annie held up her hand where Peeta could see a blue jewel sparkling on her finger. Peeta grinned.

"Congratulations Annie! You're going to make a beautiful bride!"

"And what about me," Finnick asked, his face falling. Peeta rolled his eyes.

"You'll make an even more beautiful bride, Finnick." Finnick glared at him while Annie emitted a string of girlish giggles. Finnick shot Peeta a thankful grin, for it had been awhile since they had heard her laugh like that.

"Anyway Peeta," she said, calming down, "we were hoping you might design our wedding cake?"

"I would love to Annie," he said, taking her hand in his. "I'll give you the most beautiful wedding cake you could dream of!"

"Oh I can't wait," she gushed, holding onto Finnick. Peeta smiled and started to long for Katniss.

"If you two will excuse me, it's been several hours since I have seen that beautiful raven braid."

"Tell Katniss hello for us," Annie said with a giggle. Peeta smiled and waved them off as he made his way to Katniss's room.

* * *

She looked up from her dinner when he entered and he could immediately tell she had been crying. Her eyes were red and puffy and her cheeks were stained with tear streaks. But she gave him a smile and held up her dinner plate.

"See? I'm eating." Peeta forced a chuckle.

"Glad to see it."

"Have you eaten dinner?"

"I wanted to see you first."

"Boy have you got it bad," Katniss teased. Peeta chuckled uncomfortably. They sat in silence for a moment, Katniss chewing on her lip and Peeta watching her uncertainly.

"Are you going to tell me why you have been crying?"

"Maybe later. Are you going to tell me what you were so excited about when you burst in?"

"I didn't…burst in…"

"You did," she grinned. "Tell me!"

"Finnick and Annie are getting married." Katniss's hands flew to her mouth and she giggled, which nearly made Peeta fall over. He couldn't remember ever hearing her giggle like that.

"Oh gosh, that's so amazing! Oh Peeta, I needed news like that. I'm so happy for them!"

"Me too. They've asked me to design their wedding cake." Her eyes widened.

"That's incredible. You will do a beautiful job, I'm sure."

"It's been so long, Katniss. What if I mess it up?" He felt her hands on his and he glanced down before he looked back into her eyes.

"You won't. It will be perfect." He bit his lip and before he knew it, he was leaning in and kissing her. He felt her arms go around his neck and he fingered the end of her braid as their tongues met. She attempted to move to give him more room to get closer but the contact with the bed brought sharp pain to her foot and she cried out. Peeta broke this kiss and stared at her in concern.

"Sorry. Not ideal kissing location," she grumbled, glancing at her feet. Peeta smiled and stroked her cheek.

"I'm fine kissing you anywhere. You have no idea how happy it makes me every time you kiss me."

"We've kissed a lot in the past." He shook his head.

"There are no cameras around. It makes me think…it lets me know that you are doing it…because you want to."

"Yes. I do," she said breathily before she claimed his mouth again. He moaned and gripped her waist as he responded to her urgent kisses. They were interrupted by the growl coming from his stomach and she looked at him in surprise.

"I think you're hungry, Mr. Mellark."

"Yeah, I am," he said in a low growl. Katniss shivered. Somehow, she didn't think he was talking about food. She gently pushed his chest and he stood up.

"Go. Eat dinner. I'll see you in the morning."

"Wait wait, you had something to tell me."

"It can wait," she said dismissively.

"Katniss-"

"My stew is getting cold," she gestured toward the half-eaten bowl of lumpy stew. "Go on. I'll talk to you in the morning, ok?" Sighing, he nodded and leaned down to kiss her again before he left.

"I wish I could stay with you," he sighed. "I hate waking up without you. The nightmares are worse when I don't have you beside me."

"Me too," Katniss admitted. "I wake up screaming and you aren't there to comfort me. It was always better when I spent the nights in your arms." Peeta's heart raced. Hearing her talk like this was seriously confusing him in his heart and his brain. Did she love him or didn't she? It certainly sounded like she did. At the very least, needed him.

"But once I'm out of here…you can stay in my compartment. And we can go back to sleeping together." He grinned and leaned down to kiss her again.

"Maybe even do a little more," he said as he nipped at her ear. She gasped and he drew away.

"Just kidding," he said hurriedly. She cleared her throat and had gone very red. Peeta bit his lip.

"Have a good night, Katniss."

"You too," she said in a high-pitched voice. He glanced back at her once more before he left the room. Sighing, she relaxed against the pillow and glanced at the stew. She wasn't very hungry and she was still having trouble keeping things down so she pushed it aside and clicked the lights off. She knew it was getting late so no one would be in to check on her until morning. She took out the pearl again and rubbed it against her lips. She felt her lips tingle where Peeta had kissed her and she noticed a warm stirring between her legs. Her hand slowly made its way down, pausing and rubbing over her breast, gasping when her nipple hardened. Her fingers continued a tentative path down to the line of her underwear and she hesitantly pressed against the cotton. She gasped and yanked her hand away, feeling her face glow red with shame. Tossing the covers aside, she rolled over and attempted to sleep but was plagued with dreams of Peeta holding her close and his hands taking the same path as her hands had done. She bit her lip and squeezed her legs closed in the middle of night, whispering his name and feeling that heat growing stronger than ever.

* * *

Prim and her mother had breakfast with her the next morning before they went on their rounds around the hospital. Katniss was glad to see they had found ways to stay busy and helpful. She knew Prim wanted to be a doctor one day and she would make a great one too. When their mother had left, Prim squeezed Katniss's hand.

"Did you tell him yet?"

"I'm going to today."

"And have you decided on which one?" Katniss bit her lip. She had told her sister about Gale's proposition and his threat and Prim had taken Katniss into her arms to stifle her tears. Katniss had thought about it for hours. Which one would completely destroy Peeta? The lie of it being Gale's baby or the truth of it being Peeta's? Prim had told her to tell him the truth.

"At least with the truth, you can be together," she had said.

"I'm going to tell him the truth." Prim squeezed her hand.

"Good."

After she left, Katniss tried to make herself look presentable. She was so tired of this hospital room and longed to be able to walk down the hall, even change her clothes on her own. She brushed her fingers through her hair before she braided it again. She glanced up at the clock and heard the door open. Peeta entered with two muffins in his hand and a smile on his face. Katniss's heart sped up a little at the sight of him, with his long blonde hair and his bright blue eyes. He seemed to be healing well, all over, his bruises disappearing and his eyes bright and unclouded. He gave her a quick kiss and handed her the muffin.

"They stopped me at first but I asked if I could bring you one and they agreed. You've made quite an impression around here, mockingjay." She picked out a blueberry and savored its sweetness.

"Thank you. I was getting sick of hospital food."

"One day I'll bake you muffins like these. Only better. These taste several days old."

"Can't be choosy," she said already devouring it. Peeta chuckled and watched her eat. Katniss wiped away the crumbs and sat up in bed, resting her hands in her lap.

"Peeta, we need to talk." He lowered the muffin and sat up straighter in his chair, fixing his eyes on hers.

"Um…could you move the chair over there? I don't know how you will react and this may send you into a flashback." His brow furrowed but he moved the chair to the other side of the room. She nodded.

"I want you to just listen, alright? I don't want you to say anything until I finish. Then you can ask your questions. I need to get this out and you just need to listen. Can you do that?"

"Yes." She nodded and took a deep breath.

"You remember that day? With the bread?" Since he had agreed not to say anything, he merely nodded.

"Well, after you tossed me that bread, I ran home to Mother and Prim and we ate better than we had in a long time. The next day when I saw you, I wanted to thank you, but…well, I saw the bruises on your cheek and I couldn't. I couldn't bring myself to speak to you. But I saw a field of dandelions and ran home and grabbed Prim and a bowl and we gathered as many as we could. From that moment I knew we would be alright. That I could feed my family and that we would survive against all odds. After that, my mother even started to come back to us and we all sort of just started to rebuild our lives again," she paused, feeling tears well up but she impatiently wiped them away. "The dandelion symbolizes hope and new life. You are that dandelion, Peeta. You gave me a new chance at life, the hope and will to go on. You're my promise of tomorrow and I have always associated you with that dandelion. It took me a long time to realize how much you really mean to me."

Peeta opened his mouth but closed it again and Katniss swallowed before she continued.  
"I think I knew when you died in the Quarter Quell. That's what Finnick said, anyway. He said he knew at that moment that it wasn't just an act. I don't know, perhaps I figured it out before that but that was when my heart stopped, when I thought you were dead. That's when I realized I couldn't go on if you weren't alive. When you kissed me on the beach, I felt something different and just knew. I _knew_. So when I was rescued and I found out you were in the Capitol, I was ready to die. I didn't know what was happening to you or if you had survived but I was a complete mess. For weeks I was like that, until I agreed to become the Mockingjay. That lit a fire in me. Seeing you on TV lit me on fire. I knew I had to save you. Because I love you."

At this, Peeta's eyes widened and he opened his mouth again but Katniss shook her head and he closed it again.

"I loved you so much that I left the group and went to find you on my own. And I got caught. I was thrown into your cell, and was told you would be the one to kill me. When I first saw you, I saw what they had done to you, how they had changed you and I wanted to die right there. I begged for you to kill me. They went on torturing us for days until you finally stepped in and saved me. So they decided to punish both of us. They turned you against me. They made you do the unthinkable. And that night…you came back to me. I don't know how or why but you came back and recognized me and held me close. You saved me again and when we were rescued, I didn't want you out of my sight. Your visits made me want to live again, to get better, so I could be with you. Even when your flashbacks came on, I was still with you, I could still see you and talk with you. I love you, Peeta, and I don't blame you for anything at all. Anything that happened in the Capitol, anything that happened after, and anything that happens now is the Capitol's fault, not yours, not mine, but theirs. But you have to understand…I won't stop loving you. So when I found something out and Gale told me he wanted to kill you, I told him he would have to go through me. He knows I love you. And he didn't take it well." Peeta nodded, remembering Gale's attitude at training. Katniss continued.

"I'm telling you the truth, Peeta because I love you and I don't ever want to lie to you again. I did that for too long. Using your feelings to my advantage then not sharing my own feelings when it could have made all the difference. I have been terrible to you and I hope you can forgive me. I am going to break your heart one more time but I beg of you to think of what it means. Because Gale would have me tell you a lie that I believe would hurt you more. And since it's a lie, I don't want to tell it. I want to tell you the truth. You deserve the truth." She found herself gripping the blanket, wishing she could be holding his hands. His eyes bore into hers and she took another deep breath.

"I'm pregnant, Peeta." His jaw dropped, his eyes widened and he started gripping the arms of the chair with a death grip. She continued quickly, not wanting him to interrupt.

"I'm pregnant with your child. Gale approached me and offered to take responsibility. He said to tell you it was his. But there is only one father of this baby and it's not Gale. I don't know why but I've decided to keep it. I never wanted kids but I started imagining a little boy or girl that looks just like you and I just fell in love with it immediately. It's my piece of you, if you decide to leave me." Peeta made to speak but Katniss shook her head again.

"I don't blame you, Peeta. And if you'll have me, we can raise this baby together. We can be together, for real. We can take down the Capitol, together, and raise our child in a better world. Everything is suddenly so much more clear and I don't know how it happened or when but I'm suddenly so much better than I was a few days ago. I'm still scared, terrified really, but I can feel him or her inside me and I know I have to stay strong. I always took care of Prim as best I could. She doesn't need me anymore. But there's someone else who does so that's why I'm trying to get better. I want us to kill Snow and create a better world. Where our child won't have to worry about the Games. Where we can live peacefully. Where I can teach them how to hunt and you show them how to bake and we could actually be happy. I love you, Peeta. I hope…I hope this doesn't change…how you feel about me," she finished, feeling her tears start to stream down her cheeks. Peeta was still gripping the chair and he closed his eyes, squeezing them shut. Katniss braced herself and watched him warily. When he opened his eyes, the blue seas were full of tears. He glanced around him, looking surprised that he was still present, that his hijacked state had not taken over. He was out of his chair in seconds and settled on the edge of her bed, stroking a thumb across her face, wiping her tears away. She flung her arms around him and buried her face in his shirt while his hands went to her hair, pulling her in close. They wept together, tears mixing while their hearts beat in unison. Peeta knew without a doubt that he could never love another. His love for this woman was magnified tenfold that day. And Katniss knew she needed the dandelion to survive, her springtime flower, her hope and her future.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Posting another quick short one before work because I wanted to clear some things up-hopefully this makes the last chapter better, ClumsyScars :) thanks for the reviews everyone! They mean the world, so keep 'em comin! **_

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**VII. **

The dark writing on Peeta's arm said that he was due in class and then training but he could have cared less. He sat on the edge of the bed with Katniss in his arms, one of his hands holding hers while the other stroked her hair. They sat in silence, not needng words to communicate. Tiny touches and kisses showed their feelings. Peeta did not trust himself to speak. If he opened his mouth, tears and sobs and rage and terror may come flooding out and he couldn't do that to her. Not when she was being so strong about this. They hadn't said a word since Katniss had told him the truth and that was well over an hour. At first Katniss just cried. Then she stopped crying and just buried her face in his shirt, inhaling and memorizing his smell. Likewise, Peeta rested his head against hers and took in her scent. The way her hair smelled, earthy and like that of the forest, brought him a comfort he remembered having in the cave or on the Victory Tour. He never wanted to part from her. Finally, he unstuck his throat and found the words to speak.

"Katniss," his voice was still choked with tears and she pulled away to look up at him. He wished she wouldn't. It was much harder to talk to her while she gazed up at him with those stormy eyes.

"Katniss, I…I will never stop loving you. I mean, I've been in love with you since I was five, when I heard you sing the Valley Song. I have never once gotten you out of my mind and not even the Capitol could destroy that. I would do anything for you…I would die for you. You know I was prepared to die for you. I…I can't ask for your forgiveness because I don't think I can ever forgive myself. But thank you…thank you for being honest with me and thinking I deserve the truth. I'm not sure which one would break my heart more, to be honest. But I think you're right. I think, if you had told me it was Gale's…I think that would have killed me. Knowing that I did this to you kills me inside but I see the love in your eyes and I know I have a chance to try to make up for it. By taking care of you and…our baby," he choked on those words and Katniss's hand went to his cheek as she smiled up at him.

"This isn't how I imagined my life to be," she said gently. "This isn't how I wanted it. But now that it's laid out like this, I'm not angry or resentful. I was destined to be Reaped so that you would finally have the courage to talk to me," he smiled weakly, "and I was destined to l-lose you so I would quit being an asshole and finally admit my love for you. And I was destined to be caught and put into your cell-"

"So I could rape you?" Peeta asked heavily. Katniss gripped his face.

"No. So we could be brought even closer. Think about it, Peeta. Our lives together have been one big test, one right after another. In the first Games, we were thrown together and have been together ever since. Our fates were weaved together, I dunno, at the Reaping? But you fought for me and I fought for you and we have protected each other since then."

"Except for the Capitol. Did you ask me to stop, Katniss? Do you cry for me to stop?"

"Peeta-"

"I can hear your cries inside my head. Like I can remember doing it, because it WAS me. It was a part of me anyway. I took something precious to you, Katniss, something you can never get back-"

"And something I would have eventually given to you anyway!" Peeta froze, his eyes wide. Katniss shook her head.

"Damn it, Peeta, haven't you been paying attention? I. Love. You. I would have chosen you one way or another. Don't think about the past and just focus on looking forward. Focus on this," she brought his hand down to her stomach and held it just below her belly button. His eyes were full of tears and she smiled up at him.

'This child will be raised with so much love because YOU are her father. And I have never seen more love and patience and understanding in a human being. Look at what we created, together. Don't think about how. Think about the moment we get to hold her in our arms. The moment I buy her first bow. The moment she makes her first batch of cookies. The moment we watch her go to school. The moment she turns twelve and we realize, she won't ever worry about a Reaping. There are thousands of moments to focus on, Peeta, so many good ones ahead of us. Focus on those. Please." Peeta looked stunned and couldn't help but smile as Katniss reached up and wiped his tears away with her thumb.

"That was a really good speech, girl on fire." She shrugged.

"I learned from the best. This kid will hold a place of power one day with her father's golden tongue-"

"and her mother's fiery spirit," he finished. She smiled and tugged him down to her lips, claiming his mouth as hers. He moaned at the intensity of the kiss but wrapped his arms around her waist and brought her close. She turned and swung her feet off the bed so she could wrap her legs around his waist. He gasped against her mouth as he now stood between her legs and he felt his jeans growing much too tight. She felt something poking her thigh and she broke the kiss to give him a sly look.

"When I am finally free of this damn hospital, you can make it up to me. You can give me an amazing first night together." Peeta sucked in a breath at her words and ran his finger over her lips. He glanced up at the monitor over her bed and groaned.

"I bet Haymitch is having a field day with this in the control room." She shrugged and turned to the monitor, giving it a rude gesture with her hand. Peeta chuckled in shock.

"You have fire, Katniss. I'll give you that."

"Guess I always have." He nodded and stroked her cheek.

"Ok. As much as I want you to stay here with me, you've missed your class and half your training. They will probably come drag you out of the hospital soon."

"Let them," he said softly, leaning down to kiss her neck. "Let them try to drag me away from you." She moaned and tilted her head to the side, allowing him to drag his tongue along her soft skin.

"Ok, you can stay, as long as you keep doing that."

"Glad I made an impression on you," he chuckled lightly.

* * *

Peeta reluctantly left her side when Finnick came in to tell him President Coin was looking for him. Katniss waved the boys off, feeling better than she had in days. She ate her lumpy stew her mother brought her and sat still while Prim took all her vitals. When their mother left, Prim leaned in with wide eyes.

"Did you tell him?" She slowly nodded and Prim held out her hands.

"And?! What happened? How did he react?"

"Well…he didn't have a flashback."

"That's a good thing, Katniss! What did he say?"

"He feels terrible…but I told him how much I love him and how much I want this baby with him. I think it made him see things in a different light. I don't know if I'll ever be able to convince him not to think about it but for now, at least, I think in a way he is happy."

"Of course he is! You are going to have a baby together," Prim squealed and Katniss quickly shushed her, glancing up at the monitors. Prim waved her hand.

"They can't hear anything."

"Prim, I need you to get rid of the tape."

"What tape?"

"The one from Peeta's cell." Prim's eyes widened and Katniss took her hands.

"Peeta is going to want to see it and I don't want him to. It may make things worse. Please Prim. Tell Haymitch to get rid of it or hide it. I don't want him to see it. Gale said he would show it to him and I know he will."

"What is Gale's problem," Prim grumbled. "Because he finally realizes you love Peeta and not him?"

"What do you mean, finally?" Prim rolled her eyes.

"Oh Katniss, it may have taken you forever to realize it but many of us could see that you loved him way before. We knew it wasn't an act. Plus you're my sister! Of course I knew!"

"I love you, little duck," Katniss said, tears welling in her eyes. This baby was making her an emotional mess and she hoped it wouldn't last her entire pregnancy.

"When are you going to tell people?" Katniss went pale.

"I don't know…I don't know how, I mean…I'm not telling them what really happened. I'd rather people think we found a time to ourselves."

"Well, these monitors are watched. It can't have happened in 13."

"Then it happened in the Capitol," Katniss said solemnly. "Before we were rescued. We thought we were going to die and we wanted to show our love to one another." Prim nodded.

"It's not that hard to believe, I mean, we watch couplings in the Games all the time. It's really no different." Katniss squeezed her sister's hand, grateful for her understanding.

"I'd like to go down to have dinner with them tonight, Prim. Do you think I could?"

"I'm sure Peeta could wheel you around. I'll speak to mom first, then ask him." Katniss smiled.

"You're always taking care of me, Prim."

"You always took care of me," she said seriously. "You were the one who raised me. And I will never be able to thank you enough." The sisters embraced before Prim hurried off to help around the hospital.


	8. Chapter 8

_**WOW these reviews are amazing and just put a huge smile on my face! Here's a longer one for yall, if I can, I will post one more before bed tonight! Yall are the best fans a girl could ever ask for! **  
_

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**VIII. **

Just before dinnertime, Finnick came to visit Katniss. She looked up in surprise when he entered and he gave her a smile.

"How's it going little mockingjay?"

"Still alive, Odair. How are you?"

"Couldn't be better."

"Congratulations on the engagement! I'm so happy for you and Annie."

"Thanks Katniss," he said warmly. "I just wanted to come in and tell you, Peeta had a flashback during training. He was sent back to his room and he's doing alright but he's confused. There are guards around his room and they won't let him out. We're not sure if it's still hijacked Peeta or not, because I can't get close enough to him. Johanna was about to knock the guards out and check on him but Haymitch said to leave him alone for a bit."

"Finnick, he can't be alone! That's why he's so confused, we are supposed to be helping him!"

"I know, Katniss. I'm going to try again after dinner. He's been flashing back and forth between hijacked Peeta and the real Peeta for several days and hijacked Peeta is definitely less violent."

"Wait, he's been having flashbacks? He didn't tell me that."

"He didn't want you to worry," Finnick said anxiously. Katniss frowned.

"I should still know! I was the one who calmed him down the other night, during his flashback."

"I know. And the doctors say it's remarkable, the difference they are seeing in him. Still, he's been going back and forth having flashbacks all day and that's not your fault."

_It is, _she told herself. She was certain that it was because of what she had told him. She had been wrong. He wasn't handling it as well as she thought. Why had she dared to hope that they could actually be ok?

"But he isn't going on about wanting to kill you anymore. He just seems confused and wants answers. Keeps going on about what's real and what's not real."

"You'll have to help him, Finnick. If I'm not there, you'll have to answer his questions. Help him. Please."

"I'll try, Katniss. I will. I need to get going but if Peeta is better tonight I'll tell him you'd like to see him."

"Thanks Finnick." He squeezed her hand and left quickly. He made his way down the hallway where he knew Peeta was being kept and was blocked by two guards.

"Sorry Mr. Odair, we can't let you through."

"Just let me talk to him for a minute," he pleaded. "Katniss Everdeen wants me to check on him."

"He's fine," President Coin rounded the corner and Finnick's eyes widened. "He was having a fit and threatening people so we had him sedated. He'll be out for the rest of the night."

"You can't keep doing that," he said angrily. "He needs help, not sedatives! When he gets into a fit like this, we have to calm him down. Sedating him is just going to confuse him even more."

"Keep in mind, Mr. Odair, that it was not my idea to rescue Mr. Mellark and the others. It was Miss Everdeen's. I think they were rather…disposable." Finnick launched himself forward and was held back by the guards. His face was screwed up with rage.

"You conniving little bi-"

"Careful Mr. Odair. I have supported yours and Miss Cresta's marriage. Do not make any rash decisions." Coin calmly walked away and the guards released Finnick. He yanked his shirt straight before he turned on his heel and stomped off the cafeteria. Annie and Johanna looked up in surprise as Finnick threw himself into the empty seat. Gale sat across from him and looked surprised.

"What happened to you?"

"President Coin rubs me the wrong way," he said through gritted teeth. Johanna snorted.

"Could have told you that from day one. I don't trust the woman. Why, what'd she do?"

"Peeta was having a flashback and she had him sedated. Katniss asked me to check on him and when I went to his room, they wouldn't let me in. They're not helping him and they know it. Coin basically said he would have left you all to rot in the Capitol," he ended angrily. He was seething and Annie nuzzled up to him.

"Did you tell Katniss about Peeta's flashbacks all day," Johanna asked quietly. Finnick nodded.

"She has a right to know. At least he's not as angry as he was in the beginning."  
"He's still unstable," Gale said uncomfortably. "I mean, yes he has gotten better but he is still suffering from these flashbacks. Do you think he will ever get back to normal? Because I don't."

"You don't want him to because it would leave Katniss to depend on you and not him," Annie said bitterly. Gale glared at her but merely shook his head.

"Believe it or not, Annie, I want him to get better. I did volunteer to rescue you all you know."

"You can't expect me to believe you did that for any of us," Annie scoffed. Johanna even looked shocked at Annie's outburst. "You did it for Katniss."

"We're all on the same side, Annie," was all Gale responded with. Annie dropped her fork and stood up.

"I'm not hungry," and she stomped off. Finnick bit his lip and hurried after her. Gale sighed and dug into his potatoes.

"I didn't mean to set her off, I just-"

"Don't even worry about it. Annie is a time bomb, just waiting to go off. Finnick is the only person who can handle her. Love is so weird, isn't it?" Gale nodded and was silent. Johanna finished her meal, said goodnight, and wandered back to her room. Gale chewed on his greens thoughtfully. Why had Peeta suddenly gone off like that? His eyes widened and his fork dropped to the table. She must have told him. But which one had she told him? The truth or the lie? Wishing he could go see Katniss, he threw away his trash, nodded to the guards at the door, and excused himself for the night.

* * *

The next morning Gale made his way to Katniss's room to speak to her about her decision. As his hand reached out for the doorknob, so did someone else's. Surprised, Gale looked into Peeta's wide blue eyes and took a step back.

"Didn't expect to see you up and about so early. They said they had sedated you."

"I woke up early this morning strapped to the table and screamed for someone to tell me what the hell was going on. Haymitch came running in and went off on everyone for restraining me. It seems my flashbacks are less violent but I'm still scaring people." Gale nodded, glancing at the closed door beside them.

"You going to see Katniss?"

"If you need to speak to her first, you can. I just want to see her." Gale nodded again.

"Have you guys…talked?"

"You mean about our baby?" Gale winced. Damn. She had chosen. He searched Peeta's eyes for uncertainty or fear but he saw none. He was impressed, he had to admit.

"I'm not going to back down from this, Gale, as much as I know you want me to. She told me what you threatened her with."

"I didn't threaten her, I was trying to help you both with this decision. You're not stable enough to care for a child, neither of you are. Believe it or not, I am trying to help you."

"Well thanks for the help but I'm the only father that baby will know."

"And you'll make a great one…someday. Not today though." Peeta frowned and Gale shook his head.

"She can't go through with this, Peeta. The way this baby was conceived and the fact that you both are so emotionally unstable…it won't be good for the baby. Or for you guys. A baby isn't going to help anyone right now."

"So what are you going to tell her? To get rid of it? Have an abortion?" Gale's eyes flicked to the ground and Peeta's jaw dropped. He staggered back, staring at Gale as if he were mad.

"No Gale. Absolutely not. You talk about freedom and life and choices and you want to kill an innocent child?"

"It's not a child yet. It's too early to be a child. And it's not innocent. You raped her! You forced yourself on her and took away her innocence! Nothing is innocent about this union!" Peeta stiffened, as he fought to control himself.

"Katniss is going to have MY baby and she has already told me she loves me. She's forgiven me, even if I will never forgive myself. That baby is a little piece of both of us and no one could possibly love it more. You will never have a place in my child's life. And I want you to stay away from Katniss too. I don't trust you. I never have and I never will. If you try to come between us again, I will kill you." With that, he turned to enter Katniss's room but felt his jaw crack with Gale's blow. The doors exploded open as the two men wrestled one another, ignoring the screams coming from the bed.

Katniss was sitting up, already changing clothes and brushing out her hair, when her doors had burst open and Peeta and Gale had fallen in, throwing punches at one another and wrestling the other to the floor. Gale was a good bit larger than Peeta and strong from the mines, but Peeta had lugged around bags of flour all his life and had been a wrestler in school. Neither of them were backing down. Gale had Peeta on his back, his hands wrapping around his throat and Peeta's fingers grabbled frantically, twisting his head out of reach.

"Gale! Get OFF of him!" Gale ignored her and threw another punch, sending Peeta's head to the side.

"Gale! STOP IT! Peeta, NO!" Peeta's eyes flashed and he found the strength to knock Gale aside, before straddling him and punching him in the face. Gale flipped him over and pressed his thumb against Peeta's windpipe and Peeta gasped for breath.

"BOYS! STOP!" They continued and Katniss stepped to the floor, squeezing back tears at how badly her feet hurt. She hobbled over to the fighting boys and threw herself into the fray.

It wasn't clear who hit her, but with a cry she was sent across the room, her hand going to her throbbing cheek.

"Katniss!" Peeta rushed over to her and lowered her hand so he could examine her cheek. Gale crawled over and wiped the blood from his nose.

"Katniss, I'm so-"

"Get out, both of you," she snarled, blinking back tears.

"Katniss," Peeta protested but she shook her head and slammed her hands onto the floor.

"OUT! Get OUT!" Gale pulled himself up and burst out of the doors, but Peeta stayed where he was.

"You need to get some ice on that, Katniss."

"Peeta, I'm serious! Get out! Go!"

"I'm not leaving you."

"What the hell is the matter with you? Fighting with Gale? WHY, Peeta, WHY?"

"Does it matter? He almost strangled me!"

"And you nearly killed him! What happened between you two?" Peeta shook his head and was about to answer, when his eyes widened and he moved closer to her.

"Oh my god, Katniss." She frowned and followed Peeta's terror-stricken gaze, to her feet. Her bandages were red and wet and she noticed the intense pain. She winced and Peeta rose to his knees.

"Put your arms around my neck."

"I don't need-"

"Katniss! Put your arms around my neck. Now." Sighing, she did as she was told and he swept her into his arms, holding her close. He practically ran down the hallway toward one of the emergency rooms and he looked around for Prim. Spotting her, he cried her name. She came running toward them, her eyes widening.

"What happened?"

"Peeta and Gale were being idiots." Prim looked confused but Peeta shook his head.

"Never mind that, she got out of bed and walked over to us. I'm afraid she's losing too much blood."

"Put her in here," she pushed a door open and Peeta gently set Katniss on the table. Prim started to unwrap Katniss's bandages and Peeta felt ill at the sight. Katniss glanced at him and her face softened.

"Looks kind of like your leg did, huh?" Peeta gave her a weak smile.

"Worse." She chuckled and lay back, closing her eyes. Peeta stood beside her, stroking her hair and kissing her forehead. Prim bit her lip and straightened up.

"I need to get some medications and Katniss, I'm going to get morphling to help you relax. I'll be right back."

"Relax," Katniss laughed darkly. "Yeah right."

"I'm so sorry sweetheart," he whispered, kissing her forehead. She opened her eyes and gazed into his.

"So tell me."

"What?"

"What he said to get you like that. It wasn't a flashback, I know, and you are such a sweet and gentle person, you would never attack anyone."

"Unless they were hurting the girl I love," he reminded her.

"Ok, besides that. What did he say, Peeta?"

"He just…talked about our baby."

"What? What did he say?" Peeta shook his head. Gale's words echoed in his mind and he wanted to block them out. He was shocked those words alone hadn't made him have a flashback.

"He wants you to have an abortion," he said quietly. "He doesn't think either of us can handle a baby and he doesn't want you to go through with it. He said since I raped you, nothing is innocent about the child. I told him I'd kill him if he tried to touch you or the baby and he started throwing punches. It escalated from there." The words tasted bitter and wrong on his tongue and a vein twitched in his jaw. Katniss was speechless. She couldn't believe Gale would be so heartless. Surely he knew she would never give it up. Didn't he know her better than that? Well, the Katniss he knew never wanted kids. At all. She had told him she was never having children and she had meant it. She never wanted to fall in love either. It just wasn't her thing. Gale made a better hunting partner than anything romantic. And while she may have had some sorts of stirrings for Gale, something deeper than just a friend and a hunting partner, she knew she had developed a deep longing for Peeta. A more passionate love than she could have imagined. Now that she was going to have his baby, she could see their life together and it was a good thing. Granted, they still needed to kill Snow and bring down the Capitol. But Katniss just felt that things would be better, if Peeta stayed by her side. She didn't need to choose anymore. She had made her choice. And Gale would just have to accept that.

"Well…escalated may be an understatement," was all she could say. He gave her a sad smile and soothed her hair back from her face. Prim returned with a tray of medicines and a large syringe and Katniss reached for Peeta's hand.

"Ok sweetie, just brace yourself and it'll be over before you know it." Katniss winced as the needle stuck into her flesh, then she felt herself began to relax. Peeta glanced at Prim worriedly.

"How much did you give her?"

"The burns are pretty serious. We need to knock her out for a bit." Peeta bit his lip and stroked Katniss's cheek.

"I'll be here when you wake up, Katniss. I love you." She started to form the words on her lips but she was gone before she could complete her sentence of devotion.


	9. Chapter 9

**VIIII. **

_"Peeta? PEETA!" Her cry echoed in the empty halls and she blinked back tears as she searched frantically. He had just been here, had just been holding her hand, and now he was gone. Where was he? She turned and ran the opposite direction, calling his name. She passed by a room where she heard a baby cry and she stopped, a cold chill running down her spine. She turned toward the room but thought better of it and continued to run. Each room she passed, she heard a baby crying, its cries getting louder and louder until she was at the end of the hall, she felt like the baby was in her arms. She bit her lip and peered into the room at the end of the hall and felt a wave of relief wash over her. There he was, pacing the room with a small bundle in his arms. He was making soothing noises trying to hush the baby's cries but it continued to squall at the top of its lungs. The look in Peeta's eyes surprised Katniss. The look he was giving the baby was one he had only ever given Katniss. A look of complete adoration and utter loyalty. An oath of protection and love._

_"Peeta?" When he looked up, his look changed completely. His blue eyes clouded over and looked gray and sad. His face screwed up in terror and rage._

_"No! Get away from her! You can't have her, you evil mutt! GET OUT!"_

_"Peeta, it's me!"_

_"YOU KILLED HER! YOU KILLED MY WIFE BUT YOU WILL NOT TOUCH MY DAUGHTER!" He launched himself forward, still holding the baby, and one hand closed around her throat. She gagged and gasped but his thumb pressed against her windpipe and she saw stars._

_"Peeta," she gasped. "Peeta, please." _

_"You will never touch her," he snarled in her face as he took her life away. Katniss felt herself slipping away, her eyes going down to the bundle of blankets in Peeta's arms and saw a pair of big blue eyes looking back at her. _

* * *

Katniss sat up, screaming, pain shooting through her feet and alarming her even more. Peeta had fallen asleep in the chair next to her but he was up in an instant and rushed to her side.

"Katniss, shh, it's ok, you're safe. You're safe with me." She fought against his embrace for a moment but he kept his hold, his arms shielding her from the cruel world.

"Katniss, calm down. You're ok, we're ok. I love you, sweetheart, I'm here. Shhh." She finally began to relax in his grasp but her body still shook with sobs. She held onto his shirt with white knuckles and soon soaked it with her tears. One of his hands moved up to her head, stroking her hair as he continued to whisper soothing words into her ear. Prim and Haymitch watched from the door, sighing heavily

"What if Gale has a point," Prim whispered. "What if she is too damaged to have this baby?"

"He's pretty damaged too, Prim. I wouldn't have suggested they do this but as you know, they don't really have a choice."

"I suppose not but I think I can understand where Gale was coming from. Although I disagree with his methods, I understand his intention. He wants to help Katniss and raising the baby as his would be a little more security than Peeta raising it."

"You'll forgive me but I think Hawthorne has too much temper and pride to father a child."

"Oh Haymitch. Is anyone ever really ready for a child? Katniss and Peeta certainly aren't. Gale isn't. I don't know if my mother was. We do the best we can, I think, and hope that it is our best. I think the difference is that Peeta and Katniss love each other. And Katniss doesn't love Gale like that. I would be horrified to grow up and realize my mother and father didn't love each other." Haymitch glanced at Prim with a raised brow.

"You're not worried about what will happen when the baby comes?"

"Of course I am. But as you said, what choice do they have?" Haymitch nodded while Prim peered into the room and sighed when she saw Katniss calmed down, still resting in Peeta's arms. She opened the door tentatively and approached the couple.

"Are you ok, Katniss?"

"Yeah. It was just a nightmare."

"How do your feet feel?"

"On fire," she said in a low voice. Then realizing what she had said, she burst out laughing and shook her head. Peeta and Prim, however, did not find this funny and they frowned.

"Oh lighten up you two! It's a joke."

"Not a funny one," Prim said quietly.

"Definitely not a funny one," Peeta agreed. "But then again, humor has never been your forte." Katniss appreciated his attempt at lightening the mood and she gave him a mock glare.

"Rude. I'll never tell you another joke again."

"Thank you." She stuck her tongue out at him and he chuckled lightly, pulling her close. She couldn't help but note that this was one of the reasons she had fallen in love with him. His ability to get her out of her messes. He had, on more than one occasion, saved her from awkward and even dangerous situations. She remembered the first time he had done it, when they were in the Capitol for the first time, awaiting their training instructions for the first Hunger Games. Katniss had identified an Avox and the table had been shocked that she presumed to know such a traitor. Peeta had come to her rescue, making up a story that she had resembled Delly Cartwright, a girl they had both known back in District 12. He had been rescuing her ever since. Prim sighed heavily.

"Do you need any more morphling?"

"What time is it?"

"A little past midnight."

"I've been asleep all that time? No, don't give me anymore! I may sleep for two more days!"

"It's to help with the pain, Katniss."

"Pain I can deal with, Prim. Time's too precious to keep losing." Prim and Peeta exchanged looks and she shook her head.

"Call me if you need more. I'm going to go back to the compartment with Mom. Peeta will keep an eye on you until morning." She squeezed her sister's hand and left, and Katniss looked up at Peeta.

"They're letting you stay with me overnight?"

"I didn't really give them a choice. Neither did Prim. She insisted that there are monitors in here, in case I have a flashback and that I'm the closest you have to family, besides your mom and her of course."

"I'm sure I am messing up your schedule big time."

"So what? You're my top priority and I don't care about anything else. Training and classes can wait. Nothing else comes close to the love of my life." Katniss glanced up at him and found herself smiling. In the past when he had spoken like this (well not exactly like this; since they had arrived in 13, he had been much more passionate about his love for her and seem determined every possibly chance to assure her of his love) she had been uncomfortable with the compliments and the attention. Now it fascinated her to hear him speak like this. It made her heart flutter and start to speed up.

"I love you, Peeta," she said simply. She knew it was anything but simple but she wanted to say it as much as possible as well. He smiled and pushed her hair out of her eyes.

"I love you too. And I love hearing that. I can't tell you how much I love hearing that."

"I think I have an idea," she said softly, her hand going to his chest and feeling his heart racing. Her fingers played with the buttons of his shirt and she popped the first two open. He sucked in a breath as her fingers slid in and touched his soft flesh, which was hot to the touch. Her other hand went to his hair and buried itself in his golden locks, tugging him down toward her. The moment his lips touched hers, Katniss felt a fire light inside her heart. She slid her tongue past his lips and he moaned as their tongues met; he angled his head so he could deepen the kiss and his hands moved up to cup her face. Her fingers made quick work of the rest of the buttons and when she had the shirt open, she easily slid it from his arms. Her eyes took him all in, admiring the muscular chest and arms that protected her and comforted her. Her fingers went to the little golden hairs that decorated his chest and her eyes were drawn to the fine line of fuzz around his navel that made its way down into his jeans. Her hands went to the button of his jeans but his hand on her wrist made her freeze.

"Katniss!" She looked up at him, her eyes pleading and his face softened. His hand fell away from hers and he watched as she worked the button and zipper and quickly yanked his jeans down, leaving blue boxers that really did nothing to hide his growing arousal. Her hands gripped his hips as she pulled him between her legs and wrapped her arms around his neck. Peeta didn't seem too certain about where he should put his hands and settled for wrapping them in her dark hair. She sat on the edge of the table and he stood between her thighs, leaning in and pressing himself against her. Katniss's hands traveled the expanse of his back, slowly, teasingly, down to the waistband of his boxers, where she slid a hand in and gripped his muscular backside. He gasped into her mouth and she swore she felt his cock twitch against her. Her fingertips massaged him gently before they moved back to the waistband and she started to peel the boxers away.

"Katniss," he panted against her lips. She could see he looked nervous so she brought one of her hands to his cheek and ran along the soft skin with her finger.

"I want to see you," she said softly. He swallowed, his eyes boring into hers, but finally he nodded and assisted her in pulling them down around his ankles. He kicked them away and stood before her, completely naked. Katniss's wide eyes drank him in completely. Every bit of him was perfect in her eyes. He waited, hardly daring to breathe, as she studied him from head to toe. Her hands reached out and started at his cheek, traveling her fingertips down his chest and muscles, down his slender stomach, across his hips, down his thighs and finally tracing over the veined underside of his hardening cock. He hissed as soon as her fingers touched his arousal and he squeezed his eyes shut. Katniss withdrew her hand and bit her lip.

"Did I hurt you?"

"No, it's just…I want tonight to be about you, Katniss. I want to make you feel good."

"You…you do make me feel good," she said, slightly confused. He shook his head and kneed her legs apart again, brushing against her clothed center. His hand went to her slender throat before he kissed her, only briefly, before dragging his lips down to her throat. His tongue lazily traced across her neck and she moaned as she tilted her head, giving him permission to continue. He licked the edge of her ear and she shivered, feeling a delicious sensation that made her stomach roll and her heart race. She had never in her life felt such delicious agony. Something was building inside her, something that wanted to get out and be free. Of course Katniss would always compare everything to hunting and to nature, so she soon thought of the sensations as a wild animal, caught in a trap. She was caught in a trap. Peeta's trap. But she wasn't sure if she wanted to be free anymore. His tongue on her skin was causing shudders to pass through her and her hands found their way back to his arousal. He moaned against her neck when she grasped him softly but she stopped at the base, unsure of how to continue. She leaned up and kissed his neck, moving up to his ear.

"Show me." He bit his lip and let out a low growl. His hand covered hers but then he glanced up at the monitor and cleared his throat.

"Just a minute," he said in a low voice. He hit the wall beside them and the room was plunged into darkness. Katniss felt him move away and she started to panic.

"Peeta?"

"I'm here," came his voice from a few feet away.

"What are you doing?"

"Be patient, Katniss. I'm right here." Katniss wouldn't admit that she hated the dark. But it brought back nightmares from the train, before Peeta would come in and hold her.

"Peeta, please. I don't-" he silenced her with a kiss and he was picking her up. Apparently he knew how to navigate in the dark and he was lowering to the floor, laying her down on a scratchy hospital blanket. He reached behind her and made sure the pillows stayed so she could lie down. Before her back hit the blanket, however, Peeta's hands were gripping the edge of her hospital gown and tugged upwards. She felt cold air hit her bare breasts and she gasped, her arms instantly covering herself. Peeta frowned in the darkness.

"Now this doesn't seem fair. You saw me but I can't see you."

"Need to build up the anticipation for you," she said with a grin.

"Katniss, I have been in love with you since I was five. I have been dreaming of you since I was seven. I have been fantasizing about you since I was eleven. I have been making love to you in my mind since I was fourteen. Twelve YEARS of anticipation, Katniss, would kill most people."

"But you're not most people," she gently reminded him, searching for his face with her hands. He gripped her wrist and kissed her palm. "Most people would have given up by now. Moved onto someone else, someone they deserved. You deserve so much better, Peeta."

"Nothing is better than you. And I don't ever want to hear you say that again." She nodded, forgetting that he couldn't see her, and felt his lips press against hers again. He gently leaned over her, laying her back completely and kneeing her legs apart so he could lie on top of her. All that kept them from being skin to skin was the cotton panties she wore and she felt them growing sort of damp. She frowned, trying to shift her hips to ease the discomfort but her hips were cradling Peeta's mid-section and she couldn't go anywhere. Peeta broke the kiss and moved to kiss her neck, sucking at her throat and her earlobes. Using one hand to support himself, he moved the other to trace down her neck, across her collarbone, until his palm came into contact with her breast. They both sucked in a breath at the contact and he massaged it gently, his calloused palms bringing exquisite torture to her hardened nipples. He moved his hand to her other breast and she let out a little cry when she felt his tongue there. He took her breast into his mouth, swirling his tongue around her areola and soaking it in his saliva. She arched her back, shoving more of her flesh into his eager mouth while his other hand massaged her gently. Taking her nipple between his teeth he pulled ever so slightly, making her cry out and toss her head, thankful that there was a pillow underneath her. His hand moved from her breast down to her hipbone, where a single finger traced the line of her underwear.

"Peeta," she panted. There was a wet -pop- and he released her breast, looking up at her and grinning. He wished he could see her. He imagined she looked absolutely perfect in this state.

"God I love the sound of that," he growled.

"What," she said breathlessly, her arms flung out to the sides.

"My name dripping from your lips. It's intoxicating."

"Mmmm," was all she could say. He chuckled and went back to lavishing her flesh with his tongue, picking up where he had left off. His hand had not moved from her hip and slowly, moved down to cup her through her underwear. She bucked her hips and groaned while something rumbled in Peeta's chest.

"God Katniss you're so wet." She had no idea what he meant but she assumed he was referring to the dampness between her legs, for that was what he was touching. She had no idea how to respond to that. Sorry? A smart-aleck comment that she simply did not have? She chose to remain silent and she leaned up to look down at him. Of course she could hardly see anything but she saw his profile had gone very still, like he was studying something. His hand curved around her core and his finger slid under the cotton and touched her slit. Her hips bucked again and she shot up. Peeta went back to her lips, filling her mouth and comforting her with his kisses. His hand went back to her thighs, his fingertip teasing the inside of her thigh and drifted over the cotton.

"Have you ever touched yourself, Katniss?"

"Touched myself?"

"Right here," he cupped her again and she gasped.

"N-no."

"Really?"

"Sure Peeta, I went to town in the cave while you were dying next to me," she said, sharper than she intended.

"I meant before the Games. You never…wanted to?"

"I wanted to. But I shared a bed with Prim. We were always sleeping too close. I just never had the courage to try. I wanted to…the other night…"

"The other night?"

"When you kissed me…I felt…warm. Very warm."

"Was it a good feeling?"

"I don't know…yeah, I guess so."

"Seventeen years old and never had an orgasm. My beautiful girl, we are about to fix that." She felt her face grow very red and she could only mutter something incoherent. She heard him chuckle close to her ear before he kissed her again.

"Relax. I promise, you'll enjoy it. If I'm doing anything that makes you uncomfortable though, tell me and I'll stop. Alright?" She didn't say anything but she swallowed.

"Katniss?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you trust me?"

"Yes," she said without hesitation.

"Do you love me?"

"Yes." He pressed his lips against hers and their tongues clashed together. They angled their heads and deepened the kiss, Peeta's tongue exploring her mouth. His hand went back to massaging her breast, playing with her nipple between his fingers and she moaned, squirming a little. His tongue raked across her skin, down her neck, down her chest, pausing to lavish her breasts a little more and soak both nipples in his saliva. When he had paid enough attention to both globes, he moved down her stomach, pausing to lick around her bellybutton and chuckled against her skin when her belly flinched. He pressed a few kisses around her belly, remembering there was something even more precious underneath the delicious skin. When his tongue reached her pantyline, he hooked a thumb underneath the band and pulled them down her legs. His hot breath directly on her core made her shiver and moan with anticipation. He kissed and sucked at her inner thighs, before he moved to her core and slid his tongue up and down. She cried out, bucking her hips against his mouth and his tongue delved into her folds.

"Peeta! AH!" A long stroke of his tongue made her quiver and his frantic attention to the little nub of nerves at the apex of her thighs worked her into a frenzy. Her hands reached down and she wrapped her fingers in his hair. When he did something right, he was rewarded with a sharp tug or a passionate yank. Peeta moved his hand up to massage her breast while his tongue flicked across that spot and she whimpered out his name. He felt like he would explode at any minute, at the sound of his name being moaned by the only girl he had ever loved. His hand came back down between her thighs and he spread her apart with his fingers, slowly inserting a finger and pushing in and pulling out. She bucked her hips to the rhythm of his thrusts and soon he added a second finger. His tongue worked at her as she rode his fingers and he felt her start to tense up. Her breathing was heavy and labored and she moaned his name over and over. He leaned down to kiss above her pelvis, his fingers still thrusting in and out, as he looked up at her.

"Come for me, Katniss. Let yourself go."

"P-Peeta…oh my god…"

"That's it baby. Let go."

"PEETA!" She was afraid the entire district could hear them but he could have cared less. His face and fingers soaked in her juices, he quickly wiped himself off before he went back and kissed her hard on the mouth. She tasted something besides his sweet mix of sugar and vanilla and realized it was her. She gripped his hair as he kissed her, and he moved to lie at her side. He kissed her cheeks and her nose, nuzzling her gently as he lay down with her, his arms wrapping around her and bringing her close.

"Wow," she panted, still trying to catch her breath. He let out a low chuckle and kissed her temple.

"Seventeen years without that, huh?"

"Well it's not like there were any guys in the district who would have done that for me."

"I would have been the first one at your door," he laughed. She suddenly tensed up and her mind started to race. Where HAD he learned all that? She knew he had been popular in school and she knew many girls had liked him. How many had he been close with? Shared his secrets, his hopes, his dreams? His desires? She suddenly felt like throwing up and she leaned up.

"You ok?" He sounded sleepy, like he was on the verge of reaching his dreams.

"Yeah. Just need to use the bathroom." She grabbed her gown and underwear and pulled them on. She knew the bathroom was close by but she had no idea how she would make it there without hurting her feet. Gritting her teeth, she crawled a few feet away and held her feet in the air behind her. Feeling foolish, she continued on her way and made it to the bathroom, where she collapsed next to the toilet. She cried out as her feet hit the floor and felt a throbbing pain travel across her foot to her ankle. She leaned over and was sick in the toilet, clutching at her stomach as another wave of nausea hit. She wiped at her face, then lay down on the cold tile floor. Was it the baby or the thought of Peeta's escapades that was making her sick? Well, she could blame Peeta for both, she supposed. She lay on her side and clutched her stomach, attempting to block out the images that insisted on haunting her. Pictures of Peeta with other girls, doing things to and with other girls, flew through her mind.

"Stop," she said through gritted teeth. Finally, she succumbed to the tears. She curled up into a ball and cried into her arm, feeling exhaustion come over her as her entire body went limp.


	10. Chapter 10

**X**

Peeta was jolted away by two things: The sound of snuffling coming from the bathroom and the feeling of empty space where Katniss had been in his arms a few moments ago. He leaped to his feet and pulled his jeans back on, nearly slipping on the blanket, and put out his hands to steady himself.

There was a small light in the bathroom and Peeta could make out a shape huddled on the floor. He was at her side in an instant, dropping to his knees and flipping her over. His shoulders hunched when he heard her breathing and he sighed.

"Katniss, why didn't you wake me? You can't be walking on those feet!"

"I didn't walk, I crawled," she said in a voice choked with sobs.

"That's worse. C'mon, let me carry you back to your room." He easily lifted her in his arms and carried her down the hall to her room, where he lay her down on the bed. She sniffled and wiped at her nose with her hand. She winced when he turned on the lights and sat down next to her.

"Do you want me to call Prim to get you some pain medication?"

"It doesn't hurt that much."

"Then why were you crying?" She felt stupid for letting this bother her so much and she just shook her head. Peeta gently cupped her chin and made her look up at him. His blue eyes were thoughtful and caring. Katniss saw love and worry swirling around in those depths of blue and she sighed.

"How many were there?"

"How many what?"

"Girls. How many girls did you…umm…"

"Did I what, Katniss?"

"Don't make me say it, Peeta!"

"What are you talking about? I didn't do anything with any girls. How many times do I have to tell you, you were the only one I was thinking about!"

"But surely…you had to have…you were so popular!"

"Oh ok, so because I had a lot of friends, you think I slept around with everyone."

"I didn't say that," she felt her temper rising. "But you seem…experienced. At least you're very confident in yourself."

"I had two older brothers who liked to talk when they thought I was asleep. I learned a lot from them." Her face softened and she bit her lip.

"So you never…you haven't-?"

"No." He cupped her chin again and moved up to stroke her face. "I didn't want anyone else. I had eyes for one person and she never had eyes for me. So why would I waste myself on someone else?"

"And you were actually waiting for me? What if you had never gotten up the courage to talk to me?"

"I wouldn't call it waiting, even though that's exactly what it was. I was hoping. Hoping one day, things would change. Dreaming of the day that you would look my way, when you would speak my name. And as I grew older, my fantasies grew more…elaborate. The sound of you crying out my name, how you would writhe underneath me…much like you did tonight." She smiled weakly and sighed.  
"I'm sorry. I'm a jealous mess."

"You have absolutely nothing to be jealous of, Katniss. You were the only one who has ever been on my mind. It's only been you. It's always been you." He leaned forward and kissed her gently. Her heart raced for her boy with the bread. Hearing him speak so passionately, so truthfully about his want and need and love for her made her fall in love even more. She reached up and touched his cheek and his hand covered hers, before pulling it away to kiss her palm. He gazed into her eyes and he smiled. He felt a sharp pain flash through his brain and he winced, dropping her hand.

"Peeta?"

"Yeah," he grunted, squeezing his eyes shut.

"Are you…alright?"

"Fine, I'm…oh damn." He reached out to grip the chair and he held onto it tightly. Katniss saw his knuckles whiten and his muscles tighten as he fought the images that raced through his mind. He shook his head and whimpered a little. Katniss sat up and reached out for him but he drew back, slamming into the wall.

"Katniss…please, call for some help. I don't…want to be alone with you," he said through clenched teeth. Katniss considered calling for Prim or Haymitch but she bit her lip, thinking that she needed to try to get through to him. To keep him here with her. After all, what would happen when the baby came? She couldn't be scared that the father of her child was going to strangle her at any given moment. She sat on the edge of the bed, not really having a way to get to him.

"Peeta, I know you can still hear me. Come back to me. Stay with me. I love you so much. Don't leave me."  
"I'm not leaving you," he said softly, his eyes still shut.

"Then open your eyes and see me. See me for the girl who loves you, not a dangerous mutt."

"A mutt…a filthy mutt…a Capitol mutt," he muttered, his brow furrowing.

"No Peeta. It's all lies. I love you. I'm having your baby. I would give my life for you."

"I love her," he said firmly. "No, I LOVE her." Katniss watched in horror as he started to have a conversation with himself that involved quite a bit of hitting. She couldn't take it. She pressed the button by her bed and soon two doctors entered the room. She pointed a shaking finger and they immediately turned on Peeta, grabbing him by the arms.

"Don't hurt him! Don't sedate him! Just escort him back to his room. Peeta, remember, I'm here and I love you. I'm not going anywhere."

"Don't leave me," he pleaded as the doctors dragged him toward the door. "Katniss. Katniss!"

"I'm here, Peeta. I'll always be right here."

"Don't leave me! Don't ever leave me!"

"Never! I'll never leave you," she whispered as she watched him disappear through the door, tears starting to cloud her vision. They returned a few moments later.

"He's been locked in his room, Miss Everdeen. We will check on him in the morning."

"You didn't sedate him, did you?"

"He was hysterical, Miss-"

"He was NOT hysterical, he was confused," she said, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Why are you people so worried about me when you should be worried about his recovery? Why are you making it so difficult for him to get better?"

"Miss Everdeen, you should get your rest." The doctor shuffled into the room to turn the lights off and without another word, they shut the door behind them. Katniss could have sworn she heard the sound of a key in a lock and she collapsed on her back, one hand draping over her eyes while the other rested on her belly. In no time at all, she was sound asleep, battling mutts with red eyes and other terrible visions that followed her through her nightmares.

* * *

Peeta awoke as the sun was coming up and he blinked several times before taking in his surroundings. He didn't remember returning to his room last night. He supposed he had said goodnight to Katniss and walked back here in the early hours. He quickly pulled some clean cloths from the drawer and went to get a quick shower. When he dried off, he glanced around again, shuddering at how pristine everything was. It wasn't as if the bakery was always messy but flour and sugar were always all over everything and it always had that delicious smell about it. Now all he could smell was something sickly and foul. Shaking himself, he walked down the hall to Katniss's room and peered into her window. He saw she was sound asleep, curled on her side, and he smiled, deciding to let her rest. A thought came to him, which made his smile fade and he started off in the opposite direction.

Haymitch looked up when the door opened and he looked surprised.

"Didn't expect to see you here, kid. How you feeling?"

"It's all jumbled together, Haymitch. The flashbacks aren't making sense and I don't remember anything from when I had one. I'm terrified I'm going to hurt Katniss one day. But I also can't be without her. I don't know what to do."

"You'll figure it out together, kid. You two are strong and your love is even stronger. What's on your schedule today?"

"Training but not until later. Haymitch, I need a favor." Haymitch blinked and waited.

"I need to see the tape."

"What tape?"

"Come on Haymitch. I know there are tapes from my cell. I need to see the night with Katniss. Please."

"Peeta. Why do you need to see it? Really, what good will it do?"

"I just need to see it. Please."

"Peeta-"

"Damn it Haymitch, you OWE me," Peeta growled. Haymitch was taken aback and he noticed just how much the boy had been changed. He hung his head sadly, realizing that he was partly to blame for these terrible changes. The poor kid had been through so much and if he had just tried to think of another way to get both of them out of the arena, safely, they wouldn't even be in this mess. He sighed and reached forward to press a button. Peeta's eyes flew to the screen and they widened at the sight of Katniss hanging limply in her chains, her clothes all torn off and her head resting on her chest. Thread entered the cell and he buried his hand in her hair, yanking up. She let out a cry as she was jerked awake and her eyes focused on him as her body started to tremble with fear.

"_You can't save him, little mockingjay. He's too far gone. He's lost to you. He will never return to you. And I'll show you how much we control him_." His hand released her and he walked around to a sleeping Peeta on the bed and he withdrew a dagger from his belt, pointing it at Peeta's chest and digging the point into his flesh.

"_You'll think twice before you interrupt me during punishment of my prisoners, won't you boy_," Peeta and Haymitch heard the peacekeeper say. "_Get up_."

Haymitch jumped as Thread backhanded Peeta and he stood over him with a cruel smile.

"_Since you were so eager to help our prisoner last night, I imagine you won't object to our latest punishment for her_." Peeta swallowed as he watched himself being dragged toward Katniss, who continued to shake in her chains.

"_Since you have already done this with her, it should be no problem, right_?"

Haymitch reached over and turned the volume knob down but Peeta shook his head.

"Turn it back up."

"Peeta-"

"Now!" Sighing, Haymitch obeyed and Peeta focused his eyes on the peacekeeper.

_"I thought you deserved a little fun. Don't worry. No one is in the control room right now."_

"Sick bastard," Haymitch whispered. Peeta glanced sideways at him before looking back up at the screen to see himself now naked, walking around Katniss, gazing at her naked form.

"_Please Peeta…don't do this."_ Peeta stifled a sob at Katniss's pleading and he bit his lip, watching himself for his reaction.

"_They'll kill us both if I don't. Trust me, I don't want to do this. I don't want to touch you. But we've already done this once, right? So let's just get it over with."_

_"Peeta…we've never…I haven't…please-" _

_"Don't lie to me! I know you were pregnant during the Quarter Quell. Yet one more thing you took from me."_ Peeta shook his head and shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"Peeta, we don't have to-"

"Yes we do. Keep it on." Haymitch swallowed and turned back to the screen.

_"You whore," _he heard himself say and he gasped_. "How many times have you given yourself to Gale, hm? Sleep with me, sleep with Gale, sleep with whomever else! Haymitch maybe? Finnick? You're just a Seam whore!"_ Peeta groaned and covered his face with his hands, his shoulders shaking. Haymitch reached out to comfort him but seemed uncertain how to go about that. He settled for gripping the boy's arm for a moment before patting his hand.

"_I bet you like this, being tied up, just waiting. I should blindfold you. Then you'd really enjoy it huh?"_

"Oh god no," he whispered, not looking at the screen.

_"What if I gag you, huh Katniss? Stuff a sheet in your mouth? Or maybe you'd rather my cock. I could fuck your mouth before I fuck you." _ He heard the sound of a slap and he dropped his hands, his eyes widening as he shook his head in disbelief.

"_Open your eyes, bitch, and look at me_!" Peeta hid his face in his hands again, groaning and starting to rock back and forth. Haymitch's hand darted forward to turn it off but Peeta noticed.

"NO! Leave it. I need to see this."

"Peeta it is only making things worse for you! Katniss wouldn't want you to see this."

"I don't care. I know Gale has seen it. I don't want to be the only one not knowing what I've done."

"What you've done is in the past! Why are you torturing yourself?" Peeta didn't answer. His eyes froze on the screen, watching as he stroked himself and walked around Katniss again.

"_Does this turn you on, Katniss? Do you like being dominated? You want me to fuck you so hard you can't see straight?" _

"That isn't me," Peeta whimpered miserably. "Does anyone know, that is NOT me?"

"We all know it isn't you. It's the Capitol. So stop blaming yourself," Haymitch said gruffly. Peeta's eyes widened as he heard the screams and he broke down completely. He turned away, bending down to put his head between his knees as he whimpered and shook his head. He couldn't block out the sounds of Katniss pleading for him to stop or his sickened grunting. His hands went to his hair and he tugged viciously.

"Peeta, stop it. You wanted to see it. So watch what happens next." Haymitch roughly turned Peeta back around to face the screen and they watched Katniss sob in her chains while Peeta disappeared from the frame for a moment. They heard angry voices and Peeta recognized Johanna's angry cries. When he reappeared in the frame, Peeta held his breath. He stood in front of Katniss, his arms crossed and an unfeeling look on his face.

_"Look at me. Damn it, Katniss. Open your eyes and LOOK at me."_ He was holding her chin between his fingers and he seemed to shake with rage while Katniss trembled in fear.

_In my eyes,_ _Katniss. LOOK. AT. ME." _Peeta saw it the moment it happened. The moment their eyes met, something shifted and the hijacking failed. He hoped the bastards had had a chance to watch this before they were rescued. A slap in the face, proof that they hadn't destroyed his love for her after all.

_"Katniss?" _His voice was gentle and smoother than it had been only seconds ago. Haymitch reached out and grasped Peeta's shoulder as they watched him return to her.

_"Katniss. I'm so…my god. What have I done?"_ He saw her shake her head and he groaned.

"Tell me, Katniss," he whispered.

_"I don't know what they did to make me…forget…I don't even know what I've done to you…what have I done…" _He remembered this moment, how he had shaken with rage and fear when his eyes had appraised her. He swallowed as he watched himself wrap the sheet around her, hiding her flesh, flesh that only he should ever see.

_"Did I…did I hurt you, Katniss?"_

"Tell me, Katniss. Tell the truth."

"She loves you, Peeta. She doesn't want to hurt you." They watched as she shook her head no and he threw his arms around her, holding her close to his chest. He saw her shoulders shake as she cried into his chest and he slammed his hand on the table.

"Why did she lie to me? Why did she fucking lie?"

"What did you want her to say? She didn't even know about the hijacking, only that something horrible had happened to you." Haymitch turned the monitor off and Peeta did not object. He stared at the black screen, motionless.

"She wouldn't have told me if she hadn't gotten pregnant. She would have kept this from me."

"She would have told you eventually, Peeta. You know how she is."

"Yeah I do and I know she has her secrets. She has her private life that she doesn't let anyone into. Even if we had gotten together in the future, which I don't altogether believe we would have, she would have pretended it was her first time. She would have lied to me again!"

"Peeta. Imagine if the roles were reversed. You've lost Katniss and you know the Capitol is doing terrible things to her. You see her on TV, you think, something is wrong. She doesn't look well. So you agree to help the people who have been pestering you to join and fight with them. Your only thought is to rescue her. You agree to become the face of the rebellion, to save her life. A rescue mission is planned and you know it will be too late, so you go off on your own and try to save her. You get caught and taken by your enemies. Lo and behold, you're in the same cell as your love but she doesn't know who you are. She's been tortured and messed with to hate you, to curse your name, to kill you. But that doesn't stop you from loving her and all you want to do is prove to her you love her. More terrible things happen to her and terrible things happen to you. You are chained up while she is forced to take advantage of you and then after it happens, she miraculously returns to you. She still loves you so much, she knows she could never hurt you because that would never cross her mind. Do you tell her what happened?"

"Of course not, I would just…"

"Just what, Peeta?"

"I would want to keep her safe as possible and let her know how loved she is."

"Don't you think if she knew what she had done, she would feel horrible? Dirty and used and unworthy of your love?"

"Yeah but-"

"Listen! Ok, so you decide not to tell her. Maybe you will one day, but for now, you forget about it. And then you're both rescued! She seems to be coming back to you a little bit more everyday so you would want to do everything you possibly can to keep her recovery going strong, wouldn't you? You wouldn't want to say anything that may cause her to revert to her poisoned mind. So you still don't mention anything about what happened to you both. You keep it a secret, to protect your love. Or do you think you would tell her?" He waited while Peeta thought.

"I don't like secrets. They destroy relationships and wreck the most precious of love. But you're right, I would want to protect her so I would keep that a secret. Even though I know she'd be mad at me, I would keep quiet about it as long as possible." He heaved a great sigh and shook his head.

"Ok Haymitch, you've made your point. I don't like the situation at all…but there's nothing I can do about it."

"Nope, nothing. Just stay alive and spend the rest of your life making it up to her. I once told her she could live a hundred lifetimes and never deserve you. But I think I was wrong. I think you two deserve each other, and I mean that in the very best way."

"I know you do, I just…wait. You told her what?" Peeta frowned at Haymitch, shaking his head. "Why the hell would you say something like that to her?"

"It was right after the second Reaping and she was asking me to save you. She agreed with me. We think you're much too good for this life."

"This life? You mean with Katniss?"

"I mean before Katniss, kid. Your mom hitting you, you living in one of the poorest districts, you being Reaped, you being taken advantage of and your love exploited, all of it. You don't deserve any of it."

"Neither does Katniss," Peeta said firmly.

"Do any of us? We make the most out of the lives that we are given but at some point, enough is just enough."

"When did enough become enough for you, Haymitch?" Peeta watched his mentor and they were both silent for the longest time.

"When Snow had my family and my girl killed. It was the same situation as Katniss with the berries. I knew Snow would never leave you guys alone. Enough was enough a long time ago but at that moment, I decided if I ever had the opportunity to see that man die, I would seize it. And it came when Katniss and you were flung into my life. It took awhile but I finally saw what she was capable of and agreed that she would be able to lead the rebellion. I agreed to help Plutarch and the others, because my mind was only on vengeance. I'm sorry, kid. I'm sorry I didn't think of how it would affect people. People I actually care about." Peeta was surprised to see such emotion coming from the old drunkard and he straightened up in his seat.

"Haymitch-"

"Damn I need a drink. Hold down the fort for me, ok, while I go see if I can sneak anything."

"Sneak it from whom?"

"I don't care, someone around this place has to have some kind of drink!" Peeta chuckled to himself as Haymitch lumbered off. Peeta turned back to the screens and wondered how Haymitch could watch everything that was going on, on these screens. His eyes scanned over the monitors, pausing to think how creepy it was that they could watch Johanna sleep. Toward the left, his heart leaped at the sight of Katniss in her bed, tossing and turning and surely muttering to herself. Peeta bit his lip, resisting the urge to run to her room and comfort her, and he continued to survey the screens.

The doors opened and Peeta whirled around, freezing in place.


	11. Chapter 11

**XI. **

Beetee and Gale were in mid-conversation when both of them stopped.

"Peeta, how wonderful to see you," Beetee said calmly. "How are you feeling?"

"Much better, Beetee, thank you. How are you?"

"I'm doing just fine. We are working on new traps for the Capitol."

"Traps?"

"Bombs," Gale said, crossing his arms and looking smug. "Beetee is combining my traps and snares with the technology and the explosives that he works with. This is how we can take down the Capitol."

"No, this is how you destroy all life as we know it! Why do we have to annihilate the human race to bring down the Capitol? All we need to do is to capture Snow."

"For someone who was a prisoner of the Capitol and made to do some _awful_ things, I would think you'd be happy about this." Peeta glared coldly at Gale.

"I'd never be happy about murder. This is wrong, Gale. Does Katniss know about this?"

"She doesn't need to. President Coin supports our efforts. It's why we are planning to travel to District 2 soon. They are the closest to the Capitol and are completely babied. If we can take them down, we can easily move on the Capitol."

"Katniss is still too weak to join us in our meetings, Peeta," Beetee said gently, shooting Gale a warning glance. "We plan to tell her as soon as she returns."

"She's the Mockingjay," Gale said coldly. "The face of the rebellion. She'll go along with the plan."

"You obviously don't know her if you think that," Peeta argued, taking a step forward.

"Maybe it's you who doesn't know her. How long have you known her now, Peeta? Maybe a year? Two at most?"

"So what?"

"So I've known her since she was a scared little girl. We talked in those woods, shared secrets. I know how she thought, how she felt."

"People change!"

"You think she's changed that much?"

"The Games change you, Gale," Peeta hissed, stepping up to him. "You don't really expect to survive and then you do and return home to see that your whole life is different. Katniss survived twice. Her life has been flipped upside down. Yes, I think she's changed that much. The little girl you knew didn't want to get married or have children or…fall in love. Look at how much has changed." Gale's eyes flashed.

"She doesn't want all of that. It was forced on her. It was forced on her when you became her ally in the first Games."

"I saved her life!"

"Maybe. Maybe you just very slowly destroyed her life."

"Everything I did was to protect her," Peeta snarled in Gale's face while Gale remained impassive. "From the second I went into that arena with her, all I could think about was how to keep her alive. You think what you will, Gale, but I love her with all my heart. And she loves me too."

"Boys, please-" Beetee tried to step between them but they were so close together, their red faces were inches from each other.

"You think what you will, Peeta. But remember this: if she hadn't been Reaped, she would be marrying me. Because you were too cowardly to confess to her you liked her. Until you decided to do it in front of the entire country." Peeta launched himself at Gale but was held back.

"What the hell is going on," Haymitch asked Beetee, who was now standing between the two boys. "Peeta, stop it. Katniss is awake and is asking for you. Go on." He released Peeta and Peeta yanked his shirt straight, still shooting daggers at Gale. Haymitch turned to Gale, his eyes narrowed.

"I don't even want to know what you said. But you had better watch it. If you cause him to have a flashback, Katniss will kick your ass and then the rest of us will follow."

"Don't fucking blame me for his problems," Gale barked. "It's not my fault if the little boy can't handle whatever comes his way." Haymitch was the one who launched himself forward angrily and Gale took a step back, his eyes wide.

"Get out of here! Get the HELL out of here before I beat your ass!" Beetee held him back and shot Gale a glare.

"Go back to the armory!" Gale obeyed and scurried out. Haymitch breathed heavily as he jerked himself out of Beetee's grasp.

"Son of a bitch," he muttered.

"I know, Haymitch. Jealousy will make you say anything. We're all on the same side. Just calm down. Did you find your drink"

"Hell no. This district sucks."

"I'm sorry we don't meet your expectations Mr. Abernathy," said a cold voice from the door. Haymitch whirled around and nearly fell to the floor.

"President Coin. If you're looking for Gale, he just left."

"Oh I saw him storm off. I need to speak to Mr. Mellark about his training schedule."

"He's gone to see Katniss."

"Very well, I needed to speak to Miss Everdeen as well. Good day to you both."

* * *

Peeta stomped his way to Katniss's room, his blood boiling from Gale's words. His fists clenched and he was shaking with rage. He had hoped when Gale had volunteered to rescue him and the others, that they would be allies but it was clear that they would not even be that. It was obvious to him that Gale would never forgive him for what he had done to Katniss and he couldn't say he blamed him. But he had made the decision to try to move on from that and he hoped everyone else could try too. Gale, it seemed, would never let it go. He would never let Peeta live with himself.

Peeta gasped as a terrible image of a red-eyed Katniss wormed its way into his mind and invaded his thoughts. He stopped in his tracks and shook his head frantically.

"No," he moaned. "I love Katniss…I will always love Katniss. You can't win! You'll never win!" Soft laughter echoed in his ears, as if Snow stood right beside him, and the laughter changed to that of a female's. Peeta reached out to steady himself against the wall and he groaned.

When he straightened up, he looked around and frowned. The memories were fuzzy but he vaguely remembered something about going to see Katniss. He didn't want to kill her anymore, it was true, but he didn't particularly want to see her. Everyone around him told him how much he loved her and he just couldn't see why. She was rude, irritable, temperamental, and sometimes very short with him. And he knew she didn't love him. Shrugging, he turned away but stopped when he heard his name.

"Oh Peeta, I'm so glad you stopped by," Prim said cheerfully. "Katniss has been asking about you!"

"How come?" he asked suspiciously.

"She said you weren't doing very well last night. Do you want to come in?"

"Ok.," he said shortly, following her into the room. Katniss was sitting up, eating pudding and Prim giggled, which made Peeta raise a brow.

"I'm just glad she's eating again. I want the baby to have the proper nutrition."

"Um, baby?!" Prim looked at him, surprised.

"She told you, didn't she?"

"She most certainly did not! What baby?"

"Um…Katniss?" Katniss looked up and finally noticed the people in her room. She started to smile but it faded when she saw how angry Peeta looked…and how clouded his eyes were.

"Why didn't you tell me about a baby," he demanded, not moving from the door. Prim cleared her throat.

"I think I'll go help Mom. The monitors are on, Katniss, let me know if-"

"I'm not going to kill her Prim," Peeta snapped.

"I never said that you would, Peeta," she said gently. "If either of you need anything, please call for me." She hurried out, unsure of how to respond to this new Peeta. Her sister had told her about the flashbacks but she didn't realize how terrible it would be to see Peeta so…different. Poor Katniss. She had to find a way to help bring him back. Peeta could not raise a child in this state.

Peeta's arms were crossed over his chest and he stared at Katniss expectantly.

"I have told you Peeta," she said delicately.

"Liar. I would definitely remember that."

"Look, this is the hijacking talking. You have to fight it, Peeta. You have to come back to me."

"So you can use me to keep you safe, like I always did? Use me to comfort you? Use me for your own selfish desires?"

"You RAPED me, Peeta!"

"I didn't have a choice! They would have killed us if I didn't obey them. I had already gotten in trouble for standing up for you. You're always getting me into danger. And how the hell was I supposed to know you were a virgin? Everything they showed me is so messed up, Katniss!" Katniss opened her mouth then closed it again, and nodded.

"You're right. Your life would have been better if you had never met me."

"Oh shut up. You know I have been in love for you for years. At least that's what they tell me. I don't know why though."

"I don't either. Honest, I don't. I don't know what you see…or saw. But you have saved my life more times than I can count."

"I must have loved you a lot," he said quietly. She nodded, blinking back tears.

"You did."

"And did you love me?"

"Everyone says I did. Everyone says that's why Snow had you tortured. To break me."

"That's not an answer," he said crossly. She lowered her head.

"I love you, Peeta. I've loved you for a long time, I was just too stupid to admit it. But I can tell you and mean it with all my heart." Peeta looked surprised, clearly not expecting her to admit her love. He lowered his arms and cocked his head.

"Huh. You surprise me, mockingjay."

"Why, because you find out I have a heart?"

"I knew you had a heart. I heard it practically beating out of your chest when you were being tortured in front of me. I just didn't think it beat for me."

"It beats only for you," she said, glancing down and placing her palms over her stomach. Peeta's eyes followed hers and he swallowed.

"I'm, um…I'm sorry. For doing that…to you."

"You gave me new life, Peeta. Don't apologize for that." She reached out toward him and he stood motionless for a moment before he moved forward and took her hand. He moved towards her, her hand grasping his and tugging him forward. He fell into the chair beside the bed and gazed into her eyes. As she watched, the clouds disappeared and those beautiful blue eyes returned. He blinked and frowned.

"Katniss? What's going on?"

"What do you remember, Peeta?"

"Oh damn it, did I flashback again? What did I do to you, Katniss? Did I-"

"Peeta! You didn't do anything. What do you remember?"

"Fighting with Gale in the control room. Haymitch came in and told me you were asking for me. That's it."

"Think harder. You can't remember anything you said to me after that?"

"No, I…Katniss-"

"Think, Peeta. Please." He squeezed his eyes shut and she squeezed his hand.

"Prim brought me in. Said you were eating again. It was good for the baby." Katniss nodded.

"What else?"

"She…she left and I said something…you told me to come back to you. You accused me of…of raping you…" he broke off, sounding pained but Katniss squeezed his hand.

"Keep going."

"You said….you said my life would be better if I had never met you and I said I wasn't sure why I loved you. You said you weren't either." His voice was more clear, his face more relaxed, and his hand had stopped shaking in Katniss's.

"I asked if you loved me and you told me you did. I apologized for raping you and you said…you said…" his eyes shot open and he stared at her in wonder. "You said I gave you new life. You told me not to apologize…and when we touched…I felt…I can't explain it, it's like…I was two different beings. And in that moment, we merged again. Became one."

"In a way, you did," she said joyfully. "You've never remembered what you said or did in your flashbacks. This time you did. I can help you, Peeta. I can bring you back, slowly get you back to your normal self. It will take time but we can do it together. I won't leave you." He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and leaned in.

"I know you won't." He leaned in to kiss her and her arms wrapped around his neck, so he stood up and leaned her back onto the bed, resting over her. Her hands found their way to his hair and he moved his lips over her skin, pausing to suck gently at her throat as she squirmed underneath him. There was a knock at the door and Peeta jerked backwards, his face quite red. President Coin entered the room and her brow raised at Peeta's mussed hair and Katniss's heaving chest.

"How are you feeling, Katniss?"

"Almost completely cured," she said swinging her legs and wincing when her foot hit the side of the bed.

"Except for her feet," Peeta mumbled. "Almost a full recovery."

"And I hear you are doing better as well, is that right Mr. Mellark?"

"Yes ma'am. Almost fully recovered as well."

"That's excellent news. I expect to see you in training this afternoon then? And Katniss, I hope you are able to join us soon."

"Me too." Coin nodded to them both and took her leave. Peeta grimaced.

"There is no way you will be joining soon."

"I have to try, Peeta. Right now I'm ok except for my feet. I should be able to do everything the rest of you can."

"Katniss," Peeta said, sounding shocked. She looked confused and he placed a hand on her belly. She glanced down then back at him.

"They don't know yet," she said quietly.

"Well we need to tell them soon. Before you start to show."

"We will. We have some time. I just need to figure what to tell everyone." He looked pained as he took her hands in his.

"The truth?"

"Yes, the truth," he looked horrified and wound her fingers around his. "That we didn't know if we would survive another day in the Capitol and decided to give each other everything we had."

"Katniss-"

"Don't Peeta. I love you. That is all that matters, alright?" She pulled his hand to her lips, kissing it, and he nodded.

"Okay." He glanced down at the sound of her stomach growl and he chuckled.

"Was that you or the baby?"

"Both of us I think. We're hungry."

"Then let me carry my love and my baby to the cafeteria so I can feed you." He swept her into his arms and she giggled, surprising herself.

"You don't need to carry us. Prim left a wheelchair right outside the door." Peeta set her down in the chair and kissed her hand before he gripped the handlebars and pushed her out into the halls of the hospital. She winced when the doors opened and Peeta led her into the sunlight. It seemed like it had been years since she had seen the sun and she stared up at the sky, mesmerized. Peeta smiled and leaned in close.

"Life doesn't just stop, Katniss. It keeps going whether we realize it or not. It's up to us to choose to keep living and see the beauty around us. I know there have been some terrible things…but there's some good things too," he finished lamely, biting his lip and wondering if he should have said anything. Katniss reached up and gripped his wrist and he stopped. She tugged him around to the front of the chair and he waited, gazing down at her. Her eyes met his and she reached forward and pulled on his shirt, tugging him into her. He was in danger of nearly falling into her lap and he put his hands on the handlebars, on either side of her.

"You still have a way with words," she muttered before leaning up and kissing him. His knees buckled and he moaned against her lips. When she pulled away, he was left breathless with want.

"Do we really need breakfast? We could go find an empty room and-"

"Yes Peeta, we need breakfast. You need to eat before training and I need to feed your child."

"Our child," he corrected, stroking her cheek. Her eyes bore into his but she gave him a small smile.

"Our child." He kissed her quickly before resuming his place behind the wheelchair and continued their way to the cafeteria.

* * *

Finnick, Annie, and Johanna were hungrily digging into their porridge when Johanna's eyes widened.

"Wow, look at what we have here." Finnick and Annie whirled around and gasped. Peeta was grinning like an idiot as he wheeled Katniss over to their table. Katniss was becoming aware of the stares she was getting from the people of District 13 and it made her uncomfortable but Peeta didn't notice. He paused beside the table and easily lifted her up, setting her down next to Finnick. Katniss watched while he pushed the chair away from their table and sat down across from her. He reached down under the table and gently laid her feet in his lap, giving her a small smile at her surprised expression. Annie reached over and squeezed her hand.

"Oh Katniss, it is so good to see you up and about! We were so worried!"

"Thank you Annie," Katniss said warmly. She hadn't seen Annie before this but she knew how much Finnick loved her so she trusted his judgement. Finnick squeezed her shoulders.

"It really is good to see you out of that bed, girl on fire. I think Peeta was close to losing his mind."

"I was not," Peeta said crossly, helping himself to a muffin.

"I mean, he's pretty much lost it already," Johanna said with a shrug. "But glad to have you back among the living, brainless."

"Thanks Johanna," Katniss said softly, shooting Peeta a look to see his reaction. If this comment bothered him, he wasn't showing it. Johanna opened her mouth again but her eyes widened and she shut it. Peeta had frozen as well, his eyes narrowed sharply. Katniss, Annie, and Finnick twisted around to see what had caught their attention and they had just enough time to see dark hair swooping out of sight. Katniss turned back to Peeta and frowned, as he gently lowered her feet to the bench they sat on.

"You said you two fought this morning. What was it about this time?"

"It doesn't matter. I don't like the guy and I'm going to avoid him."

"Peeta, he's been my best friend for years. I'd like for you two to at least try to get along."

"I'm sorry Katniss, I don't see that happening." Katniss scowled.

"You're not even going to try?"

"Hey I have been cordial with him. He's the one who tries to piss me off any time he sees me. He doesn't like losing, Katniss. He's a sore loser."

"What the hell has he lost?"

"You mean besides you?" She fixed her glassy eyes on his and shook her head.

"He basically told me if the Games hadn't happened, you would be with him. You'd be married to him. And I know it's probably true."

"Peeta-"

"But the Games did happen, Katniss, and so did everything after them. And you're not with him, you're with me. And he hates that. It gets under his skin that a Baker's boy won the girl. His girl. I just don't want to talk to him anymore. I'm sorry if that bothers you."

"It does bother me," she said shrilly. Annie, Finnick, and Johanna were watching the couple like they were watching a ping-pong match. "I AM with you and not him so why don't you play the humble boyfriend and give him a chance to get over his wounded pride before you decide you never want to see him again?"

"Because he wants to raise MY baby as his own!" As soon as the words came out, Peeta went whiter than a sheet and his eyes widened in horror. Annie, Finnick, and Johanna were all gazing from Katniss to Peeta, their jaws wide open. Katniss was glaring at Peeta with undeniable fury. Peeta's hands were flat on the tabletop and started to shake.

"Shit!" He bolted up and away from the table as fast as he could. Johanna let out a low whistle.

"Look at him go." Katniss lowered her head and fought against the tears that came. Finnick wrapped his arm around her shoulders and she hid her face in his shirt. Annie reached over and rubbed her arm comfortingly. After a minute or two of merely staring at them, Johanna sighed and rose to her feet. She walked around to them and wrapped her arms around Katniss, resting her chin on the mockingjay's head. Katniss hadn't even had that much comfort from her own mother in a long time and she allowed the tears to flow. No one gave them a second glance, as if seeing the mockingjay cry was a normal thing to everyone. Katniss supposed it was in a way. They had seen her before Peeta had been rescued and she had nearly lost it many times. Though she attempted to stay strong in public, her tears had betrayed her on more than one occasion. On this occasion, however, she was surrounded by those who had been through similar situations and probably understood her more than anyone else did. The only other person who knew her better had escaped, feeling an ongoing train of emotions that threatened to flatten him and destroy him completely.


	12. Chapter 12

**XII. **

Peeta stopped in the hallway, leaning against the wall and doing his best to remain in the moment. He could not let his hijacking take over this time. He needed to stay strong for Katniss, for the baby. He needed to show everyone he could raise this baby and protect them with everything he had. He needed to show Gale, he needed to show Prim, he needed to show Mrs. Everdeen, he needed to show Haymitch, he needed to show Finnick and Johanna and Annie, he needed to show President Coin. He needed to show himself that he could do this. He fought against the anger and emotions and images that tried to invade his mind and he dug his fingernails into his palms. When that did not work, he reached up and clawed his own face. The pain seemed to strike him and freeze him in time. He stood there for a moment, panting, and pressed his head against the wall. People passing gave him odd looks but he ignored them. He focused on the pain and it kept him present. It kept him sane.

* * *

Katniss wasn't sure how long she cried for but she was grateful that they weren't asking questions. All three of them could sense she needed to get it out and somehow, they understood. The Games changed you completely and they could see they had changed Katniss. Even Peeta, one of the kindest people they had ever met in the Hunger Games, had been altered by the Capitol. She finally sat up and wiped at her face, sniffling.

"Finally," she heard Johanna say, "I'm getting a cramp in my neck." But the victor gently squeezed Katniss's shoulder before she sat back down across from her, grinning at her. Katniss couldn't help but return the smile.

"Thank you…all of you," she said weakly.

"So…bread boy finally made a move?" Finnick and Annie gave Johanna a patronizing stare but Katniss chuckled half-heartedly.

"I guess you could say that. The night before our rescue in the Capitol, after he came back to me…we just wanted to spend whatever time we had left, together. I wanted to give him everything I had, since I didn't think I would survive the night. I never expected this to happen."

"That's usually when these things happen, brainless."

Finnick squeezed her hand.

'We'll help you. You know we will."

"I know," Katniss said softly. "I just…didn't want you to find out this way. I was figuring out a way to tell you."

"Well, he made that decision for you. Who else knows?"

"Prim and Haymitch," she said softly. Finnick nodded and raised his brow.

"And Gale?"

"Yes. He came to me the other day and asked me to let him raise it as his own. He doesn't think Peeta is stable enough."

"I would have kicked his ass back to 12," Finnick growled. Katniss looked surprised and Annie reached over and stroked Finnick's arm and he relaxed slightly.

"You're taking Peeta's side?"

"Sorry Katniss but yeah I am. Gale has no right to ask that. It's Peeta's child, Peeta should be the only father it knows. I understand Gale's concern but I believe Peeta will make a terrific father. Just as you will make a terrific mother."

"You'll both be wonderful parents," Annie said sweetly. Katniss smiled.

"As will you two." Annie and Finnick exchanged a look so loving that Katniss almost felt like she was invading on something precious and personal. Johanna rolled her eyes.

"Meanwhile, I'll be the fuck up who's too unstable to have children."

"Jo-"

"Oh you know it's true Finnick. What a mother I would make." She snorted at the thought. "But you and Katniss are right. You four will make the best parents ever. I can't wait to be Aunty Johanna to little Odairs and Mellarks." Then, without warning, the table exploded into laughter that shook the room. Everyone looked over, with curious expressions, but they went back to their breakfast. The four victors laughed together, becoming lost in their joy and their confusion and sadness and their insanity. It became something only they could understand. Because it was true. The Games change you. The Games haunt you. But if you were lucky enough to survive, there were others who survived before and after you, who understand exactly what you are going through.

* * *

When they finished breakfast, Katniss was uncertain if Peeta was coming back. She assumed not so she pulled the chair closer and tried to scoot into it. Finnick rolled his eyes, stood up, and picked her up easily. When he set her into the chair he leaned in close to stare into her eyes.

"You don't have to do everything alone anymore. You have a family that will help you."

"I'm not so good with friends. Or family," she said quietly. "And I'm using to doing things on my own. You can't let yourself get attached to anyone in the Games. You'll just lose them."

"Believe me, I know how you feel," Annie said, taking her hand and squeezing it. "But the best part of surviving is finding people who know exactly how you feel. And if you're lucky, a bond is forged between you all. Just look at Johanna. I have never known her to be such a sap."

"Don't get used to it," Johanna snapped, finishing Katniss's muffin.

"Do you want me to take you back to the hospital before we go to training?"

"Actually I think I'll wheel myself around a bit. If I need any help, I'll call Prim." Finnick nodded and helped Annie to her feet.

"We're still with you, mockingjay. Always." Startled at his words, Katniss looked up at Finnick but he was giving Annie a sweet kiss and Katniss relaxed in her chair. She waved as she rolled away, her dark braid swinging as she pushed herself, her muscles already straining. She rolled into the hallway and nearly flattened Gale. His face relaxed when he looked down at her.

"Hey Catnip."

"Soldier Hawthorne," she nodded, a bit stiffly. Gale looked pained.

"Can we go somewhere and talk Katniss? Somewhere where your ex-fiance can't beat me up?"

"He's run off somewhere, having a flashback. I was about to go tour the grounds if you'd like to join me?" Gale smiled and was about to place his hands on the handlebars but she shook her head.

"Walk beside me. I'd like to push myself." Gale nodded, realizing she was still the girl he knew from all those years ago. Fiercely independent, brave and bold, a beautiful fury to her. Like fire. He had laughed when she had been given that name in the first Games. The girl on fire. That's how he had always thought of her. They left the hospital, just as Peeta was re-entering the cafeteria. He caught sight of Finnick, Annie, and Johanna leaving but saw no sign of Katniss. Damn it. Her first day out of the hospital and he had to make it miserable for her. He trudged over to them, his hands shoved into his pockets. Finnick's brow raised and Annie crossed her arms.

"Made quite a scene this morning, Mellark."

"I know, I just…where did she go?"

"She wanted to push herself around the district. I'm sure she's sick of being locked up in that tiny room. Are you ok?" Finnick eyed him warily and Peeta nodded.

"I'm fine. The pain helps me focus."

"You sound like me, bread boy. Completely insane." Peeta grinned at Johanna.

"Well, guess anyone who makes it out of the Arena is, Jo." Finnick draped a protective arm around Annie and Peeta bit his lip.

"We have to get going. Are you coming to training?"

"Yeah, President Coin says she hopes to see me there," Peeta said, rolling his eyes. "Might as well have given me an order. It's less condescending."

"I'm sure Katniss will join us for dinner. Just apologize to her. Make sure she knows how sorry you are for blowing the big secret." Peeta's head snapped up.

"So she told you?"

"Well yeah. After your slip-up, she didn't have much of a choice. We'll help you both, Peeta. You won't have to do this alone." Peeta ran his fingers through his hair. Had she told them the truth? She promised she wouldn't. His fingers grasped Finnick's arm and Finnick paused.

"What did she tell you, Finnick?"

"That you're having a baby together," Finnick said slowly. Peeta shook his head impatiently.

"I mean, did she tell you how?"

"Um, Peeta…I know how babies are conceived."

"No! I mean…ugh, nevermind." Finnick clapped Peeta on the shoulder and smiled.

"She said she wanted to give you everything she had before she died. Neither of you knew if you would survive in the Capitol. And I completely understand why you did it, Peeta. Your secret is safe with me. Until she's ready to tell everyone, our lips are sealed." He gave him another smile before he tugged Annie off out of the cafeteria. Peeta ran his fingers through his hair again and sighed. He needed a haircut. His blonde locks were starting to curl up and tickle his ears. He glanced at the schedule on his arm and bit his lip. He supposed he should get going if he wanted to make it on time to training. He would find Katniss afterwards, he decided.

* * *

"You know I just want what's best for you, Catnip," Gale said patiently. Katniss stared out over the training field and nodded.

"You always have. But you don't want to accept that might not be you."

"Listen, I'd be fine if it wasn't me. But I don't think it's Mellark. After what he did to you…how can you be sure he won't get like that again, Katniss? I just don't want to see you get hurt."

"The Capitol tried to change him, Gale. They tried to kill his love for me. They failed. Peeta has fought like hell to stay with me and even though he has his dark moments, I know he still loves me. And I know everything isn't sunshine and rainbows but when I'm with him, things seem a little better. I can't help but think of our child and how I hope she looks like him." Gale looked slightly pained and Katniss's face softened.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, touching his hand. He jumped but did not jerk back

"It's just strange to hear you talk like this. The girl I knew never wanted children, remember?"

"Well…people change. I'm not going to lie to you and tell you I'm completely fine with everything that has happened. You know I'm not. But I have to try to put everything in a more positive light so I don't completely fall apart. I don't want to go back to hiding in closets and crying all night long. I'm determined to kill Snow. I want to make the world safer before I bring her into it." Gale couldn't help but smile.

"Her?" She shrugged.

"Every time I imagine the baby I can see a little girl with blonde hair and blue eyes. She'll look sweet and gentle, just like him."

"She has to have some of you too. What if she has blonde hair and your stormy eyes?"

"But I love Peeta's eyes. They captured me so many years ago." She glanced up at him and softly told him about the bread. His eyes widened as she revealed at how Peeta had saved her life when they were young and Katniss saw that finally, a part of Gale understood how the boy with the bread had always been the one for the girl on fire. When she finished her story, Gale knelt down and kissed her hand.

"All three of you have my protection, should you ever need it." Katniss brought his hand down to her belly and held it there for a moment. His eyes sparkled as they stared down at her stomach, then into her eyes.

"I'm happy for you, Catnip." He leaned forward, his hand still on her stomach, and kissed her cheek. She smiled at him as he drew away, never breaking their gaze.

* * *

"Peeta! Come on man, we are going to be late!" Peeta didn't move. He was staring across the field at the figure in the wheelchair and the man who kissed her. His heart was pounding, he didn't know if he would rather scream and punch a wall or cry and disappear into a hole forever. What was she doing with him? And WHY was she letting him kiss her?! He wanted to storm across there and demand an explanation but he forced himself to remain where he was. He watched Gale rise up and start walking toward the training facility and Peeta shuffled out of sight, his heart still racing.

He couldn't concentrate on what the soldiers were saying. There were several younger soldiers in their group, who handled the weapons very well. One of them was from the Seam and had grey eyes like Katniss. And Gale. Peeta shook himself, trying not to look at him. Gale was putting his gun together and studying the parts closely.

"Alright everyone, I want you to partner up! See how fast you can put together and take apart your weapons. Then I want you to practice loading and unloading the guns. Don't point them at each other, we still want everyone to be safe. Soldier Odair, you'll be with Soldier Leeg. Soldier Hawthorne, you're with Soldier Mellark." It was hard to tell who was unhappier with this pairing. Peeta grabbed his gun and stormed off away from the group, Gale right behind him. They chose a spot several feet away and dropped their weapons to the ground, waiting for further instructions. When the trainer told them to go ahead and start assembling, the boys dropped to their knees and quickly put them together without a word to each other. They went on, assembling and disassembling for several minutes until the trainer announced she wanted them to load the cartridge with blanks and fire at the targets. The targets were set up all around the field and Peeta took his anger out on the several of them, firing at the heart. Gale moved away from Peeta and fired and it angered Peeta to see how good Gale was. Gale looked over and chuckled to himself.

"You're seeing my face pretty clearly on that thing aren't you?" Peeta didn't turn around.

"How did you know?"

"Because you haven't spoken a word to me since we started training."

"What the hell do you want me to say to you? You seem determined to take Katniss away from me. I'm supplementing my rage on these targets so I don't kill someone that Katniss loves." Gale's brow went high into his hair.

"You have good aim, Mellark, but you couldn't kill me with blanks."

"Care to test that theory?" Gale turned and froze. Peeta was pointing his gun directly at Gale's heart and the look on his face was more than deadly.


	13. Chapter 13

**XIII.**

"Peeta," Gale said slowly. Peeta frowned and lowered the gun.

"I'm not stupid enough to do it. Katniss would hate me forever. And I'm no murderer."

"You aren't?"

"The Games were different," Peeta said dismissively, dropping the weapon to the ground. "Everyone kills when the time comes. I never wanted to kill. I never wanted blood on my hands." Peeta wiped his hands on his pants frantically to emphasize his point.

"I know it wasn't your fault, Peeta. But I will never be able to forget what you did. Or forgive. I saw the tape and the look in your eyes…the look in her eyes…"

"I know," Peeta said, sounding pained. "I watched it too, Gale. You think I don't know what I did? You think I don't hear her screams when I close my eyes? You think I don't feel guilty every single moment of every day?"

"Do you?"

"Of course I do," Peeta spat. "I love that girl more than life itself! And finding out that I did that to her…that I hurt the woman I love…I will never forgive myself."

"Then why do you stay around? You know as well as I do that I could raise that baby better than you can. Go get some help. When you're better, come back and find her again."

"And let my child call you Father? What do I do when I come home and my child has no idea who I am? Katniss has forgotten all about me, because she has you coming home to her at night. She smiles at YOU and kisses YOU! And I'm just the fuck-up who has nowhere to go, no family, and no one who loves me!" Peeta couldn't take it. His own words were causing him pain and rage and he leaped at Gale, grabbing him round the middle and taking him down. Gale had a moment to defend himself and he blocked his face from Peeta's punches. Peeta tried to gain an upper hand by straddling Gale but Gale knocked him aside, kicking his feet out from under him and causing him to land flat on his back. His prosthetic weighed him down and he grimaced as Gale appeared over him. He waited for Gale's punches but they did not come. Gale reached down and gripped Peeta's shoulders.

"She would never forget you because she loves you. That child is going to look just like you and every day I would see your eyes staring back at me. I'm just asking you to get some help before the baby comes. Haymitch can find you a doctor here in 13. I couldn't stand to see Katniss hurt by the man she loves." Peeta stared up at him, wide-eyed until Gale moved aside and held out his hand. Peeta grasped it and Gale pulled him to his feet. Finnick and the others were running over to them, looking wary.

"Everything ok over here?"

"We're fine," Gale answered, brushing himself off. The trainer's mouth thinned.

"I know I didn't see you two fighting because I would have to report that."

"So you're right, you didn't see us fighting," Gale said with a shrug.

"We were practicing the hand to hand combat we learned in last class," Peeta jumped in. Finnick's brow raised but the trainer nodded and turned away. She announced the next step in training and told them to clean up the weapons and get ready for the laps. Finnick jogged alongside Peeta as they made their way to the track.

"What was that about?"

"I think we had some sort of understanding," he said in a low voice.

"When did that happen?"

"You got me," he shrugged. "I don't know for sure but I think he just…surrendered Katniss. Ok that sounds wrong but I think he realizes how much we love each other. Maybe. I could be completely wrong."

"I hope you're not wrong. I don't think you are. Don't forget Gale spent a lot of time with Katniss while you were in the Capitol." Peeta tensed up.

"And?"

"I didn't mean it like that Peeta. I just mean…he could see how desolate she was without you. He could hear the desperation in her voice, he knew, without her telling him, how much you meant to her. I think that's why he volunteered for your rescue mission." Peeta snorted at this.

"Don't pretend like he did that for me. He definitely did that for Katniss."

"The rescue mission was planned days before Katniss disappeared. Gale had gone to Coin and told her we had to get you out of there. Katniss would have broken down completely if we hadn't." Peeta paused to consider this. He wished he could tell Finnick the truth about how Katniss wound up pregnant but he didn't think he could handle the look of disbelief and disgust in his friend's eyes. They stopped talking at the track and Peeta was soon nearly bent over with no breath left. Finnick clapped him on the shoulder and urged him to keep going. His treatment in the Capitol had definitely altered his stamina and his muscles. He had been starved, beaten, and tortured and it was remarkable how far he had come already. Still, it was proving more and more difficult to keep up with the rest of the class and he was becoming discouraged when he discovered many of them were several years younger than he was. By the third lap, he nearly passed out. The trainer shook her head.

"Soldier Mellark, go take a break and rest up. You can finish the laps tomorrow."

"But-"

"No buts. I won't have you passing out. Finish up tomorrow." Finnick cast him an apologetic glance as Peeta gathered up his things and headed back to his room in the hospital. How humiliating! He remembered being in the Games and forcing himself to go on. He wondered if he could just tell himself he was in another Games. But then again, he didn't really want to think that way. Not that they were free to do whatever they wanted but at least District 13 wasn't the Capitol and it wasn't a prison. Peeta was ready to get out of the hospital and into a compartment in the bunkers. He wondered if he should speak to President Coin about it tonight. He slung the bag and the gun over his shoulder and stalked across the lawn.

Heading back into the hospital, Peeta immediately saw several doctors in white coats surrounding Katniss's room. Frowning, he dropped the bags to the floor and ran to see what was going on. Several of them were entering the room while the others waited outside. Peeta tried to enter but was held back.

"Wait a moment. He's her fiancé. Let him pass." Peeta didn't bother to correct them and shoved his way through.

Katniss was standing-standing! Beside her bed. She took one very unsteady step and cried out in pain. One of the doctors moved to help her but she held up her hand and he stopped in his tracks. She bit her lip and took another step. Tears filled her eyes as she took two more steps and her knees buckled. Peeta was the one to catch her in his arms before she hit the floor.

"Peeta," she blinked back tears. "What are you doing here?"

"I saw all the activity and was worried. What are you doing?"

"Testing out District 13's medical wonders," she said, a slightly bitter tone. Peeta looked up at the doctors for an explanation, a frown marring his handsome features.

"We're trying new medicine for her feet. President Coin wants the mockingjay to be seen walking around, looking healthy and fit and ready for battle. We need her to try to walk again. The burns are serious but not permanent. They could have been a lot worse." Peeta winced, trying not to think of how they could be worse. He had seen them with his own eyes. He was thankful that his hijacked brain was keeping that particular memory under wraps. He didn't want to remember that. He didn't want to remember a lot of things about his time in the Capitol.

"Her name is Katniss and she's not JUST the mockingjay," came Prim's furious voice. "She's a girl from District 12 who has been badly injured. She needs time to heal."

"For most people, we could provide that time. Unfortunately in this case, we don't have it. We need to show everyone that she is alive and well. The wedding will be a perfect time to do that." Peeta's jaw dropped.

"Wedding?" Katniss looked like she was about to argue but the doctor held up his hand.

"Finnick and Annie's wedding is in a few days and Plutarch Heavensbee has asked to shoot a propo that shows you both dancing together. It shows everyone that you are both alive and happy together, that you are still fighting for everything that you hold dear." For some reason this irked Peeta quite a lot.

"You want us to pretend that everything is just fine?"

"We want you to pretend to be happy. A wedding is a time for joy. Put on fake smiles and show the Capitol they didn't beat you."

"They won't be fake smiles," Katniss said quietly. "We are genuinely happy for them."

"Good. The wedding is in six days. Katniss, I want you to try walking around your room twice a day. When possible, don't use the chair. We need to get you strong again and you are known for pushing through difficult situations." Katniss swallowed and Peeta draped a protective arm around her. The doctors all nodded and cleared out of the room. Katniss leaned against Peeta and as soon as the doors closed, she collapsed in his arms. Prim rushed forward, her mouth thin.

"I knew this wasn't a good idea. They're rushing you. There's no way you can walk on those feet."

"I have to try, Prim. I'm still the mockingjay. And I want to show the Capitol they didn't break me. I'm still here. I'm still fighting. We all are." Peeta's hand slipped into hers and squeezed. She took a deep breath and tossed the hair out of her face.

"Ok, Peeta, help me up?" He gently pushed her to her feet and she grimaced as she took a step. Her arms were unsteady as they reached out in front of her and she took a few more steps across the floor, toward her bed. Peeta and Prim stayed close by, their eyes narrowed on her. When it looked like she was going to fall, Peeta was right beside her but he kept his distance. He knew she was still the independent, brave girl he had fallen in love with. Suddenly, the doctor's words hit him and he gasped.

"Six days! Did he say six days?!" Prim and Katniss nodded and Peeta's hands went to his hair.

"There's no way I can make a decent cake in six days! I have to get started right away!"

"Peeta, it's six days! I'm sure you'll do a beautiful job."

"Not in six days!" he exclaimed. "Let's see, if I start now, I can get all the ingredients mixed together, get it cooling, and go ahead and mix up the frosting. Ah, but I haven't even designed the cake! And what will I do about the layers? Then there's the matter of the fondant, should I use fondant or just whip the frosting…" Katniss and Prim watched as the baker mumbled away, and they couldn't help but giggle. Peeta looked up, frowning, finally realizing they were laughing at him.

"What's so funny?"

"Are you always like this when it comes to baking?" Peeta's face hardened.

"Try living with my mother. Everything had to be done perfectly and on time. If it wasn't, it meant no dinner and maybe a bruise to accompany the empty stomach." Katniss's smile faded and she felt a rushing hatred for the witch who raised this wonderful boy. Then she remembered the witch and the rest of Peeta's family were dead and she was all Peeta had left. She held out her hand while she steadied herself against the wall.

"Come here," she said softly. Peeta went to her and she buried herself in his arms, wrapping him in her protective embrace. He sighed as he rested his head on top of her hair and he inhaled the scent of forest and pine. It reminded him of home and he felt a sharp pang in his heart. She looked up at him and stroked his cheek.

"You are wonderful at nearly everything you do, so I am sure this cake will take Finnick's and Annie's breaths away." He smiled down at her and brought his lips to hers.

"What did I do to deserve you?"

"A lot," she whispered against his lips. Prim averted her eyes while they continued to kiss. Katniss's hand came up and gently pressed against his chest.  
"Go. Design an amazing cake and I'll see you later tonight."

"Are you sure? You don't want me to stay and help?"

"Prim is here and you have work to do. I'll be fine." He ran his knuckles along her cheek before he kissed her again and made his way to the door. He paused, his hand on the wall as he turned back to the girls.

"One day…I hope I'll be able to design a very special wedding cake."

"Why? What would make it so special?"

"Because you and I would be slicing it together."

Katniss's eyes widened but he didn't wait for a response as he shot her a smile and exited the room. Prim cleared her throat and held out a hand toward her.

"The Baker's son has got it bad for you, Katniss." Katniss nodded, her eyes on the door.

"If only I had known that years ago."

"Why? What difference would it have made? You aren't the same girl as you were then. I think the terror of the Games has opened you up to love, Katniss. You finally see that you are worthy of love." Katniss winced as she took a step toward the bed, wanting more than anything to delve under the covers and sleep this pain off.

"I'll never deserve him, Prim. Never."

"I don't buy it. You're afraid to let someone love you. You've always been afraid to let him love you. Stop running from it, Katniss. Peeta will not stop chasing you. He's been in love with you since you were kids!"

"I'm not running, Prim. Or if I'm running, it's into his arms. I just…hope he stays with me. I can't bear it if he gets violent again. I can't bear the hatred in his eyes."

"Then think about the love in those eyes. Cause that's what I see whenever he's near you. Your faces light up when you're together, your hearts beat in unison. If that's not love, I don't know what is." Katniss smiled as she rested against the wall.

"I love you, little duck. You'll find your own true love someday."

"I love you too. Are you ready to try some more or you had enough?" Katniss's feet were throbbing but she thought about the wedding and the chance to show Snow and those bastards at the Capitol that she and Peeta were healing, together, and would be coming for them soon. She gritted her teeth and stood again.

"I'll need an extra shot of morphling tonight but let's give it another go."

* * *

Katniss was in terrible pain by the time dinner rolled around and Prim convinced her to eat dinner in her room. She agreed, as long as Prim would stay with her and so the sisters ate their meals in silence. Katniss wished she could giggle and gossip like other girls but they had never had much to giggle and gossip about. Katniss was not one of those Capitol girls. It was a completely different life, she knew. She did hope, however, that when Snow was defeated, Panem could be a free place and maybe even a little bit of fun with less uncertainty and despair.

"I forgot I told Peeta I would meet him at dinner," she exclaimed with wide eyes. "Oh Prim, could you go to the cafeteria and let him know I'm not feeling well? I don't want him to think I've stood him up." Prim squeezed her sister's hand as she collected the trays.

"I'll let him know. Katniss, have you told anyone else about the baby?" Katniss bit her lip.

"Finnick and Annie and Johanna know."

"But not Mom?" Katniss shook her head and Prim bit her lip.

"Katniss, you need to tell her. Soon. And you know the others are going to have to know about it."

"Plutarch will broadcast it with fireworks! I can't tell them, Prim. Not until we beat Snow. It will be even more celebration when we win this war."

"But Katniss, what if something happens to you? What then?"

"Then no one needs to know there was a baby," she said solemnly. Prim's eyes widened. Peeta would flip if he heard her talking this way. She shook her head and made her way to the door.

"You need to tell them, Katniss. Our mother, at least, needs to know she will be a grandmother." And then she was gone. Her sister was stubborn and hard-headed most of the time, much like Gale. She was glad Katniss had chosen Peeta over Gale. Gale had too much temper, too much fire and Katniss already had enough of that. Peeta was sweeter and more gentle and she knew he loved her fiercely. She knew he would protect her sister and lay down his life for her. She sincerely hoped with all her heart that they could have a happily ever after. Katniss had been the reason she had survived, especially after her mother had checked out. After she volunteered as tribute in the first Hunger Games, Prim saw the responsibility and the burdens that weighed Katniss down. She felt that Peeta in his own way helped her with some of those burdens and took them upon himself. Others may disagree but Prim felt that Katniss would make a fantastic mother.

When Prim entered the cafeteria, she put her trays and dishes up and sought out the victors' table. Spotting it, she noticed someone was missing and she hurried over. Annie smiled up at her.

"Hello Prim, how are you doing?"

"I'm wonderful, Annie, I hope you're all doing well. Where is Peeta?" Annie's face fell and glanced at Finnick, who looked livid.

"He's, er, being kept in his room. President Coin thinks he may still be unstable and is insisting on round the clock guards."

"What? Why? What happened?"

"Nothing happened, he was doing just fine," Finnick spat. Johanna shook her head.

"Bread Boy is as crazy as the rest of us are. But we didn't try to hurt someone. Coin demanded to see the tapes." Prim's eyes were wide and glassy.

"No," she whispered. Without another word, she ran all the way to the control center and burst in on Haymitch and Beetee.

"Tell me you destroyed it," she said breathlessly, fighting the tears. Haymitch jumped up, looking concerned.

"Easy kid, what's going on?"

"Finnick said that President Coin saw the tapes. Please tell me you destroyed one of them." Haymtch glanced sideways at Beetee and back at Prim. Prim nearly fell to her knees.

"Haymitch, if they find out…if they know what happened…they will never let him near her again! And she won't be able to handle that! And he'll go crazy! They can't survive without each other! They just can't." Haymitch gripped her shoulders and shook her gently.

"All Coin knows is that he was hijacked and tortured. Which is why she wants guards for him, in case he snaps. She is still allowing him to train but she noticed from the tapes that it gets worse at night." His eyes bore into Prim's and she saw the truth and loyalty swimming in his tears. She nodded and rested her hand on his.

"Thank you," she mouthed.

"Um, how is Katniss feeling?"

"She's alright except for her feet. But they want her to start walking so that she can be dancing at Finnick's and Annie's wedding."

"Well she is the mockingjay. People want to see her healthy and happy. It gives them hope."

"I'd better get back to her. I'm sure she will need some morphling to sleep."

"That morphling won't hurt…um, won't do any lasting damage will it?" Haymitch caught himself as he glanced quickly at Beetee. Prim shook her head.

"It's a low dosage and I studied it carefully to make sure it has no side effects." Haymitch nodded and with a smile, Prim excused herself. She made her way back to Katniss's bedroom, pausing by Peeta's room and frowning at the two guards who stood outside. She shook her head in disgust and continued on.

Katniss was nearly asleep when Prim entered and Prim looked apologetic.

"I should have just let you sleep."

"No, it's fine, I would have woken up in an hour anyway. I can't sleep properly in this place. I'd rather be back on the Victory Train than in here."

"Only because of who was with you, not because of where you were," Prim said wisely. Katniss shrugged and leaned back into the pillows.

"What did he say when you told him I wasn't coming?" Prim looked at her sister and her heart dropped. Katniss would be furious to hear about the guards. She might even storm into the hallway and demand the guards to let her pass.

"He understood. He says he loves you and he will see you in the morning." Katniss looked relieved and Prim felt guilt and relief twisting at her. She had never lied to her sister but she didn't want to upset her anymore. She wasn't just thinking of Katniss anymore. There was another who was depending on Katniss to be calm and relaxed. And even though she had never known her sister to be calm or relaxed, she would do everything she could to make sure it happened now. Prim decided that from here on out, her first and foremost priority was her soon-to-be niece or nephew.


	14. Chapter 14

**_Hey amazing fans of mine, wanted to post one more quick chapter before I leave on vacation! I'll be gone a few days, and won't have access to my computer. Plz leave me plenty of reviews-yall are so great! Thank you! XOXO_**

* * *

**XIIII. **

Two days went by and not a lot had happened. Peeta was still under guard but he was allowed the use of the kitchen to work on the wedding cake. Prim and Finnick simply told Katniss that he was extremely busy with the cake and he would come see her as soon as he could. They both felt bad about lying to her but they had mutually agreed that anything that upset Katniss would upset the baby. So Katniss continued to practice walking again, wincing as she made her way around the room. Their mother had mixed up a healing salve, much like what she had used in District 12, and she generously spread it over Katniss's sore feet. Immediately she felt a cooling sensation and she sighed.

"That feels so much better. Thank you." Her mother smiled up at her and nodded, while she wrapped up her feet again. She rose and gently stroked her daughter's cheek.

"You are looking so much better, Katniss. I'm glad you are back with us." Katniss wasn't sure if she meant back from the Games or back from the Capitol or back physically or back in her mind but she appreciated it and nodded. Her mother left and Prim gave her a hard look.

"You need to tell her, Katniss."

"I know, Prim. I will, ok? I just…can't right now." Prim sighed and Katniss stepped off the bed and felt the pain was lessened by the salve.

Three days before the wedding, Katniss wheeled herself to the cafeteria to have breakfast with everyone. Johanna was sitting next to Gale, and Annie and Finnick were arm in arm, while Annie rested her head on his shoulder.

"Hey Catnip, you're looking good," Gale was the first to notice her.

"You're a bad liar, Gale. But thank you. Got room for one more?"

"Come sit by me, brainless." Johanna patted the seat next to her and Katniss stood and plopped down beside her. Finnick smiled.

"I see you've been practicing."

"We're shooting a propo at your wedding and I want Snow to see my smug smile while I dance with Peeta." Finnick's smile faded slightly and Katniss shook her head.

"I want him to see how happy you two are. How whole Annie is. I want him to know that he didn't beat any of us. We're still fighting." Finnick gave her a warm smile.

"Because you guys are the strongest people I know. The Rebels are going to win this thing, for sure."

"I know. But first, we all get to watch you and Annie dance together as husband and wife! You're going to make such a beautiful bride, Annie."

"Thank you Katniss. I hope I feel beautiful in my rags," she glanced down and indicated what she was wearing. Katniss mouthed uncertainly.

"You mean you don't have…don't you have anything special to wear?" Both Annie and Finnick shook their heads. Katniss snapped her fingers and sat up straighter.

"You'll come with me to my house in Victors Village! I have dresses that Cinna left for me," speaking about Cinna made her throat close up for a moment but she shook herself. Annie's eyes were wide.

"Oh Katniss, you don't have to do that."

"Yes I do," she said firmly. "I'll ask my prep team to come along. God knows I'm not the one to be making fashion decisions. We could ask Peeta if we can stop by his place and pick up some of his suits too."

"I think that's a great idea," Gale said with a nod.

"Katniss, you are just the best. Thank you," Annie said with a squeeze of her hand. Katniss smiled her first genuine smile in a long time, as she squeezed back.

When Katniss went back to her room to get dressed and call for her prep team, Finnick made his way to Peeta's room. He frowned as he approached and the guards seemed testy.

"I need to speak to him please." They glanced at each other, frowning, before they both moved aside. Finnick opened the door and the first thing he saw were the large restraints on the bed. His eyes widened and he jumped when a movement caught his eye.

"Finnick! This is a nice surprise, what are you doing here?"

"Peeta, are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," Peeta said without looking at him, as he gathered his sketches. "Just working on your cake. I'm glad you stopped by. I have a few designs to run by you. Most of it is done, this is just the icing on the cake," he chuckled at his own joke and Finnick was surprised. He was acting more normal and cheerful than he had seen him in ages. Perhaps baking really was therapy for Peeta. He glanced at the sketches and gasped.

"My god, Peeta. These are beautiful."

"Oh just wait til you see them on a cake! It'll be even better," he grinned.

"Peeta, I have a favor to ask you. Katniss is taking Annie back to her house to try on dresses for the wedding. Could I borrow one of your suits? Katniss volunteered to bring one back if you agreed."

"Of course, Finnick! Someone should wear them."

"Well, I'm sure you can wear when let you out of this damn room." Peeta nodded sadly.

"Round the clock guard kind of sucks, I'll admit."

"They're not…restraining you, are they?"

"Sometimes," Peeta confessed. "Sometimes I start to have a flashback and I fight it. It's like I become two people fighting with myself. They tie me down to "protect me"," Finnick noticed how bitter he sounded. "But I'm almost always better in the morning. I think I'm so bad at night because I don't have Katniss in my arms anymore. I used to get horrible nightmares in the training facility and on the train and that's when I started to hold her while we slept. It kept the nightmares away for both of us."

"Prim says she still screams in her sleep. You two need to get better so you can move into a bunker together." Peeta winced.

"I don't see that happening, Finnick. I don't know if they'll ever let me out."

"They will. If anything Katniss will demand for you to be free when she gets better. And she's walking more and more. At first we thought they were rushing things but she's so much better, Peeta. She's looking great." Peeta smiled.

"She's strong, my girl on fire. She can beat anything."

"As long as she knows she has you beside her, or at least near her, yes, she can defeat anything." Peeta frowned slightly.

"She can do it without me."

"She can't though. She needs you, Peeta. She loves you. You can't survive without each other. I discovered that when you were first captured. The way she fell apart. Just don't ever leave her."

"You know that's not possible for me."

"I know. Listen, I need to go find Katniss before she leaves. I'll see you soon, alright? Maybe you can join us for dinner tonight."

"I'm going to start decorating the cake but if I get enough done, I'll see if my jailers will let me come play." Finnick grinned.

"Take care, Peeta."

As he started to take his leave, he glanced over his shoulder to see the young victor rifling through his sketches, his tongue sticking out slightly to the side and his face screwed up in concentration. Finnick smiled and left the baker to his work.

* * *

When he reentered the cafeteria, he stopped in his tracks. Johanna and Gale were sitting at a longer table with many other people, while they worked away at what looked to be decorations. Johanna was instructing them on how to wind the leaves together to form a pretty garland and many of the children from District 12 giggled as they helped. Katniss limped over to Finnick, holding crutches under her arms.

"All for you, Odair," she said with a smile. Finnick's jaw was hanging wide open and he looked around for his bride-to-be.

"Annie's getting ready to leave, but don't worry, we'll pick out something that will make her sparkle."

"You're a great friend, Katniss," he said in a weak whisper. Katniss smiled as Finnick gently kissed her cheek and moved on to the tables to help. Katniss watched the people of Districts 12 and 13 work together. It was hard to say when she had last seen them this happy or relaxed. Her people, at least, had always worked from a young age and it was rare to see a child without tears in their eyes. As they worked on the decorations, they chatted happily about the wedding. Katniss sighed contentedly. Perhaps it was because it had been ages since they had anything to actually celebrate and everyone longed to be a part of it, to feel the happiness spreading from person to person. She felt someone touch her arm and she turned to see her prep team.

"We're ready when you are," Octavia said softly, giving her a warm smile. Katniss followed them out and joined Annie outside, where they all boarded the hovercraft together.

When they reached Victors Village, Katniss kept her eyes straight ahead. She didn't want to look down the path and see the rubble of what had once been her home. The bones of her neighbors. The devastation of her district. She lead them inside her house and went to a storage closet downstairs. It had not been opened since the last time she had been in her house and everyone gasped when they turned the knob. Cinna's very presence flowed from the dresses. Octavia dropped to her knees and fingered one of the skirts, bringing it close to her cheek.

"It's been so long since I've seen anything pretty," she said, choking back a sob. Katniss set her hand on the woman's shoulder and she turned to Annie.

"Well, what would you like to wear to your wedding?"

"You mean it?" Her eyes were wide and glassy and she didn't fight the tears that fell.

"You choose whatever you want. This is your day. We are celebrating you and yours and Finnick's love." As Annie examined the dresses closely, listening to suggestions from Octavia, Flavius, and Venia, Katniss watched Annie and thought back to the Quarter Quell, when she and Finnick had been haunted by the cries of the jabberjays. Finnick had heard Annie's pained screams and it had driven him to be a sobbing mess. She was so happy for the both of them, happy that she could witness this joyful moment for her friends, and even slightly jealous of their love. She dared to hope for a happy ending with Peeta. She knew they had far to go. Snow was still alive and still a threat and not all of the Districts had fallen to the Rebels. But Katniss shook herself, determined to focus on the wedding and her happiness for Finnick and Annie.

Annie tried on several dresses and finally decided on a green silk one that matched her eyes. Katniss insisted that the other dresses were too long and extravagant but Venia pulled out a shorter red gown that she had worn on the Victory Tour and Annie insisted she wear that. When they finished storing away the rest of the dresses, they made their way across the way to Peeta's house and Katniss was immediately greeted by the smell of bread. After all this time, it still smelled like him. Cinnamon and a hint of dill and her eyes fell upon the sink. Three dishes were in the dryer. A plate, a fork, and a cup. Katniss's heart ached for her boy with the bread, for the loneliness he must have endured when he was here. She decided from now on, he would never have to worry about being alone again. If she did not make it through the war, she would find a way to make sure the baby did and therefore leave Peeta with a tiny piece of her for him to hold onto.

Katniss felt strange going into Peeta's room and yet she felt like she should be the only one to go in there. It felt intimate, personal. Everything was neat and orderly, like Peeta, and the bed looked crisp and un-slept in. Katniss wondered if he had even slept there. Had he found sleep on the couch downstairs? Or had he even slept at all? She forced herself to focus and opened his closet door. Just as Cinna's presence had radiated from the dresses in her house, Peeta's presence flowed from his closet. Katniss's trembling hand ran over the clothing, as she paused to bring one of his shirts to her face, inhaling his scent. She closed her eyes and thought about her love back in District 13. How she wished she had had one of his shirts with her in the hospital when he was in the Capitol. The smell of him kept her going on, the thought of him gave her a warm feeling, the memory of his arms around her made her heart race. How could she have been so stupid? How she could have thought for a second that Peeta was not the one for her? She shook her head and looked through his suits. She found one that he had worn on the Tour and thought Finnick would look handsome in it. She pulled out another one for Peeta to wear and glanced down when something fluttered to the floor. She flung the suits over her arm and bent to pick it up. She gasped as she stared at a picture of her. It had been from the first Games, when they had returned to 12, and one of Peeta's family members had obviously taken it. But Peeta had ripped the picture so that it was just Katniss holding a hand, her features soft and lovely from Cinna's talented hand. She swallowed as she stared at the picture, her hands shaking. She searched the closet for the rest of the picture but did not find it. With a last glance at his few belongings, she closed the closet and set the picture beside his bed. Giving the lonely bedroom another look, she closed the door behind her and rejoined the others downstairs.


	15. Chapter 15

**XV**

As they made their way back to District 13, Katniss held tightly to the suits in her hands. One of her hands was pressed tightly to her belly, trying to feel the tiny being in there. Annie's eyes were on Katniss's hands and she smiled. When Katniss noticed Annie staring at her, their eyes met and they felt a rush of understanding between them.

When the hovercraft landed, Annie went looking for Finnick and Katniss took the dresses back to her room. Prim was waiting for her, with a broad smile on her face.

"What do you look so happy for?"

"Because you're finally getting out of here." Katniss stopped, nearly dropping her crutch.

"What? How do you know?"

"The doctors say you're walking again, you don't need to stay here in the hospital. You can move in with mom and Buttercup and me!"

"And Peeta? Does he have to stay here?" Prim bit her lip.

"I'm sure after the wedding, Coin will decide he is stable and will release him. Don't worry, Katniss." She wanted to see him. She had wanted to se him since she had left his bedroom.

"Will you hang these up? I want to go see him."

"Oh Katniss, I'm not sure that's a good idea. You know he's busy, you know, with the cake." Katniss watched her sister closely, her eyes narrowed.

"There's something you're not telling me, Prim."

"No, I just-"

"You can't lie, little duck. You're too sweet for that. Spill it." Prim sighed, her shoulders slumping.

"Peeta has been kept under guard for the past several days because Coin thinks he is unstable. She saw the tapes of what they did to him in the Capitol. Not all of them," she said hurriedly, seeing Katniss's blood drain from her face. "Haymitch made sure of that. But Coin thinks that Peeta is worse at night and keeps guards by his room."

"He hasn't been let out in all that time?"

"He's been allowed to work on the cake in the kitchen but the rest of the time…"

"So you and Finnick have been lying to me. When you told me you saw him at dinner, you lied to me." Prim's face fell and she bit her lip.

"I'm so sorry Katniss. I never wanted to hurt you. But the baby-"

"It's not about the baby," Katniss yelled. "It's about my little sister lying to me! Why is everyone lying to me?"

"Because you are pregnant and can't let your stress level or your depression do anything to hurt the baby!" Katniss fumed.

"I know what my body can handle, Prim. It's MY body! Don't leave me out of decisions that concern me. I can't handle my own sister lying to my face. The whole world has done it but not my baby sister."

"I'm sorry, Katniss. I won't lie to you anymore. But I don't know if they will let you in to see him. It's getting late."

"I'm going to try. I'll be back later." Prim watched sadly as Katniss limped out, her heart heavy with the guilt of lying to her big sister, the one who had always protected her and had always put her first.

Katniss's crutches made noise all the way down the hall but she didn't care. She stopped in front of Peeta's room and glared at the guards.

"I need to see Peeta, please."

"Sorry Soldier Everdeen. Soldier Mellark is on lock-down. Only certain people can get in to see him."

"And shouldn't his fiancé be one of those people?" District 13 didn't know that it had all been lies but she ignored this. She now thought of Peeta as more than a friend, more than a boyfriend. She would marry him, should he ask her again. So she would use the title to her advantage.

"You were his main target, Soldier Everdeen. He was programmed to hate you. You could set him off and we don't want him to go into a flashback."

"Listen you morons," she said through gritted teeth, "the reason why we're not healing quickly is because you're keeping us apart. I need him as much as he needs me. Besides, the room is watched. If anything happens, you can come in and fire your damn tranq guns. Now let me in!" The guards looked surprised and shuffled to the side. Katniss pushed the door open and slammed it closed with her crutch. Peeta was coloring furiously and looked up, surprise evident in his wide eyes. He stood up, dropping the pencil on top of the table.

"Katniss?" She limped over to him, grabbed him by the shirt, and pulled him to her, her crutches falling with a loud thud. Peeta didn't have time to react; her lips closed over his and her other hand reached up and clutched his blonde locks. He moaned against her lips, his hands resting on her waist and traveling up and down her back. They broke away only when they needed air, and then they were drinking each other in, like oxygen. Peeta angled his head, deepening their kiss, his tongue exploring her mouth completely and taking in every bit of her and relishing it. He broke away to look at her, but her eyes were closed.

"Katniss-" she shook her head and dove in again, silencing him with her lips. He tried again.

"Katniss, what-"

"Shh," she said against his mouth, as she leaned into him and grinded against him. He gasped, his eyes shooting open, and she could clearly feel his desire for her. One of his hands drifted down to her thigh, lifting it up around his waist so he could press even more into her. His other hand moved up to her hair, quickly running his fingers through the dark tresses and unbraiding it, sighing when it spread across his fingers like the milkiest of chocolate. He started to push her toward the wall, underneath the monitor, and she did not resist. His hands went to either side of her, his palms flat against the wall as he pressed into her, and her arms wound round his neck as she leaned up and sucked at his throat. His eyes closed, he tossed his head back, moaning her name and one of her hands made its way down his chest, to grope him through his jeans. His forehead rested on her shoulder and he panted against her skin. One of her hands curled around his neck, fingering the fine hairs there while her other was busy with the buttons and zipper of his clothing. Katniss paused for just a moment and Peeta's shaking hand covered hers, bringing it into his jeans to rest over his boxers. He pulled away from her shoulder and she glanced up at him, her eyes uncertain. His hands grasped her face as he leaned in to kiss her and that was the motivation she needed. Her palm raked across his arousal and his breathing hitched slightly. She grasped him fully through his boxers and the rub of the fabric was driving him to insanity. In one quick motion, he shoved his jeans and boxers a little ways down his hips and moved his hand to her jeans. His skilled fingers had her pants unbuttoned and he slid a hand in to tease her damp center. He let out a low growl and gently bit her bottom lip.

"Touch yourself, Katniss."

"This is supposed to be about you," she whispered into his lips.

"I know. This will help. Trust me." Keeping one hand on his pelvis, right above his erection, her other hand slid into her jeans and into her slick folds. She gasped at the contact and Peeta's eyes lit up at the sight.

"Fuck," he groaned unintentionally. She moaned as her fingers rubbed across her center and her nails dug into Peeta's stomach. Peeta lifted her hand to his lips and sucked on her glistening digits. Her knees buckled at the feel of his tongue swiping across her fingers, sucking _her_ off of them. He brought her hand back down between them, and guided her on how he liked to be touched. Her other hand went back up to grip his hair and he hissed at the pleasure she was giving him.

"F-faster," he panted, burying his face in her shoulder again. She increased her speed, and nudged her shoulder so he would move back. She wanted to watch him. She wanted to watch the look on his face, the way he bit his lip and groaned. His face was flushed, his blonde hair hung in his face, and when Katniss's thumb swiped across the head, his knees buckled and he gasped.

"Katniss! Fuck!" She felt something warm all over her hand and he rested his forehead on her shoulder as he attempted to catch his breath, his hands going to either side of her head again. She wiped her hands on her pants and kissed his neck, her arms wrapping around him again. He pulled back and she pushed his damp hair out of his eyes. He smiled and leaned in to give her a gentle kiss.

"You going to tell me why you jumped my bones as soon as you came in?"

"I missed you," she said simply.

"I don't think that was just you missing me. Did something happen?"

"No, I just missed you. Being in your house, seeing how lonely you must have been…" Peeta's smile faded slightly and he shrugged. This angered Katniss and she moved forward, gripping his face with both hands.

"I'm sorry, Peeta. I'm sorry that no one showed you how much we loved you." She was referring to his family as well as herself. They had stayed away from Victors Village as well and Peeta must have made the trek to the Merchant side constantly to visit them. It wasn't fair. Katniss bit her lip and nuzzled into him. He took her hand and kissed her palm.

"I love you," he breathed gently. "I know you may get tired of hearing it but-"

"I could never get tired of hearing that. And I love you too." He squeezed his eyes shut, and Katniss noticed a tear escape the corner. She gasped and used her thumb to wipe it away and he opened his eyes; they were as clear as the skies outside but shining with tears. He took both her hands in his own and kissed them.

"I never thought I would hear you say those words while looking so sincere. It's always been an act."

"Not always," she said softly. He frowned and lowered her hands.

"When was it not?"

"I don't know Peeta, I just…I felt so confused. About everything. I'll be honest, I thought you were very good at the act during the first Games. But then we kissed in the cave and I felt something different. I started to think that maybe you weren't acting and then I became very confused about my own feelings about you. I'm sorry to say but I didn't give as much thought to relationships and romance as most sixteen year old girls. I thought of how to survive and how to keep my family alive. Gale helped me and because of that, we grew very close. I know he was hurt by the act…I had to come to terms that I had hurt you both. When we returned to 12, you avoided me and Gale was pretty cold so I didn't really have anyone. I missed you both, for completely different reasons. But I didn't try to puzzle out my feelings for you boys. Then Snow made his announcement and I swore that I would die in the Arena so I could send you home. But you had made the same deal with Haymitch and little did we know, he was in on the whole mockingjay plan with Plutarch. When you hit that forcefield…I don't know Peeta, I felt a little piece of me die inside. Finnick said that was when he knew I loved you. I'm just an idiot and took much longer. But when you kissed me on the beach…I knew it meant something. That I wasn't just kissing you back to keep up pretenses but that I was actually doing it to show you I cared."

"I remember," he said softly. "I remember thinking that it seemed different. You were…I don't know, more natural? Whatever it was it was nice." Katniss nodded.

"It was. I'd never felt such…heat, save for the cave."

"You felt different in the cave too? Why didn't you say something while we were sharing that sleeping bag?" He said teasingly, winking.

"As I said, I was confused about the whole thing. And I didn't know when that you weren't acting, remember? But in the Quarter Quell, I knew. Something between us had changed and I was still ready to die to save you. And then you were captured and as you know, I completely fell apart. Because I knew I loved you. So no, Peeta, the whole thing wasn't always an act. I just took a long time to understand. My heart hadn't caught up with my head. Forgive me, Peeta. I'm sorry it took me so long." He pulled her into a bone-crushing hug and held her close. When he pulled her away, his hand remained on her cheek and he pressed his forehead against hers.

"Say it again," he whispered. She smiled and pushed a strand of hair from his eyes.

"I love you, Peeta." He squeezed his eyes shut again and when she moved her hands up to caress his face, he grabbed them and brought them to his lips.

"It's alright to tell me that anytime you feel like it." She giggled and leaned into him.

"You remember saying that to me in the first Games? 'Remember, we're madly in love, so it's all right to kiss me anytime you feel like it', you said."

He grinned and leaned down to kiss her.

"I just thought I would remind you from time to time." Peeta noticed she was having a difficult time standing up straight so he scooped her up and set her down in the chair, as he dragged another one over and sat across from her, bringing her legs up to rest in his lap. She sighed and leaned back against the chair while his fingers made patterns over her knees.

"Feels like forever since I have seen you. How are you feeling?"

"Better. I'm trying to walk as normally as I can but I'm still a bit slow. I saw Plutarch though and he seems happy with my progress. I had no idea they were keeping you locked in here, Peeta. They have been lying to me and I'm sorry."

"Why would you be sorry," he said with a frown.

"Because I would have come down here and demanded they let me in to see you days ago!"

"That's probably why everyone lied to you then," he said with a chuckle.

"They shouldn't have lied to me. I'm sick of everyone acting like I'm about to break."

"You're the Mockingjay, Katniss, and you have already been captured once. No one wants to see anything happen to you. And when they find out about this," his eyes darted to her stomach before going back to her eyes, "it's going to be even worse."

"Which is why I'm not telling them until after I kill Snow." Peeta's eyes widened.

"I can't, Peeta. Plutarch will…I don't even know what he will do but he will make it a huge event and spectacle and I don't need anything distracting me from bringing down the Capitol."

"You're not doing this alone, Katniss. You have all of us to help you. And I'll keep your secret…well, our secret, but I think you should still tell them."

"If I tell them, Coin will make sure I never see any combat and I want to be in the Capitol when we bring it down."

"Katniss, I completely understand your feelings. I really do. But combat is no place for a pregnant woman. And I BEG of you to think of our child before you march in there, armed and dangerous. I don't want either of you to get hurt. I will die if anything happens to either of you."

"Peeta, I'm not the type of woman to sit around on the couch and eat bonbons all during her pregnancy. That's not the kind of girl I am." Peeta cast her an amused expression at the vision of it but his face grew serious again.

"There's a difference between being lazy and being safe. Please baby…be safe. For me. For her. For the future that you foresee for us. Don't go to the Capitol. I'm begging you."

"I'm sorry, Peeta. I told Coin that I'm to be the one to kill Snow. I have to do it. No one else. I won't appear weak in front of the squads." She lowered her feet and tried to stand but he leaned in closer and took her hands.

"Then I'll be right beside you," he said, their fingers intertwining. "I'll make sure nothing happens to you. Do you honestly think Haymitch and Gale are going to let you fight though? They know about it too."

"It's not really up to them. And it's not up to you. I won't intentionally try to get us killed but I won't avoid the fighting either. You know me, Peeta. I'm a fighter."

"Yes. I do." She gave him a sad smile and caressed his cheek.

"I love you," she said quietly. Peeta nodded, swallowing.

"And I love you. You said you were in my house. I take it that means Finnick has a suit for the wedding?"

"I brought one for you too. Plutarch wants to shoot a propo but I don't think that's such a good idea," she cast a sad look down at her feet and Peeta understood.

"You'll dance at that wedding no matter what," he said quietly. "What kind of dress did you bring back for yourself?"

"It's a surprise."

"That's just for the bride, not the bridesmaids. It's bad luck for the groom to see the bride but I think he can know details about the dress. Though I didn't watch any of the broadcasts when you tried on your wedding gowns." Katniss looked quickly at him and he shrugged.

"It may have been a pretend engagement but I think I wanted to treat it as real as I could. I wanted to be surprised when I saw you, knew you would take my breath away in whatever you wore. Whatever the Capitol chose for you. Your last interview…my heart stopped when you walked out. You were so beautiful in that dress."

"It was his best one," Katniss said in a choked voice. "And I think it was his downfall."

"Cinna knew what he was doing, Katniss. You have to trust that." She nodded and wiped her face on her sleeve.

"You didn't watch any of the broadcast?" He laughed and shook his head.

"I was pacing around like an idiot and Haymitch kicked me out. Said I was bugging the hell out of him."

"You didn't miss anything. It was weird seeing myself in those dresses."

"Because you never want to get married?" Katniss noted the sadness in his tone and she bit her lip.

"I didn't want to…then. But now…" she trailed off and Peeta drew a sharp breath.

"Now?"

"Now…I don't know. I used to have these awful dreams of me being torn apart by mutts, wearing a wedding dress. Lately it's been weird, I've had dreams of my whole wedding. I blame Annie for talking about it all the time." She laughed nervously and Peeta's eyes shone bright.

"Do you see the ceremony or just small details?"

"A lot of things. My dress, my hair, my groom, Prim in a bridesmaid dress…Haymitch in a tux." She laughed again and Peeta forced a laugh.

"And…who's the groom?" Katniss fixed her wide eyes on his and swallowed.

"Do you really have to ask that, Peeta?"

"I…yes. Call it my old fears. Call it my paranoia. Call it the damn hijacking. Just tell me, Katniss."

"You, Peeta," she said so quietly that he had to lean in close and he sucked in a breath. "All I ever see is you taking my hand and pushing back my veil. Which is weird because I hate veils." He shook his head, smiling, and his hands went to cradle her face.

"Katniss Everdeen…I love you more with every breath that I take. I know technically we have been engaged for awhile now but away from the cameras and the Capitol and the whole damn world, I ask you to be mine. Will you marry me?"

"Peeta…I don't think now is really the time-"

"Now is the perfect time, Katniss. Because haven't we learned, there never really is a perfect moment? There's only today because that may be all we have. I will love and protect you with everything that I have and will proudly call you mine, if you'll let me. I hope that this baby can be called Mellark. Or at least, Everdeen-Mellark." Katniss felt such a rush of longing and love toward the man before her that she crawled into his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"I love you, Peeta Mellark. And I cannot wait to be your wife. Real."


	16. Chapter 16

**XVI. **

Peeta held Katniss tightly, his hands roaming all over her body while their kisses became more passionate and less restrained. Katniss moaned as she turned to face him and grinded against his growing erection, her hardened nipples pressing into his chest. He broke the kiss for air and his eyes took her all in.

"Shit Katniss. You're going to be the death of me."

"You've developed quite a mouth on you, Mr. Mellark. I don't think I have ever heard sweet innocent Peeta curse like that." Peeta bit his lip but leaned in closer.

"What can I say, you do something to me." He saw she looked worried for a moment and she leaned back a little.

"As long as my Peeta will never leave me." He understood her meaning and his arms around her tightened.

"Even in my hijacked state, you have been able to calm me and keep me with you. Bring me back to you. And the doctors said that couldn't be done. You're my miracle, Katniss. I'm yours completely."

"I want to be yours too," she whispered in his ear as she pressed her hips down and deliberately grinded into him. He let out a groan and threw his head back, as she leaned down and sucked at the delicate skin on his throat. He didn't register her hands traveling downwards until he heard the sound of a zipper being unzipped and felt her hand press against his boxers. His hips jerked and his eyes shot open.

"Katniss!" Her lips traveled across his neck and nipped at his ear and his eyes closed lazily again. Her hand dove into his boxers and grasped him and he let out a strangled gasp. She pumped him a few times before moving her hand to her own jeans. She was on the verge of sliding them down when she felt Peeta's hand on her wrist.

"Katniss, what are you doing?"

"Don't you want me Peeta?" He squeezed his eyes shut at her husky voice.

"God, more than anything. But Katniss…I want our first time to be special. Somewhere nice, not in a hospital room with monitors all over the place or guards out front."

"It's not our first time, Peeta," she reminded him and his eyes squeezed shut in pain.

"Yes it is! We haven't…I didn't…we can't DO this!" She leaned back, alarmed, and instantly felt like a fool. What was wrong with her? How could she push him like this? Neither of them could handle much at this point and she was so good at saying the wrong thing. She bit her lip and cradled his face. He was trembling and she made gentle shushing noises in his ear.

"Peeta, shh, it's ok. It's ok, listen to me. I'm here. We're safe. We're here together. It's going to be ok. Just stay with me." He started taking deep breaths, inhaling and exhaling and Katniss gently pushed his hair out of his face.

"Stay with me, Peeta. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"I'm not going anywhere, Katniss," he whispered, his eyes still shut. She kissed his forehead and then both cheeks. He opened his eyes and she sighed with relief when she saw no clouds or darkness.

"I suppose I had better go," she said quietly, reaching down for her crutches. Peeta helped her to her feet and made sure she was steady before his hands went to her waist.

"I'm glad you stopped by. I hope you can come visit more often."

"They're moving me out of the hospital." His eyes widened.

"Where are you going to go?"

"Well, Prim said that I'm moving in with her and Mom but I don't know yet. What are your chances of getting out of here soon?" Peeta glanced sadly at the restraints on the bed and sighed.

"Not very good."

"They're not still restraining you, are they?"

"Only when I'm a danger to myself."

"Damn it, Peeta, you're not a danger! I'm sick of these people treating you like this! They don't care what happened, only that you were programmed to kill their precious Mockingjay!"

"You're the top priority, Katniss. You always have been. And I don't disagree with them. Until my flashbacks fade away, I can't leave the hospital. And I can't be completely alone with you. I could never forgive myself if I hurt you…again."

"You had no control-"

"Stop saying that! Please! Nothing should excuse what I have done to you. Nothing." Katniss took a step back and her eyes traveled over his shaking form.

"We're back to that, then? It's not "our child" anymore, it's what you've done?"

"Katniss-"

"No, you know what Peeta? If you think it's such a mistake, maybe it would be a good thing if I went to the Capitol and had some kind of accident that made me lose it. Maybe we're just too twisted to actually do this together."

"Katniss!" She ignored his stunned face, his wide glassy eyes, and his gaping jaw and she pulled the door open, slamming it shut behind her. She paused a moment to wipe her tears away before she became aware of the guards staring at her.

"What the hell are you looking at," she snapped before she took off down the hall, as fast as the crutches would carry her.

* * *

_**Sorry for the short one my lovelies but life is crazy hectic and I wanted to give yall something! Enjoy and plz review! I WILL write more this week!**_

_** Love! **_


	17. Chapter 17

**XVII. **

The day of the wedding, all of District 13 was buzzing with excitement. Plutarch and Coin had had several arguments; you just can't put a former Game-maker on a budget and Coin frowned at the frivolity of the plans. Katniss worked on decorations with Johanna, her mood still snappish and irritable. Finally as the sun was going down, Johanna and Katniss took Annie back to her room to start getting ready. Katnisss attempted to put on a brave face for her friends but she was finding it difficult. She had not been to see Peeta in three days, she still wasn't walking without the crutches, and she was having terrible morning sickness. When she entered the room, her prep team was there as well, smiling at the girls.

"We brought all of our things," Venia said quietly, smiling at Annie.

"I'll work on Katniss while you guys work on Annie," Octavia said moving toward Katniss.

"Everyone should be focusing on Annie. It's her special night."

"Yeah but you're filming a propo, mockingjay," Johanna said as she settled in a seat across from Annie. Octavia glanced at her and her lips tightened.

"I'm not sure what we can do-"

"Oh don't bother, I don't expect anyone to make me pretty for this shindig."

"Johanna," Annie said slowly, "it's my wedding. I'd like for everyone to look nice, especially my bridesmaids."

"You never said anything about me being a bridesmaid! Oh, now I'm going to get all emotional." Katniss rolled her eyes and turned to Octavia.

"Nothing too outlandish please, Octavia. I'm not feeling up to this whole girl on fire routine."

"Soft and natural," Octavia said with a smile. "You'll look beautiful, Katniss."

Two hours later, the girls were dressed and even Johanna looked stunning; Venia had done miracles with her chopped hair and designed a clever collar that went with her dress to hide the bruises. Katniss felt a little bit like herself in her short red gown, her flowing tresses cascading down her back like a waterfall of chocolate, with several red roses braided in. Octavia had kept her promise and had kept her make-up soft, with rosy cheeks and soft liner under her eyes. Annie hardly recognized herself as she twirled in front of the mirror. The green gown reached the floor and Flavius had twisted her long dark hair into an elegant bun with several tendrils hanging in her green eyes. Her make-up represented her district, with colors of the sea around her eyes and they had even fashioned a necklace to look like blue coral. Katniss pulled her into her arms and gave her a tight squeeze.

"I'm truly happy for you and Finnick, Annie. I needed to see such happiness."

"Thank you Katniss," she said, squeezing her hand. There was a knock at the door and Haymitch peered his head in.

"Everyone ready in here?" Prim crept in behind him and went to Annie, pressing a lovely bouquet into her hands.

"The children made this for you."

"It's beautiful," Annie said, her eyes filling up with tears.

"NO!" All three of Katniss's team yelled, and Annie stopped her tears immediately. Katniss smiled and offered her arm, which Annie took. Johanna offered her other and Haymitch held the door open for the three women.

Katniss had never seen anything more beautiful and she knew it would be considered low by Capitol standards. Still, the look on Finnick's face when he saw his bride made the entire night unforgettable. Peeta stood by Finnick's side and his breath hitched when Katniss made her way before Annie, limping only slightly. Johanna followed, leaving Annie to walk down the blue carpet alone. Finnick didn't breathe as Annie came toward him and she kept her head lowered, finally glancing up at him shyly as she joined him. He reached out and grasped her hands, and they both trembled slightly. Katniss stood back and she jumped as she felt an arm snake around her waist.

"You are radiant," Peeta whispered in her ear. Despite the tension between them, she felt herself relax a little against him and his other hand found hers, squeezing it tightly. As the vows began, Peeta and Katniss broke away to spread a net of woven grass over the couple and Peeta handed Finnick a goblet of salt water. As he said his vows, he tenderly rubbed Annie's lips with the water, then handed her the goblet and allowed her to do the same. An ancient wedding song struck up and Finnick and Annie finished the lyrics together. When they kissed, the room was in an uproar and Katniss and Peeta clapped the loudest. Finnick grasped Annie's hand and raced down the carpet, picking her up and whirling her around. Katniss stumbled a little and felt Peeta steady her immediately. She glanced up at him and bit her lip. She was still uncertain how she should act around him. She had avoided him for three days and knew he was probably upset. But as he wrapped his arms around her waist and fixed her with a loving gaze, she couldn't help but get lost in those seas of blue filled with so much adoration for her.

The fiddler struck up a lively tune and Finnick twirled his wife around the floor. Katniss leaned into Peeta, laughing and clapping happily. The people of District 12 and 13 rose to their feet and joined hands in their dance. After awhile, the fiddler and childrens' choir started to play a slower song.

Katniss noticed the film team traveling around the room and Plutarch caught her eye. She sighed and tried to stand up straight.

"I may need to go get my crutches, if he expects me to dance for this." Peeta shook said nothing and scooped her up into his arms, holding her to his chest. She looked up at him, surprised, and wrapped her arm around his neck while her other hand gripped his suit. He swayed back and forth, never breaking their gaze. They ignored the cameras, the other people; for now, it was just them. Peeta leaned down and touched his forehead to hers.

"I'm sorry for what I said," he said quietly. She shook her head.

"Don't worry about it."

"No, don't do that. Don't pretend like everything is fine," he said gently. "It's not and I don't know if it ever will be. But I sometimes forget how wonderful my life can be with you and all I can focus on is the bad. But you make me want to see the good. You bring so much good to my life. You say I'm your dandelion but you are my sunset, Katniss. The beautiful ending of a not-so-beautiful day and the promise of an even more beautiful tomorrow. Our lives pause at sunset and start over after the moon has come out, because, well, the night wipes the slate clean. I'm not making any sense, am I?" Katniss smiled and reached up to touch his face.

"It's perfectly clear to me."

"Well, you're weird, like I am."

"Maybe. Maybe that's why we're perfect for each other." He studied her for a moment before leaning down and giving her lips a chaste kiss. His arms did not waver for a moment as he held her up, carrying her bridal-style and dreaming about the day when he would say "I Do" to her then proceed to carry her to their house, light a fire, and have a toasting before all of their family and friends. Finnick and Annie would stand by, broad smiles on their face, their children playing around their feet. Prim and Gale would stand close by, nodding in approval, while Haymitch and Mrs. Everdeen held onto a beautiful little girl, her blonde hair in two braids and her stormy grey eyes wide as she watched her parents break the bread and feed each other.

Peeta's eyes shot open as Katniss touched his face again and he jumped.

"Where did you go," she said softly.

"To the future," he replied, bending to kiss her again. The filming crew moved closer to the couple and Plutarch nodded excitedly. Peeta ignored them all and concentrated on the woman in his arms. He spun her around and felt her grip around his neck tighten a little. Smiling, they both looked up at the same time and cast the camera a smug look. It was a slap in the face of the Capitol, the expression of "we're here, we're together, and we're alive." Their hearts racing in unison, they gave the cameras one last real kiss before Peeta moved away and set her down in one of the chairs. Haymitch joined them at the table, taking a swig from his flask. Katniss cast him a disgusted glance but at least he didn't seem too wasted. Someone clapped their hands loudly and four people started to roll in a gigantic cake. Annie's and Finnick's faces lit up at the sight of it and everyone stood back to make room. Katniss squeezed Peeta's hand and he glanced at her.

"You _made _that?"

"You think their stunned faces is a good thing or a bad thing?" But he was smiling and Katniss gently hit his arm.

"Peeta, it's…it's gorgeous! Help me up, I want a better look." He pulled her to her feet and wrapped an arm around her waist, allowing her to lean into him as he lead her over to the cake. Annie gave him a warm look as he approached and Finnick raised a glass of cider to his new bride, to Peeta, to Katniss, to Johanna, and finally to District 13. Everyone applauded and Katniss moved closer to examine the cake. The cake was beautifully decorated, with tossing waves and sea life swimming around the icing. Peeta squeezed Katniss's hand and lead her around to the side, gesturing toward the cake. Katniss cast him a confused look but he merely smiled and nodded. She moved forward and her hand flew to her mouth. There decorating the edges of the cake were tiny white flowers with three petals each: katniss flowers. She looked up at him and was lost in his loving gaze.

"The most beautiful water plants in the world," he whispered. She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him and he felt a nudge on the shoulder.

"Stealing our limelight are you, Mellark?" Peeta bit his lip and pulled Katniss aside but Finnick laughed.

"Peeta you know I'm joking. You had better step forward with your beautiful fiancé and share this light!" The wedding guests all erupted into applause and moved forward, causing Katniss to shrink back. But she felt a slight pressure behind her and realized Peeta was holding her steady again. Finnick laughed and raised his hand.

"Fire is catching! And if we burn-"

"You burn with us," the guests said in unison. Everyone raised their glasses to Katniss and toasted her but she did not smile back. She did not nod or acknowledge them in any way. She felt ill and wrong and even used. She backed up even more and Peeta's brow furrowed as his hands firmly held her upright.

"Come on, Katniss, let's get some drinks." He swept her up into his arms again and nodded to the people around him, weaving through the crowd. Finnick cleared his throat and started a lovely speech toward his new wife.

Once away from the people, Peeta studied Katniss's pale face.

"What's wrong," he said in a low voice.

"I just feel…sick."

"Do you want me to call Prim or-"

"No. Just…can you take me back to the bunker? I just can't….I don't want to be here anymore." Peeta's frown deepened but he did as she asked and carried her outside.

"Shouldn't we say goodbye to Finnick and Annie?"

"Peeta, their words…their expectations…I can't do this."

"What are you talking about?"

"Did you see any of the rebel propos while you were in the Capitol? Ceasar didn't show you any?" He shook his head.

"They wouldn't let us see. They just said you were filming for the rebels and ordered me to pacify you. They told me if I got you to surrender, they would spare your life. I…I had to try." She reached up and touched his cheek and he sighed deeply. He shifted from side to side, feeling pain building up in his leg and Katniss noticed.

"Here, you can put me down. I can walk a little."

"I like having you in my arms."

"But your leg-"

"Doesn't matter," he cut her off. "Come on, I'll take you back to your compartment."

She lay her head on his chest and his arms tightened around her as he made the trek from the cafeteria to the underground bunkers.

* * *

Prim and her mother had not returned from the wedding yet so Katniss let herself into the compartment and shooed Buttercup away. Peeta gently set her down on her bed and bent down to scratch Buttercup behind the ears. Katniss glared at the cat.

"He's a mangy old thing who doesn't like anyone."

"I think it's just you he doesn't like," he replied with a smile. He watched the cat jump onto the other bed and he turned back to Katniss.

"Are you sure you're alright?"

"I'm alright. It was one of the first propos we filmed and not long after I found out that anytime I did anything to anger them, they would take it out on you. Those words just….they don't mean power and rebellion to me. They mean pain and loss and fear. I was so terrified that I would never see you again." He sighed and sat beside her on the bed, his hand going to the back of her neck and playing with the stray hairs there.

"Katniss, it's alright. We're safe now, remember?"

"For how long, Peeta? I am the Mockingjay and you are still a Victor. My fiancé. We are expected to lead this rebellion and take down the Capitol. What if we can't do it? What if something happens to us?" The back of his knuckles gently stroked her face and he shook his head.

"You can't think like that. We just have to trust that we will win. That we'll make a home for ourselves and our baby and life will be better than it has been. You have to have faith."

"I don't have faith in much anymore," she said sadly. His hands drifted down and rested on her belly.

"Have faith in this," he said quietly. "In us. You were the one who told me that." Her hand covered his and she gazed up at him. She started to lie back on the bed and pulled him down with her. His arms wrapped around her as he leaned over her, giving her sweet kisses all over. But their kisses grew more urgent and hungry, and Katniss reached up and gripped his long hair, eliciting a deep moan from him that made her shiver. Peeta's hand stroked her face and trailed down her neck, his knuckles leaving a gentle trail of fire where they touched. He lightly trailed his hands over her breasts, then stopped to rest on her stomach for a moment, before continuing their way downward. Katniss squirmed a little underneath him, causing her dress to ride up around her thighs. His hand came to rest on her thigh and he deepened the kiss, hoping she could feel how much he wanted her. His hand reached under her dress and his knuckles brushed against her dampened panties. She jerked her hips and Peeta let out a soft chuckle against her lips. Her fingers twisted in his hair and he sucked in a breath as his fingers moved over the cloth, paying attention to that particular area that was getting damper by the second. He pulled back to study her expression as he moved the cloth aside, and rubbed his thumb across her slit. She let out a breathy cry and he couldn't help but smile. He loved how she looked underneath him, with her dark hair spread across the pillow, her face tinged pink, her chest heaving, and her dress pushed up past her creamy thighs. He moaned and leaned down to kiss her again.

"God I want you so much," he whispered. She tilted her head, inviting him to lavish her flesh and he accepted the offer. His tongue trailed across her neck and across her throat, his lips forming small kisses while he continued to suck at the tender flesh.

"I want you too," she purred, "so, you can have me."

"Katniss," he started, as he pulled away but she grabbed his hair again and tugged him back to her.

"Katniss," he said between kisses, "I love you. So much. I want to. Do things right." She attacked his lips again with fervor and he succumbed to her aggression. His prosthetic was between her legs as he hovered over her and she moaned as his knee brushed against her center. His hands went to either side, trapping her in his embrace, and he took a moment to stare down at her. How he desperately wanted to take what she was offering but how could he? He promised himself he would make it a wonderful night, once they defeated Snow. Once they were free. He reluctantly pulled back and sat back on his knees. At that moment, they heard voices outside the door and Peeta jumped off the bed while Katniss pulled her dress back down and smoothed back her hair. Prim and her mother entered and both stopped at the sight of Peeta.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know Katniss had company," her mother said. Katniss rolled her eyes at how formal she was acting. Peeta had been her fiancé for a long time. He wasn't merely 'company'. Peeta nodded.

"Katniss wasn't feeling well and I told her I would bring her back. I should be going."

"Oh you don't have to rush out, we're just going to bed." But their compartment was quite small and the beds were very close together. Peeta saw Katniss roll her eyes and he grinned.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Katniss," he leaned down to kiss her on the cheek but she grabbed him and gave him a passionate kiss. He blushed bright red, knowing her family was watching, and he pulled back quickly.

"Good night ladies," he said, bowing his head. Keeping his head down, he hurried from the compartment. Katniss sighed and started to dress for bed.

"I think he's a nice young man, Katniss, but I'm afraid you are taking it too fast," her mother said gently. Katniss rolled her eyes as she was turned away.

"What's too fast, Mom? We were prisoners of the Capitol. Before that, we were tributes in the Hunger Games. We haven't had any time to be together!"

"Yes but dear, now that you are out of the hospital…well, you don't have to pretend anymore. There are no cameras or anything of the like. You can be, well, free." Katniss spun around, her jaw gaping wide.

"You sound just like Gale! Why is it so hard for you all to understand that I love him? FOR REAL?"

"I just think you're taking it rather fast…you were forced into an engagement by the Capitol. You don't need to continue that, now that you're fighting against it. Take some time to get to know each other before you rush into things."

"Yeah, ok mom," was all Katniss could say. Prim turned from her mother to her sister and sighed. Katniss flung the dress aside and dressed in loose pants and a black t-shirt. She cast the dress an apologetic glance before she hurriedly hung it up. The room was tense and her mother didn't seem to want to say anything else. Katniss flung herself off the bed and opened the door.

"Where are you going?"

"I'll be back soon," was all she said.

"Curfew is soon, please don't stay out too late." Katniss nodded briefly before slamming the door shut behind her. Prim sighed and shook her head. Now Katniss would never tell their mother she was pregnant. She finished dressing for bed and pulled the covers up over her head, thinking of her little niece or nephew and wondering if they had thought of any names yet.

* * *

Katniss limped down the hallway, not really knowing where she was walking to until she found herself out of the bunkers and back near the hospital. She wanted to go back to Peeta but decided she had better let him rest. She caught sight of a couple of figures walking across the lawn, hand in hand, and she realized it was the newlyweds.

"Love is weird, isn't it," said a voice from behind her. She whirled around, nearly falling over to find Johanna sitting on the steps, her chin resting on her knuckles.

"What are you doing out here?"

"Same as you. Can't sleep and don't want to be where I was." Katniss bit her lip.

"When are they letting you leave the hospital?"

"Oh come on brainless, like they would trust me alone. The docs aren't going to release me any time soon. Say I'm still too unstable to live alone."

"Then room with me." Johanna's eyes widened and she looked uncertain.

"I would kill you in your sleep."

"You could try. Come on, you have to get out of the hospital. People keep viewing us as patients." Johanna thought for a moment, then nodded.

"Ok brainless you obviously want to see me with no clothes on."

"Yeah, been there, done that. Wasn't impressed."

"Bitch," Johanna bit back but she was smiling. "Want to meet me here in the morning so we can talk about me getting discharged?"

"It's a date, Mason!"

"Don't you think of getting friendly. I'll have to call Peeta and have him tie you to the bed. Though he may enjoy that a little too much," she chuckled and Katniss fell silent. She knew Johanna didn't know the details of what had happened in the cell so she remained quiet and muttered that she had to go. Johanna watched her race back towards the bunkers before she re-entered the hospital for what she hoped was the last night.


	18. Chapter 18

_**So many amazing reviews and new fans, so many kind words! Thank you ALL! It is truly appreciated! Posting a nice long one for yall because work is about to get crazy busy and I'm not sure if I'll be on this week to post! Will definitely try, especially if I get some nice reviews ;) enjoy and thanks again for the endless support! Love and pixie dust! **_

* * *

**XVIII.**

Katniss woke up with her family and all three of them prepared for their days without much conversation. She still hadn't told them that she was moving in with Johanna but she decided that would come later. Katniss joined them on their trek to the hospital and they just assumed she was going to see Peeta.

They parted ways, while Mrs. Everdeen went in search of the doctor to find out what needed to be done. Prim squeezed Katniss's hand before she went off in the opposite direction. Katniss wondered if everyone would be at breakfast yet but found herself standing in front of Peeta's room. The guards nodded to her and moved aside and she pushed the door open, her eyes widening in horror. Peeta's clouded blue eyes found her and narrowed.

"Well well, nice of you to drop by." She moved closer to the bed, wincing at how tightly his wrists were restrained.

"Peeta, what…why did they do this?"

"Beats the hell out of me! Apparently they're afraid I'll try to kill you. So you'd better run along before I actually try."

"You can't kill me, Peeta. You never could. You love me too much." He snorted and shook his head, turning away but Katniss came closer and touched his hand. He tried to jerk away but the restraints kept him where he was.

"You do. And you know how much I love you. I'm sick of them doing this to you. Until you're free from the hospital, I'm staying with you."

"What if I don't want you here," he sneered.

"Why are you trembling," she said gently, her thumb raking over his hand.

"Maybe I'm resisting the urge to rip out of these things and choke you to death." But his eyes were softer, the harsh lines in his face were gone, and even his voice was fading back to normal.

"It's because as much as you want to think that I'm a capitol mutt, something in your heart is telling you otherwise." She leaned forward to kiss him and he shrank back, shaking his head, his knuckles white on the sheets. But the moment her lips met his, he relaxed, his hands released the sheets below him, and his lips followed hers. When she pulled back, she smiled at him and he looked baffled.

"Katniss," he breathed.

"You're back," she replied simply.

"I-but how? What…what happened?"

"I'm moving in here with you, Peeta." Peeta glanced down at his hands and tugged at them, then looked back at Katniss.

"I can't let you do that. Who's to say I won't hurt you?"

"You won't."

"We can't know that, Katniss. I won't deliberately put your life in danger. I have to get better first."

"I'm sick of them treating you like a criminal instead of a patient, Peeta. You've done nothing wrong and they try to restrain you rather than help you." He shrugged but she shook her head violently.

"It's NOT alright. I'm moving into a compartment with Johanna. Why don't you and Finnick get a compartment across from us? Or you and…" she trailed off, biting her lip. Peeta's eyes flashed but he said nothing. He would never room with Gale. Even if he had accepted Peeta's and Katniss's relationship, Peeta could never forget the words he had said to him.

"I'm fine here, Katniss. Really. It's not so bad."

"THIS isn't so bad," he shrieked, holding his hand up and indicating the tight bond.

"OK look I'm not going to pretend that this doesn't suck! But the pain keeps me focused for awhile. I can…I can try to keep myself from leaving. It doesn't always work, as you can see, but for the most part it does. I asked them to restrain me." Katniss backed away, looked horrified.

"You _asked_-?"

"When I feel a flashback coming on, I have to grip something, really tightly. So tight that all I can do is concentrate on the pain. It keeps me grounded. Keeps me sane."

"You sound insane," she said, shaking her head.

"Maybe. But if it helps, isn't it worth it?"

"But you were in a flashback when I came in! And you still confessed to wanting to kill me. How is that helping?" He sighed heavily.

"Katniss, I think you should go."

"But…I don't want-"

"Please." She looked up at him and could see him fighting with himself. Fighting with the demon inside of him that still wanted to destroy the one thing he loved most. She backed away slowly, her hands going to her stomach.

"What happens when she sees this happening, Peeta," she said weakly, tears welling in her eyes. "What are we going to say to our daughter when you need to be tied to the bed to keep from killing me? What is she going to say when she sees how much her daddy hates her mommy?"

"We'll figure it out, Katniss," he said in a pained moan, squeezing his eyes shut. She turned away, succumbing to her tears, and let the door shut behind her. In the hallway, she collapsed, bringing her knees to her chest and crying into her arms. She knew at that moment that As many times they were happy and said how excited they were for the future, there were more times that there was too much pain and confusion to sort through. Katniss could not have this child. She decided at that moment, she would bring it to term and find it a good home. The child of two victors would be treated like royalty and she was sure she would be able to find someone who would truly love it. Her hands covered her stomach as she continued to weep. She decided not to tell Peeta. She knew he would argue, try to convince her that they could do this, but she knew now that it just wasn't possible. She didn't want to expose a child to that kind of life. It was worse than being sent to the Hunger Games. Finding a new determination, she hoisted herself up, wincing slightly at the pain in her feet, and made her way back down the hall toward Johanna's room.

* * *

Since Johanna did not have many belongings, it took her little time to get moved from the hospital to the bunkers. The doctors disagreed but Haymitch took the girls' side and in the end, they had a compartment right across from Prim's and Mrs. Everdeen's. Katniss still hadn't told them but she put that out of her mind and took a quick shower while Johanna inspected the tiny compartment. She pulled open the drawers, slamming it shut when she noticed Katniss looking at her.

"Sorry," she muttered.

"It's ok. You can look at my stuff if you want." Johanna's fingers traveled over Katniss's belongings, a look of longing crossing over her face. She inspected the spile that Haymitch had sent to them in the Quarter Quell, the locket with the pictures of Prim, her mother, and Gale that Peeta had given her, her father's hunting jacket, a picture of her mother and father's wedding day. She flipped through the family plant book for a moment before setting it aside and picking up a small object, holding it in the palm of her hand.

"Is this-?"

"Yeah. Made it through somehow." Johanna looked over at Katniss with a raised brow.

"You guys are fucked up in your own ways but you're perfect together. You know that right?"

"I don't think I do. He seems to be getting worse, not better, and I can't think of anything but killing Snow."

"You have other things to think about now, mockingjay," she said gesturing toward Katniss's stomach. Katniss gently touched it before lowering her hands.

"It's not ours anymore." Johanna frowned.

"What're you-"

"I'm giving it up. I won't kill it but I'm not keeping it. When it's born, I'm going to find it a home." Johanna stared at her as if she had sprouted three heads.

"And what does bread boy think of this idea?"

"Peeta doesn't have to know. Not until the baby is born anyway and I have found it a home."

"Like hell he doesn't have to know! It's his baby too, Katniss! It's both of yours! You created it together! You'll figure out a way to make it work!"

"He raped me, Johanna!" Johanna gaped at her, her eyes wide as Katniss stumbled back and hid her face in her hands.

"I know you were in the cell next to us. You could hear everything that was happening. You heard me pleading for him to stop. That's how I got pregnant. He raped me. He wants to die for it, and I've told him I've forgiven him but how can we bring a baby into our fucked up lives? It will be its own little version of the Games. Every day, Peeta will have flash backs and will want to kill me. Every night I will scream from my nightmares and wake my child up. I never wanted children because of the Games. I can never have children because of what the Games has done. We can't do it, Jo. We're fools to try."

"No, you're a fool to give up," Johanna said softly, her voice still laced with that rough edge but with a comforting tone to it that Katniss had never heard before.

"You and Peeta have something special. Something that defies reason and logic and definitely defies the fucking Capitol. If you give up, you're letting them win. You can't let them win, Katniss. You can't." Katniss leaned against the wall, letting out a deep sigh. Johanna approached her and opened her hand, placing the pearl inside and closing it.

"Hold onto this and hold onto your love. Don't let it slip away." Katniss stared at the pearl in her hand and remembered his words from the Quarter Quell.

_If you die and I_ _live, there's no life for me at all back in District Twelve. You're my whole life. I would never be happy again. No one really needs me._

Katniss clutched the pearl tightly before slipping it into her pocket.  
"Come on, let's go get some food. I'm starving."

* * *

Katniss and Johanna sat beside a glowing Annie and Finnick and were quiet next to the newlyweds. Katniss's eyes shot open when Gale entered the cafeteria and when he spotted her, he came to sit next to her.

"Hey Catnip, long time no see."

"You saw me last night at the wedding."

"Ok long time no talk. You are looking great. Both of you girls are. When are you going to join us in training?"

"I was going to stop by today actually," Katniss said casually. Johanna shot her a look of surprise but covered it well.

"Yep, we just wanted to eat breakfast first but we were going to join afterwards."

"Does Peeta know that you're training," Gale said slowly.

"Peeta doesn't control my life. No one does except for me. I'll still go the Capitol and kill Snow." Gale frowned and leaned closer.

"Katniss, be reasonable. The baby-"

"I'll see you at training, Gale," she said quickly, rising and quickly hurrying from the table. They all watched her go and Johanna groaned, hiding her face in her hands.

"Ok spill it. What's going on with her?" She glanced up at Finnick, whose mouth had thinned.

"Why are you asking me?"  
"She's your roommate. And you obviously know something."

"I'm so bad at secrets," she groaned.

"I'm not. It's how I've survived all this time. Tell us." Johanna sighed and shook her head.

"She wants to give up the baby."

"WHAT," the three of them said in unison. Johanna shushed them harshly and looked around.

"She thinks she can't do it. That they can't do it. She looked so lost and helpless, I didn't recognize her. That girl in the Arena wouldn't just let the Capitol win like this. So where's that girl gone?"

"She's been through a lot," Gale said, his throat tightening. Johanna's eyes met his and they mutually agreed to keep the details of the horror a secret.

"Do you think Peeta can talk her out of it?"

"She doesn't even want him to know until the birth. Which I think is unfair since the decision does affect him too."

"Ok but let's think of it both ways," said Gale. "If Peeta doesn't get better, this will be a daily thing for them. How will that look to the kid when it grows older? What are they going to tell it, about why mom and dad are so messed up?"

"Yes but the baby could make things better for them," Annie said gently. "It could give Peeta even more motivation to get better."

"Babies shouldn't be motivation," Finnick said miserably. "They shouldn't be solutions. And I agree with Gale, how is that going to affect their child?" Johanna and Annie stared at him in shock.

"But I still believe that they can do it. That they can overcome this shit and live semi-normally. I mean, I don't think any of us are going to be "normal" after what we have been through but we have to try, don't we? I don't think I could ever be happier," he squeezed his wife's hand and Gale noticed that he was not letting go of her hand. "And I want that for both of them. What makes me nervous is that she wants to go into combat with that little one inside of her. And we all know we won't be able to talk her out of it."

"We'll just have to protect her as best we can," Gale said softly.

"We let her get shot, Gale. We let her get captured by the Capitol. That's not really protecting her."

"Then we have to try harder. And we have to make sure Peeta is well enough to come with us because we know he would never let anything happen to her. If she's going to be stubborn about this, we'll keep her and the baby safe." The three of them nodded in agreement.

"So," Finnick said uncomfortably. "Do we tell Peeta or not?"

"About her decision to give it up? Maybe. I think he deserves to know."

"To know what," said a voice as they felt a thud on the bench. Finnick looked at Peeta, surprised.

"Well good to see you out and about! How are you feeling?"

"Surprisingly, pretty good. I just woke up feeling pretty positive about things. Katniss came to see me and I kind of sent her away but then I started thinking about everything and it was like I had an epiphany. I'm going to be a daddy. I'm going to marry the woman I have been in love with since I was five years old. If that's not reason enough to try to get better, I don't know what is!" Peeta cheerfully helped himself to cereal and missed Finnick's nervous glances with the others.

"So, you think you will get better then? How?" Peeta glanced up at Gale.

"I'm seeing a therapist and the doctors are trying this thing to reverse the hijacking. They're pretty confident that it will work."

"Peeta," Finnick said uncomfortably and everyone's eyes went to him. Johanna shook her head but Finnick took a deep breath.

"Peeta, I'm really happy that you have made this discovery. But you need to speak to Katniss. Soon."

"Um, ok…how come?" Finnick glanced at the others and Peeta frowned.

"You all know something. Tell me."

"Katniss wants to find a home for the baby." Peeta's jaw dropped.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Finnick swallowed.

"I think she's starting to feel…pretty hopeless and she decided she wants to give the baby up after it's born."

"And she told you about this decision and not me?" Finnick winced. Johanna reached over and lay a hand on Peeta's arm.

"Peeta, she doesn't want to hurt you, honest she doesn't. She just thinks it's best, with how messed up everything is. I tried to talk her out of it but-"

"I'll talk her out of it. I'll demand an explanation. How dare she make a decision like that by herself? It affects both of us. Does she think she has the right to give my child away to a complete stranger?" Gale tensed up a little.

"Peeta, please calm down. I don't want you to go into a flashback."

"This isn't a flashback," Peeta growled, his eyes flashing as he flung his legs over the bench. "This is a livid fiancé and father-to-be. She has no right. Where is she?" There was silence and Peeta's hard eyes flew from one to the other.

"The training field," Finnick finally said in a small voice and Johanna punched him in the arm. Peeta left without another word and Johanna shook her head.

"Great. We'll be visiting Katniss in the hospital again."

"Peeta won't hurt her. He'll just make her see reason. I hope," he added miserably.

* * *

Peeta stormed outside and his eyes scanned the field. He found her almost immediately. She wore black pants a loose red shirt, with her brown boots and her signature braid slung over her shoulder. In her hand she held an intricate bow and she was firing arrows at the targets across the field. Peeta made his way over to her, keeping a slight distance behind her. He was angry but he wasn't stupid and he knew how she never missed. When she had fired the last arrow, he finally spoke.

"When did you decide to start training?" She whirled around, rolling her eyes and huffing when she saw who it was.

"I could have killed you, you know."

"I waited until your arrows were gone. What are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm getting ready to take down the Capitol. I'm still the Mockingjay, I have to keep myself strong and fit. You think the Capitol won't have plenty of boobytraps?"

"And yet again I ask you why do you want to put yourself into that kind of danger?"

"I'm used to danger," she said dismissively, looking around for more arrows.

"But our child isn't," he said harshly. She chose to ignore him and instead, practiced throwing knives. Her indifference toward the situation only angered him more.

"Do you hear me, Katniss? OUR child. Not someone else's. Not just yours. OUR'S."

"Yes Peeta, I hear you. What is your problem?"

"Do you have something you would like to discuss with me?"

"No," she continued to throw the knives, not glancing his way. His temper rose to the top and his hands balled into fists.

"Damn it Katniss, drop the fucking knives and look at me!" She whirled around, shocked at his tone, and instantly searched his eyes for the clouded, angry look. They were the usual startling blue but were hard and even cold. Fury was etched into his face and he fought to keep his breathing normal.

"You're not giving her up," he said, surprisingly coolly. Katniss's shoulders slumped and she shook her head.

"Damn it, I knew I should never have trusted Johanna."

"Why would you say that to her and not to me? Don't you think I deserve to know? Don't you think I would want to know what you decide to do with our baby?"

"I was going to tell you-"

"When? After you gave her away? You think I wouldn't notice? You honestly believe I won't be at the hospital with you, in the delivery room? What the hell is wrong with you, Katniss? Why in the HELL would you even think of doing something like that?"

"Because neither of us are ready," she screamed, angry tears coursing down her cheeks. Peeta froze at her outburst, staring at her unsteadily. "Neither of us are prepared for this. We are too messed up and I don't think it's fair to expose a child to that kind of life. You may think we are doing the right thing, trying to show it love and raising it as our own but we would be fucking up its life worse than any Reaping. It will hear my screams at night, it will see your flashbacks during the day, and it will grow up in fear and anxiety and it will never be happy. WE will never be happy." Peeta took a step back, looking as if she had just punched him.

"If you honestly think that, then you're right, you should give it away. Because I could never be with someone who looks at life as you do. As something to just accept and settle for. You have so many opportunities to be happy, Katniss, and you just threw them all away. I wish…I wish you had eaten those berries." Katniss's streaming eyes bulged, her face lost all color, and she started to sink to her knees. But she caught herself and shoved past him, the impact startling him and making him unsteady on his prosthetic.

As soon as the words had escaped his lips, he felt dead inside. What was wrong with him? Why would he ever say words like that, words that caused him as much pain as they did her? He opened his mouth to apologize but she was taking off away from him and he knew he had to catch her. If he didn't, he might lose her forever. He might already have. He ran after her, calling her name, pleading for her to stop but she never did. He found that he was having a hard time keeping up with her, his prosthetic leg slowing him down. He reached out and was able to grab her arm, intending to swing her around and make her listen to him but he never got the chance. Her palm swung out and slapped him across the face, making him stumble back and grip his cheek. He blinked and searched for her but she was long gone. Feeling like all hope was lost, he sank to his knees as his tears met the earth underneath him.


	19. Chapter 19

**XIX.**

The days went on and Katniss completely threw herself into training. She attended mockingjay meetings with Plutarch and Coin, she ran laps and attended every training session she could, often dragging Johanna with her. Her feet were healing well and she started to find the body she had when she had been training during the Quarter Quell. A small bump was starting to form as well, though she chose to ignore it.

Johanna, Finnick, Haymitch, and even Gale begged for her to go see Peeta. His condition had worsened and he was now permanently stuck in his flashbacks. He still called her a capitol mutt, his eyes flashed when he would hear her name, and he was now having to go everywhere with his wrists chained and with guards by his side. If he entered the room while Katniss was still there, she would rush out and run as far away from the room as possible. Any time someone would try to talk to Katniss about it, she would become angry and would leave. Even Prim, whose advice Katniss had always cherished, was shot down by her own sister one day.

"It is OVER between us, Prim! Why can't anyone else see that?"

"Katniss, you're having his baby-"

"No I'm not. It's not his and it's not mine. Only normal people fall in love and have babies. We're not normal."

So Prim angrily stayed away from her sister for several days. The only people Katniss saw were her training team. They started to build an artificial Capitol block where they could train more thoroughly and Katniss never left Johanna's side.

Katniss was suffering even more from morning sickness and after several weeks of enduring it, Prim convinced her to tell their mother.

Katniss sighed as she peered through the window of the medical room. Her mother was checking the vitals of one of the patients and Katniss bit her lip.

"Just tell her, Katniss," Prim whispered behind her. Katniss pushed the door opened and peeked her head in.

"Um, Mom…do you have a minute?"

"Of course. I'll be right there." Katniss nodded and closed the door, turning back to Prim.

"How can I tell her this? How can I tell her…what happened?"

"You said the details were secret. So I'll keep them secret. She'll have something to say about you avoiding him though."

"Prim-"

"Katniss I'm serious. I think you're being stupid. You NEED to give this another chance."

"I told you what he said-"

"I know, and I know he didn't mean it. He is miserable without you, Katniss. You know if it were you taken by the Capitol, Peeta would be doing everything he could to get you back. And you're just ignoring him. Blaming him for what the Capitol has done to him. When you showed him you loved him, he was getting better. He was able to deal with it and get past it. Now he just believes you're a mutt because you haven't given him reason to believe otherwise. You love him, Katniss. SHOW him you love him." Katniss was about to reply when the door opened her mother walked out.

"Is everything ok," she asked, eyeing her daughters and feeling the tension.

"No," Prim said grumpily. "But there's time for that later. Katniss needs to tell you something." Their mother turned to Katniss, her blue eyes seeing straight into her daughter's soul. Katniss tried to look up at her but found that she had Peeta's eyes and quickly looked back at the floor.

"Mom, I…" she bit her lip and her mother waited patiently. Katniss found that she couldn't do it and covered her face, sobbing into her hands. Sighing, her mother pulled her forward and wrapped her arms around her.

"This baby is making you extremely hormonal," she said quietly. Katniss jerked back, her eyes wide.

"You…you know?"

"Katniss, honey, I'm a healer. I spotted it immediately. You're growing in all the right places, you're sick at all times of the day, your mood swings are intense and crazy, and you have been eating banana nut muffins at least twice a day. I knew weeks ago, I was just waiting for you to tell me." Katniss bit her lip and sniffled.

"I'm sorry. I just…I just couldn't. I didn't want you to be ashamed of me."

"Honey, why would I ever be ashamed of you? You are my daughter and I love you. I am extremely proud to be the mother of a Victor, of the Girl on Fire, of the Mockingjay. But most of all, I am proud to be YOUR mother, Katniss. You can do this, sweetheart. You'll be just fine." She nodded uncertainly and her mother smiled.

"Do you want something to help you with the sickness?"

"Please," she said desperately.

"I'll bring you something tonight. I think it's time for some tests to be run on that little one. How would you feel about an ultrasound this afternoon?" Her hands flew to her stomach.

"Isn't that where…where I see it?"

"There won't be much to see, since I'd say you're at least six weeks along. But we can at least hear the heartbeat and make sure everything looks normal." Katniss felt enormous relief wash over her. She may still resent her mother for some things but she was so grateful to have her by her side when she was going through all of this. Prim squeezed her hand and Katniss, heaving a great sigh, nodded.

"Let's do it."

* * *

Haymitch stood outside Peeta's room, staring through the glass and sighing heavily. Things were starting to seem better until something big had happened between his two victors and now they weren't even talking. Haymitch knew Katniss had not been to see him in weeks and his hijacking was worse than ever. The Capitol must be having a field day, he thought bitterly. He heard someone clear his throat and glanced sideways at Gale.

"How's he doing?"

"Not good," Haymitch muttered. "Mockingjay has been staying away."

"She won't even tell me what happened between them. But she wants to hit me anytime I bring him up to her. I don't understand why she's being like this. I've never known Katniss to be this selfish."

"Really? She's always seemed pretty selfish to me."

"She took her sister's place in the Games. That was the most unselfish thing I have seen anyone do."

"Yeah but Gale, come on. She's always been a selfish girl. This doesn't surprise me, that she's shutting herself off from Peeta but when the baby comes, they are going to have to figure something out." Gale closed his eyes. Haymitch didn't know about Katniss's decision. He shook his head and leaned into the glass.

"Katniss says she's not keeping it." Haymitch jerked around.

"The baby? When did she say that?"

"Weeks ago. She said they were too messed up and that she was going to find it a home. Peeta said he was going to go talk some sense into her. When we found Peeta, Katniss was gone and he was a sobbing mess. We took him back to his room and then he went into a flashback and just…stayed in it. She hasn't seen him since. I don't know what they said to each other but obviously it shook them both pretty badly."

"Well if she told the boy she was giving their baby away, I'd expect him to completely lose his mind. She can't make that decision alone."

"I know," Gale said sorrowfully. "Still, she did. She doesn't want it and I don't think she wants to be with Peeta anymore either." Haymitch grunted.

"I don't know about that. But she's stubborn. She's going to do what she thinks is right, even if it isn't. If she thinks staying away from him will get him better, than she's an idiot. And I don't think she's an idiot."

"Neither do I. So, does she even care anymore?"

"Of course she cares. She still loves him, no matter what she says. But she's focused on killing Snow and doesn't have much room in her mind for anything else. Which disturbs me because that baby should be first in her thoughts."

"We're almost ready to move in on the Capitol. Beetee is pretty sure he can figure out the design to make sure we aren't surprised or anything." Haymitch nodded, his eyes on Peeta through the glass, who continued to sketch with his chained hands.

"Glad she's not too far along in the pregnancy. Who knows, maybe with Snow finally gone, she'll change her tune and want to try again with him. And with their baby." Gale nodded but he didn't agree. He knew Katniss, knew how stubborn she was. He didn't think she would change her mind about this. He shook himself, remembering what he had come here for.

"Katniss's mom is doing an ultrasound in a little bit. I thought you would like to know."

"You thought I would like to tell the boy."

"Well, I think he deserves to know but based on his attitude toward Katniss lately, I doubt he'll want to be there for it."

"I doubt she'd want him to be there. Alright, I'll be there in a moment. Where are you going?"

"To talk to Beetee and Finnick. Katniss just got invited into the Star Squad with the rest of us. We might be ready to leave soon. Johanna failed her assessment, I heard." Haymitch nodded.

"They flooded the street. She panicked and had some kind of flashback. She's under sedation now. At least Katniss passed." Gale nodded and excused himself. Haymitch cast Peeta one last glance before he made his way to the examining rooms.

* * *

Katniss was lying down in one of the beds, looking anxious while Prim and her mother set things up around her. Her eyes flew to Haymitch and her face softened.

"Haymitch," she said weakly. He went to her and took her hand, holding it tightly, as he knew Peeta would do.

"We're all here for you, sweetheart. We'll all help you through this."

"Ok Katniss, I need you to relax for me. This won't hurt a bit but it may be a little cold." Her mother raised her shirt and spread thick gel that made her flinch. She relaxed and Prim handed her mother a device that looked sort of like a grocery store scanner. Katniss tensed again but Haymitch squeezed her hand. Katniss's mother made gentle circular motions on her stomach with the device, and she seemed to be listening for something.

"Ah ha, there it is." Katniss frowned.

"I don't-"

"Listen." Prim moved a screen closer and turned up the volume knob. It was faint but it was detectable and it made Katniss's eyes well up with tears. The sound of a tiny little heartbeat.

* * *

With comforting hugs and gentle kisses, Prim and her mother left Katniss alone with the screen. Haymitch stood awkwardly, not sure if he should go or not. Katniss's eyes were glued to the screen, on the spot where they had told her it was her baby.

"I miss him, Haymitch," she finally said, almost in a whisper. He sighed and pulled his hands out of his pockets.

"He misses you too."

"Liar. I've seen him with guards. He thinks I'm a filthy capitol mutt. He doesn't want anything to do with me."

"You were making such progress, girl. I don't understand why, all of a sudden, you retreat and abandon him when he needs you most." Katniss tore her eyes away from the screen at last, and they were wide and glassy.

"He told me he wishes I had eaten the berries in the Games," she whispered. Haymitch frowned.

"You know that his hijacked state is programmed to say those things-"

"Yes but it wasn't his hijacked state. It was his normal state. I never thought in my life I would hear words like that coming from my Peeta. And they did. They made me realize nothing will ever be the same between us. He's gone. He's gone and he's never coming back."

"This is bullshit, Katniss," he said, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "So you had a fight, like all couples do. Big deal. It's not the end of the world and I'm pretty sure he tried to chase after you to apologize right after he said it. You had just told him you were giving up his baby. He's so excited about being a father and you told him you're taking that chance away from him. How would YOU react?"

"I wouldn't-"

"Put yourself in his place, Katniss. Imagine yourself as Peeta. He's been in love with you since you were kids. You broke his heart time and time again during the Games and the Tour and all the bullshit you guys were put through afterwards. Then he finds out what he's done to you…and he wants to die. But you tell him that you guys can move past this. That you can start a new life together. That you truly love him and want to be with him. So he works on getting better for his wife-to-be and his baby-to-be. And then all of a sudden, out of nowhere, that woman he loves tells him that he isn't fit to be a father. After all the shit they put him through, I'm surprised he's not catatonic. Damn it Katniss, you have to realize that your actions have consequences. You can't just give up on him because you'll be killing him if you do. Deep down is the same Peeta that you fell in love with. But you're the only one who can find him and bring him back. Ignoring him is not going to make anything better, it's not going to make his flashbacks go away. Only your love can help him now." Katniss had hidden her face in her arms and Haymitch watched her warily. He didn't do well with crying and Katniss had done it a lot in his presence. He sighed and reached out, gripping her shoulders.

"Come on, Katniss. You can still fix this. You can bring him back. Just tell him you miss him. Tell him you love him. Make him see that you can do this together."

"I'm not sure we can," she said, sniffling. "HOW can we Haymitch?"

"You let the people around you help you and you figure it out TOGETHER. You aren't making decisions as a couple, and that's what you are now. You know it pisses him off when we leave him out of plans. Just like we did on the Victory Tour. In the Quarter Quell. We have been making decisions without him for ages and I'm sure he's tired of it. So include him in your plans. He's your fiancé after all."  
"We're not-"

"Don't lie to yourself, Katniss. You two are still together. Just remind yourself of that. Hell, LOOK at the screen. See what you two have created together. What you can look forward to in your future." Katniss glanced at the screen then back at him. Her lip trembled but she managed a weak smile.

"You're a pretty good mentor, you know."

"I try. Especially when it comes to you kids. Why don't you go see him?"

"I don't know if I can."

"Try." And with that, he left. Katniss glanced one more time at the screen, then with a heavy sigh, she forced herself up and out of the hospital room.

* * *

She trudged along the hallway, stopping to wave at Finnick and Annie, who were joined hand in hand and were walking out toward the training field. Finnick had been accepted into the Star Squad as well. Katniss didn't know how Annie felt about him leaving but she knew he wanted Snow dead as much as she did.

She stopped in front of the room and took a deep breath. Pushing the door open, she saw that he wasn't restrained. In fact, he looked quite normal, as he was sketching something on a sheet of paper, his look of concentration intense and his tongue sticking out to the side, his brow furrowed slightly. It took him a moment to realize someone had entered the room and when he looked up, his eyes widened. Katniss stayed near the door, unsure of how to approach him.

"Hi," she said tentatively.

"Hi," he replied, watching her warily. She edged closer but saw him tense and she stopped. He had lowered the paper and her eyes were drawn to it. He had sketched her; it must have been from the Games, for she was quite skinny and her ribs were sticking out in places. Her face was dirty and her eyes were tired and sad. But she held her bow with a strong grip and a look of determination was sketched onto her face. After a thought, she decided that it may be from just a few days ago. She supposed this was how she might look to people now as well. Not much like a Victor or a Mockingjay.

"What are you doing here," his voice snapped her out of it and she bit her lip.

"I um…I wanted to see you."

"Ok. You saw me. You can go now." Her heart sank. She didn't know what she expected but she hoped that he might return to normal when she walked into the room. No such luck. She hesitantly walked closer and he jerked backwards.

"Just…stop. Don't come any closer. Please." He held up his hands for a moment before letting them drop to his side. "I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't hurt me," she said softly.

"I don't know that. I have been asking about you for weeks and they told me you didn't want to see me. What the hell happened, Katniss? You told me you would help me remember. Then you just abandon me. And you wonder why I don't trust you."

"You said something to me, Peeta. Something that…well, that completely broke my heart. I never thought I would hear you say something like it. It took me by surprise and I couldn't face you after that. I'm sorry that I stayed away."

"Me too. So what did I say?" She looked at the floor and sighed.

"I don't think I can repeat it."

"Then just go. I don't need this. I want the girl who loved me and was determined to help me. Not this self-pitying selfish girl in front of me." Her head snapped up, her jaw dropped.

"I am NOT self-pitying! You basically told me you wished I were dead, Peeta! How do you think that makes me feel?"

"Don't be stupid, Katniss! How many times do I need to tell you that I love you? Even if I'm not sure WHY I love you, I know that I do. My heart starts to race whenever you're around. If I said anything like that, I didn't mean it. My head and my heart are telling me different things and it's making me insane. You said you would help me! So help!"

"What do you want me to say, Peeta?"

"I don't know. I haven't seen you in weeks," he paused for a moment, his face softening. "How's the baby?"

"It's fine," she said dismissively. He nodded.

"And you're still thinking of giving it up?" She frowned.

"You remember that?"

"Katniss, I was hijacked, I'm not two different people. Yes, I remember. I remember you telling me that we aren't fit to be parents."

"I never said-"

"Not in so many words but that's what you mean. Is that how you really feel?"

"I don't-"

"Real or not real, Katniss. You think I'd make a bad father."

"Not real," she said delicately.

"You still want to marry me, real or not real?"

"Real."

"You still want children with me, real or not real?"

"I…maybe later but-"

"Real or not real, Katniss?"

"Real…not real. Not right now anyway."

"You think you'd make a bad mother, real or not real?"

"Real." His face softened.

"Why?"

"I'm not cut out to be a mother. I never wanted children."

"That's crazy. You'll make an amazing mother. Look at the way you protect people. Prim and your mom and me and Gale and Haymitch and the people in District 12." She shook her head, fighting back the tears.

"I failed, Peeta. I failed so many people. I let District 12 burn. I let people die. I let them take you and destroy you. I can't fail my child like that."

"Katniss," he said, his voice hard but his eyes soft. He approached her and gripped her shoulders, "Katniss look at me. None of that is your fault. The stuff they showed me in the Capitol…I know it was a lie. The doctors here have been reversing my hijacking and I'm still struggling to understand what was real and what wasn't but I know you can't have done those things because you really do have a loving heart. You can't blame yourself for these things, they're not your fault. Things will be different for our baby. We'll make things different. I promise." She wanted to lean forward and kiss him but he was still staying at a certain distance and when she touched his arm, he pulled away. Their eyes met and Katniss prayed that they would turn blue and clear. But they never did. Sighing, she backed away and felt the door behind her.

"I'd better go. It was good seeing you."

"You too," he nodded. "Stop by again soon, if you're feeling up to it. Take care of our baby." Her eyes widened at his words but she nodded, her hands covering her stomach.

"See you later, Peeta."


	20. Chapter 20

**XX. **

Katniss passed by Johanna's room and peered in, groaning at the sight of the defeated victor. She was slim and frail and her eyes were wide and panicked. Katniss hurried outside and glanced around before she disappeared into the woods, only for a moment, emerging with a handful of fragrant pine needles. She went back inside and slipped into one of her old rooms, finding it empty. She searched the shelves until she found sturdy bandages, and she quickly bound the pine needles together.

When she was finished, she went back to Johanna's room and knocked quietly. Johanna's wide eyes followed her as she entered, immediately drifting down to the bundle in her hands.

"What is that?"

"I made it…for you. Something to put into your drawer when you go back to the bunker. Smell it." She lowered her nose and inhaled, a look of longing passing over her face.

"Smells like home." Katniss saw the tears form and she nodded.

"That's what I was hoping, you being from 7 and all. Remember when we first met? You were a tree. Well, briefly." Johanna chuckled.

"Your face when I stripped down! I kept shooting winks at Peeta but he was having none of it. He wouldn't even look away from my eyes. Man he was whipped." Katniss couldn't help but grin.

"I guess I can say I was jealous of you."

"Don't be, brainless. He's always only had eyes for you. That will never change. No matter what's happened to him, he'll always love you."

Suddenly, she was gripping Katniss's wrist tightly and her eyes grew serious.

"You have to kill him, Katniss," she pleaded.

"Don't worry."

"Swear it! On something you care about!"

"I swear it. On my life."

"No, on your family's life. On Peeta's life." Katniss swallowed but nodded.

"On his life." It felt wrong, swearing on Peeta's life when so much had been taken from him. Katniss's face burned with shame but Johanna didn't notice and she released her. Katniss frowned.

"Why do you think I'm going anyway, brainless?" Johanna chuckled and shrugged.

"I just needed to hear it." She buried her nose into the pine needles again and tears leaked from the corners of her eyes.

"I went to see him," Katniss said quietly and Johanna's head jerked up.

"And?"

"I mean, I just went to see him. What else do you want?"

"Did you talk? Did he come back to you? Did he-?" she trailed off, seeing Katniss shake her head sadly.

"I think he's gone, Johanna. I don't know how to bring him back."

"We've all been telling you for weeks to go talk to him! Why did you stay away from him, Katniss? When you know you're the only one who can help him?"

"I told him we're too messed up for this. He told me he wishes I had eaten the berries. Everything happened so fast, I just had to leave and I couldn't bear to see him after that. I know…in my heart that he didn't mean it but the fact is, he said it and that right there tells me everything has changed. My Peeta would never say anything like that. But he did and I…I just remembered how I had failed him. How he is changed because of me."

"Oh come on Katniss, you've both changed! The Games CHANGES people. No one but victors can understand that, so don't expect them to. You guys can work this out, I know you can. Treat it like the Arena. And two of you get to leave. You have to depend on each other to get out of there alive."

"I don't think I can think of life as more Games," she said quietly. Johanna rolled her eyes.

"You don't ever leave the Games, brainless. You of all people should know that. I've been mentoring kids for years, watching them die, and then I had to go back into the Arena again. It NEVER leaves you. So use it. Control your emotions and think about what life will be like without Peeta. I guarantee you, you're not going to like it."

"I know that." Katniss fell silent and Johanna went back to sniffing at her pine needles.

"When do you get to come home?"

"Home is such a relative term," Johanna said sadly. "But I'm not sure. I've got a doctor watching me 24/7 and I'm talking to a head doctor even more now. Apparently they're afraid I'll do something stupid like off myself. Could a Victor really do that?"

"Yeah, they could," Katniss said softly. Johanna's eyes narrowed at her for a moment before she shook her head.

"You should probably get out of here, mockingjay. I'm sure you have somewhere more important to be."

"Take care, Johanna." She squeezed the victor's frail hand before leaving the room.

* * *

The next morning, Katniss's dark tattoo said that she had a mockingjay meeting in twenty minutes. After a quick shower and a banana nut muffin, she hurried along to the Control Center, where Finnick, Gale, Haymitch, Plutarch, Boggs, Coin and many of the other training team were standing around talking. Plutarch immediately launched into an explanation of how the Capitol was set up, pressing buttons and showing them holograms of the plans. Katniss's jaw dropped as she stared at it and felt Finnick tense beside her.

"Ladies and gentleman," he said very quietly.

"Let the Seventy-sixth Hunger Games begin!" Katniss's voice echoed around the room and everyone stared at the two victors with raised brows. Katniss quickly laughed, which Finnick joined in on, to ease the tension. They moved close to the hologram as Plutarch continued to talk and they examined the pods, as Plutarch called them, the lights that represented different obstacles designed to trap and kill. It was like the Arena all over again. Fully loaded, controlled by the Game-Makers, just waiting for the chance to finish you off in front of the whole world. Katniss felt sick but she forced herself to remain where she was and listen to Plutarch's and Coin's speeches. When Plutarch announced that the Star-Squad had been selected for a special mission, there was a murmur of interest until the mission was revealed. Then there was anger and dissent.

"What you're saying is, we won't be in actual combat," Gale said angrily. Plutarch went on to explain that they would be most useful on TV rather than on the front line.

"Whatever," Gale rolled his eyes. "When do we ship out?"

"Tomorrow at sunrise." Katniss's eyes widened and she and Finnick traded looks. They were dismissed and they walked out of the hallway together, Finnick shaking his head.

"What do I tell Annie?"

"That you'll see her after all of this is over. You don't have to tell her the details, Finnick. She knows what we're going to do."

"If she sees that hologram though-"

"She won't. It's classified information. Haymitch will watch over her, don't worry." He glanced sideways at her.

"Are you going to tell Peeta?"

"Why would I? So he can worry? Which I don't think he will, his hijacked state can't stand the sight of me and that's all that's to him now."

"Katniss don't think like that. Why do you think he's really gone? He's just-"

"He is, Finnick. I have to go pack. I'll see you tomorrow morning." He sighed as he watched her walk off, shaking his head and feeling heartache for both of his friends.

* * *

The next morning, Katniss's family awoke with her to see her off. They held in their tears as Katniss shouldered the high-teach bow that Beetee had made for her and she turned to them, her face like stone.

"Don't worry, I'll be perfectly safe. I'm not even a real soldier. Just one of Plutarch's televised puppets." Her mother pulled her into her arms and pressed something into her hands.

"Pre-natal vitamins. I want you to take these three times a day and try to eat some protein." Katniss restrained from rolling her eyes.

"Mom you know we're going to war. I don't think I'll have the luxury of just going to the store and picking up some meat."

"You are pregnant, Katniss. Try as hard as you can to keep that baby alive." Her mother's words and tone surprised her. She knew her mother disagreed with her being out there but the fact that she had not included Katniss in her plea to keep alive, hurt her more than she thought it would.

Prim took Katniss's hand and they walked to the doors.

"Please take care of yourself, Katniss. And the baby. Both of you come back home, safe and sound. Peeta and I will be waiting for you both." Katniss tried to smile but found she couldn't.

"I'm just glad you're somewhere safe where Snow can't get to you."

"Stop worrying about me. Next time we see each other, we'll be free of him." Katniss pulled her sister into the tightest hug and didn't want to let go. Prim pulled away and searched Katniss's eyes.

"You didn't tell Peeta you were leaving, did you?"

"I can't handle the goodbyes, Prim. I don't know if he would tell me to be safe or snarl for me to get gone already. I can't handle the thought. Please tell him…tell him I love him, alright?" Prim nodded and Katniss swiftly kissed her cheek before she swept out. Prim watched her climb into the hovercraft, and just like that, just like the first two Hunger Games, her sister was gone.

* * *

Four days passed and not a lot had happened. The Star-Squad was pitched up in tents in the rebel encampment, while Boggs and the others practically searched for things for Katniss to do. Cressida, who was in charge of the film team, asked for Katniss to dress in her mockingjay uniform, the one that Cinna had designed before his death, and film a few propos to show the rebels that she was still fighting for them. But when Katniss tried to zip it up, she found it difficult to do over her protruding belly. Cressida's eyes widened in realization but she said nothing, deciding that her Star-Squad uniform would do just fine.

The team worked their way through the empty streets of the Capitol, searching for pods and being extremely wary. Boggs showed them all the Holo, a sort of glorified map that showed them all the streets and pods and could be activated by a specific commander's voice giving his or her name. Once it's working, it responds

to the other voices in the squadron so if, say, Boggs were killed or severely disabled, someone could take over. If anyone in the squad repeated "nightlock" three times in a row, the Holo would explode, blowing everything in a five- yard radius sky-high. This is for security reasons in the event of capture. Katniss and Finnick traded uneasy glances but it was 'understood' that everyone would be ready to do this.

During one of their explorations of the streets, one of the Leeg twins (Katniss couldn't really tell them apart so she called them Leeg 1 and Leeg 2) hit an unmarked pod, which unleashed metal darts. One of them found her brain and she was dead before she hit the ground. Plutarch didn't seem to distressed and promised a prompt replacement soldier.

The next evening as everyone was sitting around the fire, they heard the rumble of a train and Boggs jumped to his feet.

"That should be our new member. Stay here, troops. Stay alert." Jackson, Boggs's second-in-command, grabbed her gun and held it close. When Boggs appeared he was leading someone and he did not look happy. Finnick's jaw dropped and Gale let out a low swear. Katniss was stunned into silence. Boggs stopped in front of the fire and cleared his throat.

"Squad 451, this is Soldier Peeta Mellark. Soldier Jackson, would you mind, ah, showing him around for a moment while I just go confirm this with President Coin?" Peeta's face was eerily calm.

"I told you, she assigned me herself. Said the propos needed some heating up." His eyes fell on Katniss and she swallowed. In all reality, she hadn't expected to ever see him again. From the moment she had seen the holograph she decided that she was not coming home from the Capitol and was determined to carry out two deeds before her death: find and kill Snow and have someone save the baby. But now here he was and from the look he was giving her, she may not make it to the Capitol to destroy Snow.


	21. Chapter 21

_**Let me just take a moment to say thank you and to clear a few things up.**_

_**Firstly, thank you to everyone for your unyielding support! Your reviews and follows keep me writing so thank you. **_

_**I hope most of you, if not all of you, have read the Hunger Games/seen the films. I try not to reveal spoilers but I did point out that this follows the book to a point so I hope I haven't ruined anything for anyone. That being said, Peeta's hijacking in the books is a source of controversy and confusion. Since Peeta is the only known surviving victim of such a heinous crime, the rebels and Katniss have no idea how to truly help him. When I go back and forth in these scenes it is because I might have seen a glimpse of the old Peeta in those particular parts in the book. Mockingjay was my favorite of the trilogy but it's definitely the most tragic. But because we see everything in Katniss's POV, I feel like we miss a lot about the hijacking and the rebel cause in general. So that is why I decided not to do POV in this particular fic (although, surprise, I have started a new Hunger Games fic that IS POV, so you can look forward to that ;)**_

_**Furthermore, the next few chapters, I try to take a bit of the text directly from the book so you can clearly see what is happening with this mission. As always, I do not own these amazing characters and all credit goes to Suzanne Collins. **_

_**So I hope I haven't driven you all to frustration. Trust me, reading about Peeta's hijacking was the hardest part of me because I fell in love with this character and just wanted him and Katniss both to have a happy ending. I won't reveal anything more but I DO plan to write well past the end of Mockingjay, so you can see what became of the characters, at least in my eyes. Bear with me and I promise I will continue to try to move you to tears and laughter and a flood of emotions ;)**_

_** Love and pixie dust to you all! XOXO**_

* * *

**XXI.**

Boggs stomped back into the camp and everyone stared at him warily. He snapped at Jackson to set up a two-person round the clock guard on Peeta.

"And don't even think of trying anything," he snarled at Peeta. Peeta crossed his arms, his face impassive.

"Wouldn't dream of it." Katniss swallowed and Boggs gestured for her to follow him.

When they were away from the others, Boggs whirled around and found Katniss's wide eyes on him.

"She wants me dead."

"Soldier Everdeen, that's not-"

"He'll kill me, Boggs. Especially here, where there are so many bad memories to set him off."

"I'll keep him contained, Katniss."

"Why does Coin want me dead now?"

"She denies she does."

"But YOU know better." Boggs shook his head.

"Here's as much as I know. The president doesn't like you. She never did. It was Peeta she wanted rescued from the arena, but no one else agreed. It made matters worse when you forced her to give the other victors immunity. But even that could be overlooked in view of how well you've performed. What it really is…well, sometime in the near future, this war will be resolved. A new leader will be chosen. I'm not saying it will be you but think about this. You'll throw support to someone. Would it be President Coin? Or someone else?"

"I don't know. I've never thought about it."

"If your immediate answer isn't Coin, then you're a threat. You're the face of the rebellion. You may have more influence than any other single person. Outwardly, the most you've ever done is tolerated her."

"So…she'll kill me to shut me up? She'll make me a martyr? You think that would work, for the rebellion?" Her heart sank when she saw his eyes flick downwards.

"She doesn't really need you as a rallying point now. As she said, your primary objective, to unite the districts, has succeeded and these current propos could be done without you. There's only one last thing you could do to add fire to the rebellion. Give us a martyr to fight for."

Katniss swallowed, feeling sick again. She hadn't eaten much in the past few days so she wondered what on earth she could throw up. Her hand went to her belly and she said a silent apology to her child.

"But I'm not going to let that happen, Katniss. I plan on you having a long life. You deserve it. Come on, let's get back."

When they returned, Peeta was pitching his tent and Jackson was making notes on her clipboard.

"What time is my watch?" Katniss asked. Jackson blinked.

"I didn't put you in the rotation."

"And why not?"

"Because I know you wouldn't shoot Peeta."

"Shoot him? Why would we shoot him?"

"If it came down to him killing you, your life comes first, Soldier Everdeen." That only angered Katniss.

"Put me on the damn rotation!"

"Midnight to four. You're on with me," Jackson said with a shake of her head. Nodding, Katniss turned away to find her path blocked by Gale.

"Do you want me to kill him?"

"Shut up Gale," she said angrily, shoving past him. She was again blocked, this time by Cressida, and she huffed impatiently.

"What now?"

"Take a walk with me, Katniss," she said pleasantly. Katniss reluctantly followed her down the sloping hill, away from camp. Cressida looked around to make sure they weren't being watched and she leaned in closer.

"Look Katniss, I have a huge dilemma here. A pregnant Victor of the Hunger Games is big news by itself. But a pregnant Victor of the Hunger Games who is also leading the rebellion as the Mockingjay…that could be the biggest break of my life." Katniss's mouth had gone dry and she tried to swallow.

"I don't…I don't know what you're-"

"Don't play dumb, Katniss, it's not very becoming. Your Mockingjay uniform that Cinna designed doesn't even fit. Strange, only certain parts of you are starting to grow despite your conditions and turmoil. If Coin heard about it, you would be a serious target. If Plutarch heard, he would exploit you and your child and you would never be left alone, for the rest of your lives." Katniss felt her knees weaken and she wished someone would just descend upon her and kill her now. Cressida was a serious film director and would do about anything for her stories. She had followed Katniss and Gale and the others up to the roof when they had shot down the hovercrafts in 8. She was staring at the ground and saw Cressida's pointed-toe shoes shift in the dirt.

"But I've gotten to know you, Katniss, and I never realized how sad you really were. Truly, when I watched you in the Games, I knew your story was different but I didn't really understand why you isolated yourself. I have come to respect you and care for you. And I would hate to see you harmed in any way. Which is why I will keep your secret. I do, however, ask a favor of you. After you defeat the Capitol and you start to show, you will let me be the first to interview you about the pregnancy." It was only fair, Katniss decided, and she started to nod but bit her lip, thinking about her previous decision.

"If I'm alive, Cressida…of course you can be the first with the story."

"What does that mean? You're not even going into battle."

"I'm going to be the one to kill Snow, Cressida. I made up my mind when I left District 13 that I would do everything in my power to bring down the Capitol and to lead the rebels to victory. Even if that means my life. I didn't even say goodbye to Peeta, because I realized that I wasn't coming back to him. I'm not expecting to survive this."

"You're a survivor, Katniss. We learned that in the Hunger Games. You will survive this. And when it's all over, you and Peeta can try to have a normal life, with your child." Katniss swallowed and her hands went to her stomach, just as it began to growl. She could practically hear her child begging for food. Cressida's eyes flicked downwards then back up at her.

"I'll meet you back at camp." And with that, she was gone.

Katniss trudged back into camp and found the others chatting around the fire, roasting something on a long stick. Peeta was playing the rope that Finnick had given him, tying and retying knots, and he shot Katniss a look when she sat down a little ways from him.

"Here Katniss, you should eat something," Gale said quietly, moving closer to her. But Katniss saw there was barely enough food for them all and she shook her head.

"You eat. I'm fine."

"Katniss," Gale said firmly.

"Leave it. I'm not hungry." Finnick shook his head but said nothing as the rest of the squad was watching. Cressida returned, her arms full of something and she sat a huge leaf in front of Katniss. Gale stared at the fish and berries on the leaf.

"Where the hell did you find that?"

"I have sources," Cressida said with a shrug, and she winked at Katniss before she retreated into her tent. Katniss devoured the fish and popped the cool blackberries in her mouth. Gale relaxed when he saw her eat and he finished his own meal in silence. Finnick rose and took a leaf of food to Peeta. Peeta shook his head but Finnick gave him a pointed look and pushed the food closer. Peeta succumbed to his hunger and ate as well. After everyone was finished, people started to retreat into their tents. Jackson loudly asked that Peeta sleep out in the open, just for the night at least, and he grudgingly agreed. Katniss sighed as she disappeared into her tent, once again frustrated that this was how they were treating him. Like a prisoner. Like something dangerous. Granted, he could be dangerous to Katniss but she honestly believed that he wouldn't hurt her. As she pulled the tent flap back, she cast one last look at Peeta, who had his knees pulled into his chest and he was leaning his chin against his knees, frantically tying knots. Katniss stifled a sob and disappeared into her tent.

* * *

The next morning was an early one and Cressida insisted they find some breakfast before they ventured into the streets. Katniss wondered if Cressida was more interested in a healthy baby for her headlines or because she genuinely cared about her. Cressida had mysteriously returned to camp with a few eggs and a few more berries. Katniss pressed two of the vitamins into her mouth and swallowed them down with a swig of water. Seeing the berries in her palm sent her into a wave of panic and she frantically looked over at Peeta, who was adjusting the strap of his gun. The watch last night had been miserable. Peeta had barely spoken two words to her and she had tried to play the 'real, not real' game with him but he had ignored her for most of the time. She hadn't slept and she had some serious bags under her eyes. Well, at least they wouldn't want to shoot propos with her looking like that, she decided. She still had a handful of berries left so she went over to Peeta and tapped him on the shoulder. When he turned, his brow raised and he waited for her to say something. She was silent as she took his hand and transferred the berries to his palm. He looked down quickly then looked back at her and she gave him a small smile before she returned to her tent to retrieve her things.

* * *

It had been a long and uneventful day when the squad trudged back to camp. Several of the pods had been activated but luckily no one had been injured. Katniss collapsed next to Finnick and gratefully accepted the jerkey he offered her. Sighing, they ate their little meal in silence as they stared at the flickering flames in front of them.

"It's a bit too much like the Games for my taste," Finnick said quietly. Katniss glanced sideways at him and saw most of his face was hidden in shadow.

"We're on the move, to escape the other tributes or we are sitting around, waiting for the Game-Maker's next move. But you know that final time, that moment when you have to move in and kill or be killed, will come soon. When do we attack the Capitol? When do we move in on Snow?"

"It's stupid to think we have a shot at Snow while there are still Peacekeepers and enemies all around," Jackson snapped. "We have to make sure the area is clear, we have to let the rebels clear the city and then we will have our shot. Patience, Soldier Odair."

"Patience," Finnick snorted. "No one knows patience more than victors. You have to be patient and just _wait_. Wait to die. Wait to live. Wait to kill. Wait to be killed. Wait wait wait."

"Try doing all that waiting in a dark cell with your friends being tortured around you," Peeta spoke up from behind them. Everyone whirled around to find him staring into the flames, the burning evident in his dark eyes. "It's just like the arena. All you can do is wait. Except at least in the arena, you can move around. You can partially control your fate. In the cell, if someone decided to beat the shit out of you with pipes, you couldn't stop it. If they wanted to carve you like a turkey, you couldn't stop it. And the screaming. The screaming is so close. Like right beside you. And you have no power to help them." His fingers flexed nervously and Finnick moved to sit beside him, clapping him on the shoulder.

"Here," he handed Peeta a long piece of rope and Peeta's hands immediately started to make knots. He tore his eyes away from the flames and looked around at everyone, seeming surprised that they were all staring at him. His eyes rested on Pollux, one of Cressida's cameramen and his face softened.

"You're an Avox, aren't you? I can tell by the way you swallow. There were two Avoxes with me in prison. Darius and Lavinia, but the guards mostly called them the redheads. They'd been our servants in the Training Center, so they arrested them, too. I watched them being tortured to death. She was lucky. They used too much voltage and her heart stopped right off. It took days to finish him off. Beating, cutting off parts. They kept asking him questions, but he couldn't speak, he just made these horrible animal sounds. They didn't want information, you know? They wanted me to see it." Katniss felt sick and felt Gale's eyes on her. He remembered. Long ago, while they had been in the woods, they had watched a boy and a girl being taken by the Capitol. Years later, she had encountered the girl when she and Peeta had arrived in the Capitol for the first Games. Now they finally knew her name. Katniss excused herself and walked a ways away from everyone, leaning over to throw up in the bushes. She shakily wiped her mouth on the back of her hand and returned to the fire. Peeta and Gale both watched her sharply as she sat back down and didn't say a word. Finnick draped his arm around her shoulder.

"You should get some rest, little mockingjay. You look terrible."

"You don't look much better, Odair," she fired back but he smiled and pushed her toward her tent. She felt everyone's eyes on her as she closed the flap behind her. Great. Everyone was thinking she was weak. She would NOT appear weak to them. She would find a way to redeem herself in the morning.


	22. Chapter 22

_**This chapter contains lots of lemons, dear readers! Do not read if easily offended! :) **_

* * *

**XXII.**

The jabberjays swooped in and out, bringing those torturous cries with them. Katniss tried to cover her ears but Prim's screams echoed inside her brain. She ran as fast as she could toward Peeta, whose face was covered with terror and worry. She ran headlong into a solid barrier and she screamed for him. His hands came up and pressed against the forcefield, his eyes wide with horror. He was yelling something but she couldn't hear. All she could hear were the screams that were swallowing up the arena. Prim's. Gale's. Her mother's. She beat against the forcefield, pressing her nails into it desperately as Peeta tried to get to her.

"Katniss, it's not real! It's not real," he was screaming, fighting to get to her.

"Peeta! PEETA!" Their eyes met for a moment and his heart tore at how petrified she was. The jabberjays suddenly swooped in and brought her new screams. Pained cries of a young man. It was crying her name, sobbing for her to help him. As her wide eyes met his again, she watched as he was yanked back by a mutt who proceeded to rip him apart. His cries were the loudest in her ears.

* * *

She sat up, screaming, her shirt drenched in sweat. The flap of the tent opened and she thought just for a moment it would be the person who had always come running at the sounds of her screams. She looked up into Gale's concerned face and she sighed.

"Are you alright?"

"Fine, it was just a nightmare." He watched her for a moment, cocking his head.

"I made some hot chocolate. Care for some?" She followed him back to the fire and accepted the steaming mug.

"Where did you get chocolate," she asked as she blew on the edge of the cup.

"Boggs and Mitchell came back from searching some of the houses. They've all been evacuated so they brought back some of their food. It's been keeping me awake." She tasted it and winced as it burned her tongue. Sighing, she brought the mug to her cheek and took in the steam. Gale was still staring at her.

"I hadn't realized how alike you two are." She looked quickly at him, frowning.

"Who?" He jerked his head behind them and Katniss could hear the moans coming from the tent.

"We've both been through a lot. We went through a lot together and then he went through even more in the Capitol." He nodded.

"I think…I can understand now. I'd never really be able to understand what you experienced. I could comfort you, sure, but I don't really know what's going on inside your head. You and he are pretty evenly matched." She didn't say anything, moving her eyes back to the fire. Peeta's moans were getting louder and he was starting to pant heavily. She caught words like "no" and "please" and she squeezed her eyes shut.

"Leave her alone!" His panicked command made her jump and she nearly spilled the chocolate.

"Bet he's dreaming of that girl. Lavinia? Do you think we could have saved her?"

"We would have wound up where she did," Katniss replied in a dead voice. "But we should have tried." Gale sighed and drank quietly. Katniss took a sip and winced at Peeta's cries. Remembering what had always calmed her down during her nightmares, she set the mug down and rose to her feet in the direction of his tent.

"Katniss," Gale said warningly.

"You're right here, right outside. If I need you I'll scream." Without another word, she opened the flap of the tent and slid inside.

Peeta was tossing and turning on his mat, his blonde locks damp and his face pale. Katniss stood over him, watching him for a moment, suddenly questioning if she should be here or not.

"Please," he whimpered. "Please just leave her alone! Just stop it!" She knelt to her knees beside him, reaching out a hand toward him and freezing when she heard her name.

"Katniss! Please, don't hurt her! I love her. Katniss! KATNISS!" He was watching her die, just as she had watched him. Her hand pushed back his hair and moved down to caress his face.

"Katniss," he said pleadingly.

"I'm here, Peeta. I'm right here. Not real. Not real. None of this is real. You're safe…we're both safe." He started to nuzzle against her palm and she moved her other hand to his face. Very slowly, she leaned down and kissed his forehead. He stopped thrashing around, his face relaxing, his fists unclenching, She planted sweet kisses all over his face, his head, his nose, and finally his lips. She started to pull back but he lifted his head and followed her, his hands lifting up to wrap around her shoulders and neck and bringing her back down to him. She knelt between his legs, gripping his face with both hands as their kisses grew more passionate. He gently tugged at her bottom lip with his teeth, causing her to gasp and his tongue slid into her open mouth. One of his hands moved to grip her hair, then moved down to rest against her cheek. When Katniss pulled back and opened her eyes, they met a pair of startling blue ones that were hazy and tired.

"Katniss," he breathed, one of his fingers drifting over his lips.

"I'm here," she said simply. He leaned up and took her face into his hands, pulling her in for another kiss. It felt like the cave all over again, with him dying underneath her and her completely unsure of her feelings toward him. This time he broke the kiss and he pressed his forehead to hers.

"You left me," he said in a pained whisper.

"I had to," she said softly. "I have to kill him. For what he's done. For what he's done to you."

"You know I would never leave your side. Why did you leave me? You didn't even say goodbye." His eyes were welling with tears and she started to look away but he gripped her face again and forced her to look at him.

"You didn't say goodbye," he whispered.

"I'm sorry." He shook his head and lowered his hand to her stomach. She glanced down at where his hand rested and brought hers up to cover his.

"You think I'd make a terrible father." Her head shot up at his weak words and she shook her head.

"Not real. Not real at all, Peeta. You will make a wonderful father."

"Then why won't you give me that chance?"

"Because she needs a father AND a mother. And I won't make a good one."

"How can you say that," he gasped in disbelief as he pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "You are the most loving person I know."

"I may be many things but I don't think I'm very loving." He leaned up and wrapped his arms around her neck, bringing her closer and tugging her into his lap. Her legs wrapped around his waist and he groaned when she pressed against him.

"You love me," he said against her lips. "After all that we've been through, after all that has happened, after all that I've done. You still love me. Real or not real?"

"Real," she said breathily and he wasted no time in claiming her lips again. His hands slid underneath her shirt and gripped her waist before his fingers climbed up and ran along the expanse of her back. Likewise, Katniss's fingers tugged at his t-shirt and pulled it over his head. Her palms met the taut sinew of his back and she planted kisses on his shoulder and collarbone. Peeta groaned and his fingers found the clasp of her bra, having it undone in seconds. He tore his lips from hers to lift the shirt over her head, then pulled the bra down her arms. His wide eyes drinking in their fill of her, one of his hands moved to grip her hair while the other went to her breasts. She leaned forward to kiss him again and he leaned her back onto the mat, her legs still wrapped around his waist. His hand moved down from her heaving breasts, over her belly, down to the waistband of her pants. One of his fingers slid past the waist and made a path of scorching heat. He leaned down and dipped his tongue into her belly button, his lips stopping at the button of her pants and he slowly undid them, pulling them down. He went excruciatingly slow, every time he inched them down a bit more, he would plant a kiss on the skin he exposed. Katniss tossed her head, lost in pleasure.

"Peeta," she whimpered. "Please!"

"Can I at least have a moment to admire your beauty? You've already seen me, remember?" She tossed her head and he grinned up at her before kissing her pelvic bone and dragging his tongue down her slit. She let out a stifled cry before stuffing her fist into her mouth. Peeta's tongue dove into her and her hips lifted to meet his mouth. She whimpered his name loudly and he reached up and grabbed his pillow from the cot. She grabbed it from him and stuffed it over her face, screaming against the cloth.

"Don't suffocate yourself," he said from between her legs. He grinned and went back to his work and Katniss tossed her head back. She let out a muffled 'fuck' which made Peeta only increase the pressure. Her legs came up around his head, trapping him and he held her down by the ankles. His teeth brushed against that little bundle of nerves that was her downfall and she screamed into the pillow. His fingertips dug into her legs as he spread her wide open, his mouth bringing her to the most glorious completion she'd ever felt and she screamed his name long and hard against the pillow. Peeta kissed his way up her thighs, her belly, her breasts, and then finally he clutched the pillow and pulled it away from her sweaty face. He grinned down at her, never having seen anything so beautiful.

"I can't move," she said weakly, turning her head away. He kissed her throat and chuckled lightly.

"No one said you had to."

"Peeta-"

"Katniss," she heard someone hissing her name. "You ok in there?"

"Yes," she hissed back.

"Your watch is about to start," Finnick whispered and Katniss groaned. She tried to sit up but Peeta kept her trapped with his body.

"It's nearly midnight. I have to stand guard."

"Can't you guard me from here," he said with a smile against her lips.

"We're both screwed if they find out what we're doing. Hand me my clothes." He reluctantly passed her her shirt and pants and she quickly dressed, jumping to her feet. She started to open the tent flap but changed her mind and leaned up to kiss him. His hands wrapped in her hair as he pulled her closer.

"I missed you," he said against her lips.

"Don't leave me again," she said, bringing her hand up to fist his curls.

"I'll always come back to you, Katniss. Always." She kissed him one last time before hurrying out of the tent. Gale and Finnick watched her, their brows raised. She cleared her throat.

"He was just, um, just having a nightmare. I tried to calm him down."

"I bet you did," Finnick said, chuckling. Katniss shot him a glare and accepted the gun Gale handed her. He cupped her chin for just a moment.

"Be careful," he said quietly before he went back to his own tent. Katniss frowned after him. Careful of what? Being alone with Peeta? Guarding her heart? Guarding the baby? She wasn't sure which one he was talking about but she sighed as she sat next to Finnick. He grinned and nudged her with his shoulder.

"I traded watch with Jackson so it's just you and me. Go on back in there if you want."

"It's fine, Finnick, I just-"

"Katniss. I know how rare it is to find a moment to yourselves. If he's come back to you and you two can have this night together, don't waste it. We don't know how many nights we have left. I'd give anything to hold Annie right now." She glanced at him and saw the longing in his face, the sadness in his eyes.

"Besides, I can live vicariously through your sex life," he said, nudging her again.

"Ugh, Finnick Odair," she scolded him while he cackled wildly. "Really, I am pregnant right now!"  
"That doesn't mean you can't have sex, Katniss. Wow little mockingjay, you have so much to learn."

"I refuse to discuss this with you," she said, jumping to her feet and walking back to Peeta's tent. He shot her a wink and a nod.

"I'll let you know if anyone is coming. Have fun." She rolled her eyes before disappearing into his tent.

* * *

Peeta glanced over and sat up when Katniss re-entered the tent.

"I knew you couldn't stay away from me." She climbed into his lap and gently tugged on his hair, eliciting a moan and a gasp.

"Cocky boy. Finnick sent me back in here. So he can live vicariously through us."

"That's just disturbing to think about. Lean back." He quickly had her shirt and bra off again and was holding her against his chest. She felt his heart racing underneath hers and her fingers wrapped themselves in his hair. She couldn't possibly get close enough as she pressed her bare chest against his and wriggled around on his lap, her lips meeting his burning flesh. He hissed and sucked in a breath.

"Katniss…oh god."

"It's your turn, Peeta. I want to make you feel good." He pulled away to look at her, his jaw wide open.

"I don't need…you don't have to, Katniss. I like making you feel good. It isn't a chore for me."

"I know," she said simply. "But I want to give you something in return. Because I _want_ to, not because I have to. There are no cameras here, Peeta. Just me. And you." She moved off his lap and gently pushed him so that he was flat on his back. She didn't think she was much of a seductress but she knew that her lips did something to him. She sucked at this throat and slowly moved down, as he had done to her. Her tongue eagerly flecked at his salty skin all the way down to his stomach. She followed his path around his bellybutton and her hand groped him through his pants. He jerked upwards and she squeezed him again. Trying to remember what he had showed her in the hospital, she gave her palm several licks before sliding her hand down into his pants. He moaned at the contact and jerked upwards again, into her hand. Her tongue followed the line of fine air down past his bellybutton and she one-handedly unbuttoned the pants, withdrawing her hand to tug them down. He reached down and assisted her in getting them off, having some difficulty tugging them over his prosthetic. He kicked them away and she let her hands travel over his hips, down his thighs, pausing a moment to take him all in. He sat up a little, watching her cautiously.

"Is everything ok?"

"You're…you're just beautiful," she said softly. His eyes lit up and he took her face in his hands, pulling her in for a kiss. The rough material of her pants rubbed against his throbbing manhood and he groaned into her mouth. Remembering her promise, Katniss broke the kiss and licked and sucked her way down his chest and stomach, pausing only for a moment before her tongue darted out to taste the rest of him. His head fell back with a thud and he let out a stream of curse words under his breath. She tasted him again, noting that it was odd, how he could taste so sugary and sweet and yet down here taste salty and like the earth. She loved discovering these new sounds he made, the way his body jerked and writhed when her mouth hit a certain spot. She used her hand to grasp him, afraid she would choke herself with the way she was taking him. Peeta restrained himself from thrusting upwards, not wanting to choke her. He reached down and gathered a fistful of her hair, holding it out of her face.

"Katniss, fuck! I'm gonna…" he tugged on her hair and she released him, surprised. The moment her lips left him he let out a strangled cry and his hips launched off the ground, as pearly liquid covered his stomach. He collapsed, his breathing heavy, his chest heaving and his hands falling to his sides. Katniss watched him for a moment, uncertain.

"Peeta? Is…is everything…ok?"

"I…I can't move," he said weakly. She remembered her words and she leaned down to kiss him. He gripped her cheeks with both hands, pushing her hair out of her eyes.

"That was the most…amazing…I can't even…thank you."

"I like seeing you like this," she said slyly, lying down beside him and grabbing a blanket to toss over them. He looked quickly at her, his brow furrowed.

"Like what?"

"Breathless, panting, wanting. Hearing you cry out my name. I quite like it."

"Oh believe me, when all this is over, I'll keep you in bed and make you scream my name again and again." She was glad it was so dark so he couldn't see her blush.

"I have to hear you scream mine too though."

"I don't scream," he said cockily. She rose up on her elbows, her brow raised.

"That sound you just made sure sounded like a scream. With my name on it too. I didn't know you were so…vocal."

"Oh please. You had to stifle your screams with a pillow. Who's the vocal one?"

"Haymitch is going to have to move several houses down. We might scar him for life." Peeta chuckled.

"We'll make sure to respect the neighbors. And make sure not to scar our kids. We'll have Haymitch take them regularly."

"Them?" Peeta bit his lip, realizing what he had said.

"Him…her. I don't know, Katniss, maybe we'll have more. How about it, hm? Give me a little girl that looks just like you, with her hair in two braids instead of one. And a little boy with my hair and your eyes. I'll teach them both how to bake and you can teach them all about hunting and snares and all that stuff. We'll be a family. A real family." Katniss smiled at his wistful tone, before it faded and her hands went to her belly. Peeta's hands covered hers, sensing her thoughts.

"Just give us a chance to make it work, Katniss. I promise you, we won't fail."

"You'll be saying something different, Peeta, in a few hours when the sun rises and you revert to your hijacked state. How can you ask a child to cope with that?"

"I told you, we can make it work. I'll see a doctor, I'll get help. The only reason I reverted was because you left. Without you, I'm just…I'm a mutt. I have no reason to go on. Now that I know you still love me…I can try it, Katniss. Let me try it." She sighed and lay back down beside him, his arms coming round her and holding her close. His breathing grew steadier which meant he had fallen asleep. She nuzzled in closer to him, burying her face in his bare chest, as she too fell asleep quickly.


	23. Chapter 23

**XXIII**

He groaned in his sleep, whimpering and pleading and she reached up to stroke his face. He kept her up, which she was fine with, for he had always been the one to comfort her when her nightmares kept her up. His eyes opened and she sighed with relief when she saw they were the usual blue. He hadn't left her in the night. He looked surprised that she was still with him and he leaned in to nuzzle her cheek before giving her a sweet kiss.

"I wish I could keep the nightmares away, as well as you did for me," she said sadly.

"It's just…talking about Lavinia and Darius. Remembering…what all happened in the Capitol. And it's not shiny so I know it's real."

"What does that mean?" His brow furrowed.

"I can't really explain it. The memories they tampered with are sort of shiny and I'm getting pretty good at knowing what's real and what's not. Those particular memories from the Capitol aren't hazy at all. I remember most of it. I even remember when they brought you in there with me." She looked away before he could catch her eyes and searched for something to focus her gaze on. But she felt his fingers lift her chin and she looked up into his tear-filled eyes.

"Forgive me, Katniss. Please forgive me."

"There's nothing to forgive," she said firmly. "I thought we had already agreed to put that behind us."

"I'm not referring to that…well, not just that. But I wached them torture you. I turned my back on you. It took me days before I finally stood up to the bastards and told them to leave you alone. I can't believe…I just can't comprehend how-"

"Stop. Just stop, Peeta, please. Don't torture yourself with this. It's in the past. What matters is that you came back to me and you saved my life. That's all that matters to me." He sniffled and she reached up to wipe the tears that were staining his cheek. Her thumb swept across his skin and his hand came up to cover hers.

"I will never deserve your love," he said softly. "I'll never understand what I did to deserve you."

"You are everything that is good and perfect in this world, Peeta. And you've been corrupted by darkness. And yet there is still light that shines from you, there is so much love inside your heart. Haymitch was right. You are too good for me."

"Never say that again," he said firmly. Katniss merely shrugged and leaned up to kiss him again. Peeta's hands wrapped around her dark hair and pulled her on top of him. Straddling his hips, she could feel his growing need for her and her palms flattened against his chest. Her fingernails raked across his nipples and he let out a low hiss. She suddenly took notice that he was naked and all that separated them from being skin to skin was her pants. His hands went to her hips and she threw her head back as he leaned up to take one of her breasts into his mouth. His teeth raked across her nipple while his fingers went to the buttons on her pants. She bit her lip and moaned his name. She could feel his cock twitch between her legs and her hands buried themselves in his hair. Peeta's hand slid into her pants and teased her for a moment, swiping across her waist. The moment his hand lowered, Katniss could hear someone hissing her name.

"Katniss, someone's coming!"

"Shit," she groaned, leaping off of him and diving for her clothes. Peeta sat up, looking deeply disgruntled, and watched her dress quickly.

"I'll kill whoever it is."

"Don't say that. Hand me my shirt." He looked around and found her shirt to his left.

"I could refuse and then you'd be stuck in here, naked."

"And we both know what Boggs and Jackson would do if they found out what are doing. I would never see you again, Peeta. Hand it over." Admitting that she had a point, he handed her the shirt and she gathered her hair over her shoulder. She bent down and kissed him hard on the mouth before straightening up and hurrying out the backside of the tent. Peeta watched her, baffled, until he heard voices outside the tent and he froze.

"Soldier Odair, where is Soldier Everdeen?"

"Pardon?"

"I didn't stutter. WHERE is Soldier Everdeen?"

"Oh! Um, she said she had to…she had to go do something." Peeta rolled his eyes. That was the best Finnick could come up with?

"Go do something," Jackson repeated nastily.

"Yeah, she said she'd be right back. She's-"

"Thanks for keeping an eye on things, Finnick," Peeta heard her voice seconds later and he breathed. "Soldier Jackson. Is something wrong?"

"Where were you, Soldier Everdeen?"

"I had to relieve myself, Soldier Jackson. Sorry that I'm not comfortable enough to do it within a ten mile radius of my friends." Peeta snickered and could swear he heard Finnick cough to cover up his own laugh.

"Don't leave your post again. Same goes for you too, Odair. Has anyone checked on the prisoner lately?"

"He is NOT a prisoner, his name is Peeta and he is a part of our squad. I've had about enough with you people treating him like this!"

"Our concern is keeping you safe. If he is a danger to that goal, we are obligated to eliminate the threat."

"Peeta is my husband and less of a threat than anything else out in this god-forsaken place," she exploded. Peeta's jaw dropped and he swore he heard crickets in the tense silence. It had been the first time since the Games that he had heard her refer to the lie that he had told at his interview. He had told Caesar that they had already married, had a toasting, and that a baby was on the way. Of course after he had been captured by the Capitol and Katniss had become the mockingjay, the rumors sort of died down but this was the first time he had heard her refer back to it.

"We'll leave you to watch over your _husband_ yourself. And if he kills you in your sleep, Coin can't blame us."

"Soldier Jackson," Finnick spluttered but Peeta heard heavy footsteps stomping away.

Moments later, the sound of something being thrown across the campsite.

"Katniss calm down. Don't let her get to you."

"NO! No, I'm SICK of this. Because I'm the stupid Mockingjay! They keep treating him like he's some kind of criminal and that I'm a poor helpless victim. They don't realize what has happened to him, what is still happening to him! Coin was right. They should have rescued him and not me. He should be the Mockingjay, not me. He could have lead the rebellion with his words. I wish the Capitol had taken me. I wish I had been the one they had tortured and hijacked." Peeta's jaw dropped and he yanked on his clothes while he leaned in to listen to Finnick's soft reply.

"A lot of shit happened that we wish hadn't. What do you keep telling Peeta, Katniss? Don't focus on the past. Worry about the present and the future. Don't ask 'what if' because it's just going to drive you insane. Peeta may make a better leader than you but they picked you, Katniss. And I know you only accepted that title to save his life but now that you are the leader of the rebellion, you are going to have to start looking forward. Don't look behind you. You'll only keep running and you, girl on fire, do not run from your enemies."

"Were you watching my first games, Finnick? I ran every chance I got."

"I was watching. I watched you survive on your own before teamed up with that little girl. I watched you run to her rescue when she screamed your name. I watched you run to Peeta's rescue when you found out he was hurt. I watched you run to the Cornicopia for the medicine that would save his life, even after he begged you not to. I watched you fire your arrow into Cato to end his suffering. And I watched you defy the Capitol with those berries, saw the fire in those eyes as you were about to swallow them. I watched as the spark grew into a flame and that flame spread through all of Panem. I've been paying close attention, little mockingjay. You don't really understand the effect you have one people, do you?"

"She never has," said a soft voice behind them and they both whirled around to find Peeta coming out of his tent. He opened his arms and Katniss went straight into them. He held her close to his chest, resting his chin on her head as he stroked her hair. Finnick watched them with a smile. Peeta gently cupped her chin and his eyes found hers.

"Don't ever wish that, Katniss," he said softly. "Don't ever wish that it had been you. I would have died if our roles were reversed. I'm not strong enough to deal with what you're dealing with."

"You give me too much credit Peeta."

"And you don't give yourself enough. You've saved so many lives, Katniss. You're stronger than you know." She buried her face in his chest and he was stunned to see tears streaming down her cheeks. Her cries became sobs and his arms around her tightened.

"Katniss! What is it?"

"It's ok. It's just her hormones," Finnick said quietly. "From the baby." Peeta nodded in understanding but this phrase brought back another time, an awful time where she had thought she had lost him, and the sobs only increased. Finnick seemed to remember as well and he bit his lip, looking anxious.

"Shit, I'm sorry Katniss. I didn't mean to…bring anything up. I just…damn it."

"What did I miss," Peeta asked quietly, looking baffled. But Katniss shook her head and pulled away, wiping her nose on her sleeve. Comprehnsion dawned on him and he took her hands into his.

"It's real this time, Katniss. It's all real."

"I know," she said softly.

"Maybe we should get some rest. The next watch should be here any minute," Finnick said, glancing down the hill. Katniss took Peeta's hands and squeezed.

"I want to stay with you."

"Baby I want that more than anything but you know we can't. What if I-"

"I thought we aren't saying 'what if' anymore."

"This is different, Katniss. I'm still having episodes. I can still hurt you. Just…sleep in your own tent tonight and come see me in the morning. We will talk to Boggs about it tomorrow, ok?"

"Ok," she said reluctantly. Peeta pushed her hair out of her eyes and bent down to kiss her. Finnick sighed heavily and Katniss shot him a look.

"You were practically glued to Annie's lips for weeks. Don't sigh at me."

"I didn't say anything!" Peeta chuckled and shook his head.

"I swear Finnick, when we get back to 13, we are going to have to get you and Annie a hotel room to keep you from disturbing the rest of the district."

"That's an idea. We might as well get a suite and share with you guys. Since we'll pretty much be doing the same thing."

"Finnick!" Both Peeta and Katniss exclaimed, both very red and Finnick burst out laughing.

"Your faces! You're both such prudes! I knew Katniss was pure but you Peeta-"

"I am NOT pure," Katniss barked. Peeta grinned.

"It's not a bad thing, sweetheart. It just means you're more innocent than most."

"I know what it means," she said hotly. "Just because I didn't disappear behind the slag heap everyday doesn't mean I don't know anything."

"Ooooook, we are dropping this subject right now," Finnick said, his eyes wide. Peeta nodded and Katniss glared at both of them. She indicated her belly and gave them both pointed looks.

"Does THIS look like I'm pure? Can you really call me pure with your baby inside me?" Peeta suddenly looked uncomfortable and Finnick's smile faded.

"Katniss-"

"Baby?!" The three of them whirled around to find Messalla, Cressida's assistant, gaping at them. Peeta paled immediately.

"Shit," he said quietly. Messalla's eyes traveled over the three of them before he turn and ran back down the hill, toward the TV Crew's tents.

"We have to stop him," Finnick said, starting after him.

"No we don't. Cressida already knows." Peeta and Finnick stared, wide-eyed at her.

"I didn't tell her. She guessed. She's been helping me stay healthy as I can. Her deal is she'll keep it a secret if I let her have the first pregnancy story when we finally announce it."

"Do you think Messalla will go behind Cressida's back? What if he goes to someone in the Capitol? If Snow finds out you're pregnant…" Peeta didn't finish his sentence but they caught the worry in his eyes. As a pregnant woman, Katniss had an even bigger target on her back. Peeta had already sworn not to let anything happen to Katniss or the baby, but if Snow found out, he could torture Peeta far worse than any hijacking. He swallowed and trembled slightly.  
"We'll find out what Cressida says in the morning. I'm going to bed."

"Take your vitamins," Finnick called after her and she waved him off as she disappeared into her tent. Peeta sighed.

"She's actually taking vitamins?"

"Her mother gave her pre-natal vitamins to help strengthen the baby. We just have to keep reminding her, Peeta. Remind her that you're having a baby together and that it will be wonderful. It will make her want to stay safe and healthy and not be reckless about this. Gale and I are worried about her."

"When did you and Gale start bonding," Peeta said, wrinkling his nose.

"We're all on the same side, Peeta. We all want the same thing. And we'll all work together to achieve our goals. He's not my favorite person in the world but I respect him. As I respect you and Katniss. Get some sleep. I have a feeling tomorrow is going to be rough." Peeta nodded and went back to his tent. As he stripped off his shirt, his shoes, and his socks his mind drifted to the woman in the tent next to him. He pulled his pillow into his arms and closed his eyes, pretending he could hear her breathing right next to him.

* * *

The next morning, Peeta awoke early and quickly dressed. Glancing outside, he saw the sun was beginning to rise and that no one was awake. Leeg and Homes, his watch, he assumed, were both dozing by the smoldering fire. Not wanting to cause any problems, he gently shook Leeg awake. She looked surprised to see him up and about.

"I just need to relieve myself. Mind if I slip down the hill for a moment?" She looked hesitant but then she agreed and Peeta slipped behind the tents. Moments later, Katniss emerged from her tent, fully dressed.

"Did I hear Peeta's voice?"

"He just needs to relieve himself, he'll be right back," she said with a nod. Katniss shouldered her high tech bow and her arrows and felt her stomach rumble.

"I'm going to see if I can catch anything for breakfast. I won't be long."

"Soldier Everdeen," Leeg said cautiously. Katniss fixed her stormy eyes on the woman and became the girl on fire once more.

"You forget what I have been through Soldier Leeg."

"No I don't. Don't take too long. If Boggs wakes up and finds you gone he won't be happy." She nodded and shifted her bow before slipping away into the forest.

Being back in the woods, even if it was for a moment, made her happy and relaxed. She crouched down and studied the animals' prints, hoping for a lead on something tasty that could feed everyone. She bent low and waited, hoping for a deer. She heard shuffling and the crunch of the leaves and she readied her weapon. She leaned in close, feeling the arrow brush against her lips and she counted to herself before jumping out into the clearing.

"Shit!" Peeta dropped the berries he was holding and his hands went straight into the air, a panicked look on his face. Katniss lowered her bow and would have found it funny if Peeta wasn't looking so terrified.

"Easy, it's just me," she said soothingly. Peeta clutched his chest and closed his eyes for a moment, opening them again and fixing them on hers.

"God I'm glad we were on the same side in the Games. You would have killed me in a second."

"I could never, Peeta. What are you doing?"

"Gathering some berries for you. Don't worry, I made sure they're ok," he said with a weak smile, both of them remembering how he had been the one to find the nightlock berries during their first Games.

"Thank you. Why don't you see if you can gather some more and I'll try to catch something for everyone's breakfast?" Peeta knew he was too loud to be around her when she was hunting so he nodded and shuffled off in the opposite direction. Katniss waited and watched the sun rise over the trees. It was strange that this little section of the woods was so near the heart of the Capitol. Everywhere else was streets and huge buildings and the evidence of human manufacturing. It was like her little oasis. Still, she had no idea if any animals actually lived here. She wouldn't be surprised if they didn't.

She was in luck. Within an hour, she had shot two rabbits and had snared a squirrel. She walked back to the campsite to find her squad rising and chatting around the fire. Gale smiled and rose to greet her.

"Good haul, Catnip."

"Thanks. Want to help me?" Peeta watched, slightly jealous, as Gale and Katniss stripped the animals together and cleaned them thoroughly before roasting them on over the fire. He would just have to accept that Gale was a part of her life, a big part, and that they shared certain things that he would never be a part of. Perhaps one day, Katniss could take him to the woods and teach him how to be quiet. To be more like her. More like Gale.


	24. Chapter 24

**XXIV**

He shook himself and jumped as Gale handed him a leaf of meat. He nodded his thanks before biting into the juicy rabbit. With the berries and the meat, it was the first decent meal in days and they all nodded their thanks to Katniss. She smiled and gestured toward Peeta.

"Peeta was the one who found the berries and fruit."

"Well thank you for that, Peeta. I have been craving blackberries," Finnick said, popping one into his mouth. Peeta grinned as he devoured his meal. Katniss moved closer to him and he reached over and took her hand. They had trouble eating with only one hand but neither of them cared. Neither of them wanted to let go. Boggs glanced at their joined hands with raised brows but he said nothing. Peeta glanced over at the TV Crew and saw that Messalla was watching them closely, his face a bit red. Cressida seemed remarkably calm but Castor and Pollux, the two brothers who sat hunched together, looked nervous for some reason. Peeta swallowed anxiously, hoping against hope that their secret was still just that. He squeezed Katniss's hand and she gave him a quick smile before going back to her meal.

"Alright squad, here's the agenda today. We are going to get some footage of Katniss in action. Peeta was right, Coin is unhappy with how the propos are going. We're going into a part of the street that we know is heavily armed. We need to deactivate the pods before we can take the whole block. Soldier Hawthorne, you'll be in charge of shooting that. Cressida, it's all yours." Cressida nodded and rose to her feet.

"We need some real action today, troops. I will have Castor and Pollux both rolling, one in the front and one in the back so that we don't miss anything. You can all shoot but Gale will be the one shooting the real target. Katniss, I want you to stay near Peeta. Hold hands if you can. We want to show them that the star-crossed lovers are still fighting together." Katniss's jaw clenched for a moment but nodded and said nothing. Peeta's hand squeezed hers again. Cressida's eyes flicked to their hands just for a moment before she looked back at the squad.

"Our goal is to take the block. Deactivate the pods. And stay alive." Everyone rose to their feet and shouldered their weapons.

"Katniss, see Messalla for a bit of make-up." Rolling her eyes, Katniss let go of Peeta's hand and walked over to Messalla, who held powder, foundation, eyeliner, and lipstick.

"Do I really need all of this?"

"Close-ups," he said briefly before starting on her face. She closed her eyes and allowed him to paint her up. She still had to be a beautiful mockingjay. Even in the middle of combat. She waited for him to bring up the baby but he never did. Finally, Cressida called over to him and he announced that he was finished. She walked back over to the group and Cressida nodded in approval. Peeta took her hand again and kissed her fingers.

"With or without make up, you're still the most beautiful creature that walks this earth." Her heart warmed at his words and she leaned up to kiss him. It was sweet and brief but the rest of the squad seemed surprised to see such tenderness between them.

"Ok," Boggs announced. "Let's move." Cressida yelled "action" and they squad moved out onto the empty street. They all began to shoot out windows and shoot at the pods. They took cover immediately as a shower of bullets rained down on them and they flattened themselves on the pink and orange paving stones of the Capitol.

"Close up," Cressida yelled and Katniss turned to see Pollux coming near her, his camera in her face. She grabbed Peeta's hand and pulled him close, wrapping her arm around his waist as she stared out at the street. Peeta played along, although there was no pretend to his actions, just how it had always been. He wrapped one arm around her waist and his other took her hand, bringing it to her lips. Even Cressida stifled a sob at the tender gesture. Katniss was sure that Panem would be rejoicing at the sight. Feeling her heart race, she stood up on her toes and clutched his army wear, pulling him in for a kiss. Boggs nodded in approval and moved to reposition the Holo on the hazy street. Distracted, he stepped back onto an orange paving stone and a loud bang rocked the earth. At first no one kenw what had happened. Everyone looked around anxiously, wondering what on earth could have caused the bang. Boggs started to pant heavily and was lying sprawled out on the street. That was when they realized, he had no legs.

* * *

Several more bombs went off and there were screams. Katniss crouched low, covering her head and Peeta had vanished from her side. When she rose, her eyes scanned the scene and saw that he and Mitchell had been thrown into a building and Gale and Finnick were trying to revive them. She ran over toward them, her mind clearly burning an image of an unconscious Peeta with Finnick bending over him, breathing life into him. Tears blurred her vision as she ran to Peeta but she felt a hand close around her ankle and nearly fell. She whirled around to find Boggs, shaking in a massive pool of blood. Homes was trying to stem the gore and Jackson was yelling into her communicator for a medic but Katniss knew he wouldn't last long.

"Katniss," he said shaklily. "The Holo." She glanced over and saw it lying nearby with his boot and she shuddered.

"Homes, get the Holo. I need to get to Peeta-"

"Katniss! As your Commander, I order you to bring me the Holo." Katniss reluctantly ran to the Holo and wiped it clean before bringing it back to him. Boggs held it with both hands and his fingers were working furiously. A green light illuminated them and he leaned in close.

"Unfit for command. Transfer of prime security clearance to Squad Four-Five-One Soldier Katniss Everdeen," he turned to a gaping Katniss. "Say your name."

"Katniss Everdeen," she said quietly and the green light illuminated only her for a moment before it disappeared. She turned back to Boggs, her eyes wide.

"What did you do?"

"Prepare to retreat," Jackson yelled as she approached. Katniss whirled around and saw Finnick gesturing toward the end of the street, the way they had all come. Some sort of geyser had appeared in the middle of the street and was spewing a black oily matter. Finnick was surely remembering the lethal fog that they had encountered in the arena and he was shaking his head at Jackson, telling them they had to find another way out. Gale was helping Peeta, who was looking a little dazed and kept rubbing his head. The rest of the Squad made a protective circle around Boggs and were all looking miserable. Leeg and Mitchell started to detonate the rest of the bombs and Homes looked up at Katniss pointedly as he grabbed one of Boggs's arms. Katniss moved in to help and Jackson lead the way away from that spot. In no time at all, Katniss and Homes were covered in blood. Boggs cried out in pain but the black substance rose up over the buidings and Katniss could only think about the excruciating fog and she knew they had to move. Gale and Peeta joined the circle and Peeta's wide eyes fell on Katniss's blood-soaked form. No one saw it happen. Peeta couldn't even have predicted it. But in half an instant, he snapped.

He dove forward, past the rest of the squad, and grabbed onto Katniss's quiver of arrows. His fingers bruised her arm as he yanked her backwards and slammed her into the brick wall behind them. Dazed, Katniss lay on the paving stones and looked up into Peeta's clouded eyes as he lifted his gun high over his head, ready to crush her.

"Shit!" Katniss heard Gale yell. Katniss rolled into the street, barely missing the crunch of the rifle and turned her horrified gaze to Peeta, who had been tackled and pinned to the ground by Mitchell. Peeta struggled and with the strength from his hijacked state, he kicked Mitchell away from him and halfway down the street. They heard a loud snap as the pod was activated and a large net completely entrapped him. Katniss was panicked to see bloody stratches covering him and she suddenly noticed the barbed wires all over the net. He was trapped in a net of barbed wire, writhing and screaming for help.  
"Mitchell! Don't move! We'll get you out!" Pollux and Castor started to hack away at the barbed wire but the black substance was coming after them and Katniss began to gag. Gale started to shoot at the lock of the building in front of them while Leeg, Messalla, and Finnick restrained Peeta. Katniss and Homes grabbed Boggs once again and Jackson yelled at them to follow her into the apartment.

Katniss noticed odd things, like pink and white walls, and family photos hanging on the wall as they passed. They collapsed in the kitchen, all breathing heavily. Castor and Pollux entered, holding a writhing Peeta between them. Jackson leaped on him, cuffing his hands, which just made him worse. Katniss stifled a sob at the wild look in his eyes and turned away as they all pushed him into a closet.

Boggs grabbed Katniss's hand and placed the Holo there. His lips started to move but Katniss had to lean close to his bloody lips to hear.

"Don't trust them. Don't go back. Kill Peeta. Do what you came to do." Katniss jerked back, her eyes wide and glassy.

"What? What do you mean? Boggs? BOGGS!" His eyes were open but his lips did not move, his chest did not rise. Their commander was dead. Katniss closed her hand around the Holo and shut her eyes.

They heard the front door slam and Finnick, Messalla, and Cressida all stumbled in, coughing. Katniss's wide eyes traveled over them and she choked out a sob.

"Gale!" But he joined them seconds later, slamming the front door and running around the room, his head twisting frantically.

"Fumes! Help me!" Castor and Pollux grabbed towels and aprons to stuff into the cracks as the black substance traveled over them, bringing its threatening fumes. Gale retched into a sink and Katniss went to him, resting her hand on his back.

"I'm glad you're ok," she said softly. He wiped at his face, looking exhausted, and nodded.

"Mitchell?" Gale just shook his head and Katniss squeezed her eyes shut. She was no stranger to death. But this mission was reinforcing her idea to never let yourself get attached to anyone.

Everyone jumped as Peeta slammed into the closet door, trying to kick it down. Katniss brushed the tears away and shook her head. His kicking seemed to die down into nothing and Katniss had to push aside the fear that he, too, was dead. She heaved a great sigh and stood up.

"We need to get moving. I'm sure they've got us on surveillance tapes."

"Count on it," said Castor. "All the streets are covered by cameras. They saw us taping the propo. That's why they attacked."

"Our communicators went down but we can get back to camp. Give me the Holo," Jackson held out her hand and Katniss shook her head.

"No. Boggs gave it to me."

"Don't be ridiculous. I'm Second-In-Command. Hand it over."

"Boggs transferred it to her before he died," said Homes, stepping close to Katniss. "I saw it."

"Why would he do that?" Jackson said with a frown. All eyes fell on Katniss and she swallowed.

"Because I'm on a special mission from President Coin. I think Boggs was the only one who knew about it."

"To do what," Jackson pressed on.

"To assassinate President Snow before the loss of life from this war makes our population unsustainable."

"I don't believe you," Jackson said nastily, holding out her hand. "As your current commander, I order you to transfer the prime security clearance over to me."

"That would be in direct violation of President Coin's orders. So no." Guns were drawn from all sides of the room. Half were pointed at Jackson, the other half at Katniss.

"Katniss," Gale hissed, giving her a pointed look. But she stood her ground. She glared at Jackson. It may be a lie but she would hold to it. She had come on this mission with the intent on stealing the Holo and finding Snow by herself. Too many lives had been lost already. She wouldn't risk any more. She had already decided to take the Holo and leave the group behind. If she died, she hoped the rebels would keep fighting in her name.

"Katniss is telling the truth. It's why we're here," Cressida spoke up and all eyes flew to her. "Plutarch wants the whole thing televised. He thinks if we can film the Mockingjay assassinating Snow, it will end the war." Leeg and Homes lowered their weapons, glancing at Jackson. Jackson's eyes flew to the closet and they narrowed.

"So why is he here? Moral support for the Mockingjay, I suppose?"

"Because the two post-Games interviews with Caesar Flickerman were shot in President Snow's personal quarters. Plutarch thinks Peeta may be of some use as a guide in a location we have little knowledge of. He's here to help us."

"He's not helping anyone right now," Jackson said bitterly, throwing a glare to Katniss. "He's damaged and dangerous. We should just leave him behind."

"You do that and I'll leave YOU in chains," Katniss growled and the guns were raised again.

"We have to move," Gale spat. "I'm following Katniss. If you don't want to, head back to camp. But we have to go now!" With a hesitant glance at Jackson, Homes went to the closet and opened it to reveal an unconscious Peeta. He threw him over his shoulders and turned to Katniss for instructions. Finnick nodded.

"Lead on, Soldier Everdeen."


	25. Chapter 25

**XXV.**

Katniss opened the door a crack and frowned before shutting it again.

"Masks on," she announced. "We still don't know what that black stuff was and we're going to have to go back out the way we came in."

"It's not corrosive," Gale said from the back of the group. "I got some on my shoe an studied it a little. I think it was meant to poison us."

"Like the fog," Finnick said quietly. "And that disappeared after a while."

"We can't assume anything. Masks on." Everyone did as they were told and Finnick adjusted the mask over Peeta's lifeless face. When everyone was ready, they nodded to Katniss, who still held the Holo. She bit her lip and held it out toward Jackson.

"I don't know how to use this and Boggs said you would help me. He said I could count on you." With a scowl, Jackson yanked it out of her hand and fiddled with the buttons. Once she had put in a command, an intersection appeared and she studied it for a moment.

"See this right here? It's an overview of the four streets that meet at the intersection. Where do you think we should go?" Katniss bit her lip. She had never felt like much of a leader but everyone was watching her as if she were one.

"If we go out the kitchen door, it looks like there is a small courtyard, then the back side of another apartment unit that we can hide behind."

"Very good," Jackson said with a brief nod.

"But what about the other pods," Leeg spoke up.

"Which ones?"

"The ones we might not know about."

"We have to risk it," Jackson said before Katniss could speak. "Soldier Everdeen says we are going back the way we came, so we go. Everyone ready?" No one felt ready to go out into the huge cloud of mysterious fumes but they made sure their masks were tight as they followed Katniss outside.

As they walked down the street, ducking behind buildings, Katniss kept her hand on her stomach. She had been feeling sharp pains but didn't want to say anything. She swore she would not appear weak. And only a few of the squad knew she was pregnant. She ignored the pains and continued on.

They were lucky and did not encounter any pods or have any trouble with the fumes. But the light was fading and street lamps were coming on. Katniss chose an apartment further down the street and looked around before motioning for them to get closer. Homes broke the lock and Katniss silently gestured them all in.

Once inside, Gale took off his mask and stood next to the window. They all watched in trepidation.

"It's ok. You can smell it but it's not strong. It shouldn't do anything to us." Everyone took off their masks and tossed them aside as they collapsed onto the floor. Katniss briefly examined the apartment, which was just like the one they had been in earlier, and she set her gun aside. Finnick had laid Peeta across the blue sofa, still bound and unconscious. Jackson had her gun pointed at him and Katniss scowled but bit back her retort. She felt another sharp pain around her midriff and stifled a gasp. Gale's eyes flew to her stomach, then to hers.

"Katniss?"

"I'm fine," she said dismissively. She tried to stand but the pain was so intense that she moaned and wrapped her arms around her waist, moving to curl up on the floor.

"Katniss!" Finnick and Gale were by her side as Gale cradled her head and Cressida and Messalla hovered over her.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm…I'm not sure. My stomach really hurts."

"Like cramps," Leeg asked. Cressida glanced up at her then back at Katniss.

"Katniss?" Gale whispered, looking worried. A sudden chain of explosions made them all jump and Katniss sat up.

"What is that?"

"It's not that close, maybe four or five blocks away," Jackson said, listening intently. Katniss paled.

"The apartment we were just in? Where we left Boggs?"

"He would understand, Katniss."

"But-" but she was interrupted by the TV snapping to life and Katniss jumped. Cressida held out a hand.

"It's ok. It's an emergency broadcast. All the TVs are programmed to come on when these happen."

"Oh damn it!" Finnick swore, leaning close to the TV. They all scurried closer and saw themselves on the street right after the bomb had wounded Boggs. The reporter was identifying them all by name. Peeta, Katniss, Gale, Cressida, and Boggs were all identified but the rest were left as 'unknowns'. They watched the chaos as Peeta attacked, Gale tried to free Mitchell from the wire, and Katniss ordered everyone into an apartment. The TV cut to a live feed showing peacekeepers hosing down the now-destroyed apartment. Moments later, they were all pronounced dead. Homes breathed.

"Finally, a bit of luck." Katniss bit her lip. She could imagine everyone in 13 watching this. Prim, her mother, Annie…she felt sick and felt the pain again.

"My father," Leeg said softly, "he just lost my sister and…and when he sees this…" she fell silent, silent tears streaming down her pale cheeks.

The footage played over and over until it cut to several reporters, discussing the Mockingjay's rise to power and her well-deserved death. Finnick reached over and squeezed Katniss's hand but the pain in her stomach was so intense she couldn't have cared less. She curled up into a ball on the floor and hid her face in her hands.

"So now that we're dead, what's our next move?" Gale asked, reaching out to turn off the TV. No one looked at Katniss, who felt like she was dying on the carpet.

"Isn't it obvious?" came a quiet voice from the couch. Everyone whirled around and Katniss lifted her head in disbelief. Peeta was pushing himself up in a sitting position with some difficulty and from the look on his face, he had seen everything on TV. His eyes met Katniss's as he spoke.

"Our next move is to kill me."

* * *

Katniss's jaw dropped but Peeta looked firm as stone.

"Don't be ridiculous," Jackson said, though she had been the one to keep the gun covering him.

"I just murdered a member of our squad!"

"You pushed him off you," Finnick said softly. "You couldn't have known he would trigger that net. It's not your fault."

"Who cares! He's dead isn't he," Peeta said, tears staining his cheeks. "I didn't know. I mean…I mean, they have told me. I've known that I can become a monster…but I never…I've only seen it once…I didn't think I could EVER…Katniss, I'm sorry…I deserve to die." Katniss moved to comfort him but the pain in her stomach made her cry out and she clutched her stomach. Peeta's eyes widened even more and he struggled off the couch, his hands still cuffed, as he made his way over to her. Pain exploded in her abdomen and she cried out again.

"Katniss, what's wrong?"

"Peeta," she said weakly. "I think…" she trailed off, looking down and Peeta choked back a sob. Finnick's hands went to her belly, prodding gently and she winced and tried to scurry away.

"What's wrong with her," Jackson boomed. Cressida ignored her and sat in front of Katniss, her cold hands going to the girl's stomach.

"Katniss, look at me. Breathe. Right now. Deep breaths. Inhale. Exhale. Very good. Look into my eyes. Keep calm, just keep breathing." Cressida glanced down and her face fell but her eyes darted back up to Katniss's and she glued a fake smile on.

"Keep breathing, dear. That's it. Gale, go find me some towels." Gale leaped to his feet and ran from the room. Peeta had backed up against the sofa and was sobbing into his hands, his cries raw and unrestrained. Finnick's face was pale but he moved closer to Katniss and took her other hand.

"Breathe through the pain, Katniss. You've been through worse than this before. Breathe, little mockingjay. Breathe." Katniss obeyed and breathed through it. She didn't notice Peeta sobbing his eyes out or Gale's tears as he handed Cressida the towels or the wetness beneath her. She inhaled and exhaled and Cressida nodded. Cressida and Finnick squeezed her hands and nodded encouragingly. Finally, after what seemed like hours, the pain subsided and Katniss opened her eyes, to find them all staring at her in horror. She glanced down and noticed her clothes were stained with blood. At first she did not understand but when she looked up into Gale's tear-filled eyes, Cressida's sad face, and finally, at Peeta's shaking form, she finally understood.

"Oh god."

"Can you get up, Katniss? I'll hep you to the bathroom and clean you up." She did not move so Finnick hoisted her to her feet and Leeg and Cressida hurried her toward the bathroom, while Katniss just stared blankly into space. When she was gone, Jackson turned onto Peeta.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Peeta ignored her, lost in his grief.

"Soldier Jackson. Give him a moment," Gale said sharply. Her eyes narrowed.

"Did you know, Soldier Hawthorne?"

"It doesn't matter anymore, does it? Just let them be."

"And you, Soldier Odair? You both knew, didn't you?"

"As Gale said, what does it matter," Finnick said miserably, pressing the towels into the floor and cleaning the spots of blood. Pollux and Homes moved down to help and Finnick went to Peeta.

"Peeta. You have to snap out of this. She needs you." Peeta's howls echoed around the room and Castor winced. He hid his face in his arms as he rocked back and forth.

"Peeta! Listen to me. She's still here. She still loves you. You need to stay strong, for her. This is not your fault, do you hear me?"

"How. HOW can you say that," Peeta choked out, looking up at Finnick with red eyes.

"I murdered my own child."

"No! No you didn't. This is all the Capitol's doing, Peeta. This is not your fault. And we don't even know if…" he trailed off, thinking for sure that Katniss had lost the baby. Peeta blanched again and buried his face in his palms. The metal cuffs sliced at his face and he welcomed the pain.

"Peeta, Finnick is right. You have to snap out of it. She's going to need you even more now. You can't revert! Don't leave her again," Gale said, shaking him.

"Take care of her, Gale," he cried, looking up to meet Gale's gray eyes. "You could take better care of her than I ever could. Kill me. Please. I can't…I can't do this."

"Peeta! Stop talking like that," Gale said sharply.

"You've wanted to kill me since you met me," Peeta said, a mad look in his eyes.

"So do it! PLEASE!"

"I'm not going to kill you. No one is going to kill you so put it out of your head right now. You've got to pull yourself together! You asked that girl to marry you so now you had better be prepared to take care of her!"

"I can't."

"Peeta, you love her more than you have ever loved another person," Finnick said urgently. "I know it, I've _seen_ it. You have to find yourself again. Don't let Snow win! He tried to destroy your love for her and you have been fighting it. Keep fighting it. Don't let this destroy you."

"I KILLED MY BABY! I'm a mutt! A Capitol MUTT!"

"Lock him up," Jackson said, her eyes never leaving his writhing form. "Put him in the pantry again."

"How about a bedroom," Finnick said bitterly. "He's not a damn prisoner, and he obviously needs help!"

"You'd better make sure there's no means of escape then." Finnick grabbed Peeta's hands and pulled him up. Peeta resisted at first but then went limp and seemed to fall asleep. Gale helped Finnick drag him into one of the smaller bedrooms that had no windows. Gale quickly examined the room to make sure there was nothing Peeta could use to harm himself while Finnick lay Peeta's bound hands on his stomach. When they re-entered the living room, they found Cressida and Leeg cleaning themselves up.

"How is she?"

"Hard to say. She won't speak or even move. It's like she's in a catatonic state. We cleaned her up and dressed her in fresh clothes. She's resting now."

"Are we sure…I mean, is it for sure that she lost it," Finnick asked in a hollow voice.

"It wasn't a lot of blood, but I don't know what else it could be. We can't be sure of anything until she is examined. How is Peeta?"

"The same. He started yelling that he was a mutt and then he just went unconscious. He's resting too."

"We've suffered some setbacks," Cressida said with a sigh, rubbing her tired eyes. "And I'm not sure how we are supposed to expect the Mockingjay to come back from this."

"Katniss can handle anything that is thrown at her," Gale said hotly. "She can survive this." Cressida chose to ignore him. Jackson glared around the room, then unstrapped her gun and weapons.

"We had better settle in and find some dinner. We will deal with Katniss in the morning."

They made their way to the kitchen and Gale opened the pantry. The soldiers of District 13 were scandalized to see the hoarded food.

"Isn't this illegal?" Leeg asked.

"Maybe in 13. But here in the Capitol, you'd be stupid not to stock up. People even started before the Quarter Quell."

"While others went without," Leeg said bitterly.

"C'mon, everyone grab a can," Gale said, his hand shooting out and grabbing the nearest can. Everyone ate in silence, afraid to speak. When they had finished, they decided someone should still keep watch while the others slept. Even though the Capitol thought them dead, they knew Peacekeepers were still nearby. Gale volunteered to take first watch and the others settled on the sofas and on the floor. Gale cast them a look before he went into the bedroom to find Katniss huddled on the bed. He sat on the edge of the bed, sighing heavily.

"Catnip I know you can hear me. You have to fight this. You didn't want this in the first place, remember? Don't let this destroy you. You and Peeta can still have a future, if that's what you want. Or you can have a future with…someone else. But you have to move on from this. And I know you can. You're the strongest person I know." He reached over and moved a hair from her face, his knuckles stroking her cheek.

"Don't leave us, Katniss. We need you," he whispered in her ear.


	26. Chapter 26

**XXVI **

The next morning, Katniss awoke to the sounds of birds outside the window. Mockingjays. She thought for a moment she was in her woods, safe and free. But a look around the tacky Capitol bedroom and she realized she was nowhere near safe and free. Her clothes had been changed and someone had brought her into the bed. She pushed herself up and put her hand to her stomach. Nothing. Not that she could feel the baby before but now she felt utter emptiness. She felt numb. Frozen. She looked around and found her squad uniform, washed and clean. She pulled it on and looked around for the Holo. She decided this was it. Now that she had no baby to worry about, and Peeta was surely lost to her, so far gone in his grief, that she had nothing to worry about. She did feel a twinge of regret for leaving Prim but she was doing this to keep her safe. She would kill Snow and take down the Capitol. And she was sure she would die trying.

She tested her strength as she stepped onto the floor and stood up straight. Feeling hunger ache at her, she made her way to the kitchen to search the pantry. Sleeping bodies were all around her and she carefully stepped around them to avoid waking them up. She did not see Peeta anywhere. What had happened to him? Had he taken off after he realized what had happened? Had Gale done something to him? Had Jackson? She bit her lip and opened the pantry with a squeak. She grabbed a package of cookies and a can of peaches. When she closed the door, she found Finnick inches from her and she jumped.

"Sorry," he said quickly. "I thought you'd still be sleeping."

"I'm going to eat and then leave. I'm taking the Holo and finding Snow. I want you to tell the others when they wake up. I'll be long gone by then."

"Katniss you're stupid if you think I'm going to let you do this alone. We're your squad, we're here to help you!"

"You know I lied to Jackson, Finnick. Coin didn't give me a mission. I need to kill Snow. And now there is nothing stopping me." Finnick's eyes flicked downwards for a second before they went back to hers. She had caught it though.

"Katniss-"

"Don't Finnick. I don't want to talk about it. It's over and I don't have to think about it anymore. I wasn't meant to have kids. Story over." She drained the peaches and opened the noisy package of cookies.

"I talked to him last night," he said quietly. Katniss looked up at him quickly and saw the sadness in his eyes.

"He's gone again, isn't he?"

"I guess you could say that. He just stares blankly and doesn't speak. His eyes are hard and there is grief etched into every line of his face. He's got this haunted look about him…he blames himself." She squeezed her eyes shut, blinking back the tears. Shoving the cookie into her mouth, she stood up and shrugged.

"Then I really don't have anything stopping me from going. If I am still alive after I kill Snow and I come back and he is waiting for me…then maybe I can start to live with that. But I won't hold my breath. I don't expect to survive this and I'm not really disappointed by that fact. After being sent into the Arena twice, you get sort of used to facing imminent death."

"And do you think he'll be able to go on if something happens to you?"

"Keep him alive, Finnick. I asked the wrong people last time. I shouldn't have trusted Haymitch. I trusted the wrong people and Peeta is changed forever because of me. So now I'm asking you to do whatever you can to keep him alive." Finnick watched her as she gathered her supplies and inspected the Holo.

"He'll always love you, you know." She paused for only a moment then shook her head and left the room.

Everyone was starting to stir when she entered the living room and she silently cursed herself for not going earlier. Now she wouldn't escape Jackson. Cressida raised her brow at seeing Katniss awake but Katniss ignored her.

"I'm going after Snow alone," she announced.

"You're crazy if you think we'd agree to that," Jackson said, not even bothering to look at her.

"It's really not up to you. I've put enough people in harm and I'm going to finish this alone."

"No, you're not. You are the Mockingjay and we are your guards. We go where you go. Get used to it." Katniss was about to protest when the TV flicked on again and the anthem from the Capitol started to play. Finnick and Katniss squeezed hands as the anthem continued and they showed images on the screen, just as they had done in the Arena. The commentator was announcing the dead, starting with Katniss and Peeta, the star-crossed lovers of District 12, Gale, and Boggs, followed by the TV crew. They had left out the soldiers from 13. Snow came onto the screen and congratulated the Peacekeepers of ridding the country of the Mockingjay, assuring audiences she had gotten what she had deserved. He goes on and on about how he is sure the country will realize the rebels have no hope now, since they have no one to follow. Something happened and then President Coin appeared. Finnick whistled.

"Beetee is good." Coin introduced herself as the President of District 13 and the head of the rebels, then proceeded to give Katniss's eulogy. Katniss's heart sank just a little, knowing that the rebels truly believed them dead. What would Prim and her mother think? And Annie? Finnick seemed to be thinking the same thing and Katniss reached over and squeezed his hand.

"Dead or alive, Katniss Everdeen will remain the face of this rebellion. If

ever you waver in your resolve, think of the Mockingjay, and in her you will find the strength you need to rid Panem of its oppressors."

"Wow, I had no idea I meant so much to her," Katniss said bitterly. Gale chuckled but the others looked at her with raised brows. She fell silent and turned back to the TV, where a picture of her was blazing on the screen. She was a martyr now. The control snapped back to the Capitol and Snow was doing his best to remain calm.

"When we pull Katniss Everdeen's body from the ashes, we will see exactly who the Mockingjay is. A dead girl who could save no one, not even herself." And with that, the anthem played again and the TV flicked off.

"Except that you'll never find her," Finnick snapped to the blank screen.

"We need to move," Cressida said firmly. "Once they find her missing, they'll suspect. Once they find eleven bodies missing, they'll know. They'll be coming after us soon." They started to examine the Holo and discuss options. They ruled out the streets and the rooftops, which left only one option. One that made Gale and Katniss both shiver.

"We have to go underground," Homes said solemnly. Katniss nodded.

"Then let's move. We need to make this look like we were never here." They quickly cleaned up and cleared all evidence of their stay. They pocketed the full cans of food and packages and Gale fixed the lock on the door. They all stood, ready to leave when Katniss frowned.  
"But where's-?" Peeta entered the room a second later and planted himself on the blue sofa, his bound hands in his lap and his face hard and resolute.

"Peeta, come on, we're ready to leave."

"I'm not going. I'll either disclose your position or hurt someone else."

"Snow's people will find you," Gale said harshly.

"Then leave me one of those nightlock pills you have. I'll only take it if I have to." Katniss doubted this. The way he was looking at this moment, she would guess he would take it immediately. And she'd never allow that.

"Peeta, come on!"

"Or what? You'll shoot me?"

"I'll knock you out and drag you," she snapped back. "Which would slow us down and engdanger us. So use your legs and walk!"

"Stop it, Katniss. I don't care if I die!" He leaped to his feet, his blonde hair messy and his eyes wild. "Please…please just leave me. I want out of this. Can't you see I want out of this?" Katniss's eyes met his and she was surprised to see the blue irisis clearly. They were full of guilt and sorrow and he watched her, pleading.

"We're wasting time. Are you coming voluntarily or do we need to knock you out?" Peeta let out a frustrated groan and turned away, burying his face in his hands.

"Should we free his hands," Homes asked.

"No!" Peeta yanked his hands against his chest and shook his head.

"No," Katniss agreed. "But I want the key." Jackson handed it to her and she slipped it into her pocket, feeling something else in there with it. Her fingers closed around the pearl for a moment and she blinked back tears. Withdrawing her hand, she turned back to the group and nodded.

"Let's go."

* * *

They made their way to the entrance of the tube that would lead them underground and Gale and Messala wrenched it open together. Pollux was looking pale and sweaty and he gripped onto his brother's wrist. Castor gave Katniss a sideways glance and bit his lip.

"My brother worked down here after he became an Avox. Took us five years to raise the money to buy his way up to ground level. He didn't see the sun in all that time." Katniss reached out and patted Pollux's shoulder lightly and he gave her a grateful nod.

"Well then you just became our most valuable asset," Peeta said quietly from behind him. Several people laughed and Pollux gave a little smile. Finnick clapped Peeta on the shoulder and they shared a brief grin. Katniss's heart ached at the sight of it.

"Pollux, why don't you lead us?"

Peeta had called it. Pollux was proving extremely useful, with his knowledge of the tunnels and everything from the shift times of the Avoxes to which paths had obstacles and traps. They avoided the pods for the most part and guessed they had gotten far by nightfall. Around midnight, Katniss called for a stop. They collapsed to their feet, exhausted and many fell right to sleep. They decided on watches and Katniss wedged herself between Gale and Finnick, her eyes drooping heavily.

Around four, Jackson shook Katniss awake to inform her it was her turn for watch. She glanced over at Pollux, who looked wide awake.

"Don't think he can sleep down here. Keep an eye on him?" Katniss nodded and took out a can of food, moving closer to Pollux. She shot him a smile and offered him some canned peaches. They spent the next several hours examining the Holo, figuring out what traps were nearby. They knew they were near the center of the Capitol and the pods seemed to be adding up as they came closer. Katniss's head spun as she looked at the complicated paths and she handed it back to Pollux. She glanced around at her sleeping squad and saw that one other person did not sleep. She inched closer, sighing as their eyes met.

"Have you eaten?" Peeta shook his head and shrugged. Katniss pulled out a can of chicken and rice and handed it to him, watching him swallow it in one gulp.

"Would have been nice to have that stuff in the Games, huh?" Peeta grinned.

"Hey, they sent us your favorite lamb stew. What could have been better?"

"This would have been nice to have earlier on. When we were starving and dying." Peeta's smile faded and he pulled himself into a sitting position, with a little difficulty due to his chained hands.

"You hated me in that Arena. Real or not real?"

"That is the craziest thing to think, Peeta. I never hated you. I could never hate you."

"You sure about that? After all I've done?" She saw his eyes dart to her stomach and she shook her head.

"No. I could never hate you."

"But-"

"No," she said more forcefully, glancing around quickly to make sure she hadn't woken anyone up. Peeta watched her for a moment.

"So you didn't try to kill me?"

"No, Peeta. I told you, I could never-"

"I know what you told me. And the memories they messed with are fuzzy, which is why I think you're telling the truth. You found me by the river after I was wounded. Real or not real?"

"Real. Cato found out you were trying to save me." He nodded, closing his eyes briefly.

"You went to the Cornicopia to get medicine for me, after I asked you not to go. You drugged me."

"Real," she said quietly. "Haymitch sent me sleep syrup to knock you out. I had to save you, Peeta."

"You ran after me when they took me away on the hovercraft, after we were rescued. You were beating on the glass and screaming my name."

"Real. How did you know that? You were barely conscious." He shrugged.

"I think they showed it to me but tried to make it look like you were telling them to kill me. I dunno, it just didn't make sense." She shook her head and he stared at her.

"You're still trying to protect me. Real or not real?"

"Real. Because that's what you and I do. Protect each other. I will never stop trying to protect you."

"I thought that was my job," he said softly. "I haven't been able to protect you for sometime now."

"We protect each other," she repeated. "You should try to sleep." He moved to lie down and closed his eyes. She tentatively reached out a hand and pushed his hair out of his eyes. His eyes shot open and he froze but he didn't recoil and after a moment of the affectionate gesture, he closed his eyes again.

"You'll always be there…to protect me," he whispered sleepily, almost caught in his dreams. "Real or not real." She leaned down and planted the lightest of kisses on his head.

"Real."

* * *

Katniss felt herself drifting off several times and had to jolt herself awake, casting worried glances around at the squad. Several hours later, Pollux got her attention and tapped his wrist and she nodded. They moved around the room, waking everyone up and there were the usual yawns and sounds of protest. But then there was something else as well. A sort of hissing noise. Finnick froze and his ears perked up.

"What is-"

"_Katniss_," it hissed in an awful voice. Katniss gripped her bow with sweaty hands and looked around, alarmed at how close it seemed.

"_Katniss_," it said again. She froze and stared down at Peeta, whose lips were barely moving but when he spoke, she heard the hissing again.

"_Katniss."_ Katniss swallowed, reaching back for an arrow. She should have known. Snow would force one of them to kill the other. That had been his plan all along. Peeta had been programmed to respond to the mutts, to join in on the hunt. Jackson had jumped to her feet and her head was jerking around, waiting for the mutts to appear. As Katniss was pulling her arrow across the bow, Peeta sat up, gasping for breath and his eyes wide with fear.

"Katniss!" He looked around frantically, starting when he noticed her. It seemed he had not noticed the bow positioned at him.

"Katniss, get out of here!"

"Why? What's making that sound?"

"I don't know. Only that it has to kill you! Run! Get out of here! Go!" Taken back to a time when Peeta had cried those same words to her, she realized, once again, he was trying to save her. She lowered her bow and looked around.

"Whatever it is, it's after me. Maybe we should split up."

"No way," Gale growled.

"We're your guard," Jackson protested.

"AND your crew," Cressida said, stepping forward. "We're not leaving you." They heard the hissing again, this time from a far ways off. Peeta was pale and his eyes met Katniss's.

"Fine. Let's get moving. Cressida, take my gun. Gale and I have our bows. Castor, take Peeta's gun from Jackson. I want all of us armed." The exchange was quick and they were all on their feet, moving swiftly. Katniss imagined the mutts were tracking them by their scent so she tried to step in water whenever she could. They were too loud but there was nothing to be done. They ran, as quickly as they could, trying to put as much distance between them and whatever horrors Snow had unleashed on them.


	27. Chapter 27

**XXVII.**

All of a sudden, the tunnels were filled with thick, guttural screams that made everyone wince.

"Avoxes," Peeta said darkly. "That's how Darius sounded when they tortured him."

"The mutts mist have found them," Gale said, glancing behind him.

"That means they're not just after Katniss."

"It just means that they'll kill anyone. They won't stop until they get to her," Cressida reasoned. Katniss paled.

"Look, let's just split up. I'll transfer the Holo to Jackson and can lead these things away from you guys! Peeta can lead the way to the mansion."

"I'm not leading this mission, you are," Peeta said hotly.

"He's right, we are following you and we are NOT splitting up," Leeg said with a nod. Katniss shook her head and continued to run on. The hissing was now below them as well as behind them. When it came time to descend to a lower level, Katniss doubled up, gagging. Everyone held their weapons out and Gale ran to her side.

"Masks on," Jackson cried. But Katniss shook her head, still getting sick all over the floor. The strong smell of roses was overpowering the tunnels and Katniss struggled to remain in the present. Snow was coming at her with everything he had. He wanted her dead. And she knew it.

"We have to keep moving," Homes said shakily. Gale rubbed Katniss's back a few times before she straightened up and nodded. They kept running until they ran right into several lethal pods.

Katniss and Gale let their arrows fly and fortunately, destroyed the pod of flesh-eating rats immediately. Katniss glanced at the floor and saw something labeled meat grinder. She yelled for everyone to stay close as she skirted the outside of the floor but she felt a hand on her shoulder and she froze. She whirled around, while Finnick's hand on her shoulder squeezed tightly, and her eyes widened as they found Messalla, frozen in a beam of light. Cressida ran toward him but Leeg held her back and Messalla's eyes were wide with terror as his flesh began to melt off his body. Katniss felt herself heave and she turned away, burying her face in Finnick's shirt. Peeta pushed everyone forward, grabbing Katniss's shirt and making her stand.

"Can't help him! Can't!" He grabbed her hand and yanked her forward. "Keep moving!'

"Pods," Gale yelled and a shower of bullets rained down on them. Several of them ducked and threw themselves to the side while the others fired back.

"Aim for their legs," Jackson yelled. "Peacekeepers armor is weak at the legs!" They fired back and brought down several peacekeepers. Finnick helped Katniss to her feet and pulled her out of the way. Peeta was covering his head, having no weapon and Katniss suddenly felt terrible for leaving him unarmed. She was on the verge of giving him her knife when she caught something out of the corner of her eye. At first she thought they were more peacekeepers, pushing themselves into the tunnel but with a closer look, she saw they weren't even human. Huge and reptilian-like, with long tails and arched backs, their heads jutting forward and long tongues that darted out as they detected Katniss's scent. Their eyes were red with hunger and murder.

"What IS that," Gale said in a shaky voice. She snapped to her senses and shook her head.

"Everyone run! Now!"

The mutts hissed and came after them, swarming over the peacekeepers. Katniss did not look back but the agonized cries from behind her told her that a Capitol pedigree meant nothing to the creatures. Finnick turned and let out a weak cry as he saw the mutts ripping off the peacekeepers' heads.

"Finnick, keep running," Peeta told him from behind him. Finnick snapped back around and picked up his pace.

They made their way back to the meat grinder pod and huge mechanical teeth destroyed all of the tile. Katniss took a moment to clutch the stitch in her chest and she reached out to Pollux.

"Forget the mission. What's the quickest way back up?" They didn't even consult the Holo. Pollux pulled her into another drain and the rest of them followed. Avoiding the pods as best they could, they finally made their way to a ladder. Pollux pointed up and Katniss turned to her squad, frowning.

"Wait a second. Where are Jackson and Leeg?"

"They stayed behind at the meat grinder, to hold off the mutts." Katniss did not speak but leaped around them, making her way back. Gale's hand shot out and held her back.

"Don't waste their lives, Katniss! It's too late for them," he gestured to where they saw the mutts slithering into the tunnel. Gale threw Katniss aside and Peeta reached out with shaky hands to grasp her wrist. Gale positioned his explosive arrows and fired several at the mutts. It deterred them only for a second. The rest of the squad opened fire with everything they had. Katniss stared at the mutts as they neared. Their white skin was smeared with blood and the scent of the roses was overpowering as they lashed their tongues out. Katniss could not seem to move and the others shouted at her.

"Peeta, get her!" But Peeta had closed his eyes and had backed against the wall, his hands covering his face. Gale lifted Katniss easily and slammed her into the ladder.

"Climb! Now!" Katniss blinked and looked up and saw Pollux holding his hand out to her. She glanced down and saw Peeta and Cressida below her, Gale behind them ushering for them to climb. Katniss could not see any of the others and Gale yelled at her to climb faster. Pollux heaved her up, then helped the others and Katniss waited at the edge, peering into the darkness. Gale's head emerged and she hoisted him up, waiting for the rest. Gale had a gaping hole in the side of his neck and her hand darted out to stem the gore.

"But what about-"

"No," Gale said weakly. A pained cry from below made her jump and she climbed to the edge.

"There's someone down there! Someone's alive! We have to help!"

"Katniss, no. There's no one. Just the mutts." Katniss shook her head and shone her light down the tunnel. She could just make out Finnick's pale face as he struggled to hold onto the rungs of the ladder, while three mutts tore at him.

"Finnick!" He looked up into her pleading face and he managed a weak smile, as one of the mutts yanked his head back, prepared to deliver the final blow. Katniss blinked and for a moment, it was as if she was somewhere else. Seeing different things, things she had never seen before. It took her a moment to realize she was seeing through Finnick's eyes. The mast of a boat, a silver parachute, Mags laughing, Beetee's trident, a pink sky, Annie twirling in her wedding dress, waves breaking over rocks, and finally, Annie holding a small bundle in her arms. Katniss's last sight was a pair of sea-green eyes looking up at her from the blankets when she blinked and cried out as she heard Finnick's strangled cry suddenly cut off. She grabbed the Holo with shaking hands and whispered "nightlock" three times, hurling it below her. Gale grabbed her and covered her as the explosion shook the tunnel and bits of mutt and human rained down on their shaking forms. Gale started to gag and Cressida was sick on the floor. Pollux slammed a cover over the mouth of the tunnel and locked it in place. Katnis rose to her knees and her eyes traveled over the small squad. Gale, Peeta, Cressida, and Pollux. That was all that was left. Katnis swallowed with some difficulty and shook her head.

"We can't stop here," she said weakly. "We need to move." Gale nodded and stood, still holding his hand to his bleeding neck. Cressida handed her scarf over and Katniss tied it around his neck, stifling the blood. Everyone stood and brushed themselves off, gathering their weapons and preparing to leave. One, however, stayed huddled near the wall. Katniss crouched in front of Peeta and pulled his cuffed hands away from his face.

"Peeta?" He didn't answer her. Didn't even look at her. "Peeta!"

When his eyes opened, she saw they were completely black with no trace of his blue irises.

"Peeta, we have to move."

"Leave me. I can't hang on."

"Yes! Yes you can!" He looked up at her and flexed his fingers, his muscles hard against the metal cuffs.

"I'm losing it, Katniss. I'm going mad. Like them. Just leave me to die." Perhaps it was because she had watched one of the dearest people to her die, perhaps it was because half of her squad was dead, perhaps because she knew there was no hope of them surviving this, perhaps it was because she realized how much she would always love him, or perhaps it was because she just could not stand the hopelessness in Peeta's eyes but she leaned forward and pressed her lips to his. He froze in place, his body shuddering underneath her, and his lips unmoving but she kept kissing him until she had to come up for air. Her hands moved to grip his wrists, then slid into his hands.

"Do not let him take you from me," she whispered. Peeta squeezed his eyes shut and started to pant, shaking his head.

"No," he whimpered. "I don't want…" Katniss grasped his hands tightly, their fingers entwining.

"Stay with me, Peeta." His eyes shot open at her words and she could see the blue returning.

"Always," he breathed. Katniss pulled him to his feet and glanced at Pollux.

"How far to the street?" Pollux pointed up and Katniss nodded, climbing up the last ladder and pushing open the lid to someone's utility room. She helped pull the rest of them up and was rising to her feet when the door opened and a woman walked in, the expression on her face turning to one of pure shock and alarm. The butterflies in her magenta hair fell as she shook her head, opening her mouth to call for help. Katniss wasted no time in pulling an arrow taut and firing it into her heart. They watched the woman fall and they immediately searched the rest of the apartment, finding that she lived alone. Katniss was exhausted but she insisted that they keep moving, that it was only a matter of time before the peacekeepers were upon them. Gale went to the bathroom to clean his wound and search for bandages. Pollux was weeping silently next to the fireplace and Peeta was settled on the sofa, biting a pillow to either fight off the madness or to hold in his screams. Katniss hurried to the window and peered out.

"Cressida, what's happening?" The woman joined Katniss at the window and frowned.

"Evacuations. They're clearing the city. But I know where we are. We're not five blocks from the president's mansion."

"Good. Let's check the closet." Cressida and Katniss hurried into the bedroom and rustled through, pulling out clothing for disguises. In the back they found mens' clothes as well so they tossed many of the clothes onto the bed and called the others in. Peeta trudged in and Katniss's eyes went to his bloody wrists.

"Here," she started to pull the key out of her pocket but he jerked his hands back and shook his head.

"Don't. They hold me together."

"What if you need your hands? You can't really defend yourself," Gale said with a frown.

"When I feel myself slipping, I dig my wrists into them and the pain helps me focus," Peeta explained meekly. Katniss simply nodded and turned away to dress.

Since it was cold outside, they could hide their clothing under heavy coats and jackets. Gale bit his lip.

"Every citizen in Panem knows yours and Peeta's faces. What are we going to do?"

"Come here," Cressida called out and started applying heavy make up to both of them. Gale found wigs and scarves and Cressida tied the scarves over Katniss's mouth and nose, then over Peeta's. Katniss then helped Cressida put make up on Gale and Pollux, in case they were recognized, and she hurried to the kitchen to stuff her pockets with whatever food she could find. Peeta appeared in the kitchen, with green hair, a long purple coat, red boots, and a blue and pink scarf wrapped around his head. Katniss could not stop the laugh from escaping her throat and Peeta stared at her grumpily.

"I feel ridiculous."

"If it's any consolation, you look pretty ridiculous."

"Thanks." When everyone joined them, Katniss took a deep breath and opened the door.

"Stay together," she whispered and joined the throng of people in the street. Capitol citizens hurried past muttering about the rebels and her, and she felt someone squeeze her hand. Gale marched alongside her while Peeta flanked her other side. Cressida paused as they passed someone's living room, seeing them flash an emergency report with the squad's faces. Finnick's face was clear among them so they had not yet identified the deceased yet. Katniss knew, however, that soon it was going to be impossible to be on the streets.

"Cressida, can you think of anywhere to go?" Cressida opened her mouth to answer but the siren wailing stopped her. Peeta jumped beside her and started shaking. Katniss reached down and squeezed his hand and he instantly relaxed.

"There is one place. It's not ideal but let's try it," Cressida said, hurrying forward to lead the way. She leads them down several blocks and into a residential area, coming out into a strip of stores. She started to babble in a high-pitched Capitol voice about fur underwear and she gestured for them to follow her inside one of the stores. Once inside, she hurried to the back and seemed to be searching for someone. When a tiny figure emerged, Katniss took a step back. It was the strangest face she had ever seen, even for the Capitol. She had black and and gold stripes tattooed on her face, her nose had been flattened so that it was barely visible and she had long cat whiskers. Katniss swallowed while Cressida nodded to the cat-woman.

"Tigris. We need your help."

* * *

"Plutarch said you could be trusted," Cressida added. Tigris let out what seemed to be a low hiss and she beckoned for them to follow her. Katniss tentatively followed her to the back of the shop, where she shoved some fur pelts aside, revealing a narrow space one could slide into. Katniss swallowed and turned to face Tigris. Would this woman betray them? She seemed like the type of woman who would. But Katniss remembered hearing this name. Cinna had told her about her. She had once been a stylist. But then…

"Did Snow ban you from the Games?" Tigris's face screwed up and her eyes narrowed. Katniss nodded in understanding. "Because I'm going to kill him, you know." The woman's face curled up into a sly smile and she nodded as Katniss lead the way into the basement, or what could pass for a basement. When the others joined her downstairs, they heard the panel slide close and the rack of furs being moved back. Katniss watched the ceiling as they heard Tigris's footsteps making their way back to her stool. They sighed and all collapsed from exhaustion. Katniss grabbed a few pelts and made beds for them all, urging them all to rest. Gale sat and waited while Katniss pulled out the medical supplies she had smuggled away from the apartment, and tended to his wound. She bit her lip and looked Gale in the eye.

"It needs stitches." He merely nodded and turned his neck back to her. Katniss felt nausea wash over her but she realized she was the only one for the job, so after finding the sterile needle and thread in the kit, she stitched his skin back together as best she could. After spreading some medicine on it and giving him some painkillers, she ruffled his hair and gave him a weak smile.

"You can rest now. It's safe here." Gale lay down on his side and was out seconds later. Cressida and Pollux were snoring as well and Katniss went to sit next to Peeta. She reached into her pocket for the key and his eyes widened.

"No Katniss."

"I need to clean them, Peeta. I'll put them back on as soon as I'm finished." Reluctantly, he allowed her to uncuff him and tend to his wounds. She cleaned and bandaged them, before allowing the cuffs to slide back into place.

"You need to keep them clean. Otherwise the infection can spread and-"

"I know what blood poisoning is, Katniss. Even if my mother isn't a healer." Remembering those exact words coming from his mouth over a year ago, she looked up at him with wide eyes.

"You said that same thing to me in the first Games. Real or not real?"

"Real," he said with a firm nod. "That was before you risked your life getting the medicine to save me." She nodded and he stared at her for a moment.

"Why won't you give up on me?"

"I don't give up on people."

"Except yourself?" Her brow raised.

"When have I given up on myself?" He was about to answer but he shut his mouth again and the muscles under his cuffs strained. He closed his eyes and Katniss watched him fighting off the hijacked memories.

"I'm so tired, Katniss," his voice sounded a million miles away.

"Go to sleep. You're safe, I won't let anything happen to you." He lifted his hands and looked over her head.

"Chain me to something."

"What? Peeta, no-"

"Do it, Katniss. I don't want to wake up and find that I've killed someone. Please," he added in a frail voice and she reluctantly shackled him to one of the stair supports. With his arms over his head, he finally settled down and fell asleep in minutes. Katniss went back to her fur pelt and tried to keep her eyes open but failed miserably. She decided that there was no point. If peacekeepers came into the shop, they were trapped. There was no point in setting up a guard. She stretched out and closed her eyes, praying the nightmares would stay away.


	28. Chapter 28

_**Wow thank you so much for all the kind words and reviews this morning! They make my heart glow! Here's a shorter one but I had a good time writing this particular chapter so hope you enjoy! (Also, side note, I am sorry to those who were distraught about the last death-believe me, I was too when I read the book. But as I said at the beginning, I'm doing my best to go along with most of the original story. So thank you for your support!**_

_** I'm going out of town this weekend so I will try to my best to post a few more before I leave! Love and pixie dust! **  
_

* * *

**XVIII.**

When she woke, Cressida informed her it was late afternoon. Katniss swallowed down a can of beef stew and washed it down with water. As she sat agains the wall, she counted the deaths in her head.

_It's my fault_, the thought echoed inside her head, _ they all died, protecting me on a mission that I fabricated. What if I just turned myself in? The rest of them would be safe._

A little while later, Gale, Pollux, and Peeta all woke up around the same time. Katniss was hunched over against the wall and she sighed. She didn't want to voice her decision. She knew the others would yell, would tell her she was too valuable, would tell her they would protect her. She didn't want any more protecting. She didn't want anyone else dying for her.

"So how are we going to get to Snow," Gale said as he rubbed his face.

"We're not far from his mansion. But it's sure to be well-protected," Cressida said darkly.

"We need to get him out in the open. Then one of us could kill him."

"Does he ever appear in public anymore?" Peeta asked.

"I doubt it. In all the recent speeches I have seen, he's been in the mansion. Isn't that where he was keeping you for awhile?"

"I was taken back and forth between the cell underground and the mansion," Peeta said with a shrug. "At first when he wanted to seem accommodating, when he was playing nice and pretending that he was trying to help Johanna and me, he invited us to the mansion. Later when we were…invited again, it was for, um, a less pleasant situation." Katniss stared at him across the room, her heart aching for the tortured victors.

"Well, I imagine he's become more vigilant after Finnick aired his crimes," Cressida said hastily. Peeta frowned.

"Aired his crimes?"

"You didn't see any of the props they filmed?" He shook his head.

"They kept anything to do with the rebels away from us. The first time I saw anything was when I was being tortured and Snow came in to tell me to persuade Katniss to call for a cease-fire. He said he would spare her life if the rebels fell so I had to try. Something happened to the TV in the cell and I saw Katniss speaking in District 12. But they got rid of it quick. At least at that point I knew she was alive." Katniss couldn't seem to look away from him and he turned so that his eyes met hers.

"I bet he'd come out…for me," she said, not breaking their gaze. "If I were captured." Peeta's eyes widened and she finally looked away, glancing at the rest of her squad. "I mean, he'd want that public as possible, right? He'd want my execution on his front steps. So Gale could shoot him from the audience."

"No," Peeta was the first one to speak. "No. Too many things could go wrong. He could decide to keep you and torture you. Or have you executed publicly without being present. Or he could kill you inside the mansion and have your body displayed out front."

"What do you think, Gale?"

"Katniss-" Peeta tried to speak but she spoke over him.

"Gale?" Gale's eyes flicked from Peeta to Katniss.

"It seems like an extreme solution to jump to immediately," he said carefully. "Let's try to think of some other solutions. Maybe if all else fails, we can try that but-"

"No!" Peeta said, shaking his head. "No, we won't even try that. I'll hand myself in before you get caught."

"He doesn't want you, he wants me," Katniss snapped.

"Katniss, think about this-" but the sound of the panel sliding made them all fall silent and they waited with baited breath.

"Come up," came a low growl. "I have food for you." Katniss went to unchain Peeta and walked away from him without meeting his eyes.

"Did you contact Plutarch, Tigris," Cressida asked as they climbed the stairs.

"No way to. He'll figure out you're in a safe house though." Katniss swallowed, relieved that they hadn't received any kind of messages or orders from District 13. Tigris set down a tray of moldy cheese, stale pieces of bread, and half a bottle of mustard. Katniss bit her lip and mentioned the food they had smuggled but Tigris waved her hand.

"I hardly eat anything anyway." Katniss scraped of the mold and divided it up for everyone. As they ate, Tigris switched on the news so they could see the latest. They had identified the deceased and announced there were five left and that they were highly dangerous. The Capitol offered huge bounties for any information. The star-crossed lovers, especially, were to be dragged in dead or alive. Katniss felt Peeta's eyes on her but she did not look his way. She noticed that this broadcast ran uninterrupted and that Beetee had not tried to insert any rebel footage. She bit her lip.

"I doubt Coin knows what to do with me now that I'm still alive."

"No one knows what to do with you girlie," Tigris cackled. Katniss heard Gale coughing behind her and swore it was to cover up his laughter. Tigris pressed a pair of fur-lined underwear into Katniss's hands and ushered them all back downstairs. Katniss squeezed Tigris's hand in thanks before the panel slid closed.

No one had much to say so they changed bandages, handcuffed Peeta back to the support at his insistence, and settled down to go to sleep. When Katniss awoke several hours later, she heard muffled voices. Raising her head, she realized it was Peeta and Gale.

"Thanks for the water," Peeta said.

"No problem. I wake up ten times a night anyway."

"To make sure Katniss is still here?"

"Something like that." There was a pause before Peeta spoke again.

"That was funny, what Tigris said. About no one knowing what to do with her."

"Well _we_ never have." The boys shared a laugh and Katniss frowned in the dark. To hear them speaking so civil, like…_friends._

"She loves you, you know," she heard the sadness in Peeta's voice. "I saw her after they whipped you. And you could take better care of her than I ever could."

"Stop it, Peeta. I may not have understood at the beginning…ok, there are parts I still don't understand but I've seen the way she looks at you. The way she lights up. When I see you two together…I mean, really happy, that's a side of Katniss I have never known."

"I was just a part of the show. It was always just an act to her."

"No, you won her over. Gave up everything for her. Maybe that's the only way to convince her you love her," Gale paused and then , "I should have taken your place in the first Games. Protected her then."

"You couldn't. She'd never have forgiven you. You had to take care of her family. They matter more to her than her life." She heard Peeta sigh deeply. "Family means everything to Katniss. And I've completely destroyed her future."  
"Don't say that. You can still be together, Peeta. You can still have the future you want with her. After all of this is over, you can take her away from here and prove to her how much you love her."

"I wish it were that easy, Gale. But we'll never be the same after this. And it's got to be a sign, right? You said it yourself. Nothing about that baby was innocent so that's why it's gone." Katniss drew a sharp breath and listened intently for Gale's reply.

"Don't you dare say that. I was wrong, ok? I didn't realize how much she loves you. She may not have wanted it in the beginning but Katniss will make a great mother one day. And you'll make a great father. After you two have had some time to heal, you can try again and do everything right by her." There was a long pause and she heard Gale set something down.

"When did you fall in love with her, Gale? You knew her longer than I did."

"I've heard your side of the story, Peeta. About falling in love when you were five. You noticed her long before I did. I'm sorry that I always gave you a hard time about it. She tagged alongside me in the woods for years and I always thought of her as a little sister. An annoying little sister," they shared another laugh. "but I watched her grow up and take care of Prim. She astounded me with her resilience and courage. I started to see her differently about six months before the Reaping. When one of our Peacekeepers was hitting on her. I found that I minded. I think that's why I found it so hard to watch you with her in the Games. I felt like you were taking my girl. But…you had eyes for her way before I did."

"I watched her walk home from school everyday," Peeta sighed. "After the day with the bread, I kept a close eye on her and noticed she was looking healthier. Stronger. I watched her with Prim and I watched her disappear beyond the fence. When my brothers got older, I was the only one who helped Dad in the Bakery. Mom stayed upstairs, tending to the books and things. So Dad asked me about her. "Have you seen your songbird today," he would ask me and I would blush like a beet and he would laugh at me. I remember, on Katniss's fourteenth birthday, he gave me some extra ingredients so that I was able to bake her a cake. It wasn't a big grand one by any means but I don't imagine she had many cakes growing up. I was so excited, you should have seen me, dancing around the kitchen, this big stupid grin on my face as I frosted it and created tiny frosted katniss flowers to put on it. I was about to write her name on it in green frosting…I didn't know her favorite color but she seemed so, one with the earth, so I thought green was a good color for her…found out after the Games that it's her favorite color! Anyway, I was about to finish it when my mom came down the stairs. Dad tried to distract her but she saw the cake and she got really angry. Screamed at Dad for giving me the ingredients, then she grabbed it and said she was going to sell it. When I stood up to her, she hit me with the rolling pin and I fell to the floor. I should have just let her take it but I had made it for Katniss, this was the moment I was finally going to speak up and tell her I had a crush on her. So I got up and told Mom to go to hell and I tried to grab the cake. She hit me in the head with the pin and knocked me out. Dad tried to stop her but he was always really quiet and kind. He couldn't ever stand up to her. Even when it came to protecting my brothers and me. I stayed upstairs in my room for the rest of the night and didn't even wish Katniss a happy birthday. I just…let her walk by. As usual." There was silence after Peeta's story and Katniss blinked back tears. Not only had his story shaken her (it was the first time she had heard him speak about his family since the bombing) but the fact that he could so clearly remember those things and not have an attack meant wonders of improvement. Perhaps Gale and Finnick and Cressida and everyone else were right. Perhaps they did stand a chance of surviving, for each other.

"I'm sorry, Peeta," Gale said quietly. "There was never any choice. You two belong together."

"If anything happens to me, Gale…you have to promise to take care of her. Love her as I always have. Please."

"I promise, Peeta." She heard the scuffling of the chains and heard Gale stretch out and lie down. She blinked in the darkness, her heart racing, her tears staining her cheeks. There was never any choice. Had she chosen Peeta? Or had they naturally come together because that was what was meant to be? Feeling her mind race uncomfortably, she lay back down and tried her best to go to sleep.


	29. Chapter 29

_**Last one for awhile-if I get a chance to post while on vacation I will but don't count on it, I'll be at Disneyland seeing friends ;) haha. Please leave me plenty of reviews to read when I get back! Just so you all know, I have finally reached that point when the book is finished and I get to play with my own writing and versions again. I'm excited and hope you are all too! Take care, lovelies!  
**  
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_**Love and pixie dust! XOXO**_

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**XXIX.**

The next morning Tigris invited them all up to watch the TV again and they paid close attention as Beetee interrupted the broadcast again. The rebels tried a new method by sending in cars to activate the pods. Katniss made her way to the window and saw more refugees making their way through the street, some fully dressed with all their belongings and others in their robes and PJs, clinging to each other. Katniss felt guilt all over, felt that this was all her fault but then she reminded herself, it was the Capitol's fault. She was doing everything she could to liberate them from the Capitol. Tigris offered to go outside and act as a spy to find out what was happening with the evacuations and where Snow was. They waited for her to return, impatient and silent. After several hours of speculating where she could be or what could have happened to her, the panel slid open and Tigris told them all to come back upstairs. The aroma of meat cooking met them and Katniss actually started to drool. They sat down to a wonderful meal of chopped ham and potatoes and their stomachs growled hungrily. It was their first hot meal in so long and Tigris explained that fur-lined underwear could still be worth something.

They watch the TV again and were distressed to see Peacekeepers explaining that the Capitol citizens were now responsible for houseguests, as were shop-owners. Peeta bit his lip and glanced at Tigris.

"That could mean you, Tigris. Peacekeepers could come knocking at your door any minute." They all exchanged worried glances and mutually agreed that this would be their last night. Gale cleared his throat loudly and jerked his head toward the TV.

"-identified as District 12 Victor, Peeta Mellark. Sources say that the crowd proceeded to beat him to death-" Katniss stared blankly at Peeta, who shrugged in confusion. A picture came onto the screen and apart from his blonde curls, the boy did not resemble Peeta in any way. Katniss breathed, shaking her head and Cressida frowned at the screen.

"People have lost their minds."

"Well," Gale said, glancing uncomfortably at Peeta, "if they think he's dead, maybe he has more of a chance to…" he fell silent when the reporter came back on.

"-has been confirmed that the victim was NOT Peeta Mellark but seventeen year old Brian Parches. We join his family in their mourning. In addition, any rebel activity should be reported immediately. Any sightings of the Mockingjay or any of her accomplices should be reported immediately." Katniss cleared her throat and jumped to her feet.

"Let me do the dishes."

"I'll give you a hand," Gale said as they walked into the kitchen. Katniss felt Peeta's narrowed eyes on her as she walked out.

"Do you think it's true," she asked as she piled the dishes into the soapy suds. "Do you think Snow will let refugees come into his mansion?"

"He has to now, for the cameras at least."

"I'm leaving in the morning." Gale watched her for a moment but nodded.

"I'm going with you. What should we do with the others?"

"Pollux and Cressida could be helpful. They're good guides and know the city. But Peeta is too…"

"Unpredictable," Gale finished. "Yes he is but hasn't he proven that he can handle himself pretty well?"

"Look at you, standing up for him. He could go mutt at any time, Gale, and could kill us."

"I'm not standing up for him. I know he's still dangerous. I just think…you have to give him credit, is all. Everything that he's been through and he's still fighting like hell to be normal. He's doing it for you." Katniss chose to ignore this as she vigorously scrubbed at the plates. Gale sighed.

"Do you think he'd let us leave him behind?"

"We can ask. He's not stupid. He knows what's at stake. And he knows he could be endangering us."

Still, Katniss was surprised how quickly Peeta agreed to staying behind. Katniss breathed a sigh of relief as she thought about Peeta waiting out the war in Tigris's basement but her jaw dropped when he announced he was going out on his own.

"To do what exactly," Cressida asked.

"I'm not sure. The one thing I might be useful at is causing a diversion. You saw what happened to the boy who looked like me. If I could lead them away from Katniss, she might stand a chance at getting into the mansion without peacekeepers noticing."

"Peeta," Katniss said, forcing her voice to remain calm. "What if you..."

"Lose control? Go mutt? Well if I feel that coming on, I'll try to get back here." It wasn't what she was going to ask but she fell silent and he watched her carefully.

"And what if Snow gets you again? You don't even have a gun," Gale pointed out. Katniss suddenly had the image of Peeta back in Snow's grasp, tortured beyond all recognition and all point of return. She stifled a sob and shook her head. Peeta's eyes darted to her for a moment and softened.

"I'll have to take my chances, like the rest of you. I'll be alright," he added, more to her than anyone else. Gale reached into his pocket and withdrew a purple tablet, and placed it in Peeta's hand. Peeta stared at it, neither accepting nor rejecting.

"But what about you," he asked quietly.

"Beetee showed me how to detonate my arrows by hand. If that fails, I have a knife and Katniss. She won't give them the satisfaction of taking me alive." Peeta stared at his palm and Katniss saw him writhing in chains as peacekeepers dove on top of him. She reached out and closed his hand around it.

"Take it, Peeta. No one will be there to help you. And I can't…" she trailed off and turned away, impatiently wiping away her tears. Gale and Peeta stared after her and she excused herself, going back downstairs to settle on her fur pelt, wondering why the hell she was so emotional all the time.

She heard the others coming down the stairs and she pretended to be asleep. Peeta knew better but said nothing as he quietly asked Gale to chain him to the stair support before they went to bed.

Katniss's sleep was plagued by nightmares so she did not hesitate to jump to her feet at five to prepare for the day ahead of them. Tigris decided to remake all of them and went to great lengths to fix their wigs and make-up. She equipped them all with handbags and various knickknacks so now they looked exactly like the refugees outside.

"Never underestimate the power of a brilliant stylst," Peeta said with a weak smile. Tigris blushed under her stripes and gently patted his cheek.

"Alright Katniss. How do you want to do this?" Cressida asked, hoisting her handbag over her shoulder.

"Let's go in groups of three. Cressida and Pollux, you first. You can be our guides and Gale and I will follow from a little ways away. We'll get into the group that is going to Snow's mansion. Peeta, you come behind us and be ready to cause a diversion should we need it." They all nodded and stood in front of the door, waiting. Tigris watched through the curtains, then opened the door when the time was right.

"Take care," Cressida whispered before they swept into the crowd. Katiss remembered something and dug into her pocket, bringing out the key to Peeta's cuffs. She unlocked them and stuffed them into her pocket, watching him as he rubbed his wrists.  
"Peeta," she said in a choked voice. "Don't do anything foolish."

"No, it's last-resort stuff. Completely." She wished she could kiss him. It felt too much like their last night in the Quarter Quell and she wanted to fling herself into his arms and never leave them again. But when she forced her eyes to meet his, they were glassy and confused. She wrapped her arms around his neck and stood there for just a moment. He hesitated only for a moment before his arms came up and wrapped around her, reminding her of the terror-filled nights on the train. She took a step back and took a deep breath.

"Come back to me," she said in a whisper and wasn't sure if he had heard her. He reached out a shaky hand and she tensed. His fingers gently grasped the end of her braid and the word "always" drifted on a light breath from his lips.

"It's time," Tigris said and Katniss turned away. She kissed Tigris on the cheek, fastened her hooded cloak, pulled up her scarf and followed Gale out into the cold. Peeta watched the red-hood disappear into the crowd and he muttered a thank you to Tigris before he hurried out behind them.

The streets were packed and Gale pulled Katniss to his side so she would not be swept away by the crowd. Peacekeepers directed traffic and yelled to the refugees to keep to the right. Katniss strained to see any sight of Cressida and Pollux but they were too far ahead of her. She turned to look for Peeta but did not see him; instead a small girl in a yellow raincoat caught her eye and she looked surprised. Katniss whirled around and bit her lip.

"We might need to split up," she said in a low voice. "There's a little girl-" but she was cut off by the sound of gunfire and screams. Gale pushed her to the ground and they scurried over underneath an awning.

"Can you see who it is?" Katniss's eyes were scanning the crowd and stopped on the little girl in the yellow raincoat. She was kneeling next to a motionless woman and seemed to be screaming. Katniss swallowed and her eyes scanned over the people, searching for a sign of blonde curls.

"Katniss!" She jumped as Gale elbowed her and he gestured upward.

"They're shooting from the roof. It's got to be the rebels, shooting for the Peacekeepers. What do you think?"

"If we start shooting now, that's it. We've given ourselves away. We need to keep moving." He nodded and followed her as they stood, ducking to avoid the gunfire.

Everywhere they looked it was chaos. Pods were activated. Some sort of strange purple light caused blood to pour from the refugees' orifices and further on down the block, a red gas knocked many to the ground, writhing and then still. Peacekeepers fired at the rebels, the rebels fired at the Peacekeepers. Katniss held onto her bow; if she shot anyone now, everyone would know exactly who she was. She and Gale kept low and Katniss gasped.

"Get down!" They both dropped to the ground, their cheeks resting in a pool of blood as Peacekeepers hurried past. Some would crush her hand, some would kick her in the head with their boots but she remained perfectly still until they had passed. When it was clear, she caught Gale's eye and nodded. On the next block there are more refugees than peacekeepers. Katniss spotted it too late.

"Run!" But the pod had activated and a seam split the street, folding it in half and allowing the earth to swallow up the Capitol's citizens. Katniss choked on the foul stench of rotting corpses from below and she did her best to hold onto the lamppost. Somehow she managed to hoist herself up and she panted, still on her hands and knees.

"Gale? Gale!"

"Over here." She looked over to see him hanging desperately to an iron grating around an apartment door. Others were holding onto whatever they could grip. Doorknobs, mailboxes, lampposts. Gale kicked at the door desperately but no one came to his aid. Katniss lifted her gun and aimed.

"Cover yourself," she yelled to him and he turned away just in time. She fired and blew the door open and Gale was able to slide in. He fell to the floor, panting, until her scream alerted him. At the same time he felt white hands grasp him and he started to fight back. His eyes met hers and he mouthed something but she was too distraught to interpret. His eyes widened and he mouthed it again and she shook her head.

"What?" The white hands yanked him to his feet and started to look around.

"Go! Run, now!" Katniss turned and ran from the pod as fast as her feet could carry her. She was alone. Cressida and Pollux could be among the deceased on the ground. Gale was a prisoner, sure to be tortured or executed. And Peeta…she hadn't seen him either. What had become of him? Had he detected trouble and gone back to Tigris's? No. She knew without a doubt that he was somewhere in the crowd. That he had seen what was happening and still intended to protect her. She blinked back tears as she ran. All of a sudden she stopped, feeling a pain seize her around the middle.

_Shoot me_. That's what Gale had been telling her. They had agreed that the Capitol would not take them alive. And the first thing that would have happened was the Peacekeepers stripping Gale of his weapons. He wouldn't have been able to reach his arrows. Her shaking hand covered her mouth and she wept. What had she done? She had abandoned her best friend to a fate, possibly the same fate Peeta had met? A disturbance ahead forced her to focus and she gripped her bow as she continued on. They were heading for the City Circle, right across from the President's mansion. Katniss could see a pen filled with Capitol children and she frowned as she approached. Huddled in groups, toddlers to teenagers, they weren't being led into the mansion. They were Snow's human shield. Katniss glanced up and saw a hovercraft bearing a Capitol seal and moments later, silver parachutes were raining down on the children. They ran to grab the gifts, sure they were treats of some kind. Parachutes still meant food and gifts in the Capitol. The hovercraft vanished and that's when many of the parachutes exploded.

Screams pierced the air. Blood stained the snow. Tiny bodyparts were scattered all over the ground. Peacekeepers started to run into the pen and Katniss knew this was a shock to them. Another flock of white uniforms were running beyond the barricades and Katniss immediately recognized them. Medic uniforms. Rebel medic uniforms.

Katniss's wide eyes caught sight of a blonde braid and she ran into the crowd. As Prim took off her coat to comfort a crying child, Katniss saw the untucked tail of her shirt and she screamed her name. It was the Reaping all over again. She ran toward her sister, crying her name, her heart beating out of her chest. Prim turned and her eyes widened when she saw Katniss. Her lips were just forming her name when the rest of the parachutes exploded.

Peeta watched from the crowd, listening to them murmer incessantly about why the Capitol would bomb children. He then saw rebel medics running in and heard her terrified cry. He saw her long braid flapping against her back as she ran to her sister and his eyes followed her, wide and terrified. He started to run toward her, his heart twisting at the sound of her fear. But before he could reach her he heard another explosion and saw everything burst into flame. Including his girl on fire.


	30. Chapter 30

_**This is a long one to make up for my absence! I have been writing a lot on vacation and hope you all enjoy! Plz leave those reviews-if I get a lot, I'll post another this weekend! ;) **  
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_** Love and pixie dust! **_

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**XXX. **

Peeta's eyes opened groggily and he immediately felt pain. He tried to sit up but found it too difficult to move. Glancing down, he noticed a thin blanket covered his naked body and he was attached to machines. His eyes scanned the room until they stopped on Haymitch, who was snoring in a chair against the wall.

"Haymitch." His voice was dry and cracked and he had to clear his throat and try again.

"Haymitch!"

Haymitch jumped and looked around.

"Well welcome back to the living, boy. How are you feeling?"

"Um…not so great. What…what happened?" Before Haymitch could answer, however, Peeta felt a wrench in his heart and he sat straight up.

"Katniss!"

"Easy, easy. She's alive." Peeta started to lean back but he stopped.

"Alive? Is she…is she ok?" Haymitch's mouth was a thin line and Peeta watched him, terrified.

"Haymitch?"

"She was a human torch, Peeta. You both were. And she just lost the person she loves most in this world. Of course she's not ok." Peeta blinked back tears as it all came back to him. Prim catching fire and screaming Katniss's name. Katniss screaming Prim's name as she ran toward her burning sister. Peeta screaming Katniss's name as he tried to get to her. There was a whole lot of screaming and burning and dying.

"Where is she," he asked, his voice cracking again.

"She's down in the hall. They're…the doctors are trying to, well, make her new skin. The fire destroyed her but all Plutarch can talk about is how lucky they are that her face was spared. Bastard," he added bitterly and Peeta agreed with his sentiments. "Peeta, ah…there's something else you should know as well." Peeta waited for the worst.

"Sweetheart isn't talking."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I don't really understand it…the doctors said there was damage to her vocal cords but it shouldn't have done any lasting damage. Dr. Aurelis has been treating her and he says she's become a mental Avox."

"What does that-"

"Her emotional trauma brought on silence. We don't know if it's permanent." Peeta swallowed while his eyes burned. He forced himself to focus his thoughts elsewhere, else he would go mad and probably storm through the halls demanding to see her.

"So what happened? With the Capitol, I mean?"

"The rebels won. Snow is being held somewhere around here until he is tried and most likely executed. Coin has promised Katniss that the Mockingay will be the one to kill Snow. They're just waiting for her to heal up."

"What about the rest of the squad?"

"Well, you know you lost most of the squad," Peeta nodded and waited for news. "Cressida and Pollux both survived, they were sent out to cover the wreckage of the war. Gale was captured by Peacekeepers but tried to escape, so he was shot twice. Didn't even phase him I don't think." Peeta's mind raced as he remembered that that was it. That was all that was left of the Star Squad. So many lives lost. So many destroyed.

"Haymitch…does Annie know-?"

"When the Capitol was making out like all of you had died, we didn't know what to think. She wouldn't believe it until Cressida confirmed it. She's been heavily sedated for several days." Peeta's hands came up and gripped his hair tightly, bringing his knees up to his face and weeping silently.

"I'll let you rest, kid. And I'll let Sweetheart know you're awake."

"Haymitch. Tell her…tell her I…"

"I'll tell her, kid," Haymitch clapped him on the shoulder. "I'll tell her."

* * *

_My name is Katniss Everdeen. I am seventeen years old. My home is District 12. There is no District_ _12. I am the Mockingjay. I brought down the Capitol. President Snow hates me. He killed my sister. Now I will_ _kill him. I was pregnant with Peeta's child. There is no child. Peeta is lost. I will kill Snow. And then the Hunger Games will be over..._

Katniss tore her gaze from the mirror when she heard the knock on the door. She had moved into a room with her mother but all her mother did was work and sleep. Katniss barely saw her. They hadn't had any time to grieve together. Haymitch peered in and tried to smile. It had fallen to him to check on her and it was a hard task. But he had promised the boy he would and he made sure she was eating and taking her medicines. Katniss was standing in front of the mirror, in a bra and underwear and a robe she was holding open. Haymitch's eyes traveled over the patchwork skin and he shook his head.

"How you feeling today, sweetheart?"

"Same as everyday. Any idea when this thing will happen?"

"Coin said soon. In fact, after Dr Aurelius comes to see you, we have been summoned to a meeting."

"Nice of them to tell me. Or is it your job to tell me things now, since everyone else seems too scared of me?"

"My job. And one person isn't too scared of you. He's right down the hall, been asking to see you."

"I…I can't-"

"Of course he knows you don't want to see him. He asks me everyday how you are doing. He was happy to hear that you were talking again. Guess you can't yell at him when you're silent."

"Feels like I'm sinking, Haymitch. I'm sinking deeper and deeper and I don't know what to do."

"I thought you were a good swimmer," he said, turning away and looking for some sort of liquor. Katniss frowned after him.

"I had another nightmare last night."

"When do you not have nightmares, mockingjay," he said dismissively. Katniss's eyes welled with tears and she shook her head. He turned back to her and silently cursed himself. Peeta would be after him if he knew that he was here making his girl cry.

"Not funny, Katniss. I'm sorry."

"Just go. I'll see you at the meeting." She stormed into her bedroom and slammed the door shut. Haymitch sighed heavily and left the room.

Katniss dressed quickly, her skin still tender and sore. She tried to put her hair into a braid but most of it had been singed off and it was chopped at odd lengths. She shook it behind her and opened the door to the grand hallway.

The smell of roses overpowered her as she made her way down the hall. She briefly hid behind a large vase, waiting for the mutts to pass her by, until she realized that there were no mutts. She smelled real roses and she followed the smell downstairs. How appropriate it would be, to pluck a rose to place in Snow's lapel for his execution. She continued on her way and stopped, surprised, when she saw two guards standing firm. She waited for a moment, to see if they would let her pass or would block her way. She started forward but the man snapped to action.

"Sorry Miss, you can't go in."

"Soldier," the woman corrected him. "Soldier Everdeen. I'm sorry but you cannot enter." Katniss said nothing, only waited.

"Let her go in," said a voice from behind her. She whirled around and the rebel soldiers straightened up. Paylor from District 8 was making her way forward and she nodded to Katniss.

"On my authority, she has a right to anything beyond that door." They dropped their weapons and allowed her to pass.

It lead into a green house, filled with roses of every color. She admired them despite the suffocating smell and searched for THE rose.

There. She had seen it. A pretty white bud just beginning to open. She pulled her sleeve down over her hand so that she would not have to touch the stem and picked up the shears from the table nearby. Just as she was about to snap the stem, a voice rang out.

"That's a nice one." Her hand jerked as the shears snapped the stem, slicing her hand in the process. Katniss brought her hand up to her lips, waiting.

"The colors are lovely of course but nothing says perfection like white." She slowly turned around the corner and found him sitting on a stool against the wall. Well- groomed, chained, pale, sickly, and menacing as ever. He held a white handkerchief to his mouth and she saw it was spotted with red.

"There are so many things we should discuss but I have a feeling your visit will be brief. So, first thing's first," he was interrupted by a violent fit of coughing that soaked the handkerchief in blood. "I wanted to tell you how very sorry I am about your sister." Katniss's heart clenched and she squeezed the rose in her hand. The thorns pricked her fingers but she took no notice. Snow nodded.

"So wasteful. So unncessary. Anyone could see the games were over by that point. In fact I was just about to issue an official surrender when they released those parachutes." His eyes remained locked on Katniss, waiting for her reaction. Her brow furrowed and her hands shook. He nodded again.

"You don't really think that I gave the order, do you? Forget the obvious fact that if I'd had a working hovercraft at my disposal, I'd have been using it to make my escape. But that aside, what purpose could it have served? We both know I am not above killing children but I'm not wasteful, Miss Everdeen. I take life for specific reasons. And there was no reason at all for me to destroy a pen full of Capitol children." He paused for another coughing fit and Katniss did not know if she wanted to run from that spot or stay and listen to more lies. She tossed around the words in her mind. He was lying, of course. He had to be.

"However," he gasped, "I must concede it was a masterful move on Coin's part. The idea that I was bombing our own helpless children instantly snapped whatever frail allegiance my people still felt to me. There was no real resistance after that. Did you know it aired live? You can see Plutarch's hand there. And in the parachutes. Well,

it's that sort of thinking that you look for in a Head Gamemaker, isn't it?" Snow dabbed the corners of his mouth. "I'm sure he wasn't gunning for your sister, but these things happen."

Katniss felt herself yanked away from that spot and back to the Weaponry with Beetee and Gale. Seeing those plans, the plans that Gale had come up with based on his knowledge of trapping and snares. She remembered how Gale had explained it. The bombs played on human sympathy. The first would go off and kill a few. Others would run in to help and then the second round of bombs would go off, killing the rest. It was masterful. It was cunning. It was deadly. And it had cost her her sister's life.

"My failure," Snow interrupted her thoughts, "was being so slow to grasp Coin's plan. To let the Capitol and districts destroy one another, and then step in to take power with Thirteen barely scratched. Make no mistake, she was intending to take my place right from the beginning. I shouldn't be surprised. After all, it was Thirteen that started the

rebellion that led to the Dark Days, and then abandoned the rest of the districts when the tide turned against it. But I wasn't watching Coin. I was watching you, Mockingjay. And you were watching me. I'm afraid we have both been played for fools."

Katniss shook her head, her jaw gone slack and her face pale. He was lying. It couldn't be true.

"I don't believe you."

"Oh my dear Miss Everdeen. I thought we had agreed not to lie to each other."

* * *

Katniss stumbled into the room, still grasping the rose tightly. All of the victors were sitting around a table. Coin and Plutarch and Fulvia were all standing in the corner of the room. Everyone looked up and watched her warily when she entered. Peeta was the first to stand and made his way over to her.

"Katniss." She felt him tenderly lift her hand and her eyes wandered to his. "You're bleeding." She heard a rip and felt her hand being wrapped up. She glanced down and saw his burned hand holding hers. Her eyes followed the path of burns that made their way to the edge of his hair, his eyebrows singed off but his eyes unharmed. Startlingly blue. He dropped her hand and took a step back, biting his lip. She looked down and saw he had ripped a piece from his shirt and had wrapped her hand in it. She tried to smile, tried to say thank you but nothing would come. He merely nodded and sat back down. She took the empty seat between Johanna and Annie. She looked around and noticed there were six, seven if she was included. Was this all that's left?

"What's going on?" She finally found her voice.

"It appears to be a gathering of the remaining victors," Haymitch said in a voice that seemed to come from somewhere far away.

"We're all that's left?"

"The price of celebrity," Beetee said, adjusting his glasses. "We were targeted from both sides. The Capitol killed victors they suspected of being rebels. The rebels killed victors they suspected were allied with the Capitol."

"So what is SHE doing here," Johanna asked, giving Enobaria a nasty look.

"She is protected under the Mockingjay Deal," Coin replied as she approached the table of victors. "Katniss Everdeen agreed to support the rebel cause in exchange for the captured victors' immunity. Katniss has upheld her side of the bargain, so shall we. Despite the war tribunals' disappointment." Her eyes lingered on Peeta for a moment before sweeping across the room. Johanna snorted.

"Way to go, Mockingjay. You included one too many in your plan."

"Johanna," Peeta hissed warningly. She shrugged and fell silent. Enobaria shot Johanna a haughty smile.

"Don't look so smug," Johanna said, with no trace of smile. "We'll kill you anyway."

"Attention, please," Coin's voice rang out. "I've asked you all here to settle a debate. At sunset, we will execute Snow. In the previous weeks, hundreds of his accomplices in the oppression of Panem have been tried and now await their own deaths. However, the suffering in the districts has been so extreme that these measures appear insufficient to the victims. In fact, many are calling for a complete annihilation of those who held Capitol citizenship. However, in the interest of maintaining a sustainable population, we cannot afford this." She paused for a moment and waited for some sort of reaction but when there was none, she continued.

"So, an alternative has been placed on the table. Since my colleagues and I can come to no consensus, it has been agreed that we will let the victors decide. A majority of four will approve the plan. No one may abstain from the vote. What has been proposed is that in lieu of eliminating the entire Capitol population, we have a final, symbolic Hunger Games, using the children directly related to those who held the most power."

The words sliced through the victors like a knife. Johanna's jaw dropped, Peeta had spun around in anger, Beetee's glasses had fallen off, and Annie was covering her head with her hands.

"I should also tell you that if we do hold the Games, it will be known it was done with your approval, although the individual breakdown of your votes will be kept secret for your own security."

"You're joking," Peeta finally spoke, his voice shaking.

"I'm quite serious, Mr. Mellark. And I would have thought you of all people would agree to this." Peeta leaped up, his fists balled in anger. Haymitch placed a hand on Peeta's shoulder and gently pushed him back down.

"Was this Plutarch's idea?" he asked.

"It was mine. It seems to balance the need for vengeance with the least loss of life. You may cast your votes."

"No," Peeta exploded. "I vote no, of course. We can't have another Hunger Games!"

"Why not," Johanna scoffed. "Seems fair to me! Snow even has a lovely little granddaughter. She'll do great in the Arena. I vote yes."

"Johanna," Peeta pleaded.

"Shut it, bread boy," she snapped. Peeta shook his head and turned to face Haymitch.

"Let them have a taste of their own medicine," Enobaria said with a nod. "I vote yes."

"THIS is why we rebelled, remember?" Peeta said, shaking his head. Katniss was sure he was about to go into a violent flashback. Beside him, Annie trembled.

"I agree with Peeta. I vote no. And so would Finnick, if he were here."

"But he isn't because Snow's mutts killed him," Johanna said bitterly. Annie blanched and hid her face in her arms. Peeta shot Johanna a look as his arm draped around her protectively.

"No," Beetee said, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "We have to stop viewing each other as enemies. At this point, unity is essential for our survival. No."

"We're down to Katniss and Haymitch," Plutarch said patiently. All eyes were on Katniss and her eyes were on the rose she held in her hands. Would anything ever change? Would they always be discussing life and how to avoid wasting it? Have a Hunger Games to prevent rebellion, have a Hunger Games for vengeance, have a Hunger Games as a reminder of loss. So much loss. Peeta's eyes burned into Katniss as they all waited.

"I vote yes…for Prim."

"Haymitch. It's up to you," Coin said delicately. Peeta couldn't look at Katniss anymore. Every eye was on Haymitch except his. Peeta knew the outcome. Haymitch and Katniss were so alike in so many ways. They understood each other, they had always had that secret form of communication that he wasn't privy to and it tore his heart. He lowered his face to his hands; he couldn't bear to hear Haymitch's answer.

"I'm with the Mockingjay."

"Excellent. That carries the vote. We should all prepare for the execution. Katniss, if you would like to return to your quarters to change into your Mockingjay uniform." Katniss nodded and they all began to rise. Katniss held out the rose and Coin stared at it.

"Could you make sure that Snow is wearing this? Just over his heart?" Coin smiled grimly.

"Of course. And I'll make sure he knows about the Games. Carinthia will be told too, of course."

"Carinthia?"

"His granddaughter." Katniss tried to swallow as Coin brushed past her. It had been easier to condemn a nameless girl to this fate. Why, all of a sudden upon learning her name, was she feeling so nauseated? She felt Peeta's eyes on her and she quickly ran from the room.

* * *

When she returned to her room she saw she was not alone. Her prep team all hurried forward to hug and kiss her. When they parted, Katniss's eyes widened. Sitting in a chair, her gold hair illuminating the room, very much alive, was Effie.

"Effie," Katniss said weakly.

"Hello Katniss," the woman spoke pleasantly and as if nothing had happened. "Well it looks like we've got another big, big day ahead of us. Why don't you and your prep team get started and I'll just pop over and check on the other arrangements?" Katniss nodded and Effie tottled out of the room.

"They say Plutarch and Haymitch had a hard time keeping her alive," Venia said under her breath, "she was imprisoned after your escape, so that helps." Katniss snorted at the thought of Effie being a rebel and shook her head.

"I guess it's a good thing Plutarch kidnapped you three, then."

"We're the only prep team still alive. And all the stylists from the Quarter Quell are dead. Peeta's whole team was executed on live television." Katniss felt sick again and didn't notice when Venia lifted her hands. "Now, what are we thinking for the nails? Red, like fire? Or maybe jet black?"

Katniss fell silent as they set to work. They stripped her of her clothes and Octavia cried out when she saw Katniss's scarred body. All three of them struggled not to cry as they attempted to get her back to Beauty Base Zero, which, in Katniss's opinion, was impossible now.

"Ok sweetie, Cinna is dressing you now," Flavius says, pulling on the Mockingjay uniform. Katniss glanced down as he was having some trouble with the zipper.

"Well that's strange." Katniss swallowed and closed her eyes. While the other two held it closed, Flavius was able to zip it closed. Katniss felt squeezed tightly and gasped for breath.

"Sorry honey. Just don't breathe too much," he said, patting her hand.

"We could get her a corset," Octavia muttered. Katniss frowned but Flavius threw his hands up in the air.

"There's no time! She looks fine." They pulled her in front of the mirror and her eyes widened. They were miracle workers, no doubt. Flavius had managed to even out her hair so that the bald spots were hidden in the back. The only visible scars were her neck and hands. Octavia pinned the mockingjay pin over her heart and they all took a step back, sniffling. There was a knock at the door and Gale peered in. Katniss's heart began to thump unsteadily.

"Can I have a minute," he whispered and the prep team closeted themselves in the bathroom. Gale approached her, their eyes meeting in the mirror.

"I brought you this," he finally spoke, holding up a sheath. When she took it she saw it held only one arrow. "It's supposed to be symbolic. You firing the last shot of the war."

"What if I miss? Does Coin retrieve the arrow and I try again? Or will she shoot him herself?"

"You won't miss." He adjusted the sheath on her shoulder and stood back. His eyes lingered on the scars on her neck.

"You didn't come to see me in the hospital," she said quietly. When he didn't answer, she turned to face him. "Was it your bomb?"

"I don't know. Neither does Beetee. Does it matter? You'll always be thinking about it." When neither of them spoke to deny it, they both nodded in understanding. He knew she would always be thinking about it and she knew she would forever associate him with the worst moment of her life. It weighed heavily on both their hearts.

"You know that was the one good thing I had going for me. Taking care of your family," he said softly. "I'm glad there is someone else to take care of you and love you." He reached up to touch her face but decided against it at the last minute. His hand fell to his side.

"Shoot straight," and then he left. Effie hurried back in to inform Katniss that it was time and they all hurried from the room.

Plutarch was at her side whispering last minute instructions as they made their way to the front doors of the mansion. Once they opened, the streets went wild with cheers. Effie gently led Katniss to her position and there was more cheering, indicating that Coin had taken her place on the balcony above. Katniss's eyes scanned the crowd but she saw no sign of the blonde curls she was looking for. When the doors opened and Snow was brought out, there were jeers and catcalls and cheers for his death. Katniss wanted to throw up all over the Capitol's shiny streets but she gripped her bow tightly. They bound Snow's hands behind a post and everyone took their place. Katniss was barely ten yards away from the fallen president. She pulled the arrow taut and focused on the rose above his heart. But her eyes went to his and she saw no sign of fear or remorse or anger but nothing. She heard his voice in her head again.

_I thought we had agreed not to lie to each other._

They had. And everything he had said fell into place. Prim would never have been sent to the front lines at her age. Snow's assessment of Coin. How she had done exactly as he had said. The fact that Snow had not escaped- surely he would have wanted to save his own skin. The double-exploding parachutes. Gale's and Beetee's brain child.

The point of her arrow tilted upward. She released and there were screams and confused cries as President Coin fell over the balcony, Katniss's arrow lodged firmly in her heart.


End file.
